What is the suicide rate for hppd?

[Missjess]

I'm just curious to know if a lot of ppl committ suicide bcos of hppd...I imagine there would be many

[hppd33]

i dont think anyone is counting this.

[Missjess]

Wat do u mean? It's a serious question

[StateOfRegret]

I think he means that nobody knows, as nobody keeps statistics on that.

[Missjess]

Oh ok...I thought there wud have been

[Guest]

There is really no way to know but ask yourself how many people are willing to take this punishment due to a strong sense of self preservation.
Not many I assure you and becuase suicide is quite prevelant, there is no way to determine if HPPD is the cause but I'd bet my life this is way more common a condition than people think. The problem is that HPPD was never given a name or designation. It has a name and it is real and as long as we keep the conversation alive, getting this condition the attention it deserves then maybe there will be hope. However, I've seen a lot of names drop off the radar on this board. Good people who either moved on or gave up. Either way I'll never know but its safe to say that there is a high probability that several have committed suicide. This is hell pure and simple and for anyone to dismiss or negate this admission is a fool. It's been said it gets easier. As a 15 year veteran of HPPD, it changes and becomes somewhat manageable but better or cured?
No, just different and that's what you have to come to terms with. Some days are ok, and some days are fuck all. some days the tinnitus kicks in while other days its the visuals and between the flares and shifs from one sense to the other is the depression, DP, hopelessness and catharsis. It's a viscious circle without end but the breaks in between are my saving grace. I stay completely away from all drugs (boring) and drinking (shit) and not that I ever abused either profusely but it's really shitty not being able to have a glass or two of wine and a joint once in a while. As a consequence my circle is very small and my social life almost non existent. Maybe you will have it easier or it could go away completely but my experience says otherwise and I keep hoping every single day that maybe science will catch up with us and perhaps David can expidite the process...

[psychedelian]

ive lost everything because of my hppd and cant even hold my head up anymore, its caused me to loose everything. after 15 years of this that option starts not sounding so bad. No one will ever understand, no one will ever stay with you, someone might help one day but dont count on it for long, its a hard life to live and no one is going to put up with it for you. There is no winning this battle after a certain point, if your there you know it. Just accept defeat and do whatever, no one will really care. Get used to being alone. 

[psychedelian]

in over 15 years only one person has ever done anything to help or offer support, eventually it was too much for them to handle and all they did was end up making it even worse. 

[Onemorestep]

I’m sorry to hear you are suffering. It is a very tough road we are on. I promise you, however, there is absolutely hope. I experience a lot of good days and feelings today that I never dreamed possible. And I have taken more hallucinogens and drugs than I think most people would dream. Really pushed the envelope. I even huffed a bunch of air duster as a kid lol.

it sounds like someone you rely on abandoned you? If so I’m sending you love. I know that sometimes doesn’t mean much when you are where you are. 
 

I have had similar experiences with people too. Those who took on my pain and suffering and it was too much for them. That doesn’t mean there isn’t love out there for you. When you are ready for it, and you put yourself out there, it will come.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Fawkinchit]

Most people to be completely honest, are highly unintelligent. They literally have no idea what's going on with you, they just see the surface of what you are going through. The same thing happened with me. It taught me one thing though, you can only truly rely on one person to help you, and that's what I do every day. Its harsh, but I guess that's how this place is, society focusses so much on smiling photos, fairytale movie endings, and glittering christmas lights, its hard to remember that there is a great deal of suffering on earth, and what people really should be focusing on is the remedy. No one wants to do that while they are here though, so there's a repeat of everything in every generation. HPPD is something that should be widely known, but instead scientists are doing studies on the "benefits" of hallucinogens, even recommending them for depression and learning capacity. It goes to show the deep despair society and humans really are in.

So don't be too surprised when someone doesn't fully understand, or gives up, they have no idea how bad HPPD really is, and life is hard even without HPPD, people are constantly creating problems for themselves even on top of problems that are created for them, I do it even myself, its almost a subconscious thing, then next thing we know we don't have time for anything, or anyone.

[MadDoc]

This is what scares me the most when it comes to giving advice or encouragement to someone is writes that he/she is considering checking out.  I have no training as a therapist.  What if I unknowingly write the wrong thing as harmless as it might seem?  Scary territory.

[Onemorestep]

On 1/2/2021 at 3:17 PM, MadDoc said:

This is what scares me the most when it comes to giving advice or encouragement to someone is writes that he/she is considering checking out.  I have no training as a therapist.  What if I unknowingly write the wrong thing as harmless as it might seem?  Scary territory.

Truly something I worry about every time I post on here about anything. But, and I mean no disrespect —this is a super valid fear and concern— that line of thinking leaves us without a message board.
 

We’re not doctors, nor do we understand the etiology of this disorder (it always feels like it’s not enough to say disorder. What word do you use when half of you is ripped away?). There are a lot of things that have helped me that hurt others and vice versa. I’ve taken things on this website that others have had “no response” to that sent me into hell. And I’ve sent others into hell who have read of my successes and taken a plunge.

 

It’s incredibly frightening to think (and in my case know) you have led others towards experiencing great great pain. The first time someone had a bad reaction to something I had written about positively, it was almost too much for me. I felt so incredibly guilty knowing I had made their disorder, which I know firsthand to be so incredibly unbearable, worse. But what else can we do? This is, IMO, a place for support and to offer suggestion for those who have been largely abandoned by medical society. For many, there is no where else to turn. That same medication I wrote about also helped someone else greatly in their recovery. 
 

Your fear is understandable. Don’t let it go. Every post, use that fear to remind yourself of your duty to not cause harm. But also remember all we can do is talk about our experiences, offer support, and hope that it helps a brother or sister suffering out there. 
 

I hope you’re feeling even a little better psychedelian. You never know when life is going to cut you some slack and drop something beautiful into your lap. 
 

much love,

oms