K.B.Fante

Just an update on this -- it's subsided after 24 hours and a decent night of sleep, so no long lasting effects. But I'd recommend anyone with HPPD steer clear of this as it made my symptoms substantially worse even if it was just for a short while. The way I see it anything that worsens your symptoms probably isn't good for you.

Well they came in 50 MG tablets and I only took two. I don't think that's anything too crazy for sleep purposes. I can definitely feel the effects today. My eyes just aren't moving as fast and my tracers are a bit worse but nothing out of control. I just hope it's only this way because it's still in my system and that it hasn't set me back longterm.

So after walking around a bit and trying to figure out what it is that's worsened it appears it's also my inability to shift my eyes back and forth to different objects, essentially to focus on things without a delay in between. There's also a little brain fog associated as well. Needless to say I'm pretty bummed right now. I'm hoping this is just temporary and that it will wear off but after months of constant improvement this is a real downer.

So I've been having terrible trouble sleeping lately and have taken pretty much everything to help me sleep. Melatonin and Valerian seem to work best, especially in combination with each other, but I still haven't slept much lately and so I bought an over-the-counter sleep aid at the store containing Diphenhydramine. I took two tablets which comes out to 100 MGs and this morning when I woke up I definitely noticed my streamers were a little worse as well as afterimages which I haven't really had in a while. Does anybody know if this drug can worsen symptoms long term even at such a small dose? It sounds like people have taken this drug in high doses to trip and that it has caused them to either get HPPD or worsen their symptoms. I just really hope I didn't cause any damage from such a small dose one time...

So I went to dinner last night with some new friends and one of the guys there told me about a time he got a concussion in high school then smoked weed right after and essentially stayed high for four months after. He said it totally changed his life, that he didn't know what was happening to him, that he was constantly seeing visual disturbances and seeing himself in third person and that it took him a long time afterwords to recover. This was before I even opened up about my HPPD so I thought it was pretty interesting. I told him he had HPPD since he didn't know what it was called. It was pretty cool to actually meet someone in person with HPPD, although his circumstances are obviously much different than mine. Anyway, thought I'd share this. Seems more and more I meet people in the sober community who know someone who's gotten HPPD. Still can't believe it's not more widely known though...

I eat healthy but nothing too special. Just a lot of homecooked stuff, no fast food, lots of fruits and veggies. I think exercise and mental stimulation are the best though. I've been doing both in large doses every day and have definitely seen a noticeable decrease in symptoms despite the fact I only sleep about five hours each night and have a bit of anxiety right now.

