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  1. To me: I am 20 and have had HPPD since 4 years. I am from germany so please forgive my bad writing. So what can be said about HPPD? HPPD what I think is always 2 things: The visual and the feelings that come with it. The visual itself is neutral. You cant "feel" the visual. The visuals may trigger feelings but feelings=feelings, visuals=visuals, agree? Out of this understanding it doesnt matter how your eyesight is. The feelings (anxiety, anger, sadness, frustration) are the thing you need to put your energy on. You cant really help yourself clear the vision (it will happen by itself or never) but with your feelings you can do a lot. And the end of the journey may be a forfilling life... Stop wasting all your time waiting for a medicament that will clear the eyesight. Even if smth like this comes out it wont make you feel any better. Break the illusion that your "bad" situation is only related to your eye sight. That is and will always be fake. Yeah having this condition in your vision isnt the best at all I understand but its not as huge as you make it. The real "problems" are somewhere else in you... trust me. And with that you could now start the process of self care! Start accepting yourself! Start taking yourself serios! Start trusting yourself again! My way was and is meditation (zen). But you can do anything. Yoga, therapy and and and... 2022 is the easiest year to get depressed and sad and shit but also the easiest way to get happy and thankful! You legit just have to google how! If you dont start getting out of your comfort zone your whole life gonna be like this. Do you want that? Sorry for being so harsh. Best wishes. ^^
  2. Hello and Happy New Year. I am new to the forum and how I got here was from watching a Vice interview with Andrew Callaghan, who has/had a YouTube channel called "All Gas No Brakes". If you are not aware of him, he does a type of Gonzo video journalism with some pretty hilarious results. Anyway, at the end of the interview he mentioned how he had HPPD and had gotten it from overuse of mushrooms which he started using at 13 and he's now 20 something. Anyway, I had never heard of HPPD so I decided to look it up, and that led me down the rabbit hole of YouTube videos, some medical journals and then finally to this forum. After reading about it now for many hours over the last two days, seeing some examples of what it could be it and hearing others' experience with HPPD, it made me wonder if this is something that I have had now, in varying degrees, for over 30 years? Let me explain: I am now 47 and I first took acid when I was 13 and did it twice. Then, when I was 15 until 18 I went full on into the acid world along with almost daily pot smoking which caused my school performance to go completely down the tubes. I went from being an A/B student to just graduating from high school. I eventually stopped using acid when a particularly bad trip, which was brought on by too much pure liquid LSD followed by some serious pot smoking, caused me to have a serious meltdown, making me feel as if I was in some type of cartoon land. It was very scary. I know now that part of what I felt that caused the exteme panic was depersonalization. I felt completely disconnected from the real world, and my friends I was with. I had had some other meltdowns in the past but this one was a doozy. I only did acid one more time after that and after that last trip I remember that the after effects seemed to linger longer than normal and kind of caused me some anxiety and paranoia. I believe that this was also when a fear of choking on my food began to rear it's ugly head. That I have gotten under control now. Around this time, age 18, I also quit smoking weed regularly. Whenever I would do it, feelings of the bad trip would come back, making me anxious, uncomfortable and on some occasions causing depersonalization. Of course at the time, I had no idea what it was. I just felt very weird and outside of myself and wondered if I would ever feel normal again. Of course, I told no one not even my friends about it and just privately dealt with it until I eventually just learned to accept it for what it was (even though I didn't know what "it" was until now). I knew however that taking drugs was not good for me which is why I pretty much cut them out. All except for alcohol. I took magic mushrooms a few times in my 20s, which was fine (no freak outs) and then 5 years ago, when I was 42, I took a microdose for the first time in over 20 years. The experience, since it was very mild, I remember as being quite enjoyable. I don't seem to remember any negative effects other than having a hard time falling asleep due to the visuals with my eyes closed. The next day was also a bit of a struggle. I have never done MDMA, ketamine or other synthetic drugs. While I am fairly anxiety-free now, in my early 20s, which wasn't long after I quit both LSD and pot, I began to have panic attacks. My first one happened when I was 21 and at the time I didn't know what was happening, I just felt like I was having a flashback. It was brought on now doubt, due to my living at the time, which was just existing, and being under a lot of both mental and personal stress. They continued at completely random times for a few years until they went away. This was probably due to my having started to exercise and eat better when I hit 24, and my way of living was getting better. I also did cocaine for the first time and did it very sporadically until about age 35. I continued drinking primarily and then smoking pot when the mood struck me. The decision to get high would usually turn out to be a bad idea because I would always do it when I was drunk. One particular episode when I was 36, of drinking and smoking more than I usually did (one or two bowl hits) led me to have only what I can refer to as a "pot black out" where I don't remember what I did for an hour or more until I came to or began to sober up. I guess it was a DP/DR thing. All I know is that my girlfriend at the time, who was a huge stoner, didn't like the fact that I ran off with a married woman and wandered around this music festival with her for an unspecified period. I often wondered if the weed was laced but it just turns out that weed strains now are very potent. During my teens I started to drink and have continued to do so. For a while it was beer and then wine before turning into drinking hard liquor on a daily basis. At first it didn't seem to be any problem but it eventually began to make me wonder three years ago if I was turning into an alcoholic. Not to mention I was also having depression, anxiety, etc. But again I didn't make the connection between the two. I was also exercising regularly, eating healthy, meditating, doing yoga and other good things. During the pandemic I decided to cut way back on my drinking and smoke more weed. I had always had an on/off again relationship with weed since I cut it out in my teens due to reasons listed above but now I am beginning to think that I need to cut it out once and for all because it aggravates what I believe to be HPPD. It's a shame though, because I feel that now I can truly enjoy weed again after not being able to for so long. Even times when I have gotten too high, while it can feel a little uncomfortable, I can manage. I am sure this all has to do with age, self-awareness and knowing how to handle anxiety. My HPPD symptoms, if that is truly what it is are the following: 1. Mild visual snow when in mid to darkly lit rooms or outside at night. 2. Things changing shape, etc if I stare too long at them or until I blink. This is especially a problem watching TV or having a conversation with people. If I stare (zone out) at the TV or anything too long, after a while everything else in the background will seem to melt away. I have to shake myself out of it. Maybe this is why I don't like to watch a lot of TV?? 3.After images, I seem to get this a lot from computer screens, which is why I have started wearing blue screen glasses 4.Ghosting of things. 5. Floaters. 6.When I was younger and this probably began after I first tripped, I use to always get crazy visuals at night when I would fall asleep. I don't have them so much anymore but every now and then, usually after too much caffeine, I can get little spots of light in my vision. 7.If I concentrate hard enough on things like my carpet, crazy designs, etc. I can "see" vague images but they are not enough to cause me any panic. 8. Reading in dark mode on my IPad at night, in the dark, can also make text kind of weird causing some ghosting. 