Jay1

Yea, i think it is a state of mind that you have to fight to get back. I get many, many days where I don't want to speak to anyone, even my wife, but I force myself out there and, once I talk a bit, I realise that it is ok... The anxiety is the build up to being social, the social part is actually not so bad, once you are there... It is worth remembering that most people have their own issues, their own anxieties, their own set of problems. That doesn't mean they are uncaring and selfish... It just means they are not studying your every word, move or behaviour looking for signs of strange behaviour. It seems people don't think i'm a freak, or, people think i'm a freak and think that is ok

I have always described my symptoms as being caught in that last 2-3 hours of a strong trip... Where the visuals are still quite strong, but diminished, the good feelings and mind exploration have all gone, but the strange, trippy thought process is still there and heads to a darker place. It is still tripping, but not full on tripping. I think, on occasion, i've described my visual state as that of around 1/2 a tab of acid, that is since I did Salvia about 3 years ago.... Now I see these 3D wheels and cogs within my vision, overlaid onto my normal hppd crap.

You won't ever be banned by me.... I have stated many times that I am only an admin to stop spam. I am too blunt to be a proper admin. I'm too tired to carry on with this negativity. So I apologise for any bad will and will keep my opinion to myself unless David asks for input.

I'm interested in this too.... Looking forward to see if anyone has any stories, good or bad

I can't help you with a doctor, but if you need anything else, give me a shout. I got hppd at the same age as you and although I still have it, the depression left after around 3 years and made life bearable again. I met a girl, got married and have a career in the creative field too, things can get better! PM me if you need any advice. All the best, Jay

Very brave thing to do, I have alot of respect for you doing this, it is something I have thought about, but have never felt able. If it can help one person from suffering our fate, it is well worth it.

Good to know, I have terrible ear ache lately and was going to go to the doctors. I will make sure to research anything they give me. Hope you get better, Jay

Admins aren't allowed any love

Glad to hear it is calming down. The best thing to do with mistakes like these is to learn from them, change your outlook, but don't beat yourself up about them.

Agree with Jose.... Be you... Maybe you would be pondering these things even if you didn't have hppd. There are alot of difficult subjects these days, and alot of people prefer to bury their head than talk about it... But I think with age you will find more like minded people who are open to the deeper discussions in life. I went for a long walk with a friend (who doesn;t have hppd or a great deal of drug usage) on Sunday and we discussed a whole range of topics from space, god (or lack of), matrix style virtual reality to whether we would let 90% of the world die for the greater good of the planet and human race. Now, if it had been another friend, maybe I would have been chatting about girls or sports... You just have to make a sort of mental note as to which of your friends might be open to such discussions. If the people around you think you are weird for exploring the bigger picture, find people who don't. Maybe take up philosophy, where you are actively encouraged to discuss abstract issues

The site is pretty high up in google, so I think people are still finding the site. Maybe people are doing less drugs these days? Seems like alot of kids prefer staring at their phone than into the hallucinogen abyss!

It's worth remembering that alot of our visitors don't actually post, they just read the info and opinions. It brings some comfort, I imagine.

The thing with coke (or any other powder) is you have no idea what it is cut with. Coke doesn't really affect me much and I return to baseline after a day or so. Try not to beat yourself up about your slip up. Just try not to panic and ride it out, i'm sure it will pass.

Do you do any rotation so that you have a better idea of what is working and what is doing nothing? Sound like it would cost a fortune to keep that up!

That's possibly one of the shittiest, most spiteful things i've ever read on here.. You know absolutely nothing about me. I'll tell you one key thing about myself though. and it is, deep down, the sole difference between me and you... I fight for my happiness, I fight for my life... I don't sit around crying about the hand life threw at me, and trust me, i have been dealt some bad cards and heartache over my life that would make you fucking ashamed about your above post.

Give it a rest? GIVE IT A FUCKING REST????? You come on here every 6 months and whine about money then disappear again. Some of us are here giving hope to newcomers every fucking day without any thought or concern about money, or the time it eats into our paid jobs. Do you answer dozens of PMs a week? Do you go to great lengths to help ANYONE out? If you stuck around more, you would know that around 80% of our visitors seem to get better... There is plenty of hope and alot of it comes from finding other people with hppd and getting advice and info, quickly, for free. Some don't even need to sign up. The answers are there for them in pinned threads. If the site offers stuff via subscription, it will alienate people and will raise next to nothing. I work in the web industry at the very top level, I've worked with locks of love, and several other charities... I know this shit inside out, for niche areas SUBSCRIPTIONS DO NOT WORK Donations, fund raisers, documentaries, leaflets etc.... That is how this kind of thing works. And thankfully, this is something that anyone can participate in... Whether they want to donate money, raise money, or... If they don't have money, can try to get the word out or try to help newcomers. Give it a rest? No, i'll keep doing what I can on a daily basis.

I was reading up about alpha waves and it seems that coffee reduces them or stops you from getting to alpha waves.

Yea, fuck anyone with hppd who can't afford to pay for a subscription. You realise there are 15 year old kids coming on here, desperate for help? $20 is no small change to a teenager. I'm all for making a much more visible donations section, or planning fund raising events, or funding a documentary.... But the minute we think about charging for information... I'm out of here.

thank for posting, Jess.... very interesting results interesting that they mention a change of empathy.... I think my empathy levels have been alot higher since hppd, which i consider a good thing.

Have you truly forced yourself to be social? You need to do it again and again and again... but it does slowly get better I hid from the world for 3 years, then I just got sick of being controlled and defined by my illness. It is still intensely difficult to function at things like social events (benzos have made that better).... But the less stressful things, like playing team sports, I find can be pretty easy now on a social level. Make a bit of small talk about the match, get in on a couple of jokes and you are part of the gang. I recently moved back to the uk and have made 10 or more friends at football and that is just from sheer will and determination. Can I keep eye contact? Not well.... Do I get nervous for an hour or so before the game at the thought of interacting with people i don't know too well? Yep... Do I get paranoid that they might think i'm weird and don't like me? Sure, but that passes once i make a bit of small talk. As with a lot of things in life,... The anticipation is often worse than the event. Get over that and you can claw some of your life back.

i still have them after 19 years... The depression is the only thing that went away after 3 years or so. I have pretty severe hppd though

It seems alot of people get over this after a couple of months of healthy living, drug/booze free..... When it is mild. Forget about any lsd, shrooms, mdma etc though.... Even if you recover.

It will help with hppd.... Just be very careful as Xanax seems to be the most addictive of all the benzos. If you can do the next 3 months without any meds, you will probably stand a better chance of a full recovery though and gain a mental toughness that you might not get if you reach straight out for the meds.

Try to go to a neurologist... At leats you will have half a chance of getting some sensible advice. You did the right thing by refusing SSRIs. Those and anti psychs will be their "go to" meds for any condition of the mind that they don't know of. I am becoming increasingly angry about these doctors giving out such medications without a thought.... It is borderline negligence. Stick to your guns... Find a neuro, if they wont listen properly, find another, and another.... It is shit, but that is what we have to deal with. As for meds, the best seem to be benzos, anti convultants (keppra, lamictal) and dopamine agonists (Simamet). Each have their own pros/cons... So do your research so that you can go into your next appointment with as much knowledge as possible. Good luck, Jay

It was not a major cure or anything, but i noticed maybe a 20% reduction in VS and just felt generally more clear headed and less messed up. I really want to try it again, as I think I jumped the gun on the rash.... Now I am in the UK though, meds are much harder to come by