So I've posted an update about my status after three months, six months and now nine. A brief rundown of my circumstance: -- Got HPPD May 8, 2015 from one hit of acid. -- Noticed the first real signs of improvement after two months. -- Could finally look at my bed sheets without them moving after about four months. -- Basically lived in hell till about five-six months. -- Around eight months things started to click a bit more but I was still really struggling with visual symptoms, brain fog and depression. And so here we are at nine months. I still have small traces of brain fog here and there. I still have a little trouble organizing my thoughts but in general I'm basically able to do everything I could before, maybe not quite at that same level but close enough. My snow is still visible but only when I look into the sky and when I wake up in the morning. My macropsia is still there and it's pretty noticeable when objects are close but otherwise I don't notice it too much. Streamers are the same -- still there but not too noticeable. The biggest thing that's still very hard to cope with is frame rate and objects moving in relation to one another as I can't track them horizontally across my vision without the background moving slightly as well. But again, nothing I can't handle. I've been wanting to write this for about a month, just saying that I'm doing good, but I've been holding back as I've been very hesitant to speak about how well I'm doing and then have a massive depressive episode, which seems to happen all the time with HPPD. But I think truly that I can say for the first time since getting HPPD that I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm in no way cured and I still have a long ways to go, but this is the first time I really feel like my old self again and can go about my days without thinking of HPPD all the time. Over the last month I hardly thought of HPPD at all. That's insane! For the longest time it seems I couldn't even hold a conversation without dwelling over all my symptoms. The point is that I'm making progress, a lot, and that I think I understand why... To me, it's all about three things: exercise, positive thinking and sobriety. This, as far as I can tell, is the magic. If you want to beat HPPD you cannot take any drugs whatsoever and you must exercise a lot. Right now I have a job four days a week where I'm outside lifting things all day long. Then on my days off I run at least three miles and lift weights. I do exercise every single day and I have to say, I can definitely feel a difference over the last few months since I've started this routine. Big time. It really really makes a difference. Also, one of the biggest breakthroughs I've had was just deciding to think positive instead of negative. It's easy to get down about how off track your life is, how bad things are compared to your old life, but think about how much worse off you could be! Have you ever been inside a mental hospital? Yes HPPD is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, but at least you still get to live and exercise and laugh and do other things unique to the human condition. The power of thinking positively, of being grateful, can and will do wonders for you if you apply it to your life with mindfulness. Trust me, this is a big one. Other things that help: meditation (with binaural beats), eating healthy and balanced, yoga, cold showers (blood flow to the brain), socializing, reading (I really believe this is great mental exercise), learning, loving. Guys, it's not rocket science. If you want to become healthy and try to overcome HPPD you must take the natural route and do all the things that are proven to be good for you. If you're really struggling or have had HPPD for a long time then meds are obviously a good way to cope, but for people who first get HPPD I'd strongly recommend taking every step necessary to lead a healthy lifestyle, one filled with exercise and hardcore mental stimulation. This is the path. This is how you can heal. I know because it's working for me and it's worked for others. Nothing's guaranteed with HPPD but this is just about as good as it gets for now. Lastly, I'd just like to comment on suicide. For all the people out there contemplating the act of taking your own life because HPPD is too overwhelming, trust me, it's the most foolish thing you can do. If there's one thing I've learned throughout this process it's that life turns around quicker than you could ever imagine. I know it's difficult and at times it seems like it will never end, but there is always another day and with the advancements in medicine you'd feel incredibly silly if you offed yourself only for there to be a cure the next day. Shoot, I still have HPPD as we speak, some of my symptoms being incredibly noticeable, and yet I'm a pretty happy guy. I've gone a month with thinking about HPPD on a very limited basis. I might very well have a girlfriend. I sing in the shower. I talk to strangers. THIS WAS UNTHINKABLE even two months ago! So again, guys, please please please do not give in to the temptations to end your life. It's the worst decision you could ever make. OK, I'll be back in another three months to update you again. I might post in between too. But I'm gonna try and enjoy life a bit. Please everyone, I urge you to keep fighting, keep pushing, keep thinking positively for the future, and you'll be OK. -- K.B.

I had it pretty bad when my HPPD first started. I went without much sleep for 10 days and was paranoid too. But yeah, I think this can be common for certain people with schizo in their gene pool, which exists in mine. I still occasionally think there's people in the corner of my eyes but I'm at the point now where I realize they aren't. It should go away after a while, but it will take time. Just try and be super conscious of these thoughts and try to understand that they aren't real.

Thing is, many people on this board know the same feelings you have. Some have acted on them, most probably not. But we understand. I too have suffered from anxiety and depression and when mixed with HPPD they really can get out of control and become unbearable. I've had lots of anxiety lately and it's really taken its toll on me. The best advice I can give at this point is to just try and find all the things in life that make you happy and spend your time with them as much as possible. You really have to do whatever you can to just survive this, just to make it to another day. You can't dwell. That's a first-class ticket to suicidal thoughts. You have to try as hard as you can to focus on things that aren't HPPD, to keep your mind off the symptoms. I really feel as long as you lead a healthy lifestyle that in time your symptoms will improve, but it takes lots of work. Glad you decided to hang in there a bit longer. Just keep pushing. One day at a time. Live in the moment. Try your hardest to stay alive. It'll be worth it one day. I really believe it will be worth it.

It's definitely tied into my surroundings for me. The louder the sound the more I get some sort of weird reaction in my ears. Even when I raise my own voice I sometimes feel a sensitivity up there, like my brain is clinching from the noise. Seems somewhat tied to PTSD symptoms...

Thanks Neffbull. I'm actually trying to grow my hair out in solidarity with my HPPD. I know that sounds weird but I don't want to cut it until I'm completely recovered. Could be a while! It actually doesn't bother me too much anymore because I just pull it back. My hands coming close to my face is more the problem. I'm also comitted to going med free for a while but I'll consider that one if I decide to go back. Thanks again for the suggestion though. Also, you mind expanding on how a reduce in stress has helped you? I have anxiety so this one's tough. Did you notice a big reduction in your symptoms without stress then?

