Monkey_magic

I never know the right word to put in a sentence anymore when speaking. It just hits a dead end sometimes and I'm like 'aaararrghgghghgh' which doesn't help. Especially when i know without hppd the word i want would pop out fluidly through the fog like a articulated motherfucker. I need the 10/20 second buffer in my brain but obviously you don't get that in a purely talking face to face with someone sense. Makes you look like a right retard. Thank god for writing.

I've had ephedrine tablets for the gym before and I was wired. Didn't help my visuals much. Lol

So what's the diff between norepinephrine and noradrenalin? They the same thing?

Morbide. Deffo get that tattoo. Do it!!

I'm kinda getting ghosting on and off. It seems to hit me when I go through a mini migraine period though and or fatigued to the max. (which are becoming quite common at the mo). Double vision layered on top of your normal vision a bit off. Ok at night though.just your normal monochrome staticky purple dots a la acid trip.

I dunno if I'd want to be remembered of my (hpp)d-day date in tattoo form. I'm getting a dragon this month on my arm, but I was thinking a Phoenix as a rising from the ashes of your former self type thing. Cos I've emerged twice from hppd hell and became a new person. Bit of a chick thing to get a Phoenix but I can empathise, I'd get a butch pheonix lol. With a big set a balls. We all need a big set a balls to put up with this shit. Or maybe cut out the middle man and just get a big set of cojones tattoo.

Yeah, il deffo get the dragon. I'm getting chucked out the house and getting my own flat so money will be tight. So getting the other one will be a pipe dream anyway. Allthough I did say 'can you make them normal noses and not clown noses?' And he was like yeah, not a problem.

Or this, kinda taps in to my bipolar aspect I'm pretty sure I have (still undiagnosed).

,that's what I'm getting on my arm. (Chinese year of the dragon).,should look allright hopefully. pump the guns up enough weeks beforehand.

I think in every hppdr there's a massive hippy just waiting to get out.

I know man. Mess away, doesn't bother me lol. It's a strange set up but most of my life is a strange set up. Take it you've no tattoos -mg?

Yeah, it's weird. When I've got a cold or the flu it's like the hppd envelops the virus up and they become one. To symbiotically fuck me up.

Lol. Dunno, we've got a wee girl (2) together and the relationship between us has been fractious to say the least in the past, and its ultimately not helped when it comes to seeing my wee girl a bit more. Shes been thawing recently which is a lot easier on me And I think she's having a mid life crisis cos she wants one (a tattoo) so I said I'd back her up. She's terrified of needles and blood etc. if it helps build bridges I'm all for it. Yeah, I spose I will feel alive, bit of unrelenting pain for an hour.. Last few days I've been dp/dr'd up to the max. And a dull migraine percolating in the background, and depressive mood swings too. I dunno if its linked to the lyrica I've just started taking (allthough i thought that would help with migraine...not in this case) though or if I was going that way anyway. Winters just kicked in here and my mood in general takes a biiig dip. Fuckin SAD.

ok, well in a show of solidarity to my ex girlfriend im getting a tattoo at the end of the month when she gets hers cos shes shitting it. problem is my pain threshold is really shit. i got a couple of wee tiny tattoos 12 years ago i can remember being really sore (and at the time my hppd was 'under control' and pain threshold was higher) and this ones gonna be bigger. anything i can take beforehand to not feel it as much, aside from morphine? lol. ive got access to tramadol but as a pain reliever i dont rate it much.

ive tried liquid valerian root. done nothing for me. maybe capsules would do something. magnesium does a better job in reducing anxiety than valerian root i think.

The couple of months before my hppd trigger, I had a couple of migraines after taking E, where I thought my brain was going to split in half right down the middle. (Had never had a migraine in my life up till then). Yet I still took them again (crazy what you'll do with a combination of youth, chronic depersonalisation and self medicating). Sometimes I get persistent migraine over 3 or 4 days, differing pain levels but all the symptoms of classic migraine. Nausea, pale, weak, all that shit! And my vs gets worse especially my night vs.

-mg, what's the lions mane mushrooms and nootropics do? I'm only taking choline, dmae, omega 3 capsules and rhodilea extract or whatever it's called at the moment. All I can afford. Gonna try ginkgo biloba next pay day.

It's just a dull ache, mild migraine pain wise but it ups my vs/floaters n blurred vision when I have these bouts. Not enjoying these LYrica so far, it's kinda dampening the visuals a bit but not even in a chilled way. Feel kinda uneasy n nervous but also very apathetic at the moment which is contradictory as fuck but its the case.

I still drink n get 'high' on benzos sometimes. Trying to 'escape'. I've really learned my lesson huh? I've not been in control of my hppd for ages though. Once I find something that tames the beast ill stop all the shit fucking about. After my first bout at 21 I had it on the ropes for a good few years but it fought back. But it kinda proves to me that in the right circumstances, attitude and meds I can wrestle it back sometime. Myrslinger - yip. Keep your head up mate, it'll ease with time.

Yeah. Well comfy. Adidas nicked the idea off vibram who started the whole barefoot free toes feel. I had a pair of vibram at first which are well comfier but they got stolen!!? Get some weird looks in the gym though.

I never mentioned it. Probs ok to still take it if I want. Just had my first couple of LYrica today. (50mg 3 times a day). I've had a persistent migraine the last few days and its not helping tonight. Infact think its made it worse. Feel dizzy too, took the first at 11.30 then played footy (soccer) an hour later. felt dizzy as fuck. Got blood taken for testosterone, thyroid n 'brain hormone'??! checks though.

Visuals are always there. Just gets better or worse depending what my brain fancies getting up to. For all the self help bit I'm not really in control as much as I'd like to be. -mg's right, it's a roller coaster. But you learn to not get adrenalined up at the small loops and do your best to shut your eyes and ignore the big loops. I do anyway. Depends on your level of hppd I spose.

Is LYrica not just a souped up gabapentin though? The 'successor' to it so to speak. Starting lyrica will mean coming off klono though (which may not be a bad thing cos my willpower not to take every day is shit at the mo). Il ask my doc tomo if wellbutrins an option on top of this. British Docs hate throwing to many meds in the mix though.

Yeah. I routinely blow my months wages in a week on utter shite, feel buzzed (dopamine no doubt), then curse myself for another three weeks till next pay. Without.fail. I really buy some crap like. Spent 70 quid on a pair of Adidas toe trainers for the gym that everybody takes the piss out of but I think they're smart as fuck.

Yeah, spose it's a form of comfort blanket. Il have 5 skip hats, 3 sun hats and a couple of beanies please. Cut back on your working hours. Hppd or no, stress is still out there.