K.B.Fante

Thanks for posting this. I really appreciate reading other people's stories and seeing how they cope with this condition. Congrats on the marriage too! Good to see you're not letting HPPD totally control your life. As for me, 2016 was the worst year of my existence. I honestly don't know how anyone on earth could have had a worse year than me, although I'm sure many people did, unfortunately. I distinctly remember rolling over and looking at my alarm clock New Years Day, seeing it blur across my entire field of vision and thinking it was going to be a really rough year. I had already spent six months battling the worst of my HPPD and DP and I thought by then I would have made a lot more progress than I had. This would of course become an ongoing theme of HPPD: that although I continue improving it's at an unimaginably slow rate that's extremely difficult to cope with. I'm now I'm almost a full year from that day and so much has changed. I've made much more progress, but I still have so long to go before I get to a point where I can move on with my life. I imagine that will still be a few years away. I'm also battling other health issues that haven't made my life any easier but those are getting better as well. After 20 months of HPPD I still have bad days but compared to the bad days I had when I first got this they're nothing to complain about. This past year could not have ended any worse (especially with our election in the U.S. and all the great artists that passed away) but I know it can only get better from here so I'm trying to stay as positive as I can. I have a diet that works for me. I have a routine that works for me. And I'm making progress, slowly but surely. Now it's just a matter of staying alive, plugging away, taking it one day at a time and hoping that here in a few years I'll be able put this chapter of my life behind me -- not that I will forget it, just that I'll be able to live a somewhat normal life once again.

Hey guys, glad to see some life here again. I've monitored the site for a while but it really died over the last few months. I figured there'd be a lot of people who got HPPD over the summer at festivals and such but I guess not... Anyway, I agree with dasitmane. I've tried to study up on the brain and even took a brain fog course recently and I think the science tends to point to neurodegeneration in certain parts of the brain. This would explain why it takes so long to heal from HPPD (new neurons don't sprout up overnight), why medication doesn't seem to instantly cure anyone, why we're so sensitive to stimuli (baby neurons are easily overexcited) and so on. Obviously this is just a guess based on what little I understand about the brain, but I think it makes some sense. I've actually realized how big of a role DP has played both in my HPPD episode and in my when I was younger and so I've been lurking around the DP forum for a while now. I've also had quite a bit of success in healing my symptoms through a hardcore healthy lifestyle and even made a post about it recently over there. Heres' the link in case anyone's interested: http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/57881-how-to-heal-through-natural-health/

Yeah, I didn't mean to sound so opinionated. I think everyone needs to figure out what works best for them and go from there. What I was trying to say is that this med has lots of really good, healthy stuff inside and that I totally understand why it would work -- but also that the reason this probably works is because what's inside is a lot of ingredients you'd find in a healthy diet, the type of diet we don't often get in the Western world. Additionally, those who have HPPD often have anxiety which depletes you of many basic vitamins and nutrient which is why we often feel better instantly when we take coenzyme B vitamins or magnesium or perhaps some of the ingredients in your supplement above. All I'm saying is if we all ate better it would go a long ways in addressing many of the problems we often try to fix through supplements alone and I think this particular product demonstrates that more than anything considering what's inside.

I've tried a few of those and I eat quite a few of the ingredients as well (beets, garlic, ginger, etc.). There seems to be a lot of good stuff in there but from my experience more is not always better when it comes to supplements. Licorice root, for example, makes my symptoms worse while glutamine made me really mentally unstable for a few days. Essentially what you have here is blend of really healthy supplements, bacteria, plants and amino acids that have all sorts of positive benifits. It therefore doesn't surprise me that you feel better since taking this. But again, a lot of people with HPPD are highly sensitive and many of these ingredients may be counter productive to those types. It's excellent this is working for you but you should be able to see similar results by eating healthy and living an active lifestyle. If you consume fermented foods you'll get all the good bacteria you need. If you eat olives, fish, pomegranates, turmeric, flax seeds and drink teas and apple cider vinegar you'll get all of these similar ingredients already in your diet. If you drink water almost exclusively, chew your food properly and don't drink too much with each meal then your own digestive enzymes are all you need to process your food. Essentially, if you become healthy you don't need all this other stuff in pill form. Also there are so many additional health benefits you can get from consuming whole foods that you can't by taking a powdered form of the same thing. I say all this because I started intensely on a palo diet and focused on eating whole foods, organic foods, fermented foods, etc., about four months ago and have seen a drastic improvement in my symptoms. When you give your body what it needs to heal it will follow its natural course and repair itself. This is what the body was meant to do. The problem is that our diets in the Western world are incredibly devoid of the proper nutrients our body requires in order to complete this process and so it therefore gets stuck in a sort of limbo where it can't heal because all its energy is being targeted at dealing with neutralizing all the crap we throw in our bodies every day like soda, greasy fast foods, gluten-heavy meals and sugary treats that wreck havoc on our stomachs and overall health. Again, this is great this is working. Anything that works for HPPD should be celebrated and considered by all. I'm just saying people should try eating healthy first and see what happens before moving on to pills, which in my opinion should be a last resort.

