Jay1

I think qEEG is the one that shows the activity of hppd?

no... just Klonopin now... But I have tried nearly everything. Klono causes me pretty bad depression after about 3 days... Which is quite a good thing, as it stops me wanting to take it all the time. Did you ever try Inositol? I found that a good treatment for depression. Good luck with the welbutrin

19 years, next month The visuals are still as bad as day 1, maybe worse, as I stupidly did salvia a few years ago, which made my visuals crazy... The trippy feeling is a little bit better. The depression that haunted me for the 1st three years is gone, thank god, and I deal with the anxiety much better now, which also seemed to ease after the 3 year mark (maybe just the relief of not feeling so depressed helped). So.. The symptoms are still strong as ever, but my ability to cope is better now.

mdma sent me over the edge too. I think I could have lived quite easily with the hppd i got from lsd, the mdma abuse turned it into into something much harder to handle though... from something that was strange, but manageable, to something that felt like a full blown mental illness. MDMA put me in a very dark place.

or years! I was taking drugs every day, so differentiating between an illness, a comedown or a high that was crazier than normal was just blurred lines at that point. It is only now, with hindsight, that I can pinpoint when I think hppd started, for me.

I did acid a few times after I got hppd (I didn't have a clue what hppd was though, just knew i was fucked up).. I was heavily into mdma, at that point, usually taking it 4-5 times a week... Plus speed, coke etc... I real mess. anyway, I do remember taking lsd a few times about a year later, it was pretty scary. Can't say for sure if it was just really strong acid, or the hppd put me into another level, but it was crazy and I had to down a litre of vodka to bring myself down a bit. That last acid was my last real drug experience other than a bit of coke/optiates here and there. The brain can't take that sort of abuse.

My advice is to start taking little steps back into society, whatever you can handle... But push yourself a little more each day. If you struggle with making eye contact, start forcing yourself to do it more each day... Same with conversations, studying, being in crowds etc etc... Whatever you feel your illness is blocking you to do. Don't feel bad if you have some days where you just lock the world out, but also try to get the mindset that this thing can be improved, but you will need to fight it like you fight any other illness. Forcing myself back into life was really the breakthrough for me.... I'm not cured, by any stretch of the imagination... But I can do a hell of a lot of the things I thought had be taken away from me, when I first got this. Keep fighting.

Thanks mate, good to see you back and interesting tip, i will try it out

Agree there synth.... The strongest LSD trip I ever had was off 1 purple microdot, that seemed like about 10 hits of normal tabbed acid.

Pretty sure David, the starter of this forum, got hppd from his 1st trip.

I've taken GHB (as an attempt to find a less toxic alternative to alcohol) I was fine... Didn't really enjoy it though. GHB is about as safe or dangerous as half the meds people stick in their mouths in hope that it will cure them. It is a GABAa agonist, after all.

That is the very 1st argument the flesh eaters bring out. If everyone stopped eating meat, do you really think chickens and cows etc would cease to exist? Of course not, they would just return to their natural level, they would be hunted and killed, sure... But it would be a natural life. 9999 out of 10000 male chickens wouldn't be instantly killed at birth, for starters. To me the whole, "it's a symbiotic relationship" argument is akin to saying that those 3 girls who were held in that guy's basement for 3 decades being raped and having forced abortions should love the guy, as he was keeping them alive bringing them occasional meals of gruel and water.

Nice of those women to hug the cows, maybe comforting her after she has had her male calf murdered in front of her before being put back onto the milking machine and violently artificially inseminated again. Oops, not supposed to rant!

Yea, it is really a last resort. It makes me so angry that doctors are so scared to trust someone just because they have former drug use, that they will say no to a medicine that works... and force us to look on black market websites, or worse still, find a drug dealer.

You take Klonopin every day? are you sure it is not that that cures your visuals?

I wish!!! About 90% of crisps/chips have milk in the flavouring.

I know some freakily healthy vegans.... A lot of people at my gym are going vegan to get even leaner while still packing on protein with beans and stuff. My uncle has been vegan for 30 years now and is strong as an ox, ripped to shreds at 50

On vacation right now, but i'll be up for any sort of film making project. I have all the gear needed (except lighting, which I rent)

Good to hear you're doing well.... The datura incident must have been hell, judging by some of the stories i've read. I have often wondered whether something like that could, in some respect, reboot the brain a bit (and no, i'd never do it or recommend it!)...

Milk/Dairy industry is the biggest cover up of our generation... Will be looked back on with embarrassment in generations to come. I wont preach here, but people should learn the facts about it, even if the animal cruelty doesn't worry you, the chemicals and hormones will.

there is a new one now... i've used it a couple of times... works fine. Make sure you get the right url though, there so many scam sites.

Yep, that is the kind of stuff I face each day When I mention that a huge % of the world's crop is grown purely to feed cattle, they move onto the next argument.

If you can get on the 3 days on, 4 days off benzo routine.... I think you can at least find some long term relief. As a fellow long termer, it has vastly improved my life. Maybe hit up silk road or something. I checked it out when I knew I was moving back to the UK and how hard it would be to get benzos from a doctor... Plenty of cheap valium on there.

There are always ways to obtain benzos.... It is shit that we are pushed towards illegal drug dealers or online stores purely because doctors don't understand... But that is a better option then suffering without relief. I'm sure you know that benzos are not really a cure though, tread carefully.

Well.... Be prepared to be treated like an outcast by some people, at the mere mention of the word vegan. It is unbelievable the pseudo intellectual ramblings I have to hear when people find out i'm vegan.... Some get very defensive... Like I have challenged their religion or deepest beliefs (Even though I never bring up the topic).