9. I play music and sometimes after having stared at music notation for a period, the notes can seem to change ever so slightly. While I don't see them now I am sure there was a time when I would get trails from objects, albeit very subtle. I always thought that this had something to do with my bad eyesight: I wear contacts and have an astigmatism in my left eye. At the same time, ALL these things can get amplified when I smoke pot,drink or do both, which I usually do, and will usually persist even when I am sober. They have also happened after having taken an Delta-8 THC edible. Perhaps this is why I feel just as stoned and out of sorts on D8 THC as I do on regular THC? Over the last few years, since I started smoking pot again (or whenever I have decided to smoke it again), I have noticed these HPPD symptoms ramping up. The same thing with OCD, which I only realized I had a few years ago, even though I had gotten negative or weird thoughts throughout my life since I first used either LSD, pot or both. I sought treatment a few years ago after a period of regular pot smoking mixed with alcohol was causing some more than normal intrusive negative thoughts, and causing me some anxiety. I even saw an OCD specialist for a bit, which helped. While I didn't want to believe it at the same time I am 100 percent certain that the pot use caused it. Based on the HPPD survey that you can sign up for on the first page of this forum, I now believe that early age psychedelic use has caused the following symptoms in my life and have been with me since I was a teen. Again, I never made the connection until I came across HPPD, this forum and took the survey. 1.OCD 2.Vertigo - completely took me by surprise but it makes sense because when I was a kid, before I started using drugs, heights didn't bother me as much as they do now. 3.Chronic back pain?! 4.Panic attacks (though I don't have them anymore) 5.HPPD 6. Social anxiety (not so much anymore). I am more introverted than not but I have to be on when I teach, which is my day job. Other things I have considered that may also be due to my early use of psychedelics: I also don't really like driving at night and its made even worse when it rains. This is due to the halo effect that I can get from on-coming cars' headlights. I am not sure if this is HPPD or not but just thought I would mention it. I could never get those damn "Magic Eye" Puzzles to work. Every time I would zone out on the image and try to see the hidden picture the design would just blur out into nothingness. Certain patterns really hurt my eyes It takes me a while to adjust to darkness For a long time I did reality based visual art and now when I do any sort drawing, especially abstract, I have to try really hard to not get too caught up in whatever random patterns I am creating. Anyway, if HPPD is what I have had with for this long (almost 30 years) then I have learned to deal with it. It is what it is as they say. My life now is the best it's ever been: I am married, have a career I love, and have just a basic quality of living that I had when I was younger; I am sure that has helped a lot. Meditation and mindfulness has helped get my OCD under control and now I am going to cut out both pot and alcohol for at least a month and see what happens. I didn't realize that caffeine can aggravate HPPD and I drink at least 3-4 cups a day so, maybe I need to either cut that out too or at least just have one cup each day. I had Covid-19 as well in 2020, before I was vaccinated, and I wonder now if the 'brain fog" amplifed my HPPD a bit? It is obvious from having read some of the other posts on this forum that my case is not as bad as others and nor was it ever to the point where I couldn't function normally day-to-day. However, it is safe to assume that because I used drugs at such a young age, before my brain was fully developed, HPPD, along with the other symptoms that I have listed above, has been with me a long time. It is just now that I am realizing why that is and for that I feel like I have made in a huge leap in my day-to-day life. Again sorry, for the length of this but I feel I had to get it all out there as a way to help me process it better.
  3. Hello. I am McCabe Mostoller and I’m now 17. I got this shit two months before my birthday after a really wrong acid trip that fucked my life backwards. I’m here to say YOU will get better. But I’m gonna give the truth. I have lived with this for what feels like years when in reality it has only been a set of months. I’ve been in therapy the whole time and I luckily got a therapist who not only understands but is treating someone else with the same issue, who in fact, lives in the same place as me. Which yes a lot of the time distresses my brain and makes me believe I’m not living or I’m dreaming or whatever, all that dumb stupid shit. But none the less the more time goes on the more I am able to live with this condition. Now the question of does it get better, the symptoms anyway? Yes and no, for me my visual symptoms have more of switched I guess, they aren’t the same as they used to be but that doesn’t mean their worse. Even if they were because I’ve had it for so long, or what feels like an eternity to me now, I’ve learned how to somewhat come to terms with it. Some days it’s worse some days it isn’t. My advice with that is, don’t worry about the visuals or feelings going away, try to worry more about yourself learning how to live and deal with it. Because I think for all of us this is trauma. You gotta learn to deal with it like any other trauma, even if you have trauma already and you think this is much much worse. It might be. But you have no control over that part. But you are able to figure out how to respond to it. I’ve made stupid mistakes while having this condition because of being so depressed. I went back to weed multiple times, then stopped, went back, constant cycle you know. And yes it did make it worse during the time and for about a week or two after I would stop smoking marijuana. Of course that thought in my mind always wants me to go back to psychedelics, but of course I’m not gonna do that to myself, it’s like another intrusive thought. Part of me wants to but I know I won’t do it. It’s hard of course. But one interesting thing is I stayed in my house for most of the time after getting this as I have a fear of the outside, especially at night haha (I’m sure you all understand). But when I do it’s usually for work and school (I also attend a more laid back school, I only go two days a week for two hours. If you want to know how this is possible just dm me and I’ll explain what it is). I’m starting to feel the stress of the outside world seep into me again which ironically is both horrible and refreshing. Of course I don’t want both the weight of this shit and outside problems on me. But I locked myself away and isolated for so long that it feels nice to see the outside of my head every once in a while even if the stress In turn makes me symptoms worse. I like to think living with this is like living with a handicap for a video game. You always gotta try to avoid difficult situations cause anything can really set you off and spiral you into a panic attack and In turn spiral your vision too haha. I hate it. However the more you live with it again, the easier it gets to deal with this “veteran difficulty” type thing you’ve got going on. Sorry I know I’m making a lot of jokes and puns here but I haven’t been able to about this for so long and I’m trying to just be cool with it for a little bit of time before it decides to spike up again. My life is weird. I don’t understand. Like many of you, I think I’m dreaming or dead. I have this thought that I’m actually constantly dying and changing to other parallel universes. Like quantum immortality. Yeah saying it all out loud to people that aren’t my therapist and it also just being typed on a page makes me sound crazy. Idk, I’ve learned I can’t control my thoughts for a while but hopefully soon that will change. One weird thing that this condition has done to me is really screw up my actual dreams. I have a lot of waking dreams, if you know what those are, and dreams where I am in the place I fell asleep and I wake up in the dream and something happens that didn’t actually happen and then it makes me believe it really did happen, which is part of the reason I believe I’m shifting realities. Yeah there’s a lot messed with my brain. That’s why I gotta be doing therapy. But if you struggle with any of those other things that I struggle with just know you’re not alone even if it feels like it. I don’t know you. But I’m here supporting you with my thoughts. I know how hard it is. But don’t let it beat your ass for too long, you’re a strong human being, I mean you’re living with a very hard disorder. So am I. And there’s now progress for research and all this great stuff happening. People are starting to recognize this. People are starting to care. So don’t give up. Please. It does get easier. I promise. JUST DONT DO ANYMORE DRUGS UNLESS YOU KNOW THEY DONT INTERACT WITH YOUR SYMPTOMS. Trust me you don’t want to be the thing that makes it worse for yourself. It sucks. Anyway, hope you guys find your ways and abilities. I love you all and happy new year. Hope this is the one that can free us all if not get us closer to leaving this prison cell of this disease in our heads.
