Monkey_magic

My SAD is ridiculous oct-march. Scotland's probably as bad as Sweden for almost Antarctic like season changes. I have a sad lamp, a sun bed every fortnight and take vit d. I still struggle though.

That's pretty shit the jump in bucks wuwei. But you can't really put a price on mentally feeling better can you. if there was a pill to get hppd to fuck and it cost 100 grand I'd beg steal and borrow to get my hands on it. without hppd I think I'd be like superman lol. As it is I'm more like madman.

It's cos you 'contained' yourself so well that something has to give. Like a boiling kettle. That's how I see my drug use and hppd. on the outside I was fine but my subconscious held onto it and it built and built till boooom! mines was like a ticking clock, I had so many warnings but I didn't heed them. That's why I feel bad for folk that get it after one trip etc. That's so unlucky, but I played Russian roulette for ages.

There was talk of me trying seroquel with my psychiatrist at the time who was totally out of her depth. It's like they can't compute you can have a drug induced disorder that doesn't include full on hallucinations/and or delusions. But my doctors more in my camp than any of the phychs I've seen who play it by the book. She said she might not known it was classed under 'hppd' till I told her (cos as you know it's not generally known/practiced in the uk) but she was aware of drug induced disorders like that which are resistant to treatment and don't necessarily mean your a schizo or have full on hallucinations/delusions. So she's been good with me. But its took a good few years to build Up a decent relationship with her where she doesnt think im just a mad hypochondriac. I've been on Prozac for 15 years, on clonazepam for 6 months which helps with the larger bouts of anxiety/dp/dr. Prozacs not very effective and I'm going to need a decent alternative soon but it keeps the wolf from the door in the depressive aspect of my condition. But like you say it's all linked in to stress and what your lifestyle/circumstances are like at the time. I've found that writing my doc a letter allows me to get my points /feelings over ten times more detailed than face to face. Then you get there and just go with the letter so it's easier to get stuff out.

Yeah. I tried 5htp (while on Prozac) lol, and it didn't do much. but I've sent a letter to me doc saying keppra is a bit too much an assault on me old nervous system and I want to go down the dopamine route. Starting with Wellbutrin. I'm sure itl sharpen my blurred vision, help my depth perception and hopefully concentration and motivation. Got to get the right blend of meds, it's my New Years resolution lol.

They've put me on generic Prozac. It's shit in comparison to the real deal. But then so is every generic drug that didn't come up with the patent I spose. It's like co-ops own brand of cola vs coca cola. Prozac helped me in about two weeks 15 years ago. Then it stopped when my son was born after 6 full months of sleep deprivation/stress and relationship problems. But I'm just starting to wonder how much of it was dopamine related at the time and how big a jump in my brain chemistry that stressful period caused.

cheers for the input mate. sounds like my story. didnt know what hppd was till 15 years after having it, coupla big relapses. only difference is i got on meds pretty quick but just an ssri. a fair bit of progression from it is in your own hands though, your right. it seems to me hppd in itself is a self sustaining thing, like a virus, or flu. it tries to grab a foothold every chance it can. and its easy to be self destructive or at least self damaging to perpetuate it. but doing the things you list help massively.

No fear of death can be quite liberating though. Wish I had had a fear of being facially disfigured but. Surgeon done a good job mind you. The NHS isn't all shit.

I get that disregard for my safety. Probably more so years ago. I ended up with three titanium screws in my face after getting drunk and challenging a big massive guy to fight cos I thought fuck it. I dont care. Broken eye socket, broken cheekbone broken jaw and a wee broken nose opened my eyes a bit. Funny thing was when he was kicking me in the face full force I could just hear someone laughing and realised it was me. It was trying to enrage him lol. Exercise is in the top 3 methods off warding off hppd in my opinion. But it can be counter productive if you overtrain.

