Kellen

Thank you ddiddy for the kind words. The past 2 days have been absolute fucking hell. My hppd is back with a vengeance. My visuals are so intense and so is my dpdr. I dropped my dose the Tuesday before last. Experienced some w/d. Then it kinda tapered off (didn't get better but I was kinda feeling okay) then when I got up Friday everything turned to shit. The panic, the body buzz, the rushes of anxiety, INTENSE visuals, dpdr off the charts it all just fell apart. I'm cold,then hot. Numb all over. I forgot how bad this feels and it's even worse than last time. I don't know what to do. I seriously can't handle this. My quality of life is the lowest it's ever been. I'm thinking about ending it but I don't want to. But I can't go on like this. I'm suffering immensely every minute of everyday and now that I know it can get this bad and Im not even off the lamictal yet I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep going. Should I titrate back up? Should I introduce Keppra? Should I do TCM? Should I jump off a bridge? I took a benzo just now so the panic has subsided a bit but the depression is front and centre. Being med free is NOT an option for me right now I have to accept that Off to a shitty start this year so far was really hoping things would improve Man this really really sucks

Is it safe to start keppra while I'm coming off lamcital?

Been on 25 mg for a week now. I had a couple almost barely okay days over the weekend. Today however I'm really feeling last weeks drop. My deralization is so fucking intense. I can't concentrate and it's like I'm having CNS issues. My face is cold then hot. My body feels different. Like something has switched and everything fells dull and numb. My depth perseption is screwed and my mind is constantly spinning with random nonsense. i was getting brain shakes today too. Anyone had that feeling before? My visuals are even worse than last time I posted. I'm seriously afraid. I'm not myself and I don't feel like anything can help me. If you're reading this maybe send me an encouraging word or two. Everything helps and I think we really need to support each other. I have never been this desperate and hopeless in all my life. Please there HAS to be a pay off in this. it HAS to get better.

Mine would weave in and out like that too. Days at a time. Sometimes hours at a time

My script says to take .5 in the am .5 in the pm and 1 mg at night. I think that's way too much. The most I've taken in one day is .75 and I only did that once.

Ya man it can pop up just like that. All those drug trips picked the lock but the door can be opened anytime. When's the last time you used any substances?

London Ontario Canada. My psychiatrist is Dr Watling at Victoria hospital. He's worked with me and has prescribed me keppra, lamictal, sinemet, LDN and he is open to exploring new Meds if he feels they will help. You have to get into see him by referral.

Yep. Things seems to run by me or I'll catch something out the corner of my eye that isn't there. I just try to not pay attention to it because it is just my VS and anxiety.

Been a minute. happy new year everyone. I'm currently at 37.5 cutting by 12.5 every week. The 25 mg cuts are way too much at this point and I'd rather play it as safe as possible. I'm kinda bummed because I wanted to be off by Jan 1st but I'll take the extra month to avoid things really getting out of control. Found a post from beyond meds that seems to be very similar to what I'm going through in terms of the light sensitivity "I stopped a generic Lamictal about 5 weeks ago. I’ve taken it for about a year and at one point I was taking 300mg. It killed my short term memory and concentration. I dropped to 150 mg and felt disoriented so I increased the dose on my own as I wasn’t able to function at all for that weekend. I felt better at 225 mg. I used this summer break to discontinue the med as I didn’t feel the stable mood I had felt on 300 despite the side effects. I went down 75 mg a week, but at zero I felt incredibly confused, fever, migraines, mild and occasional twitching, sensory problems, ect, ect. I immediately told my doctor and he said it was withdrawal seen in some people taking antidepressants, but I’m not on antidepressants. He hadn’t had or heard of any users experiencing it with Lamictal. Even so he compared it to being on LSD and after reading many descriptions this really does feel like a “bad trip”. I have been taking ativan for the panic. I was strangely unemotional aside from fear until about 2 days ago. I began feeling intense emotions. Good and bad. I felt that I was making big improvements but now feel like I’m getting worse. The major problem has to do with senses. Trails behind moving objects, brighter lights, sensitivity to flashing lights(sometimes painful), noticeably increased intensity of colors and sounds, sounds have an echoed or tunnel quality. It’s an overall dreamlike feeling and I cant quite describe it accurately. I do know I can’t drive or carry on with normal living. School starts in august and I have to get better before then. Not only is it exhausting to deal with but I cant imagine carrying on normal responsibility while feeling so impaired and uncoordinated." Damn and he's 5 weeks off the stuff! Current symptoms DP/DR - still bad and constant although it has been worse. Last week I had that sensation where everything was much taller than it is I can't remember what it's called but I hadn't had it in a long time. Awful feeling. VS/halos etc... - worst it's been. That despirmaine certainly set me back. Light sensitivity - still bad. Artificial lights are blinding Fatigue - always tiered. my muscles feel flat and my joints ache. Really hard to work out I just feel gross inside Depression - some improvement here. I have a little more optimism but the depression comes in waves so we will see Anxiety - varies but not as bad the past couple days Cognitive function - pretty low. I feel borderline brain damaged most of the time. Can't think of words, having really stage thoughts, trouble communicating and my co ordination is caput. Like I don't know how to operate in a fluid way. Everything I do feels rigid and weird. I went to the dr a couple days ago and when I spoke my own voice startled me and freaked me out. Still a long road ahead of me to even reach my baseline but I'm getting there..