  4. Hi guys, this is my first post so apologies if I'm doing something wrong. Is there anyone here who got HPPD from Mescaline/Peyote and only that? Logically, any psychedelic can cause HPPD, and Mescaline is a psychedelic. It's a Substituted phenethylamine, just like 2C-B, which can cause HPPD. However, I have yet to find a single case of someone getting it from just mescaline. John Halpern did a study on some Native Americans, some of which had used Peyote hundreds of times, and found no cases: "We specifically screened the 80 potential participants... in the peyote group for a history of hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (“flashbacks”);... none reported this condition." Mescaline is not a common drug by any measure, but I would expect to find at least one case. I emailed a Native American church and out of thousands of people who the respondent had guided through Peyote trips, none reported HPPD. The closest things I found were Havelock Ellis's "heightened sensitivity to the more delicate phenomena of light...", which I don't believe is HPPD as his report was very positive about Mescaline, or "Fleeting Afterimages" reported after mescaline by 4 people who were administered it in a study mentioned here. Sartre also reported being followed by crabs for years after using mescaline, but that doesn't sound like HPPD. The other cases of HPPD mentioning Mescaline invariably mentioned use of many other psychedelics, and Mescaline was never the one last used before the onset of HPPD. If anyone here got HPPD from mescaline or any mescaline-containing plant, then I'd love to hear about it, and if not perhaps we need to look into whether Mescaline could be considered safe - or at least safer.
  5. Hello my name is Lucca. I was born and raised in South Africa, Cape Town and have lived here for most of my life. I am a Male at 26 years of age (1994). I trained and studied to be a Chef and graduated from College in the year 2013. I had been working as a Chef in the industry in various countries since then (South Africa, Spain & France). For the past year I have been running my own business fixing Surfboards. Its a small business only consisting of myself but I am able to pay the bills with the income I make from it. I can also say that my work makes me happy and I am satisfied with my results so far, considering the circumstances, especially here in South Africa where I am currently living. I developed Hppd & DR/DP when I was in Grade 8. I was about 13 years of age at the time. It had been onset from the use of Cannabis. I did not know what was happening to me at the time. All I knew was that the Weed that I had smoked had caused it. I went on trying not to think about everything that was suddenly happening to me. The difficulty I was experiencing in my academics due to constant visual illusions, derealization (felt like I was seeing the world from 3rd person view which affected my spacial awareness which in turn affected my ability in Sports tremendously), complete inability to concentrate (I have Adhd. That became much worse after onset of Hppd & DR/DP) and the increased general anxiety was all a very terrifying experience at the time. I was too afraid to tell anyone about what I was going through and when I did try come out to tell my friends or family they all just thought I was either lying or overreacting/dramatizing. So I immediately learnt at that tender young age that this was not something I could get help for from anyone I knew and that I just shouldn't speak about it. I believed for a long time that I was the only person in the world who had this very unique condition. So I kept it in as my little secret for many years before finally one day meeting someone else who also had Hppd and who had been to specialists in the field who knew about the condition and who was able to give me very usual advice and understanding of the condition I had now come to better understand. So eventually I came to terms with everything and decided that I was just going to accept things for what they are and try move forward with my life. I tried to be as normal as possible, in my friends group at the time, which meant I would have to smoke more Weed. Which I did.. Allot more. I remember putting myself deeper and deeper into that psychedelic hole of derealization. I remember sometimes I would smoke Weed and have the best high. And 9/10 times I would smoke and have panic attacks, paranoia, fear, intense hallucinations and anxiety beyond comprehension. This went on for years where I would go for periods without smoking, seen slight recovery, then just relapse and binge smoke back into that psychedelic hole that I seemed to want to put myself in so bad. Eventually when I was 15. Mushrooms and Acid became a thing among me and my friends group. I remember my nickname at High School. It was "Shrooms" which eventually turned into "Grampa". The latter has actually stuck with some of my older friends. But then, unfortunately Shrooms and Acid had become my new "Weed". I would drop Weekly and trip on Shrooms every 2nd-3rd day. Allot of these trips were with different friend groups but I found that allot of my psychedelic experiences regarding Acid n Shrooms to have been Solo trips. Usually just me and my Dog, Max, up in the Sand Dunes just above my parents house where I grew up. I swear there was something about those Dunes that were just so surreal and that made those Trips just a little "more" than any other place that I had "adventured" in at the time. Less to say that those years of my life brought on unimaginable levels of Hppd. Eventually after failing 3 grades and being expelled out of 3 different schools I quit all drugs. Im not sure how I did it but I finally got my education and graduated from Chefs Academy. Still battling with a constant harrowing of Hppd visuals and experiences that just did not seem to diminish over time. Years later I had noticed a substantial recovery in my Hppd Visuals since absence from all Psychedelics (including the use of Cannabis). I believe I had almost made a full recovery from my Hppd where only times of fatigue, illness or use of Alcohol would I get symptoms that were noticeable enough to cause some disturbance to me. I started Wellbutrin recently to help with some depression that I have been dealing with due to a relationship with a Girl ending (3.5 years). The Wellbutrin helped with the depression almost immediately but brought on extreme anxiety and panic attacks with it. Generally made things very speedy with the high anxiety/panic you would experience from smoking a really big Bowl in an uncomfortable environment. After 10 days I could not carry on anymore. I have recovered from my depression, on the most part and I am functioning normally with business good as per usual. But now what has returned is my Hppd, in full force. Visual Snow, Tracers, Optical illusions and vivid color changes have all returned. It has definitely been a couple of years since I have experienced Hppd like this. It's honestly a bit refreshing. Kinda like visiting a place you haven't been in for many years. Or seeing an old friend after a long time. I definitely wouldn't call it a pleasant feeling as those examples I just gave could possibly be but I would definitely not compare it to the negative feelings that went with the initial onset of the Hppd my first time around. I feel allot more prepared for this, this time. I don't feel the anxiety from the visuals like how I used to all those years ago when symptoms were closely similar. And whats more is that I feel comfortable talking about it this time around. In fact I am here writing this post to share what little experience or advice I can to anyone who may benefit or find comfort from it. If even only just a little. So what little advice I can give to those of you just finding out that you have Hppd is to just breathe and try focus on the positive, regardless of whatever small positive you can find. Everything can be quite intense in the beginning and it will seem as if it will never improve or go away. Just have patience. In time you will learn to accept everything for what it is and be able to carry on with your day as normal as possible. In time you will notice it less and have it interfere with you less as you get more accustomed to the constant stimuli. I found with myself that once I finally accepted things for as they were and completely stopped all aggravators of Hppd (Psychedlics etc). That my symptoms did improve in time. So much so that I could say I had almost made a full recovery of all my Hppd symptoms in a period of about 5/6 Years from the last time I used any narcotic (other than alcohol. Alcohol definitely makes hppd symptoms seem worse for the day drinking and the days recovering from the hangover, for me at least). So there is hope, even though it might seem as if there is none. So just remember you are not alone and there are other people in this world who have experienced and who are currently going through a similar journey as yourself. For those of you who are looking to treat yourself for depression with Wellbutrin. I would suggest proceeding with caution as it increasingly worsened and completely stirred up my mostly recovered Hppd from within the first 2 hours after taking my first dose. On that note I would like to ask if anyone has had a similar experience with Wellbutrin worsening their Hppd symptoms? I would like to know how many doses of Wellbutrin did they take before ceasing administration and how many days, weeks, months, years have they been recovering from the increased symptoms of Hppd due to their Wellbutrin intake?. F.Y.I I am on day 2 since my last dose, after dosing for 10 consecutive days at 150ml XL. Symptoms are the worst that they have been in years. I am remembering now how uncomfortable Hppd can be again but I am trying not to let it get to me. Rather just being fascinated by it all and attempting to proceed through my day as "usual" as possible. I apologize for my poor grammar and word order. I hope this piece above can be easily enough understood and I hope it can bring some sense of hope or strength to someone battling with their Hppd. Just remember you're not alone in this world with this. That has been something that has given me strength.
