K.B.Fante

I think the thing that's tough, the reason so many of us are here in the first place, is because we've somewhat structured our lives around drugs -- some certainly more than others. If you've been a heavy drinker for most of your life then it's gonna be tough quitting. As you said Piper, peer pressure, even into your 20s, is tough to deal with. It's human nature to want to fit in and to even pur your health in jeopardy in order to do so. For me, I just moved. All my closest friends, for the most part, are in one city. I actually moved away for the summer to work and just decided to not go back. After what's happened to me with HPPD I've determined I'm never going back. I still value those relationships but I've also realized the best thing for me is to try and start over. I know this is a lot easier said than done but I do think it can certainly help those who are more drawn to drugs to escape their old patterns and start to embrace a healthy lifestyle that increases recovery time. For me, I've started working out every day. I run at least three miles (roughly six kilometers) almost every day, play sports and lift weights. It really helps HPPD recovery as well as anxiety and depression. It also gives a sense of purpose to your life and make you feel good about what you're doing. If you truly can't make the type of move I did I'd suggest at least limiting your drinking habits. Instead of getting smashed all the time, just drink a few beers. If your friends give you grief, tell em to screw off. If they're truly your friends they'll understand.

So I just finished reading Brain on Fire by Susannah Cahalan. It's about a woman who, out of the blue, starts having acute seizures, psychosis, paranoia and eventually catatonia which lands her in the hospital near death before she's diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder that essentially caused her body to attack her brain. It's a great, quick read -- in case anyone's interested -- that details lots of similar symptoms to HPPD. But I found it interesting how, in the end, all her psychosis and madness boiled down to an autoimmune disorder and being that I also have an autoimmune disorder I wondered if perhaps there was a connection to HPPD. Does anybody else out there have an autoimmune disorder? Perhaps there's some sort of chemical imalance in the brains of those with autoimmune deficiencies that makes us more susceptible to HPPD? I know it's probably nothing more than a shot in the dark but I thought I'd ask just for the hell of it.

You should consider youself lucky if you just got this from weed. I don't know what marijuana-induced HPPD is like, but I'm guessing it's much less severe than HPPD derived from more hardcore drugs. Not trying to downplay your suffering or anything -- we're all here together -- but I just think it's good you've caught this before it gets really terrible. You should definitely stop smoking pot immediately. I know it's tough being a teenager with peer pressure and the desire to fit in, but you're now talking about your longterm health that's in jeopardy. The more drugs you do, the worse your HPPD will get -- even if you don't notice it right away. If you ever want your vision to be back where it was before smoking pot you need to stop, simple as that.

I've had snow in the dark for as long as I can remember. If you don't experience these symptoms in the day consider yourself lucky.

Good post. Needed to be said. If you keep doing drugs after getting HPPD you're essentially comitting emotional and cognitive suicide.

Dude... why? Why would you even take the chance? What you have to realize, as Jay pointed out, is that you're susceptible to HPPD. This means anytime you take drugs you drastically increase your chances of getting full-blow HPPD (way worse than what you've had in the past) that you may never fully recover from. Jay said it best: Why risk a lifetime of misery for a few hours of fun? It's just not worth it, not in any universe that I live in, at least. Ultimately it's your choice, your life, but if I could ever offer someone advice that I deeply believe and wish they'd take to heart, it's that people with HPPD should never do drugs again. It's the most nearsighted, stubborn thing you could do, to put it bluntly. You can have fun without drugs man, trust me. Good luck.

I went on Lamotrigine for about three weeks and it made my symptoms significantly worse. It sounds like it works well for some people but it certainly didn't for me. Everyone's body chemistry and HPPD are vastly different so it's tough to say what works and what doesn't.

I agree with surfinghost. I've read quite a few accounts of people who've "relapsed" but often times it's associated with doing drugs or some sort of emotional problem. Stress and anxiety seems to be the worst. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder but since getting HPPD I've actually been more calm than ever before because I know how bad anxiety is for my brain and I desperately want to avoid a relapse, even if it's a minor one. I've noticed I often feel much better in the morning after I wake and much worse at night before I go to bed, so fatigue is obviously something to keep an eye on as well. But in general you should just try and be extremely aware of your emotions, diet and overal physical health. I've found when my symptoms are worse it's often in combination with other factors like stress, fatigue, etc. Not sure what to say about the DP other than to stay away from drugs, especially weed, since they often make that symptoms worse.

