cosmiccharlie

So the suicidal ideation is scary, something I have been through (just the thoughts not the action or attempted action). I myself have OCD and depression and I have been on an SSRI (Zoloft) for about 3 years which has really helped calm me down. One of the hallmarks of OCD are intrusive thoughts and the meds have also helped with these. I found that a lot of my HPPD symptoms were exacerbated by anxiety and if I minimized anxiety HPPD became less of a problem. I'm not saying you need to be on meds and I'm not a doctor but this is something that has helped me. It may be worth talking to a doctor about possible options; they can improve the quality of your life. God is something we can all work on! Lots of people get turned off because of blanket assertions made by various religions. I have found that just having an open mind, and even no conviction about ones conception of God can be helpful. I personally believe that each of us contains an eternal element that in some way is a part of God. But the definition of God is something no one will ever truly know and we are probably not capable anyway. I have found that going inward helped me connect with that special part of me. Also, helping others is another way to get there. I think each of us needs to find our own personal conception of all this and it's a life long journey that will never have a conclusion (maybe after we die but who knows). Anyway, meditation has helped me with this, going into nature, appreciating the beauty of the universe. Meditation is also very helpful for HPPD! I treat it like an exercise for my brain and spirit, everyday I have a strict routine and it's gotten easier over the years. The beginning is difficult but the benefits are immense. I'm sort of rambling now so I'll stop here. Hang in there and keep us posted, you're going to be fine. Take Care, Nick

Hello, You sound like you're in a tough place, I'm sorry to hear that. This is a difficult disorder and everyones experience is a little different. I tell everyone the same thing: Stop all drugs (even alcohol for a bit if you can) Get as much sleep as you can Exercise regularly even if it makes your symptoms worse Eat well Stay busy with work/ school/ hobby etc Try not to worry Learn to meditate if you can (this was really helpful for me) If you're open to it, start praying to God (it doesn't have to be any particular religion and you don't even have to believe in anything just ask for help on your knees everyday. I really believe help will come if we reach out) I take it a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time. The emotional turmoil can be disturbing and debilitating. However, you are on a good path. Stay off drugs and your mind will have a chance to recover. I know it seems like it's been a long time and maybe you feel hopeless but I think it took me about 5-6 years to feel like myself again after my first major romp with psychedelics. My advice to you is put your body and mind in the best possible conditions by living a healthy, mindful lifestyle. Stay strong and stay positive. Take Care, Nick

I too suffer from OCD and what's really helped me is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and good old SSRIs. I know some people say the meds exacerbate HPPD symptoms but for me they really help with the intrusive thoughts, anxiety and this in turn keeps the HPPD at bay. Everyone's different but remember, OCD on its own can be very debilitating, and perhaps what you're experiencing is more related to this than the sudafed. For me my OCD fear is about being poisoned in a way that affects cognition, I have had multiple experiences where I had some very minor exposure to chemicals (household stuff etc..) and the following months I actually felt cognitive deficits! The level of exposure made this essentially impossible but that didn't stop the fear or perception that my mind was affected. This was purely OCD. Over time with active therapy the issue goes away. One benefit of the SSRI is that the episodes duration is much shorter, one that would last a few months now only lasts a few days or weeks. Anyway, hang in there. If you are not actively seeing someone for your OCD I high encourage you to do so! Like I said it can be debilitating depending upon the severity and there are good options that can greatly improve quality of life. Take Care, Nick

Sounds like you're doing well and you're on the road to recovery. I am not a doctor but I would encourage you to voice your concerns to the doctor your are working with. Maybe keep a journal to document the different symptoms your are experiencing, dates and times, the good and the bad. You can then discuss this with them. All in all just keep doing what you're doing and stay positive! Take Care, Nick

That is interesting, weed for me almost always throws me off (THC heavy that is). Again just try and relax and give it time. If you've recovered once you can recover again. I have made multiple recoveries from using psychedelics with HPPD. I just had a thought, since you said your HPPD was from MDMA I wonder if that's what's responsible for your reaction. Mine is mostly from LSD and cannabis is notoriously linked to bringing back the headspace and visuals. I don't know much about Sudafed but I do know one can make meth from it and MDMA is an amphetamine. Anyway, hang in there. Take Care, Nick