  6. I think my condition is caused by usually mixing differant drugs like 2cb, lsd, shrooms, 25I nbome, noids, mdma, amphetamines, ketamine etc. mostly with weed. I have been more or less ok with my symptomes but since i started using ritalin a bit more than a week ago 10mg twice daily it got worse, should i keep using it or will it keep getting worse. I have also recently tried Sertralin, seroquel, diazepam and mirtazapin. Everything seems to make it worse exept diazepam. Any ideas for treatment other than these drugs? Which drug(s) helped you the most with symptomes of hppd? (Sorry for bad english)
  7. Hello guys , so i have been suffering for 2 months and half from hppd caussed by alcohol , i smoked weed 8 month ago had a bad trip and stopped using it i was not having hppd after the bad trip,so it’s maybe related to the cause of alcohol i have been sober until now,i don’t see any improvement, it’s getting worse at night especially. i want to hear your opinion about those 2 supplements CoQ10 and vitamin D , some pepole reportd good improvement with this 2 supplements as you can see here 1.what your thoughts about it 2.if you try it especially CoQ10 one https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/thosewithvisualsnow/a-discussion-with-dr-weatherall-the-leading-visual-t7745.html ” I had after images, halos around objects, trailers, bolts of lightning, and of course, VS. I still had a headace after my initial onset and had to go to a doctor to get meds to relieve the headache. After I started taking 400 mgs of CoQ10 for some time, I suddenly noticed that the after images, halos around objects, trailers, bolts of lightning had ALL DISAPPEARED”
  8. Hi everyone: I’d like to share more about my HPPD experiences. As I told you in my previous post, my name is Marco, I’m Mexican and I’ve got HPPD for more than four months now. This forum has been way far the best source of information, inspiration, awareness and counseling with the condition I’ve found during this period. My psychologist insists it is an addiction issue, and my friends despite being friendly and supportive with me, they cannot fully understand what I am going through. So I hope some of my reflections and ideas help others just as reading about your own stories guys helped me a lot when I was first disorientated and felt lost at the beginning of this journey. First I’d like to tell you I’ve always been interested on politics, society, abstract ideas and concepts, culture and subjects related. HPPD seemed to take that away from me for a while. In the last two weeks I’ve been able to start reading again the topics I do enjoy, and to really feel interested about them, something I did not feel able to do for more than 120 days. I am studying an International Relations bachelor in one of the most prestigious programs in Mexico. My dream is to work either as a diplomat for the Mexican government or to join the United Nations and contribute in some of its programs and institutions, such as the World Food Program, UNICEF or Human Rights. My goal is to mark a difference on people’s lives and improve the quality of life on developing countries, weak democracies and humanitarian crisis. The first two months of HDDP I was not interested at all one those issues anymore. I was struggling not only with my physical pain but with a pretty strong brain fog that did not allowed me to think clearly on the topics addressed by my teachers and university. Academic tasks felt difficult to be done and not worth it. I also lost passion on some of my other hobbies: running, playing sports, hanging out with my friends and discussing about any subject with them. I am also a huge soccer fan, so I lost all my team’s season -luckily they made it to the Play offs and now they are playing next week in my hometown- and I did not watch a single match. It was a slow and sometimes desperate process not to feel any interest about stuff anymore. I once read one book -the two Popes- and although an interesting reading- I did not think like I fully enjoyed it. All of this happened to me meanwhile traveling across Mexico. So I saw many spectacular places and met the most interesting people. But again, I kind of felt I was being fake with my environment, instead of truly showing how I felt. Maybe a month ago I started watching a lot of films on Netflix, and that really helped. It was a relief for me to notice I was becoming capable again to follow and fully understand a story, but the most important fact for me was the feeling of actually having fun. Then I decided going for a run maybe 3-4 times a week, and that also helped a lot. I guess it is the hormones the brain segregate when I work out, a similar reaction when eating something you like or having sex. I mean, I am not a physician or a health expert but that’s the basic knowledge I have about how the brain works. After movies it tryed small readings. Looking for articles on the newspapers and media outlets I like -The New York Times, El País, The Guardian, Washington Post and CNN- and addressing the international issues I am more into: the Venezuelan crisis, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and so on. Last week for example, I engaged reading an article about the Cuban exiled community in Miami, and it was something that kept me like an hour totally immersed on it, sometimes forgetting about my HPPD. I also discovered some other hobbies, like cooking. Something that I am frankly good at and that I never tried before. Now I intend to cook dinner at least twice a week. It’s something fun and motivating. I’m glad my mental clarity is showing from time to time. Now I do experience more “lucid” moments that before and without knowing the exact reason I guess it could be due the way I’ve tried to put my mind to work. Also sleeping has been important, and even tough my nutrition is not the greatest -I’ve actually gained some weight in the last month- I am not drinking anymore, neither smoking or drinking coffee. In general I believe my physical aspect reflects my improvement. I just had a haircut two days ago. I think I look sharper, and generally my presence and even the way I speak feels better. Also the interaction I’m having with my friends in social media and even the dating and flirting I’ve been into the last couple of weeks feels right. I do not feel a 100% well, not even close, but I guess I’ve noticed being in a good mood definitely helps. Of course I also have my bad days, on which I don’t even want to get up from bed. I guess there are cycles and momentums, so I’m just trying to live the good ones, and make them more frequent. I’m soon coming back home. I don’t know how the interaction with my parents and brother is going to be like. I feel excited about the opportunities I have in my hometown, about hanging with my closest friends again, and generally about the positive aspects of being home: more money, free time, my own space, a car, and the list goes on. I’ll keep you updated about my process and the way I’m facing it. I may see a doctor next week, I just talked with my parents and they decided it’s the best option by now. Please tell me more about you guys and the tips, recommendations, tricks and everything that could be helpful for me please. Also if you want to discuss any specific topic feel free to comment or to send me a message. Thanks a lot for reading, hope you have an amazing day and keep fighting. You are not alone and we are all on this together. Sincerely, Marco S
