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Kellen last won the day on October 10 2016

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About Kellen

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  1. i havent posted on here in forever. just a warning to stay the hell away from wild mushrooms. a friend of mine picked some lobster mushrooms and assured me they were fine to eat. took a tiny tiny bite of one and it has given me full blown hppd again. just like that. right back to zero after the derealization and vs had settled down a bit (im still very ill but more inline with PAS symptoms) anyway ya stay the fuck away its been over a week and im getting worse each day :(
  2. Been seriously suffering again lately. Feeling majorly depressed and detached. I'm not in the healthiest mental state to be in a relationship but here I am with a girl I love more than anyone I've dated before. She shows kindness, compassion and understanding the likes of which I have never experienced. She says I'm perfect on the days when I feel my worst and has seen me at my worst and hasn't left running for the door. I'm having a bad day and she literally just called me from work to tell me she loves me and that I will be okay. I'm very fortunate to have built a very loving foundation with
  3. Been a rough couple weeks but in retrospect 2016 was remarkably better than the year before. 2015 was the worst year of my life. This one had its bumps and im still totally fucked from hppd/lamitrogine but I've made progress with my bands and have met a very sweet girl and its going pretty well despite how fucked I feel. I remember getting laid on NYE last year and thinking well this year is already off to a better start than all of 2015 combined haha. I've been having a major flare up the past coulple weeks. My partner is in Europe and I'm worried im gunna be all whacked out when she's back b
  4. I saw that movie too. Total cgi wank fest but ya it fucked with me and my hppd at first. Especially when he's flying through all those dimensions of reality. But it tapered off and I got through the flick. Definitely an hppd trigger warning tho Glad to hear you're feeling better
  5. man these boards are dead. just curious where everyone is at in their recovery. any new meds/supps that are working for you? hows life? its getting to be that shitty time of year for a lot of people i hate the winter with the xmas lights every where and dead grey skies. I'm still getting off the lamictal 30mg. met an amazing girl tho and have halted my withdrawal to try and enjoy life for a bit. i still struggle a lot and my symptoms are still very bad but i have some very good positive things in my life to be thankful for. a much better year than the last for sure. wheres everyone at? i h
  6. Had a brand new symptom show up the other night. Was hanging on my friends porch with some candles lit when out of nowhere I got all these weird revolving patters and grids in my right eyes field of vision. I don't know if the candle light played some roll but it was really weird and it took over about 1/4 th my vision. It was like triangles and grids that swirled round And stretched I can't really describe it any other way. All different colours but mostly red/orange and purple. It last about 10 mins wtf has anyone had this? I can't believe Im still getting new symptoms like this after all th
  7. I ordered th bio 3b g direct from them (biotics research) it doesn't contain thiamine cocarboxylase it contains thiamine diphosphate 1.5 mg so they must make different batches or something?
  8. Curious to know how this stuff is still working for everyone. Which brand have people had the most success with?
  9. Ya I'm not gunna take this shit. It's weird because my new pdoc has treated HPPD (he says mine is an anomaly tho) but I have no idea where he's getting the idea of trying ability from. Not gunna risk it
  10. you really need to reevaluate your life. How little do you think of yourself that you are willing no to risk PERMANENT damage by continuing to smoke weed and take fucked up drugs. if you are actually able to smoke weed you are in a place where you can recover. Most people with hppd can't even be around it. Stop risking things getting worse for yourself. get new friends. Join NA and meet positive sober people. No one is going to sympathize with you about how fucked up you are because you're being a fool by continuing to take drugs/smoke weed. Stop being stupid
  11. New p.doc wants to start me on abilify. Very reluctant to try it I have two weeks to decide. He knows about how badly I responded to respiridone yet assures me this will be different. Anyone taken this before?
  12. I know this sounds horrible but I'm actually making peace with the fact that I know that's how I'm going to die. By my own hand or doing. I know one day I will have reached my limit of what I can handle. As bad as it is I'm still here. I'm still functioning on some basic level. But it's not looking good for me. I still see my self deteriorating mentally and physically. I'm bitter. I hate that I'm like this. I've done nothing to deserve this. I cry and scream. And I can accept where I am. But I can not accept this as my life. As the rest of my "life". If it doesn't improve, If I don't gain some
  13. from a user on askapateint "I could no longer hack the Lamictal because I could no longer hold conversations -- I simply could not remember events or experiences in my life enough to talk about them. I had intense itching all over my head, neck and ears. It was severe and affected my work. After going off of Lamictal, I felt normal again. However, I have fibromyalgia and the pain started coming back so it was suggested by my pdoc that I go back on the Lamictal. Not trusting in my own experiences and thinking perhaps it had been something else that caused my past suffering, I started it aga
  14. i knew it! if you read through my posts i provide enough links and examples to state my claim. no drug is a miracle. im showing the other side of this medication through my own personal experience. your post just reminds me of the doctors who dont take the patients word and will cite facts and figures because it cant possibly be that this mind altering drug they prescribed you could be fucking with you. preposterous! dude i KNOW lamitrogine has compromised me. i dont need to prove it to you. or for you to try and convince me otherwise. there is no debate. there are many many people
  15. Lol do you work for galaxosmithklien? Guess because you cited some articles and studies it's all in my head huh? Remember there are two sides to every coin and there are quite a few people feeling the other side of Lamitrogine. And There's just as much evidence to prove It.
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