mgrade

Like the lyrics: i turned to look but it was gone, i cannot put my finger on it now, ..the dream is gone.

Today is Wed. Sept. 17, 2014 I've been thinking about a few things: 1. Sensory Loss and Mental Illness 2. Head Injury and Parkinson's and 3. Head injury, Seizures, Tremors, Restless Leg Syndrome, and ADD (Somewhat of a word association, but i see the link.)

Be a bit careful because quinine can effect the duration and potency of other medicines by effecting drug metabolism mechanisms. I could go for a G&T right now. LOL.

Also, stay away from nitrous oxide, I think.

Yeah, I'm getting my rig together now. But owning the BM pocket. I would consider buying the Canon T2i. .....As for sound, jay and I are OK with audio engineering i think. With the audio, it depends on what you are doing. I mean, just for a simple interview for youtube, the mic from an iMac would even be fine. But maybe a simple headset mic would be better. There are tons of options. For a yt solo dialogue, if i had the proper video editing software, i'd use a condenser mic. But, like me, most people don't have the proper software. So a headset mic is easiest for what we are trying to do. (or the mic on a camcorder). What do you think Jay? where are the videos and the channel btw? IDK if an HPPD documentary exists......just thinking.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/link-found-between-long-term-use-of-sleeping-pills-alzheimers-risk/2014/09/10/d12c90f6-386b-11e4-8601-97ba88884ffd_story.html I don't know how credible this is but worth reading.

Going into psychotherapy is a great, great thing! The problem is that sometimes it is hard to find someone who jibes with you. Especially for me, I don't live in the city. This is a very complex task, taking on a hppd patient. Often times we are less sedate than your average heavily medicated paranoid schizophrenic and more twisted than your average neurotic that wants to spend the hour talking about the superficialities of the week. I know at my peak of symptoms I was literally ready to crawl up walls. I've had psychologists say they don't want to see me as a patient. That's what doctors do, they practice medicine. I'm not sure where I'm going with this post but I'm getting there. Lol.

Cobalt-60 (Co-60 or 60Co) is a radioactive metal that is used in radiotherapy. It produces two gamma rays with energies of 1.17 MeV and 1.33 MeV. The 60Co source is about 2 cm in diameter and as a result produces a geometric penumbra, making the edge of the radiation field fuzzy. The metal has the unfortunate habit of producing a fine dust, causing problems with radiation protection. Cobalt machines have fallen from favor in the Western world where linacs are common. Cobalt-57 (Co-57 or 57Co) is a radioactive metal that is used in medical tests; it is used as a radiolabel for vitamin B12 uptake. It is useful for the Schilling test.[2] Industrial uses for radioactive isotopesEdit Cobalt-60 (Co-60 or 60Co) is useful as a gamma ray source because it can be produced—in predictable quantity, and high activity—by simply exposing natural cobalt to neutrons in a reactor for a given time. It is used for sterilization of medical supplies, and medical waste; radiation treatment of foods for sterilization (cold pasteurization); industrial radiography (e.g., weld integrity radiographs); density measurements (e.g., concrete density measurements); and tank fill height switches. Cobalt-57 is used as a source in Mössbauer spectroscopy of iron-containing samples. The electron capture decay of the 57Co forms an excited state of the 57Fe nucleus, which in turn decays to the ground state with emission of a gamma ray. Measurement of the gamma ray spectrum provides information about the chemical state of the iron atom in the sample. The primary decay products before 59Co are iron isotopes and the primary products after are nickel isotopes. Radioactive isotopes can be produced by various nuclear reactions. For example, the isotope 57Co is produced by cyclotron irradiation of iron. The principal reaction involved is the (d,n) reaction 56Fe + 2H → n + 57Co.[1]