  9. Hello everyone: My name is Marco, I am a 21 year old student living in Mexico. I'd like to tell you my story, my toughts towards HPPD and the lessons I've learnt from this experience. I developed HPPD on January 2021. I was throught a bad emotional moment, due to the pandemic and a broken relationship. Since august 2020 I had decided to try LSD so I did it with a couple of friends. I did it twice, both times in parties and drinking alcohol. having as a result pretty mild experiences. I've never really been into drugs: I'd tried weed before, a couple of times, also in social situations, but I was never a regular consumer. Then on October me and one of my best friends had mushrooms, which were actually very strong. I did not enjoy it at all, but nothing bad happened after that time. Then, at the beginning of this year, I bought acid and made the decision to have an LSD trip for the first time without alcohol or any other distraction. In fact I don't know if it was LSD or something else -based on the research I've been into these recent months it could've been N-BOME.- and had a horryfing bad trip, with lots of negativity and hopeless thoughts. The upcoming day everything changed. I almost had no sleep after the trip, as I was heading home from a holiday, and all the hallucination symptons remained more that two days. I almost had a panich attack and I had to tell my parents the situation as I thought I really needed to see a doctor or go to the hospital. Fortunately I was able to calm down and had some sleep after 36 hours. Since then I'm on this journey. I talked with some of my friends about my syptoms but everyone told me the same: they were normal, LSD may have some flashbacks and that it was nothing I should worry about. But the weeks passed and I was not feeling any better, but the opposite. Since my university classes are online now due the pandemic, I got a job on a hostal near the beach in Mexico. My plan was to travel the country as the school allowed me to take the remote classes wherever I was. My departure was scheduled one week after the LSD trip, so I almost decided to cancel it and to stay home. But finally I decided to travel anyway and here's wher I am right now. I must say some of my symptoms have improved a little since this started. But some have worsen at moments. Generaly I feel better than two months ago. February and March were definitely the worst period for me. I barely could not concentrate on my classes and tasks. I was drinking a lot, so I felt bad all day long. I had terrible headaches and pain in the eyes. My visuals were strong and the braing fog affected the way I talked and some of my daily activities. I decided to implement some changes on my lifestylle and they have helped me to feel better. I quited coffee and alcohol, and of course any kind of drugs. I have as much sleep as I can and I am trying also to eat healthier and to drink lots of water. It was hard for me to work out at the beginning but now I attempt to take a run three or four days a week. Anyway I don't feel capable to do some of the stuff I enjoyed the most before this started. I used to read a lot and now it is hard for me to concentrate, and it is painful actually to read. I used to play chess, to participate in forums. I wrote for a newspaper and had a radio show. I am aware that some of this activities are hard for me now because I've lost some confidence on myself. And also anxiety makes it way worse. I've realized that when I've been capable to lower my anxiety everything feels so much better. Traveling has been fun, but I haven't feel able to enjoy it a hundred percent. Now I am coming back home so I will experience again how it feels to have a routine and be more calmed as I won't have to work anymore and I'll have some time to rest, eat healthier and work out. I am not closed to the idea of seeing a doctor, but honestly with everything I've read about the condition I am not hopeful either. HPPD has taught me a lot about patience. I don't know if I'm ever gonna fully recover from this, but the only way I'll find out is with time. Taking one step at a time and working everday for my wellness and health. My hope is far to be over. I am a resiliant person and I've faced pretty hard challenges during my life. I try to see HPPD as another challenge life had for me. Of course it makes life so much harder, but also it feels right to notice I've been four months now with this, and yet I've managed to keep studiyng an International Relations bachelor in one of he most demanding universities in my country, to work in some of the most beautiful and touristic places in the world, made dozens of great friends from all over the world, worked as a High School english teacher, and discovered amazing spots with amazing people, enjoying the craziest adventures. Of course it hurts, of course it's hard, unconfortable, demanding, painful and discouraging. But I am not letting HPPD ruin my plans, goals, objectives and dreams. I'll force myself to be a more empathetic, healthy, honest and transparent human being. And also to help others and understand other people's problems. I really have to thank everyone on this forum. It has helped me a lot to understand more about this condition, the way I can live with this, and a source of inspiration and aid in some of my lowest moments. Greetings to everyone, if you have some recommendations, tips, or you just want to have a conversation feel free to send me a message, I'd love to meet you all. Marco S.
  10. Yo folks. I smoked first time 0.2 No effect, no withdrawal. I smoked week later 0.2 acid Panic attack, little trip, lasted 15mins. Withdrawal, irritable 3days. Smoked month later 1.0 (Strong unknown, not wet(i think non acid) high fun Next day 1.0 high fun. Here we go... First strange thing i noticed, third day i was high in afternoon without weed. Normal week, clear brain. I drunk 0.5l of vodka and next day i got all visual snow symptoms. I was so stressed that i damaged my brain for 2months. Last 2months (4months of visual snow) i started to see things.. some sort of faces or eyes in front of me. Faces and strange objects in corner of eye. I'm not in psychosis. I know whats real and not even with depersonalization. I can imagine sounds(that happened before, like dog bark or something) or stuck them for minutes. I'm schizophrenic or what? These hallucinations are so strange... Will i heal after all? For now ofc i want to heal my hallucinations but visual snow is destroying me too. I hope we will all heal from this. P.S. I stopped everything after visual snow. No drugs, No alchogol, fuck this shit really.
  11. Hello All, My name is Allen. I've browsed this site randomly over the past couple years but was afraid share. I'm in my 30's and have had HPPD 2 for 18 years. I was diagnosed 5 years ago after a seeing countless doctors through the years. Recently I found out my wife was pregnant and I became determined to find a treatment or, god willing, a cure. When I was in my mid teens I took lsd about 5 times and I was a chronic marijuana smoker. The last time I took lsd I smoked weed at the same time and I had the worst experience of my life: My heart began to race uncontrollably, my arms and face became numb; I saw long blury trails on everything and I felt hot and cold all at once. It was so intense that I thought for sure I was going to die. In desperation, I curled up in a ball on my couch, closed my eyes, and began to pray to god repeatedly to make it stop and let me live, until eventually I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and thanked god I was alive. I swore of lsd forever. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from trying to party with my friends as usual. Every time I smoked weed after that I would have severe panic attacks and almost black out. When I'd drink alcohol I felt like I had a lump in my throat and couldn't breathe. A couple weeks after that horrible trip I woke up to a dull version of the same type of visuals I had the night of my bad trip, I was petrified and began having random panic attacks. I finally told my mother what I did and what happened since and she took me to the doctor. The doctor swore it was depression with anxiety and completely dismissed any lsd involvement. She prescribed me Effexor and xanax. The effexor didn't help at all and it made my heart race. The symptoms were not going away. I was afraid I damaged my brain beyond repair. Shortly after I withdrew from school and became a hermit. The xanax helped a lot with anxiety but the visuals remained. Through the years I saw about a dozen different psychiatrists and none of them knew what was wrong with me and continued me on benzodiazepines and ssri's. I lost my insurance and couldn't afford all the doctor appointments and medicine, so I began getting zoloft and Vicodin off the streets to self medicate. Eventually the visuals became less intense and my panic attacks were less frequent. Although the visuals and anxiety are a part of my daily life, I still manage to function. Some days are worse than others but I forced myself back into society and I got a good job in construction, and married my girlfriend who has been with me through this whole experience. I got off the vicodin with suboxone and continued the zoloft. With the news of our first child, I found a new determination to get rid of this horrible disease for good. I told my doctor that I wanted to try anything we can to make this stop and she agreed to start prescribing me different medications to see what, if anything, will work. She prescribed clonidine last visit and I started it 6 days ago. Unfortunately it hasn't helped my visuals at all and last night I began having strange thoughts and seeing weird images when I closed my eyes. I'll keep everyone updated on how it goes. I'm really hopeful that something will get rid of this for good. Wish me luck and good luck to all of you. P.s. I am thankful to whomever started and maintains this site. I hope we can get this horrible disease more attention and find a real treatment for it.