Same. Feel free to message me if you need anything.

Welcome to the forum! On this same subject, I totally agree about this place being a refuge at times. I just went on vacation for about a week and didn't check this board the whole time and now that I'm back it feels really good to be on here. It's just nice knowing there's other people -- lots of other people -- out there who struggle the same way you do and understand exactly what you're saying. 20 years is a long time. I'm closing in on six months and am having some trouble coming to terms with the fact that I'm likely gonna have HPPD for a while. I don't know how long exactly but I do know at the rate I'm progressing it's gonna take a lot longer than I initially thought to get through this. Perhaps I won't ever fully recover my vision, but as long as I can get to a point where I'm happy again that's all I care about. Making peace with HPPD is probably the hardest but most benificial thing you can do for yourself. Constantly trying to fight something that can't be defeated only wears you down and renders you hopeless. I think a big part of the HPPD recovery process is just acceptance. It's important to differentiate between what you can control and what you can't. I also firmly believe in routine: working, eating right, exercising, etc. Staying busy and taking your mind of thinking about HPPD can probably save your life. Anyway, good to have you on board. Hopefully you find peace in dealing with this if you haven't already.

Does anybody know if there's a comprehensive list of these types of people who study LSD? I know Dr. Abraham is sort of a celebrity on this board, but surely there are others. I'd be nice to corral them all into one organized post for people looking to study the science behind this. These guys would all be great interviews.

Agreed about the poisoning. To me, it's like constantly having a cold inside your head. You just feel unwell all the time. I've found exercise can help with this but only a small bit.

Thanks guys. I don't have DP hardly at all. My biggest problem is still brain fog and fast-object streaming. I actually have a prescription for Lorazepam but I've only used it at night when I can't sleep so I don't really know what it feels like when concious. But I guess that's good I have it already. I'll give it a shot next time I feel I need it in a social gathering.

So I've had HPPD for five months now. I've made lots of progress, but it's still really bad on certain days. I don't mind recovering the natural way but I do have times (mostly social situations) where I need to function a bit more normally. So my question is, does anybody have a medication they use only for special occasions that reduces HPPD symptoms enough to make it tolerable? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

I agree with Jay. Permafry is HPPD. There just wasn't an actualy diagnosis for it back in the 60s and 70s so people just came up with slang.

Yeah, definitely don't do drugs. That's just about the worst thing you could possibly do right now.

When things that move fast get blurry that's, at least to me, a sign you may have HPPD. I only know this because I have this symptom and have had it for the last five months, during which time I've had HPPD. I also identify with what you're saying about being outside. When I go from inside to outside it's a lot to process, but once I'm out there for a while I adapt and am alright. From everything I gather, HPPD comes in many different forms and has hundreds of different symptoms. It's hard to say what you have but you should definitely see a doctor.

I had pretty bad depression for about four years in my late teens and early 20s and as a result my sex drive went downhill big time. From my experience there are a few things that can help: 1. Don't watch porn. Ironically it's one of the worst contributors to low sex drive. You become less motivated to seek out sex in real life and satisfied only with watching other people do it instead of you. 2. Become more social. Talk with people as much as you can -- guys, girls, old people, young people, whomever. You need to get this part of your brain working again as much as possible. Being around people causes you to adapt and see the world differently than just sitting in your room or behind a TV. Obviously talking with people you're attracted to helps a lot as well. 3. Dance. Dancing is really good for you, physically, mentally, every way imaginable. If you can try and go do dance classes or out to clubs. 4. Lower-body exercise. Running, walking, hiking, doing leg workouts -- all this helps stimulate blood to your pelvic region, which you obviously need to be healthy in order to have a good sex drive. Hope this helps!