Sorry to hear about your struggles. I do not personally have experience with Sudafed but I do know this condition is strange and can react to various things. I think we can always recover just give it time. I tell everyone the same thing: Stop all drugs (even alcohol for a bit if you can) Get as much sleep as you can Exercise regularly even if it makes your symptoms worse Eat well Stay busy with work/ school/ hobby etc Try not to worry Learn to meditate if you can (this was really helpful for me) If you're open to it, start praying to God (it doesn't have to be any particular religion and you don't even have to believe in anything just ask for help on your knees everyday. I really believe help will come if we reach out) Eventually things will steady out. Try not to focus on your problem, just let things go and let your body do the work. Does one obsess over the flu or a cold? no we let our autonomous systems do their thing and trust we will get better. Focusing on the problem for me usually makes it bigger than it is and distracts me from the good in my life. Hang in there, you'll get better. Take Care, Nick

I'm sorry to hear how difficult this time is for you. I will preface this with saying that I am not a doctor. I am currently on an SSRI (Zoloft) and have been for about 3 years with a great deal of success. I have had HPPD for about 12 years. These meds seem to interact somehow with HPPD for a period of time before an equilibrium is established. This applies to increasing the dose and reducing it (from my experience, everyone is different). The equilibrium can take time, especially if you've been on them for a while, remember for some people it can take 2-3 weeks to even feel them when going on and something like 3-4 months for the full effects to be realized. I think there are two questions to consider for you: 1) did you taper off the med? 2) How long have you had HPPD? If you didn't taper, I would recommend talking to your doctor or prescriber about this. The slower you go off the less intense the process will be (that may or may not apply to HPPD but I think intuitively there's a good chance it could). If you haven't had HPPD for very long, maybe consider staying on them until you get some time under your belt and your mind can recover. They really helped me during my last recovery 3 years ago and still do (I have OCD and GAD as well). If you have had HPPD for a while and really want/need to get off the med I would hold onto the fact that if you have recovered before then you can recover again. You're altering the chemistry in your brain and it's not going to last forever, but again slower is probably better. Good luck and keep us posted!

I don't think any scan is capable of detecting it, I have had many MRIs for a benign brain tumor I have, never the fMRI or PET scan (which apparently are very expensive). Just give it time, live healthy and have an open mind. The most important thing is to stop using drugs (at least for a significant amount of time) if one does in fact have HPPD. Keep us updated and good luck!

I will preface this with I AM NOT A DOCTOR and therefore can not make any truly informed recommendation. I think ultimately time will be your best friend in terms of recovery. Your drug use is not very extensive which will work in your favor. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, some people are really sensitive to these substances, some contract the disorder from only weed. It seems to really depend on the individual. There are also people who can use drugs for years with no HPPD related consequences. I have a friend who has taken way more acid than me, granted my doses were pretty high a few times but it has had zero effect on him. Also, my frequency of consumption exceeded his which is probably what did me in. Anyway, you will get past this. I tell everyone on here the same thing which worked for me: Stop all drugs (even alcohol for a bit if you can) Get as much sleep as you can Exercise regularly even if it makes your symptoms worse Eat well Stay busy with work/ school/ hobby etc Try not to worry Learn to meditate if you can (this was really helpful for me) If you're open to it, start praying to God (it doesn't have to be any particular religion just ask for help on your knees everyday. I really believe it will come if we reach out) You will recover, you're young with only a moderate drug history. This is coming from a guy who ate 15 hits of good LSD in one night, if I can recover then so can you. I am also a mathematics PhD student at a reputable university, life does not end with this disorder. Take it as a hard lesson and believe me, when you recover, your appreciation for life becomes immense. Take Care, Nick

It is going to be okay! Glad you're here. This forum is great source of hope for many people including myself.

I managed to serve in the military myself with this disorder. In the beginning I found it challenging but over time I began to realize my perspective was the problem. I agree with MadDoc in that my intelligence and physical abilities really weren't affected. What he did is essentially what I have done, stay sober, follow your dreams and try not to worry too much. Many of us make full recoveries so long as we don't continue to use drugs. I also have a family and have had a happy life so far , again like MadDoc, if I kept using drugs I don't think my life would be anywhere near where it is today. Hang in there!