  12. Hi Everyone! It's very rare for me to use online forums however due to this disorder being so rare I thought it'd be the best way to meet new people who have experienced similar things. My name is Neve, I am 18 years old and currently a University student in England. I've never been that adventurous with drugs and up until university I had only ever touched weed, even then it only being a round 5 times (first time being 15 years old). When I started university, naturally, I became more exposed to drugs and tried LSD for the first time and again a week later. Both trips I really enjoyed and got the typical experience (enhanced colours, sensations, patterns and sound etc..) It wasn't until I experienced 'flashbacks' on a random Tuesday night. My flatmates were smoking weed however I didn't due to feeling ill. I'm not sure if it was me being ill or the secondary smoke or the combination however I began to experience the same visuals and sensations as I did on my second trip (which was a lot more intense). I was convinced I had accidentally took acid or something.. One of the main things I noticed was colours changing/morphing into new ones, floral patterns and materials looking like they had layers; almost as if things were floating and breathing. At first I thought it was quite cool and I viewed it merely as a pleasant visual that would last a few hours. It has been almost 3 months since that experience and nothing has changed. It would be interesting to see how having HPPD has affected peoples lives. I try and just go with it, however, recently I have been struggling with it. I have never suffered with mental health issues (not that intense anyway) yet since starting university, my anxiety has been at its peak. Whenever I feel stressed or tired, my visuals enhance thus increasing my anxiety often resulting in panic attacks. After lots of research reading articles, watching documentaries etc, it seems incurable and something that I may just have to live with. Again, it would be really nice to meet people and learn about each others experience with Hallucinogenics.
  13. Hi. I'm 57 years old and I've carried a deep secret most of my life. I see visual patterns everywhere. They are most prominent in anything with a fine grain. Tar, sand, carpets, curtains, textured ceilings ... you get the idea. I see patterns, shapes, designs, animals, faces, Aztec glyphs, etc. as if intentionally created by an artist. They're not static either. The slowly move, shift, and transform. If I'm looking at a wall I "know" it's a wall. I don't believe the hallucinations are actually visible to anyone else so I guess I'm sane. How did this happen? Just before my 14th birthday I entered High School. An older friend of mine asked me if I would like to try "acid". I had smoked cannabis with him before and he assured me it was similar. Well, acid in the early 70s was quite strong and it was a long day. From that day forward I had this issue with seeing visuals I described earlier. My earliest memory of this was after smoking some cannabis I saw the outline of a flower appear on the fabric covering a speaker. I kept taking hallucinogens until I was about 20 years old and then stopped taking drugs all together. However, the visuals never went away. I can look at a sidewalk and it looks like all the little sand grains were laid out in complex designs. It's as if "random" doesn't exist in my visual experience. I've learned to deal with it in my own way. I look at it as my ability to not just see the mundane. This disorder hasn't stifled my ability to solve complex problems, get a degree, raise a family, and work in a professional career. In a funny way it's like an old friend. I think I might miss it if it "cleared up". I was stunned to find out that there was a term for what I have. For years I figured I was borderline schizophrenic because I was seeing things. Hiding this disorder has caused great anxiety in my life because I knew it wasn't "normal" and I never knew if it would get worse. I'm hoping to find other people with symptoms like mine. I'd also like to give people hope because I've lived with this for over four decades and life is great.
  14. This might be a long one, but here goes. I've been looking at this site since the end of November, and I think I've found what's been affecting me. I'm 22-years old; a college student living in student accommodation away from home during term. I've occasionally experimented with drugs since I was about 15 (in social groups, never alone), but it was only in the last year or so that I ever tried ecstasy or LSD – not something I've done often but I found them quite positive experiences. Both times I took acid were quite low doses, and generally njoyable experiences. The only thing I noticed was that I often get bad anxiety from smoking weed since the first time I tripped; before acid this never happened. The experiences were so positive that I became a little bit obsessed with psychedelia; the music, the art, all the hippy stuff basically. For weeks after my trips I felt more clear-minded, focused, happy and just generally appreciative of life – even when COVID lockdowns became a part of our lives last March. After lockdown during the summer of last year I partied with friends for a couple of days straight; lots of alcohol, ketamine, and on the last day we all took a some of ecstasy. The afternoon of the day I came home I began experiencing what I think was serotonin syndrome; I got waves of panic, heart palpitations, agitation. It was very unpleasant, and it stuck in my mind long after I felt better. My current predicament was triggered by a caffeine-induced panic attack at the end of last September; I saw a flash of light in my peripheral vision after drinking black coffee, which led to continuing anxiety, visual disturbances, panic attacks, and negative thought loops – all these symptoms seem to come in waves, there's days or weeks when they're far less apparent and times when they feel overwhelmingly intense. I even got an eye test and was prescribed glasses for slight nearsightedness, but they said there was absolutely nothing wrong with my eyes from what they could tell. I had an ECG and a blood test at the doctors too, and they said there didn't seem to be any health issues that they could see – which is good news. Visual disturbances include visual snow (VS), prolonged after-images, floaters, blue sky ectopic phenomenon (a swirling or rapid movement effect on skies – especially on a bright blue day), as well as occasional perception of movement or lights in peripheral vision, “cracks” or vein/branch-like after-images in my field of vision just after blinking for a few minutes after I wake up, and flashes of light when the eyes are closed (when trying to sleep). These visual disturbances often create a sense of anxiety, and distract me from everyday tasks. The anxiety tends to get worse if I'm hungover, at night, and especially when I’m trying to fall asleep. I’ve also been experiencing occasional high-pitched ringing sound in my ears (more the right ear than the left one), heart flutters/palpitations, a slight feeling of nausea (generally worse after eating), and a sudden sense of dizziness or disconnection which may trigger mental panic or turmoil. Episodes like this don’t happen frequently, but are usually accompanied by a hot feeling in my face and an over-sensitivity to noises and sensations around me, with even a relaxed living room feeling chaotic and overwhelming. Unpleasant episodes like this tend to happen on days when I spend a lot of time ruminating about my condition. My mind often gravitates towards the idea that I may have a serious mental disorder – especially schizophrenia, despite not demonstrating the symptoms of this disorder (delusions, complex hallucinations, hearing voices, etc.). It’s more of a fear that I am experiencing what comes before a psychotic episode (prodromal period), and a feeling of helplessness and panic quickly grows out of this. I spend a lot of time Googling symptoms of various mental illnesses as way to reassure myself that I’m not psychotic, but sometimes I think I’m subconsciously trying to confirm that I am – however labored the justification may be. I think a lot of this is mainly down to the visual issues, but also the general ‘out of sorts’ feelings I’ve had. When I’m feeling particularly out of sorts or anxious, my mind tends to feel jumbled and chaotic – a fuzzy psychedelic feeling in my mind’s eye where it’s difficult to clearly visualize things properly or think clearly. This feeling can be intense and distracting, and it often makes me feel lethargic or low on energy. I also have trouble sleeping, or rather trouble going to sleep before 12 am. This isn’t a new thing; it has been a recurring issue for me for the last four or five years, but never as consistently problematic for my mental health (being due to anxiety or visual issues), and I was rarely ever kept awake when I wanted to sleep. These sleep problems often mean I wake up and fall asleep again multiple times every morning and struggle to fully get up before 11 am, and I think this effects my productivity for the rest of the day. I don’t feel well-rested when I wake up, so I think this messes with my mood throughout the day. Today I had the worst panic attack of my life; in broad daylight on a pleasant day at home surrounded by my family. I haven't taken anything (even alcohol or cigarettes) since before Christmas, so that hasn't added to my problems thankfully. I began to fixate on the sense of movement in my peripheral vision and visual snow, which set off my anxiety in an extremely intense way and it has taken all day to calm myself down. After talking with my parents we agreed it might be time to see a doctor; this isn't going to go away easily and I just want to rule out any other possibilities. Apologies for the length of this post, I just had to get it all out. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I would appreciate any advice. I will post an update if my symptoms change, and I'll try to keep up to date on any future developments.
