Monkey_magic

I've had a testosterone done recently and it's low or 'borderline' as she said. Borderline what I dunno lol. Getting it done again soon and she 'see where she goes from there', so that'll b a good time for me to mention the Wellbutrin. Zoloft was not really a good fit. My eyesight sharpened a bit, but I didn't really feel natural or 'myself' with it and that's when the sexual dysfunction kicked in which was annoying. I just didn't like Zoloft at all. I've also tried escitalopram and mirtazipine when I had a massive relapse about 7-8 years ago. mirtazipine was horrible, don't think escitalopram was very successful but I was massively hppdd up, depression...massive dp/dp, brain zaps and 'anxiety attacks' every couple of minutes. Might be different when the brains not storming as it were. Both my main hppd episodes I wish I knew about clono. It's good for putting out fires for sure. Allthough i need at least 1.5mg to get something out of it.

And I've tried to convince the doc that Wellbutrin or 'zyban' as she calls it has been found to reverse ssri induced sexual dysfunction which I've had on n off since I tried Zoloft for 3 months. Seems my best bet to get it prescribed. As ever she didn't even have a clue about this action. But I think in America it's well known for that. Can't get an appointment with her till the new year so il Have to wait.

Yeah, I took lyrica for 3 months and that's it just ran out. That helped a wee bit. Anxiety wise anyway. Pretty sure gabapentin might be as good if not better over the same time period. So does Wellbutrin help with motivation and concentration? Cos that's two of my biggest bugbears at the moment. And a rough week how? 75mg wouldbe ok with clono to dull the edges no? That's 2nd day off the keppra and I've levelled out. Mad eh, but I just got a new script of clono for the month after three weeks without it and took 1.5mg straight away, and it was like 'aaaahhhh'.

Yeah, I was taking 300mg b6 with the keppra. Just stopped it cos like you say, I was turning into a basket case lol. right from the off. Don't really fancy being suicidal over xmas, il just have to put up with the brain fog at the mo and try out Wellbutrin if poss. Well, I spose your one of the few fellow hppdrs with mismatched pupils so I think there might be something in that. Allthough you say neurontin sorts that out for you, but I've took neurontin and while I felt a wee bit more settled my eyes were the same. Only took them for three days though cos someone swapped me for clono lol. The only time my eyes have realigned is when I first started the Prozac.

It did for me. And mdma was a factor in my hppd onset (allthough acid probably too which makes it more confusing...wish i had just the one drug to blame it on), But the stress and constant sleep deprivation from my son being born (which wasn't helped by me drinking and taking benzos in large amounts) caused a massive relapse of my hppd. But that was years after. I was only on 20mg a day of Prozac then.

Hmm. It was going up and down but tonight's been the worst. I've had a severe migraine and head pressure, probably worse than I've had for years. Feel nauseous. Think I'm going to have to stop the keppra cos I'm constantly thinking negative thoughts. Which weren't nearly as bad 10 days ago before I started keppra. It can't be a coincidence lol.

I dunno. I drink while taking benzos. But it's not something I'd recommend. I've not had any drink or benzos for over two weeks and the drink aspect I'm trying to stop. (I had nearly a bottle of vodka and 5mg of clonazepam a coupla weeks ago and I wasn't a pretty sight. Lol). I'm your atypical binge and benzo binger. (Sounds quite catchy). Not died yet but it's been touch and go a good few times probably.

Lol. Yeah I got 99% of that there visual. (I think lol). Cheers I'm certainly noticing some aspects getting better just over a week into my small dosage of keppra. Visuals are still there but I think about them less. DP/DR is better. And it hasn't cleared my blurred vision much but there's been a couple of eureka moments where I've seen through the brain fog as it were which has been nice but weird after having it so long and so intense. Only on 250mg twice a day so far though and it's effected my depression a bit too in a negative sense so I'm scared to up it too fast. It's certainly making me self realise and feel emotions that weren't there before so its worth persevering with at the moment.

I think we were fucked as a species the moment elvis stepped on the stage.

Yeah, the kinda highs are far more gradual. But to be fair I'm just as likely to go into a rage in the middle of a 'high'. Infact, probably more so. When I'm down I've not got the energy to. But in general dips happen a lot faster.

I'm pretty sure the dopamine part of the Prozac is what made my eyesight sharper and unblurred my vision back then. Can't say for sure though obviously. Maybe if I could get on a 75mg or 150mg dose of Wellbutrin I'd know for sure. Does keppra have any effect on domaminergic neurons?

Nah man. In all my time im pretty sure ive not dreamt about my hppd in a visual sense. Just the phychological baggage that hangs off it. I dont remember half mines though.

Nah man. In all my time im pretty sure ive not dreamt about my hppd in a visual sense. Just the phychological baggage that hangs off it. I dont remember half mines though.