I had pretty bad derealization for the first month of HPPD. It's really tough to live in a world you can't understand. And it certainly can be scary. My advice: First, read this board. There's all kinds of success stories and theories for how to get better. As long as you don't do any drugs (including alcohol and caffine), work out as much as you can, eat right and see a doctor you'll give yourself a good chance to improve. Second, just try and remember that what you're seeing isn't real. I know it's much easier said than done, but this helped me at first. You have to remember that what your seeing is simply a reflection of the chemical imbalance in your brain. But it is not real. None of it. Lastly, try as hard as you can to separate your emotions from your visual symptoms. Do not associate hallucinatinos with anxiety, fear, pain, etc. When you do that you create a cycle, a cycle wherein every time you have a visual you then associate a negative emotion with it which then creates panic and therefore more visuals and more negative emotions until you become engulfed in a cyclone of paranoia and negativity and start to feel as if you're totally going insane. Try and meet your visuals with a positive attitude, as a passerby, as a friend. See them, wave, aknolwege them, and realize that they cannot hurt you no matter how scary they may appear. They are simply there, hanging out. If you can begin to truly live with your deepest darkest fears without negatively reacting to them you will start to feel in control, and when it comes to HPPD that's a huge step forward.

We're all there with you. HPPD is horrible. But you just have to keep fighting. Keep exercising -- that's probably the biggest thing. I'd suggest switching doctors though. If you're psychiatrist doesn't believe you or understand you then you need to find someone else who's more willing to help you out.

I've had trouble reading since I got HPPD, but it continues to get better as my HPPD gets better. The biggest problem I have isn't visually -- it's brain fog. I have to read slower and sometimes I skim, but I love reading and nothing would ever make me give it up no matter how painful. If you can't read, or it's too painful, I'd suggest trying to read slower. This certainly helped me. Read one word at a time and don't push yourself to go faster. Also, there are so many different audiobooks and podcasts and awesome YouTube videos out there that support learning and literature. I'd suggest trying to look into these if you're someone who likes to learn.

Man, I traveled all accross Australia this past December and January and only did drugs once and only because the guy I was riding with sold them and it was New Year's Eve. You don't need drugs to have fun! Life is beautiful. There's fun everywhere you look. Traveling is the best time of your life. You can go anywhere, do anything -- you're totally free! But yeah, you need to drop that old lifestyle. If that means leaving those friends then that's something you just have to do. But sleep is important with HPPD so you should try and get some good sleep where ever you are.

You should really try and transfer your energy and effort and focus towards school. Learning does wonders for the brain and can help your HPPD, not to mention it can take your mind off things. Brain fog sucks and is a pain in the ass but it doesn't neccesarily prevent you from retaining information and learning -- it just takes extra effort.

Yeah, that's a rough way of looking at it. Buddist philosophy says life is suffering. Pain and sadness are a big part of life. Sometimes life really sucks. But you just have to remember it's not always gonna be this way. You had a lot of fun, now perhaps it's time to suffer. You just have to remember you'll have fun again in the future! And it's not as though you can't have fun now, but you do need to change the way you live. Drugs aren't going to help you. You need to start living clean and having fun the natural way. It's a small price to pay for good mental health the rest of your life.

Well, you don't have to tell your doctor, but why wouldn't you? What is there to lose? I live in a town of less than 20 thousand and thought the exact same thing -- that my psychiatrist wouldn't have a clue about this -- but not only was he well versed in dealing with HPPD, he also is seeing another person as we speak who also suffers from HPPD! The bottom line is that your doctor knows about the mind much more than you and can prescribe you meds if needed. That could be huge as you navigate the far reaches of your mind in the coming months. Trust me when I say you're gonna need all the help you can get. I understand shame though. I've been extremely hesitant to open up to my friends about this. But after a while you should be able to get over it as you adapt to your condition. Acceptance is huge and it sounds like you're already ahead of the curve on that one. But the real test isn't acceptance right off the bat, but acceptance over and over and over, month after month. If you can accept yourself as living with this for a while, repeatedly, and be totally OK with doing it constantly for however long it takes you to heal, then you're gonna be in really good shape. But again, easier said than done. In terms of improvement, like I said, everyone is different. Some people have some sort of HPPD for their entire lives. Some get better after years. Some only months. But if you take all the neccesary steps to improve and you stop doing drugs, you give yourself a great chance to get better ASAP. The thing I've found helps the most is exercise. If you can workout and run long distances for an hour or two each day you should definitely see improvements pretty soon.