Yeah. Pretty memorable though lol. I'm seriously off the drink for as long as possible. Usually when I have this mindset I go about 3-6 months t-total. But that's mostly when I have a bird which I ain't at the mo. think il just have to do the ol Kevin Costner trick in the gym. 'If you build it (physique), they will come'. - chicks. I've been feelin sorry for myself n have to get involved in a physical alteration sense. Lol

It helped me loads many moons ago mate. But everybody's different.

Nah, doesn't do much for klono. Had half a carton and had about 3 mg of klono on sat night. Not too much potentiation there. It was our Chrimbo night out and I drank a lot of pints. Started at half 7 the next day and promptly got sent home. Lol. Disciplinary it seems when I go in tomo.

Do you exercise chris?

Anyone tried the old grapefruit juice trick yet. Does it work and in what way? Would it work for tramadol?

Automated non drink getting! It's a syndrome in itself. seriously though, I'm EXACTLY the same. Il walk in to a room for something ive decided to get literally 10/20 secs before, and when im there il forget and spend 2 minutes standing trying to remember what i went in for. sometimes i remember , sometimes i dont. I'm shitting it im gonna get full on dementia in my forties.

Yeah, I kinda got that while I took it. You kinda notice things and think things you wouldn't normally and before you know it half an Hours went by and your still kinda marvelling at the simple thing your looking at lol. That was one of the kinda cool effects when I wasn't dreading out.

Yeah, had a dream (two years prior to hppd) I was in a big hall full of light that seemed to be part of me and I it. And I felt a knowledge and peace I've never experienced before or since. Like a thousand E's! Allthough I did take an acid that night before I went to sleep but the trip had wore off and it was a shitty acid (planet?). My friend had the exact same dream that night too weirdly. And he only had a half lol. I think my subconscious ducked into the 'other side' for a bit, and I'm not religious in the slightest.

i took it for ten days but had to discontinue at the moment. not because of rage but because my depression worsened a lot. there were a few big plus points in those 10 days but ultimately the negative outweighed the positives. specially at this time of year. i was only on 500mg a day, but i have kids so i dont want to kick about at christmas time constantly thinking negative thoughts. im obviously very sensitive to this med. but i was wondering if its worth going down to something ridiculously low like 250mg a day or even less. il wait and see my doc.

Maybe try the odd switcheroo with lorazepam then? I've tried that and there's not a huge difference between that n clono. Cept lorazepam s maybe slightly better for sleep.

Yeah, il hit that on her. Shel be saying 'bring back the young naieve kid who didnt have a clue, wheres he gettin this shit from' lol. But it iz just trying to get the right peices of a jigzaw together i spose.x

Yip, our eyes are deffo fucked up Nikons lol. My night vision is a joke (along with the rest), but I was particularly pissed off with this last night coming into my very dark flat tenement .couldnt see 2inch in front of me and I knew per hppd eyes I woulda seen a couple of metres 10 times clearer at least. !

Allthough good luck pushing that idea on your doc lol. Maybe the best bets to do a doctorate so you can prescribe meds to yourself lol.

I was thinking though. I know clono is pharmaceutically the best benzo for silencing the over excitement of hppd brains, but if you took clono for 3-6 months semi sparingly then say had a couple of weeks off, then went on a cycle of lorazepam for 3-6 months and done the same, and at a push went on to Xanax for so many months and resumed clono after this in a circular motion. Would this not be ok? I know GABA receptor are GABA receptors but the wouldn't the subtle difference in the drugs means the benefits of them would be reset and you can still get relief in a benzoadipine way?

I've just been prescribed a new script of clono after not taking it for 3 weeks! Took 1.5 mg straight away n it Was sooo good . I deffo need a better structure/cycle when it comes to taking them though as I don't want to build a tolerance as fast or worse an addiction.

I think some people just need to trip the once if there's issues there for the trip to work on and It destroyed is past tense though as if its done and dusted which its far from, myslingerbult. It's destroying is more apt and more present tense .cos your only in the door and you've got lots of time and opportunity ahead to better this and alleviate the symptoms. It's not over yet. Your just in the hppd door, it's still ajar.