Jay1

Let's try and calm it down, lads. We don't know enough about this illness to make any definitive statements, so arguing about such points is energy wasted. There are long term sufferers, people who recover, people who find the site, people who don't (I didn't know what hppd was for 14 years, hell, the internet wasn't even available for the first few years!)... It is good to keep hopeful, especially for the new guys (who do have a good chance of recovery), but it is also good to be armed with as much knowledge as possible. This can be a lifelong illness, and for long term sufferers, that acceptance can be strangely therapeutic. Also, keep in mind that it is hard to show emotion through text. If you read something and it seems antagonistic.... Just take a second to think about it and whether you read it right... and vice versa... before you click the "post" button... maybe re-read what you have written and think about if it could be taken the wrong way.

In the intro message, puppeteer had talked about committing suicide.... So he/she is clearly not having an easy time or thinking that hppd is easy. I think you are right Zukov, he/she was talking about certain occasions where he/she can still feel happiness, even in the grip of this awful illness.

Now, i love Klonopin.... it was just that first time. From about the age of 14 or 15, i've either been high, drunk or with hppd.... so feeling relatively normal was just really hard to adjust to.

Also worth noting that one of the drugs that got alot of us into this mess, mdma, is notoriously bad for your joint, bones... possibly muscles?

i have it pretty bad, but don't think it is necessarily hppd related.... probably just from working on a computer all day and sometimes over exercising at the gym.

Alright, let's calm it all back down. Puppeteer is new to the site, and i thought the tone of Hope1 was out of order and somewhat bullying.... maybe my reply was too, so i apologise. None of us have a scale to say who has the worst symptoms... Maybe Puppeteer has it terribly, but has found a method to grasp a little happiness. I thought it was a very interesting topic that should be explored, not shot down. The majority of us are here because we liked to trip. I've certainly had a few moments, with hppd, that i've experienced the positive, trippy thought patterns that i enjoyed so much, all those years ago. Of course, the negative trippy thought patterns also ruined the majority of my life. I remember when i took my first Klonopin.... This was 14 years after i got hppd, my entire adult life.... My vision, dp/dr and anxiety were minimized so much that i actually freaked out and hated it, i even went and got a joint off someone so i could "feel normal" again. That's how fucked up this illness can be, remember there are many, many shades to it.

Puppeteer came on here and shared a view that is common with many people who suffer a mental illness (that it can sometimes bring a strange sense of happiness/peacefulness... it is very common with depression, for instance). Hope1 pissed all over it. Saying that we are retards if we think like that. He was TELLING us that our views and feelings are horseshit. I'm not sure why you are getting pissy about that. It's plain as fucking day, pal. The day someone can come on here and and start calling someone a retard and saying that they are talking horseshit, just for talking about their own hppd experience, is the day i walk from here.

Don't tell other people how we should or shouldn't feel. Just because YOU cannot see any reason to occasionally feel happiness because of the hppd.. doesn't make you the expert and calling people retards, because they don't share your view, is a very shit outlook. If i hadn't got hppd, i would be dead, in a padded cell or in prison.... 100% guaranteed. So that alone gives me occasional comfort and happiness with this illness.

Good luck.... I'm sure you can turn this nightmare into some creative ground for your music.

Try and sit down with her when you are both calm. Explain that your bad moods and anger are not aimed at her, but at your struggles with this illness. Try and empathise with your mum, it must be very hard for her to understand all this. My wife has been very understanding with me, but we still have huge arguments, on occasion, because of how distant/angry/frustrated i was over something.

Great post, GoBigOrGoHome That is my view too..... After a while, it is better to jump back into living again... When you do something that feels difficult or uncomfortable... the more you do it, the easier and more comfortable it becomes. You just have to train yourself to live again, with hppd. My daily routine.... Get up, watch abit of tv... check my emails, news etc... work (from home, thank god!)... go out for a walk and decaf coffee... hit the gym.. occasionally go to my local bar... when i'm not working... play football, watch football, go out filming, go surfing, play guitar... go back to the local bar again!

I wonder why some of us (the majority, in fact) don't respond to these drugs? Maybe completely burnt out dopamine receptors? Even a line of very clean coke doesn't affect my visuals or dp/dr, for the better.

