Jay1
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Everything posted by Jay1
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UK has gone mental again.... It calmed down for a while, now it's maybe worse than even the rave heydays (when it were £15 an E!). I go back and EVERYONE is on something or other.... even the most boring people are full of coke... I have to travel about to see family and stuff and when we are down south, everyone is full of coke and up north full of ket...... madchester is back and it's spread!
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Yea, that's it really..... I've suffered, probably as hard as I imagine it is possible to, with hppd..... but I can at least think, well I had a fucking blast for years..... and also, I knew the path I was taking. I was on self destruct, so can't really sit about crying because something went wrong. That was the whole point... I was gonna do that shit until I died or something went wrong.... So no guilt, just a tinge of "it's a shame I was born with an addictive personality" So I have the good memories, and no major guilt or regret. I chose a path and that path led me pretty much where I expected. I could sit around and wonder about why I was so self destructive... but it's too far in the past to care now.... I was just a crazy teen who liked drugs.... no point lookin too deep, in my opinion.. I reckon when I hit about 70.... If I still have this, i'll dodge off to a jungle or something and have a trip..... just for old times sake.
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Probably from 13 on the weed and acid.... ramping up to a major party from 16 to 20... very hazy teenage years. My last blow out was June 1996, so I would have been almost 20. After that, I just had a few slip ups on mdma and coke.... but that was the end of my big drug binge. Some very, very good times, which maybe helps me keep my spirits up, even with all this crazy shit..... I can't imagine you guys who just got it after a couple of trips, it must be soul destorying.... at least I knew the fine line I was walking and had stared into these depths many times before... almost toying with it.... so when it reached breaking point, I kind of embraced it (maybe even wanted it? Nothing like a mental breakdown to help you to quit the party) To do your first trip and enter this hell must be the absolute worst, most heart wrenching thing I can imagine.
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haha, seems you are right.... my memory is bad... I guess I should write this stuff down properly.
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Scares me to even think.... 50+ LSD trips 20+ shrooms 100s of E's 20+ grams of MDMA 100s grams of coke 100s grams of speed too much weed to remember too many nights on the booze to remember I'm lucky to only have hppd really.... some of my mates are proper pyscho now.... think the TV is talking to them and stuff
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I found this site! Although I had learned to cope, I still had/have very strong hppd, so started trying the various meds people were having success with. Keppra etc Nothing really worked, but I get relief from 1 or 2 klonopins a week.... Which i'm very thankful for. When managed well, Klonopin is great. Me and my nuerologists are trying to find another benzo like substance, where I could take, say, 2 weeks of klono... 2 weeks of "x substance" and never get addicted/tolerant to either. The search continues.
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I did the first 11 years without meds (and also didn't know what hppd was)....... It was good, really.... made me very strong minded and determind to make something of my life. I know I say this alot, but I worry for the people who jump straight onto benzos and don't learn to cope..... I fully understand the decision and don't judge them for it.... But it concerns me, none the less.
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Best medication for visual symptoms?
Jay1 replied to Ghormeh Sabzi's topic in Medications & Other Treatments
What sort of dosage do you take for hppd relief? -
yep, that is always my advice to new comers. My only concern was that you sometimes felt suicidal, if that continues... there is no shame in taking meds to help.
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sad story mate... must have been so hard on you at that age. Stress seems to be a huge factor in hppd and anxiety, so it is no surprise to hear you started getting symptoms after your dad's death. hopefully you are looking after yourself now, no more drugs. It sounds like you are in a mild/pre hppd stage, so, fingers crossed, this will pass with time. good luck and feel free to ask any questions
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If you are feeling suicidal and hppd isn't your main worry, I'd try an anti depressent. I wonder if you should try one that targets both depression and anxiety though, like Lexapro? I know some people on here have found it to be an anti depressent that doesn't play too much with hppd. http://en.wikipedia....ki/Escitalopram Good luck, Jay
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Anyone heard of this? Sounds quite interesting as an alternative to benzos. As it acts at a different target site to benzodiazepines (but still tagretting the all important GABA-a receptors), there is a possiblility that you could do, say, 2 weeks on a benzo then 2 weeks on Etifoxine for a long time without getting addicted or tolerent to either. (I'm no doctor, so will need to ask my neuro about that). If we could mask our symptoms for ever, without addiction or tolerence building... then that is a cure, right? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etifoxine I have an appointment mid March, so will find out and report back.