I've been looking into other phenomena mostly visual: 1. Amblyopia. W. Or w/o tobacco 2. Crowding And interesting causes/ideas/odd relations: 1. B12 deficiency This is what b12 is: Vitamin B12 consists of a class of chemically related compounds (vitamers), all of which have vitamin activity. It contains the biochemically rare element cobalt sitting in the center of planar tetra-pyrrole ring called a Corrin ring. Biosynthesis of the basic structure of the vitamin is accomplished only by bacteria and archaea (which usually produce hydroxocobalamin), but conversion between different forms of the vitamin can be accomplished in the human body. A common semi-synthetic form of the vitamin, cyanocobalamin, does not occur in nature, but is produced from bacterial hydroxocobalamin and then used in many pharmaceuticals and supplements, and as a food additive, because of its stability and lower production cost. In the body it is converted to the human physiological forms methylcobalamin and 5'-deoxyadenosylcobalamin, leaving behind the cyanide, albeit in minimal concentration. More recently, hydroxocobalamin, methylcobalamin, and adenosylcobalamin can be found in more expensive pharmacological products and food supplements. The extra utility of these is currently debated. Vitamin B12 was discovered from its relationship to disease pernicious anemia, which is an autoimmune disease in which parietal cells of the stomach responsible for secreting intrinsic factor are destroyed; the same cells are responsible for secreting acid in the stomach. Intrinsic factor is crucial for the normal absorption of B12, so a lack of intrinsic factor, as seen in pernicious anemia, causes a vitamin B12 deficiency. Many other subtler kinds of vitamin B12 deficiency and their biochemical effects have since been elucidated.[2] The names vitamin B12, vitamin B12, or vitamin B-12, and the alternative name cobalamin, generally refer to all forms of the vitamin. Some medical practitioners have suggested that its use be split into two categories. In a broad sense, B12 refers to a group of cobalt-containing vitamer compounds known as cobalamins: these include cyanocobalamin (an artifact formed from using activated charcoal, which always contains trace cyanide, to purify hydroxycobalamin), hydroxocobalamin (another medicinal form, produced by bacteria), and finally, the two naturally occurring cofactor forms of B12 in the human body: 5'-deoxyadenosylcobalamin (adenosylcobalamin—AdoB12), the cofactor of Methylmalonyl Coenzyme A mutase (MUT), and methylcobalamin (MeB12), the cofactor of enzyme Methionine synthase, which is responsible for conversion of homocysteine to methionine and of 5-methyltetrahydrofolate to tetrahydrofolate. The term B12 may be properly used to refer to cyanocobalamin, the principal B12 form used for foods and in nutritional supplements. This ordinarily creates no problem, except perhaps in rare cases of eye nerve damage, where the body is only marginally able to use this form due to high cyanide levels in the blood due to cigarette smoking; it thus requires cessation of smoking or B12 given in another form, for the optic symptoms to abate.[citation needed] However, tobacco amblyopia is a rare condition, and it is yet unclear whether it represents a peculiar B12 deficiency that is resistant to treatment with cyanocobalamin. It is cobalt containing. Cyan- blue. Though b12 is a red colored. http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:B12_methylcobalamin.jpg Halides Cobalt(II) chloride hexahydrate Four dihalides of cobalt(II) are known: cobalt(II) fluoride (CoF2, pink), cobalt(II) chloride (CoCl2, blue), cobalt(II) bromide (CoBr2, green), cobalt(II) iodide (CoI2, blue-black). These halides exist in anhydrous and hydrated forms. Whereas the anhydrous dichloride is blue, the hydrate is red.[12] The reduction potential for the reaction Co3+ + e- → Co2+ is +1.92 V, beyond that for chlorine to chloride, +1.36 V. As a consequence cobalt(III) and chloride would result in the cobalt(III) being reduced to cobalt(II). Because the reduction potential for fluorine to fluoride is so high, +2.87 V, cobalt(III) fluoride is one of the few simple stable cobalt(III) compounds. Cobalt(III) fluoride, which is used in some fluorination reactions, reacts vigorously with water.[8]http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Cobalt(II)-chloride-hexahydrate-sample.jpg Vitamin B12 (see below) is an organometallic compound found in nature and is the only vitamin to contain a metal atom.[17] Idk just found this interesting. : /

I love this ad! Lol

can there be some predisposition, that may include things like HPPD?

I feel ya, jess. It's no fun. The really messed up part is that all the stuff that is hard anyway; it's shit that would be difficult without HPPD or mental illness. People give you platitudes for advice, like some bs catchphrase to explain getting through the struggles of life. Try and come up with a platitude for how life is hard with HPPD (the other "regular" hard shit, we haven't even gotten to). Uggh.

Very true, Visual. A clinical diagnosis is sort of a moot point in the mind of a patient, because whether your diagnosis is neuropathy or HPPD or whatever, and you get Gabapentin, it's still Gabapentin. Yeah, if you are a doctor, you need to have a diagnosis. But if you are schizophrenic and are prescribed Klonopin and he writes in the office computer or in the patient's file it is for insomnia, what does it matter to the patient, it's still Klonopin.

Its OK. It would be nice to have a couple seroquel lying around for sleep etc. 36mg concerta, 10mg lexapro, 150mg wellbutrin xl (lowest they got). And klonopin as needed. I feel like I need antihistamines, nasal decongestants, and some sort of opiate. Last night I took benadryl and a nasal decon. And aspirin and Tylenol. And a b complex vitamin. Made me feel better. Those nasal decongestants make me feel good, gives you some andrenaline feelings. I can think better. And the benadryl while making me fall asleep helps clear things up for a couple days. That's why seroquel at low doses or in general is a good drug I think. Kinda does all those things. Not necessarily at the same time but you catch my drift. At low doses its basically an antihistamine. But its more external forces that are making my life or me felling like a caged bird. Uggh.

Well. Despite what everyone says, I think hppd is a mental illness not too different than let's say bipolar disorder or schizophrenia or PTSD. You're perceptions are persistently disordered. Sounds like any mental illness I can think of. And when it ceases to be, it ceases to be persistent. Maybe a predispotion to perceptual/mental disorders is a genetic "defect" and we were meant to be extinct. I really don't know when it ends.

That's human nature. It's great to be a human, ain't it?

I am really not doing well. I need some help. :'((

What does it matter, your diagnosis, except if it is a "physical" ailment? The real question is: what is the TREATMENT?

Only god can make the distinction : P

Has anyone ever thought: "OK cut the bullshit.....We all have schizophrenia." ?

Obviously we all do.

Lol

Jay! That actually makes me feel better. Thank god, someone understands! I just bought some video gear. I want to message you and tell me what you think. Thank you Jay!

Usually I am not on here complaining much but lately I really haven't been feeling well. Actually, i feel sorta shithouse crazy. I feel the presence of looming death upon me. And I am just fearful of the complexities of the world.

Yeah, Jay is right that for some (maybe more than seems logical), there are points of recovery. ie- 2 year, 7 years. I hate to be cliche, but, yeah, time is the great healer. I can also say that in times like this you realize who your real friends are, (meaning when the going gets tough). Most of us have had our lives gone in a complete 180. I would say a huge, huge percentage of us. And another large percentage of people here have terrible cascades of events that leave the person's life crumbing to the ground, or toppling over like a game of Jenga. All you can do is hang on to any semblance of pleasure or interest. We all have been, or are, going through the same exact thing! Just remember Riders on the Storm: "...Take a long holiday...... Let your children play...."