Congrats Shaolin, kicking the opiates must have been very tough, glad to hear that you have done it

This is, more or less, my weekly routine in terms of things that take the stress out of my life a bit. This is not some guideline to follow, just my own, personal situation. Monday - Gym, weights Tuesday - Gym, cardio Wednesday - Gym, cardio/weights... Couple of glasses of wine at night Thursday - 200mg Phenobartital Friday - Gym, cardio/weights... 0.5mg Klono (not always)... Few beers at night Saturday - 1mg Klono... Play football/soccer... 5-6 beers at night Sunday - 1.5mg Klono Add a bit of surfing, some long walks on the beach and sex into the mix.... This combo has softened the edges of my life

It's a contentious point on here... but I personally don't have any problems with a few beers or a couple of glasses of wine (or sometimes a full on party). It only affects me for a day or two, and now i have Klonopin at hand, that pretty much removes any hangover. The trade off is worth it.... I get a good night out, where i feel pretty good and have fun with my friends. Other things that bring me pleasure... Playing football (soccer), surfing, sex and watching alot of stand up comedy.

Can you change jobs to something that might be better for you and your hppd? I'm lucky enough to be able to work from home and that has really, really changed my life, for the better. But the first 6-7 years with hppd though, i had to do all sorts of jobs, while i got myself though uni...... factory work, pizza chef, bar work, waiting tables etc etc.... Of all of them, factory work best suited my state of mind... I could just graft without having to interact with the public.... and half the other workers were brain dead inbreds, so, even with heavy hppd... I was still one of the more upbeat and bright workers and quite often found myself getting promotions. If you are not happy where you work, just change it. Good luck.

Hi, Let me try and answer those questions... 1) The baby wont inherit hppd/dpdr.... But they might be more susceptible to mental issues, if they do drugs later in life. I don't think that should put you off having kids though.... Me and my brother both did a similar amount of drugs and he doesn't suffer any problems... So it is not JUST genetics, that's for sure. 2) There are a few articles on here about surgery... Go take a look.... Don't forget to share a few photos, once done... We love big tits too :-D 3) See above. 4) Klonopin, if you want to go down the medication route. Be careful though, highly addictive. 5) Exercise helps me alot.

1. between 15 and 17.... Hard to say when it went from seeing stuff and feeling a bit weird to full blown hppd/mental breakdown. 2. LSD, ecstasy, weed, speed. 3. LSD trigged it, ecstasy made it 100x worse. 4. Nothing that wouldn't be consider normal teenage angst.

Welcome mate.... I'm a long termer from the UK too.... 17 years in.... There are probably 10,000s of us from the UK scene in the 90s, what a party! Good luck with your evaluation today and be careful with those anti-pysch drugs.... Very potent stuff that is unlikely to help your hppd. Be careful with the Benzos too.... Very easy to get addicted... but they are a great magic bullet, if you can manage them well (couple a week) All the best, Jay

yea... very occasionally, things will come together and i can kind of enjoy it.... a nice sunny day, walking along the cliffs and away from the hustle and bustle... a bit like the old days, tripping Do you get any side effects from Cymbalta?

Yea, that out of body feeling is definitely a big part of it... I hate it. Especially looking down while i'm walking... I feel like my mind is 1ft above my brain

i've never really worked out which is which... but to me, DP/DR just means feeling like i'm tripping

Sounds cool. I'll email him

I've not really seen any change in symptoms, for better or worse, since I hit the 2-3 year point (17 years now) I can get spikes though.... weed, salvia, booze, wrong medication and stress have all trigged month+ spikes in visuals and anxiety. But in general, i think i have hit my hppd "wall". The other thing to consider though.... the weed, booze etc might not be making you any worse, but it might be stopping you from getting better.

The thing is.... people lump a whole lot of symptoms in with the term HPPD. Which naturally makes it a more widespread issue. In terms of the surgery discussed, myself and my neuro are only concerned about the visual issue... nothing more, nothing less. He seems to think there is a chance that the visual issue could be targeted, therefore treatable. My personal view is all the other stuff, anxiety, dp/dr etc are just offshoots of the stress caused by the visual symptoms. Yea, the hospital food could be interesting... especially in a country that considers pig's ear as a delicacy