Monkey_magic

I have smoked weed since d-day (or at least hppd day lol) and I find that it big time increases anxiety/dr and visuals especially just by itself. So I've tried to be drunk before having a smoke (why?). I would never even think about looking at acid or mushrooms etc now because if I did I know there would not be a 'me' left. I've done myself enough damage in a hallucinatory sense lol. I just want to find a decent drug/drugs that reduce things by even 20% and change my lifestyle big time. Ive had it long enough to realise im gonna be on some kinda drug for the rest of my days n i dont mind that. I've always exercised loads, but my diets never been that good till the last year or two. I do drink a lot of energy juice and take in a lot of caffeine which i need to stop. Sleeps a major problem and has been for years now. I wake up about 4/5 times a night for 5 mins or so and never really hit a deep sleep which is annoying. If there's a sliding scale for hppd in the 1-10 range a la the richter scale I dunno where I'd be exactly but I reckon it'd be in the top half easily.

Hi jay. Cheers for the reply Erm...god. Hard one that to choose what's the worst out of a whole bad bunch. When things get bad then every single one of them intensifies to the absolute max! I have to say though I get these 'anxiety attacks' that just blow my head off. I'd compare them more to a mini seizure than an anxiety attack. But a mini-seizure that's every bad feeling/emotion I've ever had times 1,000 condensed into the 3-5 seconds or so the attack lasts. That's the ultimate worst, and when it's been at its worst they hit me every 5 - 10 minutes of the day. But they are linked in big time to the dp/dr. In hindsight even a year or two before I got full blown hppd with the visuals etc I suffered from depersonalisation and lack of ego. And the occasional bout of dr. But the dr really came into play with the hppd. The dp and depression was there for a while before the hppd just nowhere near the extent it was to become. But yeah the depression (at the moment) is a major factor. I'm on 40mg of Prozac a day, had come off it for three months there to try Zoloft, but apart from a bit sharper vision I didn't like the side effects, even a less effective Prozac seems better so I've been back on that for a week. I talked my psych into letting me try cymbalta and I had one tablet and nearly lost the plot. At the moment my brain is just full of excited neurons and adrenaline/stress so popping a snri that locks in adrenaline was not a good idea. Its as if in general my brains like a greenhouse. It can let stress in but it can't let it out until it just can't keep a lid on it and I go bonkers and have a breakdown. Seems to be a pattern emerging. I do drink alcohol but I've never smoked. Well, the odd cigarette when I'm drunk. I tend to binge drink and black out. I'm a terrible drunk when i black out but sometimes it seems the easiest thing to do. I've always been my own worst enemy but I really want to sort myself out. Before I found out about hppd I used to have benders on Valium and occasionally Temazepam (with drink) because I knew I felt a lot better on those drugs as it took away the anxiety and visuals. Just buying it off dealers though, not through docs. I'm a stupid dick though cos some of my mates pop tramadol for a buzz and in the past year or two I've indulged a bit in those. Not habitually but if it's offered. I dunno how much this has hindered me.

This post has been promoted to an article

Hey guys am I glad to find this site? I'm a 36 year old guy and I developed hppd when I was a couple of months away from my 21st birthday. The thing is I just discovered hppd was an actual thing and other people suffered from it in the last six months. From say 16 till my hppd hit me at 20 I took a fair amount of LSD, mushrooms, weed etc, you get the picture. Although I credit MDMA as the actual drug that done the real damage in the last 3 or 4 months till one day after an E tablet I woke up with full blown hppd. (visuals, severe dp/dr, depression) .It has differed in intensity over the years, I was put on Prozac 8 months after I first got it and I responded well not knowing what the hell was wrong with me, just that mentally I was far from 'normal'. With the Ssri and exercise I had it if not on the ropes then pushed back a fair bit. Allthough i was far from 100% life was bearable. Years later it caught up with me again though after a build up of stress and various other things, although I dunno if it was that or just the Prozac 'pooping out' on me as I've heard. I've recently got a psychiatrist because I've been really struggling and feeling the symptoms are again growing to the point of a nervous (system) breakdown. It happened to me at 29 that things progressed so much that my brain had a hppd 'storm' that lasted a good year and then it seemed to die down and I felt better again. Anyway this psychiatrist while not buying too much into the whole hppd phenomenon is slightly more receptive to different drug treatments as long as it benefits me and isn't too bad on the old side effect front. She has suggested Pregabalin/LYrica as something that might benefit me in the anti-anxiety/visuals sense. When I asked her about Keppra she mentioned the whole 'Keppra rage' thing and she wouldn't want to prescribe me that because of those reasons. As they are both anti-convulsive drugs is there that much a difference? or should I go back and persuade her to try me on Keppra when it seems to work really well on a number of people on this site. The brain fog and far below par cognitive issues is something that really bothers me at the moment. Anything I can take to alleviate this would be great. Anyway like I said I'm glad to have found this site. kev.