I don't understand what you're planning on taking supplements for. Is it DP, anxiety or confidence? Two of those three do not respond well to virtually any form of medication, those being DP and confidence. There is no cure for either. As for anxiety, you can always go with benzos but you're much better off doing natural things like meditating, working out, etc. It sounds like what you need more than anything is therapy. I think that can be a pretty good outlet for all the things listed above, however it is a bit more expensive...

I think you're pretty safe to do a little drinking. I've read up and down these boards and haven't ever heard of anyone's HPPD being made permanently worse from it, especially just one night.

I'm not the one to answer that as I don't know too much about neurological stuff. Have you had your hormone, vitamin and minerals in your body tested? You could have something else in addition to HPPD. I've had a lot of crazy new symptoms emerge recently and am getting tested as we speak for additional conditions. I do know that often times when the brain malfunctions it starts a domino effect where many other aspects of your body chemistry are affected as well. Just a thought...

Yes, that's directly tied to neurological issues, as are many symptoms of HPPD. I don't have any problems with this but I do have other standard neurological symptoms like muscle twitching, cramping, imbalance, etc.

I was actually just getting ready to embark on my own personal mission to help bring awareness so I'd definitely be interested in helping out. Just let me know what I can do!

It's so crazy... I've had visual snow ever since I could remember. I always thought it was just normal because I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't have it. Plus, it didn't bother me that much. I only ever saw it in complete dark or looking at the sky. If I only knew there was a possible connection between snow and drugs I imagine my life would be vastly different right now. There've been a couple other recent articles mentioning HPPD lately: http://www.businessinsider.com/mental-physical-effects-of-magic-mushrooms/#a-small-pilot-study-suggests-it-could-work-4 http://www.vice.com/read/wrong-pill-eyesight-chronically-grainy-876

I'm right there with ya man. I want nothing more than to see this through and I feel I'm really committed to doing that as well. I was in love with live prior to this happening and I want desperately to get back to that place, even if it takes much longer than I ever imagined. And I'm in total agreement in terms of health. Because we're fed this entirely garbage diet from cradle to the grave in Western society we never actually realize how bad all this stuff is. I've totally altered my diet over the last few months and have noticed definite improvements in my symptoms and almost a total transformation in my mood from suicidally depressed to pretty content on a day to day basis. Like you said, the gut is where a large number of neurotransmitters are made; therefore the equation is simple: eat healthy, feel better. I'm starting in on a completely sugar-free diet and I'm pretty excited about where it'll take me. In terms of treating depression naturally one of the best -- probably the best -- "supplement" I've come across is turmeric, which is actually a spice. Turmeric is the new craze in the health world and for good reason. There was a recent online article that claimed turmeric could be the downfall of big pharma because of it's multitude of healing powers: http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/800-reasons-turmeric-threatens-big-pharma