Made mine worse but I know there are a number of people who can drink with hppd. I think it may depend on the severity and where you're at in our symptoms.

It's pretty evident I'm going to need clono to get over this lamictal withdrawal and may stay on it for a while until I even out some. I just took one after what was one of the worst mornings I've had I feel a tiny bit better. I'm just curious what is considered short term vs long term usage? Like how many weeks or months or even years? It literally is the only thing that's helping right now. Also is it possible for your hppd to heal while you're taking it? Or will it totally inhibit any natural decrease in symptoms?

I often wonder too How my life would be without this 24/7. If I could go to school, read a book, comprehend, understand and learn. If I could feel my real emotions. If I could re pattern my thinking out of the mess it is now. Who would I be? I've been that person before and he is awesome. He is special. But I'm not him anymore. I mean he's in me but he's buried. If I ever get out of this and find peace of mind I'm going to pack up, travel the world on my own and try every new thing I can to make up for the stagnation. It's like life in limbo having this shit. One day...

^ I agree. I want to go med free but right now that is not an option. Now the REAL withdrawal has started. Felt my first few brain swooshes today. DRDP like a motherfucker. On top of the withdrawal /side effects some of the hppd it may have been masking is now returning. My brain has been broken and scattered throughout different dimension being poked and prodded by alien beings with vile intent. This is some next level shit. I have a shred of humanity left but I still have 75 mg to drop and even then who fucking knows how I'll be. I'm starting to think no meds will work for me. Nothing can beat this. FOR ME. Nothing can beat it except time. Maybe somehow through some miracle this shit will slowly fade. I can only pray. But one thing is for sure. I'd rather deal with this in the nude sans meds than have to deal with the side effects and enevitable withdrawal from anything else. But until then I'm going to force a few kolonos down the hatch. Even that might not work but lord have mercy on my soul, I NEED something to help me before I do something stupid. I'll only take them temporarily and hopefully can get off them once I've reached my baseline. I know this thread has been turned into my personal journal but people need to be aware of the cosmic skull fucking these Meds can give you. Lamictal has helped so many people don't let my thread discourage you from trying it. But be careful and titrate SLOWLY. I think there are other factors at play here in my damaged brain as to why it turned on me but I cannot deny that the lamictal side effects/withdrawal is spawned in hell and beyond the comprehension of our petty human minds. Well mine anyway

Well that desipramine has really fucked me. It's set me back months. VS is the worst it's ever been and I was starting to feel like my old self a little and it's totally made me feel confused and flat again. I could feel it raping my brain in real time when I took it. Now I've had to hold off my taper. Does anyone know if I've done permanent damage by taking it? It feels like it's given me hppd on top of what I have. Naturally when I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel too. It's so fucking defeating having this shit. One 25 mg pill can screw everything up. Please someone tell me this isn't permanent

Just took the despirmaine holy fuck this is the worst med reaction I've had! Wtf! everything is worse!! Please god let this only be temporary