@Nubber578 if you ever want to chat about the military send me a PM

I understand your frustration and I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are for you. For me, life was still worth living even though I couldn't see it at times. Eventually the fog cleared and I felt like myself again. Despite this I made the terrible decision to restart psychedelics after nearly 8 years of abstinence and it threw me back in. Since then I have made an additional recovery. You will be fine just stick to a simple regiment: Stop all drugs (even alcohol for a bit if you can) Get as much sleep as you can Exercise regularly even if it makes your symptoms worse Eat well Stay busy with work/ school/ hobby etc Try not to worry Learn to meditate if you can (this was really helpful for me) If you're open to it, start praying to God (it doesn't have to be any particular religion just ask for help on your knees everyday you don't even have to believe in anything. For me, eventually I was willing to try anything. I really believe strength to carry on will come if we reach out) Think about how good it's going to feel when you recover, I cannot tell you how much you appreciate the simple things in life. Hang in there! Nick

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. If it's any consolation, I made it through submarine service with this condition. It wasn't easy but if the military is really something you want there's no reason you can't still do it. Give it time and things will get better, you'll feel like yourself again. Just take it as a hard lesson and keep on living. This disorder has taught me a lot about life and myself and even though there were many hard and dark days things eventually turned around. My advice is to try and not focus on it, justlet your body and mind heal.

Thank you for sharing your story Marco. Life is not over when one contracts this condition and I really identify with a lot of what you said. Resilience is definitely as asset for people like us and I agree that the circumstances enable us to become more compassionate people especially when we recover. Keep your head up and continue to move towards what you want out of life. I wish you the best. Take Care, Nick

Consulting with a doctor might not be a bad idea, like Jay said what you have doesn't really sound like HPPD. Unfortunately the rabbit hole of pursuing medical treatment for HPPD as of now is not very reliable. This will hopefully change over time once the medical community starts getting a handle on the underlying mechanisms. For now it seems the best course of action for one suffering from HPPD is the one we have told you. Live healthy, stop all drugs and let the body heal. One month isn't much time, give it a few more and try not to obsess over your condition. Do you obsess over your bodies handling of the flu or a cold? No, we let the machinery do its job and trust that everything will be okay. I think approaching these situations with this attitude can be beneficial. One thing is certain, anxiety makes the condition worse which usually generates more anxiety and we find ourselves in a type of feedback loop. You'll be okay, just hang in there.

@Jacob Lesley I think the first recovery took about 6 months. Again remember our situations and physiologies are different so just go with it and let your body and mind do their job.

@Jacob LesleyI did recover the first time but with some residual visuals and then I tripped about 3 years ago which really brought them back. Mine have faded before but never fully left me. I consider myself to have fully recovered both times despite the lingering visuals since my personality, intellect and sociable intelligence came back fully. Like I said, my drug use was very extensive and not short. I think you have a good shot at 100% recovery given your short history, just hang in there buddy.

@Jacob Lesley You're going to have a full life, I contracted this disorder when I was your age (a little younger actually around 19-20). My life has been amazing so far and I'm just getting started. I am now 31, working on a math PhD, I have a good marriage to an amazing girl, I have a 1 year old daughter and another baby on the way. All of this has been in the midst of this disorder and while it hasn't been easy, if I gave up years ago when I thought about it I would have missed so much. Now I wouldn't trade my life for anything, the hardship has molded me into the person I am today and the same will happen with you.

@Jacob Lesley check this video out if you can

I am also struggling myself. We have to believe that things are going to get better either through our bodies and minds healing or through modern medicine. This disorder can be hell but hopelessness in my experience doesn't last very long. We have to keep moving because there's nothing else to do and then one day we will recover and our experience can be of use to someone else. I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to emerge on the other side, whole and feeling like yourself. I hang onto the fact that I have recovered before from deep despair and so can you. Just hang on man.

@Jacob Lesley I've never shied away from an awkward situation lol. Just a thought, if you're comfortable or interested, the offer stands for you and @Hall89

@Hall89 My two cents are that not thinking about it isn't really a matter of ignoring it. I think that when we give it less power over us, that action allows the mind to heal somehow. Remember, there are at least two aspects to human beings: the psychological self and the physical self. These entities are obviously interconnected but one is not not necessarily contained in the other. To this day, there is not concrete evidence that human consciousness arrises as a result of physical phenomena. Our understanding of the mind is still very limited and although we can measure electromagnetic signals that indicate the presence and existence of consciousness its origins are still a mystery. I believe that if we detach ourselves a little from our physical self then our consciousness can actually impact our physical body. ie we can heal, find happiness in our lives exactly as they are not just what we want them to be, endure tremendous adversity etc... the image below suggests to me that we are more than our bodies. This was taken in the 1960's and is a voluntary act of protest by a Buddhist monk in Vietnam.

Here is a shorter talk in which Stephen Hayes makes a pitch for ACT.

Hello Everyone, I have recently started a type of therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and I would like to share the principles with you all. Please see the below link to a YouTube video. It's quite long but I think it can provide some help to people with our condition. Take Care, Nick