  15. Hi there, My name is Alex, I'm a third-year psychology student at University Greenwich (London, UK). Although I don't have HPPD, I'm very interested in understanding more about it. As such, my final-year research project is a survey investigating individual differences and HPPD. My research project is under the supervision of Dr. David Luke, a long-standing psychedelic researcher in the UK and author of many books on the subject. Dr. Luke is a senior lecturer at University of Greenwich and honorary senior lecturer at Imperial College London - the home of the bulk of psychedelic research in the UK. I'm really only trying to use his credentials to verify that this research is a serious undertaking, not just to name drop him. I would love to hear from members of this community and hope you can find the time to have a look at my survey linked below The survey should take between 15-30 minutes to complete depending on your individual history and experiences. Your response will help deepen the understanding of potential differences amongst sufferers of Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder. All submissions are anonymous (identifiable only through your unique personal code) and data will be stored on a password protected device. The research has been ethically approved by the Departmental Research Ethics Committee for Psychology, University of Greenwich, UK. https://greenwichuniversity.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9tPkqFu2yAaNHOl Many thanks if you have the time to spend helping me out. If this is better posted somewhere else please feel free to let me know, Given this is my first ever post I'll apologise for getting it wrong in advance! Any questions feel free to drop me an email on ai2156k@gre.ac.uk
  16. Hi there. I've had HPPD since I was about 19... so going on 16 years now. I won't get into all the details but what I'm wondering is if anyone has resolved, or read about someone who resolved their Blue Field Entoptic Phenomenon (BFEP)? This is probably one of my most annoying symptoms and is prevalent on any large bright surface. Central vision and peripheral. Any feedback would be much appreciated. - Brad
  17. Hey guys, I’ve been suffering VSS for 2 years into mild and not too symptomatic way, but last month it became so several worse and I want to ask you something about my symptoms because I am super confused and afraid. Let me explain my case. About 2 - 3 years ago I tried hashis cigarette from some friends, I had a really bad trip with visual hallucinogens (something that got me super anxious and depressed, I didn’t like the effect). After some weeks I got panic attacks and much anxiety, so my doctors prescribed me Sertraline 100mg and Lorazepam 1g per day. After some months of getting alright I started getting VS symptom, static dots in my vision like a TV. I went to the doctor but my vision was alright and my brain too, so as it didn’t bother me too much I lived with it for 2 years. On Summer 2019 I felt so good so I stopped the medication gradually, I stopped the full medication on December 2019. Last month I got too anxious because a medical test. So my VS got worse and I started with flashes in the eyes, palinopsia and severe nyctalopia. I also had a kind of bad tinnitus so I went to the doctor and got treated with Dacortin (corticosteroids). and also I had to start again with my psychiatrist medication because anxiety and obsessive compulsive intrusive thoughts. Nowadays my VSS is super severe but I also have some weird, uncomfortable symptoms, and I get something new everyday, I am super afraid. I have really severe symptoms: VS, palinopsia, nyctalopia, afterimages, really hard flashes at the edge of my vision, spontaneous and random black and bright dots that appear and disappear from the vision quickly, and also I have the perception of looking and object and the object moves so lengt but it only have a seconds duration. Everyday from 1 month symptoms get worse and worse, I had to stop working because my world is so distorted. Do you think it’s VSS, or HPPD?? What I can do and how I can be threated? I need help. I saw a lot of success on Clonazepam and Clonidine or Lamotrigine. Should I go to the doctor to get a prescription of those? I am super afraid, anxious and desesperated. I also have obsesive and intrusive thoughts about becoming schizophrenic, or suffering it for all the life. I can’t live with that, I feel like living into a psichedelic trip, and I NEVER tried LSD, cocaine, MDMA, or something like that, I have been always fear of these kind of drugs. So what do you think? Looking for your answer, thanks for your time and attention.
  18. Hello my friends, I'm writing an article for The Independent about HPPD. I'd like to talk first-hand with sufferers of the disorder and document their stories. This article will spread awareness about the risks of psychedelic drug-taking and show what can go wrong. If you're interested in having a short chat or sending a summary of your experience with HPPD, then please email me at eddie.prideaux@gmail.com. You can be anonymous on request, don't worry. Ed
  19. Hey guys, I started taking Clonazepam in a really small dose (0,2mg per day) 3 days ago, and yesterday evening I started getting possitive palinopsia and hard afterimages. Is it possible that Clonazepam induced me this? My psychiatrist prescribed it to me for Sertraline and Lorazepam withadrawl, for not getting too much abstinence (I am currently on Sertraline 50mg and Lorazepam 0,5mg and going down every week step by step)
  20. Hello guys, During the last 3 months my symptoms increased a lot and I still thinking it’s because Sertraline. I’ve been taking Sertraline 100mg for 3 years now, same with Lorazepam 1g, every day during 3 years. I talked to my med and he wants to take me off the Sertraline and change Lorazepam for Clonazepam some weeks / months. I am super afraid of withadrawl and also of still using benzodiazepines. My symptoms nowadays are: Severe VS, severe ghosting and palinopsia with afterimages, photophobia, photopsias, nyctalopia, flashes, color problems, apparent movement in objects, kind of bugs in vision, and really mild shaking vision (just on my periphery). What I can do? Please I need help because my symptoms are so severe nowadays and I don’t want to get them worse, actually I would like they come back at least to last year were they weren’t so noticeable. I get intrusive thoughts everyday and I need help. I’m 21 years old.
  21. Has anyone had any positive effects OR negative effects with kratom or valerian? Specifically red vein kratom. Does taking either of these plants affect your HPPD? In what way? Thank you!