Well I drop down to 75mg on Monday. These smaller doses really pack a punch with the withdrawl effects. Weds I pretty much lost my mind it was the closest I've come to hallucinating since my trip. Horrible vs and dpdr. Ended up going for a 3 hr walk to try to calm myself. Next day went to emerg and they kept me for the night. My thoughts are really fragmented and weird. Very weird sensations and I was so aggressive the other day I was snapping at everything. Took a benzo Friday and felt much better One thing I have noticed tho is that through the madness I'm getting glimpses of my old self. Like I will find things funny again. Or I'll have a genuine emotion that I used to have. It's fleeting but it's there. which I guess shows,me,I'm on the right path getting off this shit. I plan to be off it by the end of the month. I've been prescribed desipramine for my depression and I have flunarazine but I'm scared to take it because it makes depression worse. Desipramine has helped my father and it's also used to treat migraines and anxiety I'm hoping it works on some of that for me. This has been the hardest time of my life and I'm able,to,write this now because some,of,the benzo is still in my system. By later tonight I should be a wreck again but I know I'm going to get through it.

Fuck it's not available in Canada. I'm going to try flunarazine

I'm on Facebook pm me

My doctor has agreed to prescribe me either this or flunarazine so I have to pick one. I know people would really like for me to go for lomerizine and we do need some guinea pigs to try new meds but I gotta look out for my best interest too. Flunarazine has been proven to work. Although I'm prone to depression especially while coming off lamitrogine it is very intense and I can't risk it getting worse Lomerizine has never been used for hppd but it does look like it tackles a lot of what we need. How ever it is a vasodilator which I don't think would mix well given the type of headaches I get. Also because it works on the 5h2a receptor is there any risk of it making me trip out? Like it stimulates it and I end up making my hppd worse? And given it messes with serotonin that makes me apprehensive too. I need as much of that shit as possible. decisions decisions

I started taking magnesium on Monday along with zinc. I noticed a difference on Tuesday. My snow was tapered down a bit and I felt much more calm. There is no way for it to have been a placebo. At times I almost didn't have any snow whatsoever. Unfortuently yesterday whatever benefits I was recieving seemed to have worn off and now my snow is back again. Bummer. But it,certainly did help for those few days and I urge everyone to try it. I was taking a 200mg magnesium glycninate capsule in the morning and one before bed And 25 mg of zinc in the morning Everyone should give it a shot I'm hoping the positive effects return

I've asked my doc to prescribe it but now I'm having some reservations. I suffer from headcahes/migraines and have my whole life. I find things get worse for me after I eat certain foods, after sex, drinking and smoking which are common in people who suffer from vasodilatory headaches. Which means the blood vessels are dilated allowing more blood to flow to the brain inducing the headaches or exasperating them. Lomerizine is a vasodilator so I run the risk of things actually getting worse while taking it. Too bad because I really wanted to try it.

I might. I'm not sure about my course of action. I'm just focusing on getting off of this stuff first. Think kepra will be the next one to try again. At a lower dose coupled with the odd kolono. I decrease down to 150 next week. The dp/Dr hasn't been as punishing but it's still very noticeable. The depression is still really bad and I've been feeling incredibly spaced out over the past few days. I'm just hoping that my body adjusts to these lowered doses. I'm thinking maybe it's when I went up past 300 it made me have all these side effects and the less that's in my system to easier it will be to come off of.

Hey I want to apologize for how I responded. I hadn't slept in 3 days and the lamictal makes it really easy for me to fly off the handle at anything. I do think the way you worded this was wrong. I feel these boards should be about encouragement and information and you're in titled to you opinion. it just seemed like it came across in a negative tone. Again sorry for the harsh words but it was the combo of zero sleep and raging on these meds that lead me to reply like that.

Also get some earplugs. I need to take my own advice on that too

It will go back down I've gone to plenty of incredibly loud shows ( saw SWANS a couple months ago which was the loudest band I have ever seen and didn't think I would recover from the punishment my ears took) and I play in a band and we don't puss out on the volume I have constant tinnitus too but it fluctuates What bad did u see?