Bonjour Sebastien, and welcome to the forum. I see this two ways: First, it sounds like your symptoms aren't too bad. I know that sounds crazy considering you went from normal vision to HPPD, but you have to keep in mind that many people here have MUCH worse HPPD than you. They're living in an entirely different world every single day and have almost no connection to reality whatsoever. I know because I was one of those people for a while. If your symptoms are light-based, I truly believe you should consider yourself lucky because those types of symptoms are manageable. I'm not trying to discount your suffering in any way (or those of anybody with HPPD), just more trying to point out that you have to look at the positive side of this, that the type of HPPD you have is certainly something you can deal with. Like Visual said, you're going to recover from this, probably sooner than most people considering you got your HPPD from prescription drugs and not designer drugs that some wannabe Heisenberg made in his mom's basement. It's tough to say how long it will take but I have zero doubt that you'll recover as long as you don't do any more drugs, exercise and live a healthy lifestyle. But it's probably gonna be tough, as all HPPD is. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and many OCD-like symptoms so I know exactly what you're going through. I had a recent month of terrible anxiety and benzo withdrawals which I'm just getting over and I can tell you right now that those are not a good combination, especially with HPPD. What you need most right now is not medication but perspective. I'd really encourage you to explore meditation, as it's helped me tremendously. Also, eat healthy (lots of nuts, fruits, veggies, etc.), stay busy and exercise as much as you can. I'd say going to therapy is probably good as well. But whatever you do don't convince yourself that medication is the way out of this. TRUST me -- it's not. You need to get into the habit of realizing your anxieties are irrational, that they don't make sense, that they aren't truly real, that all they do is hurt you, and to instead become EXTREMELY aware of your thoughts, body, etc., and at all times realize your patterns of thinking and where they're leading to. I know this sounds very simple but in order to handle HPPD and anxiety you MUST have some control over your mind and thinking patterns. If you can find peace during this process you will make it out just fine, and probably be a better person. But you have to buy into the realization that your anxieties aren't real and that the reason you believe them is because your thinking patterns allow you to. This is my best advice. It's not for everyone but it's worked well for me. I firmly believe in mediation and awareness. You have to understand your ways of thinking and catch yourself in order to begin to overcome your anxiety. And you can do it. It just takes lots of practice (mediation) and belief that anxiety isn't based on real, true life, but rather things you make up in your head and PERCEIVE as the truth. Hope this helps! Good luck. You'll be alright. I know it.

My friend used to always say things looked like Play Doh when he got really really stoned. I never thought they looked quite that way but I definitely knew what he was talking about. When I first got HPPD, pretty much only through about the first few weeks, people didn't look real at all. I always thought they looked like wax statues more than anything. Again, luckily this went away pretty quickly for me, but I definitely feel for anybody who has to deal with this. It's not fun.

Sounds like you have some pretty psychological symptoms. I can relate as I got my HPPD from some really bad acid so I've definitely had some minor schizophrenic tendencies, mostly just the volume inside my head being turned up quite a bit. But I can't really identify with your specific symptoms except for burning eyes, however I don't really have that anymore after about eight months. I still have trouble moving my eyes as fast as I used to though. Sports is good but I don't know that I'd be taking so many supplements. Once you have that many in your body you're basically creating a whole different set of symptoms. I was on all kinds of supplements at first and when I stopped taking them I realized they were actually making my visuals worse. If you're convinced you need them I'd suggest maybe taking only a few. Sounds like Ginko and Magnesium are pretty popular. But either way, that many could be causing you problems. Just a thought...

Lights are the worst because there's usually such a big contrast between them and their surroundings. Same goes for the sun. My afterimages have never been too bad but even today after eight months whenever I look at the sun directly I'll get some bad afterimages. Best to try and avoid looking at them directly. Also, the longer you stare at the them the worse so just try and keep your eyes moving a bit more rapidly when you're in situations with lots of bright lights.

Thanks again Visual. That information certainly puts this all into perspective. And good news! I've slept an average of six hours the past few nights and only woke up once last night! Lesson learned, although just as is the case with HPPD, it came at a cost.

First off, discount what I said above. Benzos are the worst idea ever -- unless of course you plan on taking them for the rest of your life and never going off. I would second the melatonin vote. I've had terrible sleeping problems over the last few weeks and have tried every supplement in the book. Melatonin is the only thing that's worked for me. I also think valerian is pretty good and when taken with melatonin can form a pretty potent mixture.