Ah yes, I can relate to a lot of what you said. I too had depression, major anxiety and visual snow prior to my onset but I never thought they were in any way related. Ever since getting HPPD I've discovered a lot about myself and my past. For example, I went through a phase of Depersonalization/Derealization when I was about 14 or 15 but it only lasted a few months and I didn't really think much of it because I was doing lots of drugs at the time, which I'm guessing is what triggered it. Ever since that period I've battled depression here and there but mostly anxiety and I've had minor snow and floaters as well which suggests I've actually always had minor DP/DR symptoms and never really knew it until I got HPPD. I also relate in terms of mood swings. That's one thing I've really struggled with most. I've been doing pretty good with my depression for the last month but there's this general instability that seems to come and go with my diet, sleep, exercise, etc. I've figured out this is often related to eating sugar or overexercising which suggests I could have a candida problem. In general when I eat lots of raw, leafy veggies, as well as healthy fats and go low on sugar I do really well. This sort of ketogenic diet has also helped my symptoms a bit and has a great track record with many neurological disorders so I figure I'll keep it up as long as I can. I've tried passionflower a bit here and there and it's one of the few supplements that doesn't make visuals worse while upping my mood. I tend to try and stay away from supplements in general though but it's sorta my fallback when I'm having a bad day. It's pretty relaxing and some people use it for sleep. I'm not sure the effect it could have on symptoms over a long period of time though. I don't have problems sweating but I do have skin issues. I have psoriasis so my immune system is overactive. I think my biggest problem outside of HPPD is that I also have poor adrenals and malnutrition from years of anxiety. It's quite funny how all this stuff relates though. If there's one thing I've learned since getting HPPD it's that this didn't happen by accident. Years of anxiety, improper eating and poor health in general depleted my body and mind of essential nutrients needed to function properly, then with one hit of acid the entire system was thrown out of whack. Henry Abraham says people who address their anxiety and abstain from drugs tend to recover and it makes perfect sense because for once they're truly addressing their health as well as the underlying issue. Anxiety is probably one of the more insidious illnesses out there simply because most all its side effects are internal. When you enter fight or flight mode your body essentially shuts down all other internal systems that help keep you healthy because escaping danger and staying alive (the purpose of fight or flight) has historically been our No. 1 priority. In short bursts (as threats manifested in the past) this makes perfect sense, but in modern living when we're in 24-7 states of anxiety and our body is constantly shutting down due to a perception of a threat we are essentially silently killing ourselves without knowing it. In my opinion this is why so many people with anxiety end up getting HPPD: because their body is already weak and vulnerable and simply breaks with the introduction of an extremely powerful substance entering the system. Anyway, your right about patience. I think that's been the single most difficult aspect of dealing with HPPD for me. Even though I was anxious prior to this I was also really happy and doing everything I wanted to accomplish in life. I know if I keep doing what I'm doing I'll eventually get to full health again but I just struggle a lot with how long that could take. I don't have any guarantees that I'll overcome this in another year or two or even five. I guess after a while you get used to is, as many have described on this forum. I just wish I could wake up in two years and have this be over because right now I just feel like a zombie trying to make it through life one day at a time without completely losing it...

Wow, this is fascinating. I'm a bit of a nerd so I love hearing people's stories and learning as much as I can about all this. I know this causes people tremendous, unbearable pain on a daily basis -- myself included -- but I can't help but want to learn about what's happening inside my brain. I just wish I knew... I've tried dandelion but it seems to exacerbate my symptoms a bit. Nothing I can't handle too much though. I'll have to give those others a try... So if you don't mind me asking, what's the progression of your symptoms been like over the years? Have you constantly improved or have there been times when it's been faster than others? This is the part of HPPD I really don't understand. For me, I've improved steadily at about the same rate for the last 15 months, and yet I'm still so very far away from being "recovered." To me, it's like transferring sand from one cup to another but only one grain per day. Yes, I'm improving and I'm excited about that but it's also at a rate that's so slow I often feel I can't take it. I'm hanging in there though... It's interesting you mention GABA as that's something that I've zeroed in on as well. I'm a pretty big fan of Beverly Meyer (she's an Internet health celebrity of sorts) and she too suggests GABA is the missing link for people with anxiety issues and adrenal fatigue, which so many people with HPPD have as well. From what I understand passionflower is the best supplement for GABA and is actually one of the few substances that's known to increase the frequency and level of GABA naturally in the brain. My theory on what's happened to me based on my progress and symptoms and pretty much every bit of information I can gather about my situation is this: I took a single hit of acid 15 months ago and was thrown in an entirely different world, the world of HPPD, depersonalization, etc. However, I've steadily improved ever since and have improved at a slightly faster rate ever since addressing my health by eating a natural paleo diet, exercising, doing yoga, etc. Given my symptoms, how they seem tied together in terms of progression, and given what we now know about LSD and how it essentially activates many different parts of the brain that may not get activated under normal circumstances, my theory is that a part of my brain that was weaker or underused simply could not handle the influx of chemicals and either seized up, shut down or was destroyed in some sense. And yet, because the human body is built to regenerate it has slowly recovered ever since. I know this may seem elementary and somewhat obvious but it's the best I can think up for now!

I sorta have this, except my symptoms are more related to macropsia. So for example, when I look at objects in the distance I see them very clear and proportional to their actual size but when I focus on objects that are closer to me they gradually get larger while the background of my vision gets really blurry. It's almost as if my eyes are frozen and anything that's close to me is difficult to focus on. I heard recently that optical nerves are closely related to brain functions so this doesn't surprise me. Clearly my brain is broken and therefore so are my eyes.

Haha, yes, I think it was you Granite. I wrote this a while back so I don't remember exactly but I just searched the site for "licorice root" and I know there was another user who had a similar experience. And yes, I also remember in reading your posts that you had similar symptoms to me. I think we both share heightened sensitivity to almost ALL substances. I can't even take a high amount of Omega 3s without my symptoms worsening. And it sounds like we also share a common bond in terms of anxiety which many users here have as well. Have you tried anything that's worked throughout your years of dealing with HPPD or are you pretty much resigned to living with it at this point?