  22. Hello to the hppd family. After having hppd, a form of visual snow and some dpdr from weed ive been on my worst days of my life. I was panicing, having panic attacks, checking in every minute pf an hour and basically living in some sort of paranoia. 7 months later i started ignoring it and felt immediatelly better. Im now on my month 8 doing no fap, cold showers, no sugar diet, 4 liters of water a day and listening to positive affirmations daily. Evem though all those thing i still experience a lot of nightmares where i also have dpdr hppd etc. Yesterday i saw a very scary realistic dream with some sort of a demon into it. I woke up sweating and being in a lot of discomfort. I closed my eyes and saw the demon appearing and next to him that star or whatever its called just like afterimages (which im used to them trust me :p). They lasted for about 20 seconds amd they were very scary. I have never had tryied amy psychedelics, i have done mri tests and they are perfectly fine , ive given a schizophrenic test (although) i didnt have any symptom(because i was worried) and o had nothing. Before that day i was on day 12 of nofap, doing cold showers, had sugar free diet, being better with my mental state and working out. The only problem i had with my sleep is that i couldn't sleep well last year when i had none of those things ironically. Also, i sometimes experience sleep paralysis but not this time . im a little worried . can anyone relate to this?
  23. Hi guys. Im apparently new to the forum, so i want to start by explaining my story and how and why i got here. Im 16 years old and as you can imagine, people between that age aren't very concerned about their health or anything in general. Even though i was a kid who liked exercising or working out i was also very curious on trying drugs like weed . About a year ago, my mom got cancer but i couldn't feel anything, like i had no fear that she was going to die(i hadnt tried any drug in my life, not even tobacco or alcohol), feeling like im some kind of numb, not having empathy (which scared me because i was that kid who would be concerned about anything related to his family.) A couple months later, i started feeling more lost. I had lost the days and i didnt care at all . I was depressed but i didnt want to realize it. I couldn't accept the fact that something was wrong about my mental health at that point. After my vacation between December and January, i came back, again kinda numb. School was closed for Christmas and would open soon. As school opened, my friend asked me if i want to smoke some weed with his friends. Not even thinking about it, i answered, why not? The next couple of weeks i would smoke about 2-3 bong hits a week(nothing more). And yet i wasnt feeling high(maybe because of the dosage) . So one day i made a stupid desicion to get as high as possible(at that point i hadnt get a single high feeling in my life, not even from the bong hits). I started smoking and taking bong hits. I ate nothing. Fifteen minutes later i was kinda confused. I would be so stupid that i couldn't even think of simple things. I started to realize that i was high and it felt cool, for the first minutes. 2 minutes later i started feeling like i was in a boat, like i was lost and dizzy. Suddenly, my vision started to have some wierd black dots everywhere . I had a blackout and a bad panic attack . The high was so strong that i couldn't control or see anything for a couple of seconds(idk if that sounds a bit unrealistic but im trying to explain everything as it went through). After that seconds, i took control over my body, but it was like i was in a lucid dream. Like i was a camera, like i was observing the world through the tiniest tv screen . I felt my body strange. I would touch things and feel them after 2 to 3 seconds . I was so confused and anxious . My friends had freaked out because nothing similar didnt happen to them ever .i lost my mind, i got paranoid that this thing would last forever, like i was going to live the rest of my life like this. 2 hours later i wasn't high no more, but something felt strange. I went to sleep and i remember being between sleep and awake. I was so lost that night. I was having a dream of getting paranoid while i was also partly awake. The morning came and yet i was lost. I had black dots around my visual field, I couldn't see the walls clearly, like if they had some light everywhere in them. Moving my eyes from a shiny direction to another, i would see the previous image blurry for a couple of seconds. All that combined scared the shit out of me making me more paranoid about everything. I started feel like i was fake, everything seemed like a dream, my body felt like it wasnt mine. I got home after school and i remember having a nap caude i was to tired. Again, i couldn't sleep, i was somewhere between sleep and awake, lost. I woke up feeling like i was a stranger to everything. I had delay on touching things like when i was high. Im not gonna lie, i thought i was in a dream again. That night i explained my parents everything and they were very helpful. The next days my symptoms got worse. My anxiety increased and i had some terrible panic attacks. I would see those black dots everywhere ( when i would wake up in the morning they were moving fast as hell), and a little tinnitus. After a couple of days i would have that delay over the things i touch for some minutes and that was kinda annoying and unexplainable to me . I started observing around and seeing some small halos around people. The first couple of months was literally HELL. Suicide was the only option, i would tell to myself. Everyday i was overanalyzing everything. My walk, the way i talk, how am i able to see humans everyday without observing everything they do and all that insane stuff. It became i habit. Every single day 24/7 checking in to see whats wrong , if im going to be like this for the rest of my life. I went to therapists but they didnt help. They wouldn't diagnose anything. I had an mri and still nothing. I was feeling so unaware of everything. Being in autopilot. I also started homeopathy but it didnt help. My visual symptoms stayed the same 24/7 . The only time the were worse , it was when i was waking up(stayed for 10-15 minutes and then back to normal). 2 months got by without me doing nothing except of overanalyzing every single detail of me, my movements everything.it was that time that i couldn't take it anymore. I started running once a week . It did help with my anxiety (not my visual symptoms though. They were the same all the time.) I also started to taking cold showers. Amazing . Simply amazing for my mental state. It was so difficult at first but i tried and trying my best not to care about jt . I would gonto school and starting to get mote sociable,although feeling lost cause of my vision, but i tried not to care at all(it helped). Now im 4 months after that terrible experience and im way better with the dpdr thing. The only thing that remains is the visual symptoms and the feeling that im in a moving boat. They scare me sometimes causing me panic attacks. I hope that time will heal me and all that people that feeling hopeless. Remember guys, you are not hopeless. You will never be. I was hopeless for months and i did nothing. I AM BETTER. even though my vs and all that hppd symptoms are still there im in a way better mental state than i was. If someone is feeling hopeless or wants to talk, feel free to hit my dm anytime. That was my story . Hope u people found ot helpful. It surely release some kind of a tension to me! Stay safe
  24. So, i have been on research lately and somehow came across homeopathy. I was researching about my dpdr and found that there is a homeopathic remedy called Anhalonium lewinii. Anhalonium lewini is a psychedelic plant(has mescaline). As far as im concerned, in homeopathy they treat x with x so it might makes some sense. The reason im writing this here and not on some dpdr forum is because i believe it can help hppd as well. Microdosing this homeopathic remedy helped people get rid of their dpdr. Thats what i read: Anhalonium lewinii is an excellent remedy for brainfag and hallucinations. Patient seems to be in a form of intoxication accompanied by wonderful visions, remarkably beautiful with varied kaleidoscopic changes. These patients lack conception of time, are dissatisfied, suspicious, insecure, forsaken, resentful to society, dissociated from environment and lack self confidence when in company. They self analyze themselves, escape in a world of dreams and feel they are different. These patients can have a confusion of identity, as if had two wills, or are separated from their thoughts, may also have a delusion of floating in the air, of being double, being separated from the physical world and are observing from above. A lot of people disagree with homeopathy but this sounds interesting. What are your views on it?
  25. Hello guys, i am very curious. Do neck exercises and overall posture exercises help hppd sufferrers by reducing symptoms? I came across this because hppd is related to visual snow and by developing a good posture and doing daily neck stretches, visual snow will be reduced.
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