The thing I've realised since developing hppd (and subsequently only discovering it existed as a disorder less than a year ago) is that the general medical phsychological profession (certainly in this country at least) don't know their arse from their elbow as they say. I'm not as eloquent in person as I can be writing things down cos of my cognitive dysfunction and the 20 second buffer I need to formulate sentences mind you. Probably your a lot more coherent and get your ideas and issues down on a one to one basis than I am. Maybe he's got a lot of stuff to go with. Diagnosis or no though I think if your not hurting anyone in what you do and are a decent person it doesn't matter about labels and stigmas. Stigmatising yourself is even worse. It wouldn't be more about saying 'I'm schizophrenic and proud' as much as saying 'I'm schizophrenic and not ashamed'. As far as I'm aware I have hppd, am bipolar, a personality disorder (possible schizo type thing) and have a sleep disorder. And that's just off the top of my head. I personally wouldn't believe a psychiatrist 'ticking boxes' would make me believe in a diagnosis above my actual own beliefs. Until psychiatrists become actual psychics and can get inside your head (in which case the profession numbers would take a drastic downturn cos they'd shit their pants) then il suspend belief and just get on with it.

I've been on Prozac since I developed hppd. 16 years ago! 8 months or so into the disorder. I wish I could have stayed off and not gone onto meds as quickly but I literally couldn't have handled it any longer. (And i had no idea of hppd or even the slightest inkling what i had done). So Prozac possibly saved my life. Allthough by most reports I'm about the only one that its helped much. I think I've read that Prozac is one of the least 'selective' of the ssris so I think maybe that's why it worked so well for me for years. Throw enough mud and some will stick and all my symptoms lessoned considerably. (Depression lifted which was my more pressing symptom at the time, dp/dr lifted and the visuals even lifted, still had some bad anxiety but i easily dealt with this through a vigorous exercise regime. unfortuneately the birth of my son and the stress/lack of sleep and potentially even just time itself brought on a relapse and its never really been the same since. Unfortunately it's gave me no direction in which way to go next. Whether it be dopamine or serotonin based meds. (Currently on low dose of keppra, clono and pzac (old habits die hard). (Tried various ssris since with none having the initial effect Prozac did). Would like to try Wellbutrin but its like blood out of a stone with the medical profession here. They see it more a smoking cessation aid and not an anti-d in this country.

That's the key I think. It seems true acceptance is key. But that goes against the self preservation status quo of the brains natural defence mechanism I guess.

Yeah. I get that big time boogres. I've learnt to love the 'highs' (allthough they've been generally absent ish the last year). My mind races, energy levels go up in a nervous excitable way, I lose weight, don't sleep as much. Allthough never full on mania and/or delusions. Like a diluted version of bipolar. (Adrenaline is obviously involved it seems). And sometimes I can crash and sleep for days. Even when I'm on a high though the cognitive dysfunction is still evident though. Even slight bipolar ism can't get through hppd it seems.

Coupla carrots and your sorted!!

That wasnt a book alisa. its interesting. We're you a hippie? Taking acid in the 60s must have been interesting. It's bloody all that shit that spiked my interest in acid, the 60s scene. Take your pick -mg. I'm a smorgasbord of neurosi!!

You shoulda named yourself the oracle on this site. Lol. It's probably just the forthcoming environmental cataclysm your premonising (if that's even a word). Yip, getting back to the dwarf though. Think the initial hypothesis was correct -mg. The dwarf basically represents my 13 year olds sense of hurt and repression amidst the barbed tongues of 13 year old females that forced me/him into refuge within my mind and ego. From eyewitness reports (and the occasional drink flashback) I/he's probably more than just sexist. More mysogynistic and even narcissistic. The mysogeny doesn't permeate through to my everyday psyche in the slightest but the narcissism does a bit. (If you've seen the film me, myself and Irene that's how much a divide there is in characters. I can't remember what he had diagnosed....Hank! Lol). I've always kinda known this really. But knowing and confronting and dealing are two different things. Think this keppra is opening up some self realisitation pathways and reigniting emotions (some better off hidden). Apart from the shitty side effects its like a shrink in a pill it seems.

I actually understood some of that till the L= 10 ohms stuff!! Interesting.

I've had double vision loads and varying degrees. i Think it's linked to the migraine part of the hppd. My pupils are two different sizes since getting hppd but never cross eyed.

Nice one man. ive had a couple of moments of lucidity today which have been like 'holy fuck' like the veils been lifted inbetween the dread moments.

How's the keppra going boogres and myslingerbult?? I must admit I'm struggling a bit and that's only on 500mg!! I think starting it in the middle of winter when my mood swings get worse anyway maybe wasn't the best idea.

They probably said that about hitler sammy. Lol. It deffo is shrink shit however. And not as simple as it seems, agreed. It's maybe the keppra subconsciously working things out. I've just been sleeping n dreaming for Scotland these last few days. Back to work tomorrow though. Should be fun full of keppra. I've been off for a week cos things were getting on top of me.