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I find any kind of upper gives me crazy anxiety. Maybe if you are drinking as well, you wont notice the anxiety as much... I can have a couple of coffees, if I am on the beer.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e541LlNiTBY Best Oasis song.... rock and fuckin roll
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What's interesting is it only really works in a sentence, as your brain is already guessing the next work. taotl pboerolm raed Those words are not so easy to decipher when not in a sentence.
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I notice that you included Salvia in your tags... did you use that alot? Salvia really changed the way I saw my visuals.... Beforehand, the visuals were overlayed onto real life, stressful, but at least it was all one "image"... after Salvia... they seem more distinct, seperated. Even worse, unfortunatly.
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Maybe that is lost in translation.... but just because something didn't make things worse, does not mean it is now a "safe" drug to do, with regard to hppd. I did mdma loads of times, with no bad effect on my hppd.... but then after one time, it got much worse.
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Hi, while you are more than welcome here... this forum may have better information for your particular case: www.thosewithvisualsnow.yuku.com Best of luck, Jay.
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For sure.... there are alot of interconnected mechanisms in the brain. Look at klonopin.... it reduces our visuals, but also reduces short term memory (most of our memory is based on visual input, so makes sense). It also helps epilespy and anxiety. There seems to be a link between all these things, so If they can find treatment for one, they might help the others. Even tough it might be too late for us, I can see this sort of science improving to the point where they can pinpoint any malfunctioning gene/receptor/nerve and fix it.... I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing, for the population. Some of these rouge genes must account for extra creativity, genius maths, going bizarely off topic on a forum etc
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can i get a benzo prescription at 18 years old?
Jay1 replied to mybiggestmistake's topic in Medications & Other Treatments
In the UK, my doctor wouldn't perscribe me valium because of my age... I think I was about 19. Probably the BEST doctor's advice i've ever received. I don't speak for everyone, but I know at that age, I didn't have the will power to take it on an as needed basis, I would have been addicted and further complicated my life. If you are certain this is the right path... Then I suggest going in with a parent or gaurdian and have them distribute the benzo when you really need it. -
Good choice I've not heard of Flexx, but if it is like cocaine, at least it is not hallucinogenic. hope your hppd goes away and you can live a happy life
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Things that affect your life more than hppd
Jay1 replied to psilocybin420's topic in Community Open Space
plenty of smut on the road too -
Things that affect your life more than hppd
Jay1 replied to psilocybin420's topic in Community Open Space
Not sure if it's possible for you... but maybe just get out of your town/city for a few months... travel and see new stuff, meet people on the road. Alway helps me, you can be as sociable or secluded as you want when you're on the road. -
I think you are taking hppd way, way too lightly. This is not some cool little side effect.... It is ruining alot of people's lives. I'm not sure if you are asking for advice or just want to talk drugs? If you want advice... then I will be blunt. You have pre/mild hppd.... It might seem like fun, but if you carry on with your drug experiments, you may be looking at years and years of heartache, mental anguish and lost happiness. We have people who have killed themselves, drunk themselves to death and are addicted to strong medications, just because of hppd. This is a serious illness. If you want to chat drugs.... Stay away from lsd, mushrooms, mdma, pyscedelics... anything that affects serotonin. Coke doesn't do much for me either, I can sleep no probs. Speed is like caffine, just lots of it... no good feelings... worst drug in the world. I know you are enjoying life right now, I love drugs too.... but I can no longer smoke 1 bit of weed anymore because of hppd... If you want to carry on enjoying drugs, slow down.
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Seeing too far into the Visual Snow
Jay1 replied to eXeth's topic in Symptoms: Descriptions, Discussion, Debate
In the right situation, I actually quite enjoy it. I remember staring at my white cat who was sat against a white wall.... I stared for about 10 seconds and literally all I could see was the cats eyes... everything else in the room was swallowed up by green and blue geomterics. It was quite a deep experience, like I was connected with the cat. Sometimes it's a nightmare though, watching films is bad... similar thing... All I see is the tv and everything else disapears into trip land. The film then gets very 3D and spins me out a bit. No way will I ever buy a 3DTV, who needs it with hppd? These episodes only ever lasts an amount of seconds though until I snap out of it, forcebly, or by blinking. That is all you need to keep in mind, if it panics you. Obviously, smoking weed will make this much worse... and Salvia is 100x worse. This affected my snow for years. Still does. I now see clear 3D circles and wheels within the visual snow... a bit like those old magic eye posters.
