ludwig80

Ha, ya i had a different name before this one but I can't even remember. Pretty crazy compared to how active it used to be. I'll have to pop in to the reddit and check it out. My symptoms, well I suppose I want to put it in a way that I wanted to hear when I first got here so it's a million times better than those early years. They were under no uncertain terms miserable. Somethings stayed, most things got better, still deal with issues but after having it for so god damn long it's just become a part of my life. I should also say that I've found relief in Keppra and as @VisualDudementioned Cocarboxylase b1 has helped in unexpected ways. Hope @David S. Kozin's out there doing well, probably never thanked him back in the day but this place was an absolute god send. How are you holding up? Hopefully making the best of this strange year/holidays season. All the best to ya!

Seems this forum is really quiet nowadays. I used to live on this forum in my early years and through long arduous flair ups with HPPD. Seems like it has been a life time, maybe 2006 I guess.. Started on the stormloader HPPD board or right after when the new forum was started I can't remember. I think there was another one or two after that were lost. I was sad about that, there was tons to read on those boards. Anyways, not sure if anyone is still around but just thought I would drop a line and wish everyone a happy holiday!

They seem to have quite a few visual issues that stem from the whole nervous system being out of whack. Many resembling some of our obvious cues. To be honest, this sounds alot like me sometimes. My brain is clam but body will be whigging out for no reason. I always felt it was my nervous system that was out of control. I wonder if there are any connections?

Good news is I have managed to make it an entire year in California after moving out here without a housing situation or job. Found a job and an apt fairly quickly but now I'm at my next crossroad- I'm turning 26 soon and I will be no longer covered under my parents medical insurance and my current employer doesn't offer benefits.. or over time or really anything. It's a privately owned company and is not obligated to offer any such thing unfortunately. That being said, does anybody have any ideas? I'm applying at all kinds of job over the next few weeks to try to secure one with medical coverage. If nothing pans out I will be relying on private insurance which is pretty expensive. I have a monthly script for Keppra but it's very expensive without insurance as well. I have a Bachelors Degree in business - who would have known it would have been this difficult to find a job with benefits! I probably should have just skipped college and worked the oil fields and rigs with my buddies. They're making close to 6 digits already and they barely graduated high school. Funny how things works out! Thanks guys. Hope everyone is doing well.

Hey man, I really like your ambition. Being proactive is a good thing but be careful! The next doctor you go see you should really consider not mentioning hppd. Instead, as mentioned before, just study up on occiptal lobe epilepsy and explain you are having auras and random simple seizures like symptoms. They'll probably give you an EEG to test it but understand that the vast majority of people with epilepsy will often not have anything ever show up on their EEG's. The electricity issues needs to be happening during the test or nothing will show. So, they typically go based on your symptoms and I believe Keppra is often prescribed more with Occiptal rather than the other so id stick with that.

Hey man, I really like your ambition. Being proactive is a good thing but be careful! The next doctor you go see you should really consider not mentioning hppd. Instead, as mentioned before, just study up on occiptal lobe epilepsy and explain you are having auras and random simple seizures like symptoms. They'll probably give you an EEG to test it but understand that the vast majority of people with epilepsy will often not have anything ever show up on their EEG's. The electricity issues needs to be happening during the test or nothing will show. So, they typically go based on your symptoms and I believe Keppra is often prescribed more with Occiptal rather than the other so id stick with that.

Hey visual. I haven't used it as a treatment but they used it on me before an operation. I woke up with no short term memory for a few hours, but my vision was the best it had been in a long time. It wasn't long after that, maybe a week or less that symptoms become really bad ie frame rate & DR got noticeably worse.. I was always curious if this drug had anything to do with it.

