Jay1

http://richarddawkins.net/articles/644893-gene-therapy-gave-me-sight-back That is pretty amazing... If they can help people to see again, there must be hope for all of us. You might be thinking "they might help people with loss of vision, but they wont care about hppd".... well, one of the biggest money spinners of all time is anxiety, and luckily, the absolute best anxiety treatment (benzos) also help us out. There is a good chance that if they can cure anxiety via gene therapy, It would help us out too. Even just being anxiety free would be amazing. Obviously this is a long way off, but when science can pretty much cure blindness, we have alot to get excited about.

congrats fella.... always good to hear more people are kicking on with life and not letting this shit defeat us

It is worth remembering that (in my opinion at least)... all the things we see with hppd are natural.... our brain should be filtering them out, but they are natural. My point is, the more you focus on your visual field, the more weird stuff you will see (that goes for people who are 100% drug free). As you are still in the mild/pre stage of hppd, the best advice really is to try and ignore these symptoms. Like most, i'm sure you wake up and check to see if anything has changed in your vision, this is a mistake, as you are forcing yourself to look for things that are already there, but we tend to filter out. Go sober, excersise, eat healthy and just fill your life with things to keep you busy. I'm sure you will think less and less about this as time goes on. Good luck, Jay

Does it do anything to your visuals?

My plan is: 2 x 1.5mg per week (2mg if hungover). This breaks my week up, as I can count down the few days until my next little treat. Ocassional " hppd break" where I have 1.5mg every day for 2 weeks. (usually when I have to fly to uk/usa for client meetings.... or things like holidays or weddings). Always followed by 2 weeks without. This has served me well so far, no sign of tolerance or addiction. I just had 3 weeks without any klonopin and felt fine. I'm lucky to work mainly from home though, which takes alot of the stress out of life. Your situation might be different and it will be very easy to start taking klono every day, if you have a stressful job. Research as much as you can about this drug.

The only time I had a true flashback was when I had to stop taking Keppra after losing my pills. That was a full on 2 tab lsd trip that last about 3 hours and went and came for around 3 months. Time warping, huge hallucinations, very, very strong dp/dr Goes to show how strong these medications are.

You might be one of the lucky few who can still carry on smoking. I would recommend giving it a break and seeing if it helps, but there are a few people on here that can smoke weed without any ill effect. What would you consider your worst symptoms? Visuals? Anxiety? dp/dr?

Each person is different, but weed absolutly kills me, my anxiety goes through the roof. Do you get relaxed when you smoke it, or trippy? I've never had any problem with alcohol (other than hangovers),, If I go really over the top, i'll have a benzo to get over it. I think the benefits of having a laugh with your friends, or feeling relaxed at a social event outweigh any negatives. Some people here have seen their symptoms get worse after hitting the booze though, so be careful. Stick to the beers, where possible... I find bottled beer the best for not gettin hangover.

First things first, you're life aint over... I first got severe hppd when i was 17 and had what I would class as a complete nervous breakdown... suicidal, 24/7 tripping, delusions, paranoia.... the works. I am now 34, have gone through university, travelled the world, set up 3 sucessful business', married, live in a forgeign country and have amazing friends from around the world. Life goes on and if you grab it, you will have everything you could dream of. Giving up drugs was the first step, including weed (as hard as it is, this is vital... I'm sure it is causing alot of your anxiety). It took me a few years to fully give up, temptation was always there... So don't beat yourself up if you fall off the wagon a few times. My best advice is to just get back into life as you were before. Hppd/anxiety will make you want to sit in your room feeling sorry for yourself... You have to fight that feeling with all the energy you would fight cancer. The more you do things that were normal... but now make you uncomfortable, the more they will begin to feel normal againn. Some days you will just lock yourself in your room... I still do, but as long as you are trying as much as possible, you will start feeling better. Good luck, Jay

If Lamictal helped before, it must be worth another try? You may get prolonged benefits this time. Regarding the sleep patterns... I forced my body back into a routine by getting up at 8:30am, no matter what time I got to sleep. It was a real struggle for a few weeks, but now I rarely stay awake past 1am

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Seabear / Doctor

Yea, Lamictal worked ok for me... the only thing other than benzos to have a noticable effect. Unfortunatly, I got a rash and was very concerned about the potentially deadly rash that lamictal can bring. Maybe I was just panicking though, as I only saw the rash after a shower... I might chat to my doctor about going again.

Cool work mate, love the lighting on old republic. Have you launched any mobile games?

Where is the quote from?

Sounds cool, some of my friends did the interrail thing last summer, sounded like a right laugh. If the train makes it to Portugal, i'll get the beer and pigs ear sandwiches in.

Yea, i'm with ya, no meds except the occasional benzo. If you get proper depressed again though, you might want to look into Lamictal... that helped alot when I was depressed and didn't make me anxious, like SSRIs. Make sure you see a doctor though, as it has some risky side effects.

yea, it's worth doing, even if it's just for a while. My life got so much better when I went travelling, new people, new places, new experiences... Not so much time to sit and dwell on hppd... and sun definitely makes me feel better. Nothing like strutting along the beach in the blazin sun.

Thanks for sharing, i'm another long termer (16 years also). How long did it take for your visuals to stop? I'm in the opposite position, the visuals are strong as ever, but the depression is gone and anxiety is lower. I'm assuming you have been through all the typical medications? Any luck with anything? All the best, Jay

I have a similar issue.... I work 8-12 hours a day on a computer. Very likely that is the problem. Computer use made my dad short sighted, so it certainly affects the eye in a big way. My computer use is related to work, so I minimize computer use outside of that (not easy!)

unfortunatly, benzos are the only thing that work for my visuals. If you choose this route, please research alot

i'm in portugal now.... sunshine is my cure

hahaha, no probs. I spent a good few years researching it all too... Think it's good to have an understanding of what we are fighting. how's life in Manchester? My family are from the north, plenty of mates in stockport (brinny, nice!) and manchester.

it's possible, yea. But not probable, it my opinion. We have had a few members get much worse after a really heavy session on the alcohol, so just be wary of that, while you try and recover, just stick to the beers.. and usual ways to minimise hangover... lots of water and stuff. Exctasy/mdma is a big no, no... and things like salvia... If you can stick to the low grade weed, that will help. Good luck, Jay

My last big trip was a very, very strong one... i'm not sure it even counts as a bad trip, as I was so far gone that I didn't know what the word bad would have meant . I did feel like I had died though, I think they call it ego death... no connection with my body, the planet, my own thoughts etc I'm guessing that really created the dp/dr mess... but, unfortunatly, I carried on doing alot of drugs over the following couple of years, so I never really had a defining "something is really wrong" moment. The guilt and regret you talk about is very hard to shake. I certainly have days where i curse myself, even after 16 years... But I guess that is normal for everyone, ill or not... Everyone makes mistakes they wish they could change. So, unless you really dwell on it every day, just consider it part of the healing process and perfectly natural. It is worth remembering the good times on drugs.... the experience, the learning, the connection with nature, the laughs.... Try not to demonise it too much...