I felt the exact same even a few months ago. I was extremely suicidal, thought about it all day long and even got to a point where I was planning it. I'm no longer in this state of mind because I decided I was going to do whatever I could to help myself though I'll openly admit I still struggle with suicidal thoughts here and there when I'm feeling really down. I think this is only natural given our circumstances. This is just about as ugly of a condition as you could think up and the fact there's seemingly no medication or research or help of any kind makes it all the more unbearable. That said, there's always hope. Nothing ever stays the same. It's important to remember this: Just because you are this way now doesn't mean you'll be this way tomorrow, or a week from now or a year from now. In fact, quite the opposite. The one universal law of nature is that everything changes. The human body and psyche are no different. What's helped me get out of this place is a combination of different lifestyle changes, most notably diet and living environment. I'm not doing a paleo diet which has actually helped my symptoms quite a bit. I've only been on it about five weeks but it's working. I also moved back home with my parents which isn't ideal but given my situation has helped me to become less depressed as I have people to talk to every day when I get home. Additionally I got a different job that keeps me busy and at the same time doesn't give me the same anxiety I would if I had to interact with people all day long. I've also sought out all sorts of different antidepressants, vitamins, minerals, etc., that have helped me. Clearly you are depressed and if you are not on an antidepressant then that should be your first option. Don't go the traditional SSRI route, however. There are plenty of other natural antidepressants that are just as powerful without the side effects and possibility of exacerbating symptoms. I've dug really deep into all this stuff and am better because of it, so I'd encourage you to DM me if you'd like more detailed info. But trust me, I've been where you are and I know how it feels and I also know you can get better. It just takes a lot of time and energy and effort. Eventually you'll start feeling better. It's inevitable as long as you keep trying.

I'd imagine it will continue to get better since it sounds like you've improved each month or so. I'm just saying it might be best to give yourself a bit of time early on before you jump into a career. Take a year or two to ride this out and see where you're at. That's all.

Lots of great advice here and I'd echo what Jay said. If you've only had this a year then you're still in the early stages. As Year2 mentions, you shouldn't put life off completely but I also think there's a balance to be struck between living a life with joy and giving yourself a bit of time to heal. I know for me I couldn't live the same lifestyle I had before HPPD. I was traveling the world, partying, sleeping by the side of the road and that's just not realistic anymore. I've put my life on hold for now and I'm OK with that just because I'm also only at about a year and am doing everything in my power to heal. If I could do the things I did before and hold the jobs I wanted then I probably would, but I still don't think I'm at that point. As people here are well aware, this is truly a debilitating condition. In my opinion the best jobs to hold in the early stages of recovery are not career oriented but rather jobs you don't much care about, that way you can quit anytime in case of emergency. I also think jobs where you don't have to talk to too many people are likely ideal as brain fog and other speech problems can interfere with your ability to work and make you frustrated as a result. I've had two jobs in the last year, both working outside, both where I had lots of independence and flexibility. I listened to music almost all day at both and didn't have to talk to too many people. I also think jobs that require you to be on your feet and moving are much better for you as they're good for the brain and can keep your attention away from focusing in on your symptoms. This is just my opinion. Perhaps other people feel differently. But this has worked for me and I've liked both my jobs and will probably stay at the one I'm at for another year while I continue to try and recover.

So I've been doing a lot of naturopathic work lately and it appears I've worn my adrenals down quite a bit due to anxiety. One herbal remedy that's supposed to be good for adrenal recovery is licorice root, so I bought some licorice root tea and tried it this morning -- TERRIBLE IDEA! My brain fog is out of control as are my tracers and depersonalization symptoms. Also I can almost notice breathing in walls which I haven't had in months. There's another user here who reported this same type of reaction to licorice root tea so clearly there's a connection of some sort. In doing a brief web search it appears licorice root is an extremely potent sweetener and I know I usually get brain fog from sugar anyways so perhaps there's a link there. Anyway, point being, I'd HIGHLY advise avoiding this herb unless you tolerate stimulants well.