I recommend studying up on occipital lobe seizures and their symptoms and claiming you are have some issues to a neurologist. A white lie but if you feel like you need treatment this is one way. I was fortunate that my eeg showed abnormalities and was prescribed keppra. Also when I moved I literally walked into my current neurologists office, explained that back home I was diagnosed with occiptal lobe epilepsy, explained a few symptoms and told her my current doseage and she wrote me a new prescription. Didn't transfer my medical files or anything. Hope that helps. Keppra has helped me. Not so much visually but with mental aspects and occiptal lobe seizure stuff

Hang tight friend. Lots of us have made many far worse self destructive decisions after our on set. Go easy on yourself and know the path to getting better is not linear. Focus that angst you feel into energy and motivation to make your life better. Go run, apply for school, learn an instrument, build a resume, pack a bag and go travel, whatever- harness that energy and use it positively to change things

After many many years of this disorder I can relate. Even before to some degree. I've spent months just traveling around. It's an amazing feel of freedom. I did a short desert trip recently with just water, sardines and peanut butter. Theres nothin to live off out there but it's nice to get away. Although, I don't want isolation from other people. I miss some people when im away.I just want to get away from being surrounded by hot pocket commercials (who the fuck eats that chemical sponge), politics, factories/pollution, nikki minaj type garbage being acknowledged as music and the whole hectic rat race. I don't even think its that hippie related either. Just more instinctual, it really wasn't that long ago that we as a race were somewhat self sufficient. We're digressing in that regard. My great grand father was a cowboy, lived off the land and his son to a lesser degree. I'd like a cabin in Alaska to escape to in the summer months. Fish, hunt and just keep it simple for a while.

I recognize this fear. My dad has an awful memory and I am right there with him, already. I don't know if Keppra has made my memory worse or not. It was never very good. I had a particularly bad experience about two months ago. I do stupid and forgetful things all the time however, this is my worst. I pulled in to a gas station and worried that i was going to run out of gas was relieved to make it in. I jumped out of the car, quickly swiped my card and entered my pin to suddely turn around and shockingly notice my car was not right behind me. It should have been two feet behind me, I suddenly out of the corner of my eyes say my car rolling down the gas station towards a curb a grassy area. My car was stick shift and I forget to pull the break or put it in gear before shutting if off. After I snapped out of the shocked state I sprinted after it. It the curb and popped up on the grass area and stopped. I quickly hopped in and drove off leaving behind my pride with all the people who had witnessed this first hand at the gas station behind. I'm EXTREMELY fortunate it didn't roll into the street or hurt someone in general. I can't emphaize that enough and am eternally grateful. Had it been 10 feet to the left i would have hit a brick enclosure of a dumpster and to the right would been a street. All because I forgot to put on the parking break..

Pretty interesting!

Hey Mandrake- seems you and I went sober around the same time. I think i'm about 2.5 years of being sober. I had no choice though, my story is on this forum somewhere. Alcohol not only caused all my symptoms to come back but even worse ones. It has gotten slightly better since then but not a whole lot visual wise. Mentally i've gotten better thanks to time and keppra. No drugs and no booze is more a social hinderment than anything. I find it especially difficult as I recently moved and most people want to go get drinks at the bar, then bail out once they find out they'll be drinking alone all night while I suck down water. I also miss a few guinness after a long day... But is what it is! All we can do is keep on keeping on! You're not alone..

Conquer is right. It's a vicious cycle that we can find ourselves in and it's really easy to perpetuate it. Have faith that it'll mellow out, go out for some serious run and get all the anxiety/andrenaline out of you and get your brain back occupied in something. HPPD is not linear unfortuantely, i'm realizing we are always susceptible.

Hey Jay, I used to get that sense of dread really intensely. It was always accompanied by a dramatic increase in visuals and severe brainfog. I got to the point where the anxiety was minimal during it. It didn't feel organic at the point, I was logically aware that I shouldn't be feeling this where and I wasn't anxious about it but I would happen anyway. I thought it was related to panic attack of something but I always thought it was weird that there was no panic. Just an overwhelming sense of doom that would leave adrift we a few hours. When I saw the neurologist he told me that is common with epilepsy patients. Keppra seems to have helped this occur less frequently and no where near as strong. So, perhaps it's due to electrical over activity in the brain.