I definitely have negative afterimages and early on in my HPPD if I looked into a light they would persist for up to a minute after looking away. Thing is, afterimages never really bothered me too much. I still have them today, after about eight months, but I don't notice them too much in daily life except when it's dark outside and I look at lights. Even then what bothers me most is the trailing effect and not the afterimage itself.

I was thinking about trying this early on in summer but decided not to for some reason. Has it helped your symptoms then or is it just mainly for moods?

Yeah, I wish someone had told me that a bit sooner Don, but good to know anyway. It's now been over a week. I haven't slept more than five hours per night the entire time and have had a few nights with only two to three hours of sleep. The problem also for me was that I was waking up in the middle of the night and taking a benzo and so I became dependent on that for falling back to sleep. Ever since I got off of them I wake up in the middle of the night but can't go back to sleep for at least a few hours. Oddly enough my HPPD hasn't been affected at all by my lack of sleep. In fact, as crazy as it sounds, I actually think it's helped. I have no idea how but this is as clear as I've been in eight months. I really do want to sleep though...

Going on five days now with pretty much no sleep. I actually have no problem falling asleep but after about two hours I wake up wide awake and can't go back to sleep. Don't know what to do here. I tried all kinds of sleeping meds last night (valerian, magnesium, lavender, hops, melatonin, etc.) and nothing worked. I hope this post can act as a cautionary tale for those looking to take benzos with regularity. Take them daily and you're destined for hell when you decide to come off.

I took three pills of lavender last night and it didn't do much. I felt it reduce anxiety a little but nothing substantial. Didn't help me sleep either. Smells good though.

OK, I now understand why benzos have such a bad rep. Sure I didn't feel much when taking them and they helped me sleep and relieved some of my symptoms, but I've had absolutely horrible withdrawals over the last three nights and I was only taking them for two weeks! I haven't slept more than four hours each night and lie in bed completely wide awake for hours on end. I even had to call in sick to work yesterday because I was so sleep deprived. Lesson learned. When something sounds too good to be true, it always is. Benzo withdrawals are the worst.

I've had a handful of questions floating around my head lately and thought I'd post them here to see if anybody else relates or has answers. Please feel free to weigh in on whatever... 1. Has anybody ever heard of someone essentially waking up from HPPD? So basically you have HPPD one day then the next it's completely gone? What about a super-fast recover where over the span of weeks or even a few months you go from full-blown HPPD to recovered? I'm just curious as it's becoming apparent during my recovery that this is an extremely slow process with very few "breakthroughs," if any at all. I've had some days where I feel a noticeable difference from the day before but mostly it's just very very small improvements over the course of weeks and months. 2. Does anybody else have macropsia or micropsia? If so what drugs did you take to get your HPPD? I'm closing in on eight months here in a few weeks and one of the more disturbing symptoms I still have is very bad macropsia, where objects near my eyes grow bigger as they get closer while the background of my vision turns totally blurry. I didn't notice this too much in the beginning but it's one of my symptoms that's stuck around the entire time and improved at a very slow rate. I'd say it's probably my worst symptom at this point because I have long hair and anytime it gets in my face or I go to brush it away I aggravate my symptoms. It's also extremely tiring on my eyes because I can't shift my vision from objects close to those far away without there being a lag and adjustment in focus. I just can't understand how taking acid would literally affect how fast I could move my eyes from one thing to another. It doesn't make any sense -- although, like everything with HPPD, I'm sure there's a logical explanation. 3. Does anybody have any recommendations for sleep meds? I've never been the most consistent sleeper and with HPPD I've had even more fluctuations. I want to find a med that will help me stay asleep but I'm a bit nervous about taking something that will make my symptoms worse. 4. Has there ever been an HPPD meetup? I know we're all pretty dispersed across the globe but I figure it'd be great to actually meet some people with HPPD and hang out for a weekend to share war stories, trade information, tips and just to connect in general. Even if it was once a year it could really give us all something to look forward to and bring more awareness to our condition. Just a thought. Thanks in advance for any feedback.

zan, I only had DP/DR for about the first month or so, maybe less. HPPD has a huge spectrum of symptoms and depending on the drugs you did you will have vastly different visuals than others. I have some visuals other people don't and they have some I don't. Also, some people heal a lot faster than others and some don't heal at all. I think the bottom line is that if you have more than a few of these symptoms and they're very noticeable then you probably have at least some form of HPPD even if it's very mild. Or perhaps you have another neurological disorder with similar symptoms? Tough to say.