I've said this before but it's worth repeating: Exercise is one of the single best ways to nourish your brain naturally. Nothing restructures the brain quite like exercise. It's important to also do a variety of exercises as well. Running is great but you should also do a little bit of weightlifting, some sport or group activities, yoga, tai chi, etc. Doing the same thing over and over doesn't work your brain as well as incorporating a wide variety of body movements and constantly learning new things. I'm no exercise expert but I'd recommend people work out five days a week while rotating between yoga, running and sports with a bit of wight lifting and plyometrics mixed in as well. Also, you don't need to overdo it. An hour of exercise every day is plenty! If you exercise too much it can actually be detrimental to recovery so it's important to rest a day or so per week. In my own experience exercise certainly works but I'd also really encourage people to change their diet as well. Eliminate sugars, fast food, artificial boxed goods in the middle of the super market, as much gluten as possible and really try and focus on eating fatty meats, lots of green veggies and a bit of fruit here and there as well. I've seen progress with exercise alone but only on a very slow scale. The only thing that's really sped up the process of recover for me in a way that I felt acceptable has been radically shifting my diet in conjunction with exercise and living a healthy lifestyle overall. I still have a long ways to go but I know for me diet is the No. 1 thing that's helped most thus far.

From what I gather GABA plays a primary role but it sounds like different people may have different problems with other transmitters after that. For example, dopamine seems to be mine while serotonin could be yours. This may explain why people respond so different to drugs as well. All I know is that something's out of whack upstairs and that though it is steadily improving it's also moving at a rate that's nearly unbearable. On the bright side, at least I'm making progress...

I went through a really rough stretch recently where for the first time in my life I seriously considered cutting myself, just to see how it felt -- or at least that's what I told myself at the time. I never did but I've been in therapy for a while and have gone to plenty of mental illness group meetings, in addition to reading up on psychology, and understand a little bit about it. I think it's great you have a therapist -- that's the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Cutting often has its roots in the past. The more you can learn about yourself, your past and what got you to where you're at, the better. Going to groups and talking about it with strangers is also a great way to introduce yourself to talking out loud about it. Same goes for your sexuality. People in groups do not judge the way outsiders do. Perhaps you could get comfortable there then build your confidence and work your way up from there. From my own experience, I actually take pride in my dark times. If it comes to it, I'll totally talk to people in the grocery line about my struggles. For me, being as open as possible helps the most. I know this isn't the preferred method for everyone but I've found that when I hide things it then gives those things more power and makes the hiding all the more difficult. These things are often like a beachball inside a pool. You can push the ball under water but it's going to take effort and eventually it will come up no matter what, so often you're better off not avoiding the inevitable forever. The best piece of advice I can give is to try and keep in mind how insignificant this will be in the end. Your boss, your coworkers, even your family and friends -- they all come and go during certain periods of your life. The only constant is you and how much love you have for yourself. As long as you have you and that love you can do anything. Just remember to prioritize your view of yourself over the view others may have of you. If you need to chat feel free to direct message me. I've been through a lot of heavy stuff recently so I'm pretty versed in all this. Keep your head up though and remember to be proud of who you are.

So I'm trying to do some homework on neurotransmitters to get a better understanding of what supplements and medications may benefit me most. I know my symptoms are always better in the morning and worse at night, that I don't respond well to stimulants (even medical ones prescribed by doctors), that I've had anxiety for years and my adrenals are likely fatigued, and that I do respond well to calming agents, as is the case with most people here. I do think one of my main problems is lack of dopamine, but I also know other neurotransmitters play a huge role in HPPD as well. So I guess I was just wondering what the consensus is on all this. I hear GABA thrown around a lot, but I have no idea how GABA works. Is more GABA better or less? And what about serotonin? Any responses are much appreciated. I've tried rummaging through the boards to read up about this stuff but there doesn't seem to be any single particular thread that summarizes all this briefly so perhaps someone could enlighten me. Not looking for anything too extensive, just a quick recap. Thanks.

One more quick update: Now that I feel this is all out of my system I can look back now and say that I do think this had an overall positive effect on my symptoms in addition to my mood. SAM-e works in the realm of dopamine, which many here seem to have issues with, including myself. I'm very sensitive to meds so I couldn't take anymore than 200 mgs before my vision got blurry and I experience the side effects mentioned above, however it definitely made me happy and I think it helped my frame rate quite a bit as well. It also greatly benefited my circadian rhythms as I slept better on SAM-e than I have in months. Again, as with all meds this should be taken with caution (starting on small doses then working upwards) however I would encourage people to test this out if they're struggling with depression. Might be a much better alternative than the more traditional pharmaceutical routes prescribed by doctors.

Update: Definitely works for depression but almost too much. I felt kinda dumb on it, in a daze, almost as if I were on a street drug or something. Also came with a few side effects like decreased libido, frequent urination, fatigue and memory problems. If you're in a deep depression this could definitely help but I wouldn't recommend taking it for longer than need be.