etardnow

^ I was a noob and still am a noob but i got obsessed with hppd and i basically stayed home all day reading the forum and doing wikipedia. If its not your 'thing' you dont really have to research about it and stuff. I now get the basic gist of receptors and stuff but even if we understand it, we are all still "theorizing" that its connected. If we knew the actual problem, im sure a cure is not that hard. What my basic understanding is that our sensors(receptors) and the chemicals(neurotransmitters and such) that activate those sensors are imbalanced and or rewired to work differently. Certain EEG's show that its overactive and in relation to that, it makes sense that benzos and anti-seizure meds are commonly known to be helpful. But even with that understanding, HPPD seems to be relatively unique to each of us. Some respond more to dopamine stuff while others to serotonin (ex/ a temporary remission of symptoms after mdma use) while some are unaffected by alcohol,weed,and benzos, to some it brought on a new hell for them. Imo, the best way to cope/accept/handle hppd is to understand yourself. Im still a newbie and only 3-4month in. When i first realized it was hppd(though i still have a little 'hopeful' doubt to lyme :\), i was obsessed and a couple month in, i developed anxiety and a hint of derealization.(though that faded within 2-3weeks and i also have a little doubt that it wasnt 'developed' vs a symptom') One thing that made me cope well with hppd is, "at least im not blind." But mines pretty mild and i dont know what to say for those with cognition problems. Believe that you can fight it off and hppd is mainly visual!

Sometimes my vision will flicker, like a light bulb behind me turned off and on, but it happens less than once a day. WIth the strobing thing, its like dippin-dots icecream in my vision. but the bright purply neony color. goes away fast tho. For my eyes thing, its interesting that it only happens when my eyes are focused at a certain distance. I see waves in CEV.

State of Regret, today it was sparkling dots of many colors for me too. Again, it only lasts like 30 seconds. Is this what the more 'severe' hppders experience when they say flashes of light in vision and stuff hmm. For eyes shaking, When i look at something like 30 inches away and open my eyes really wide, i can see that horizontal edges/lines shake up and down. I dont know if thats just vision/brain processing problem or if my eyes are actually shaking.

^^ care to share your experience?

Basically I stay home all day and browse reddit and play games. I go outside to do errands and such but i mostly stay home. Ill be going back to school in sept and i wonder what thats going to be like. I havent really needed to use my cognition yet since i got hppd, so I guess i could be totally screwed. We'll see.

Yea its like that but in somewhat organized and uniform squares and more like after images. Yea, fuk purple.

Couldnt find the right picture but generalizing it, im seeing a square grid kind of, (its not perfectly uniform or anything), in the form of CEV colors[but its not CEV]. So that neony-purple and afterimagish color. It only happens right after I wake up in the morning and it simply goes away (pretty fast) like an after image would. If i blink, it would come back momentarily but eventually it fades. Just for reference but not really what i see.http://awesomewallpapers.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/squares-black.jpg

Odisa: Im splitting a 500mg pill and taking it morning and dinner, I dont really see any changes since i really dont have any mental problems. In fact it might be worsening my visuals a bit? Text movement seems more noticeable now. I cant say for sure its due to magnesium since my symptoms have always been slowly worsening since it started. As for the fart/gas problem, ive googled it and magnesium can make them smell unworldly lol.

I think it has something to do with the phenomenon where you dont really realize you're getting closer to something. I don't know if its just a normal illusion but when I walk in my apartment corridor, it doesnt feel like the end of the hallway is getting closer and closer until im actually there.(edit: now that i think about it, i remember talking about this phenomenon when I was tripping.) When I was on LSD and drove, i experienced the road zooming in and out. Another part of the 'perception' disorder if you will. I do sometimes feel spaced out very minimally but it might be because im consciously seeing all the bright headlights(in canada, daytime running lights are the law, and even those have starbursting effects :\) and it makes me think about HPPD somewhat. With that said, I dont really have a 'problem' driving. "I used to be an excellent driver prior to this; usually driving high speed with top precision, quick reflexes etc. Perhaps a little reckless but I felt it was not" Me too. I feel like some of the lifestyles we hppd-ers have are very similar and wonder if it has to do with predisposition.

^ This is purely my speculation but i think HPPD has more to do with changes in our brain rather than to say it is damaged. Like how the brain creates memory. Stem cell therapy isnt going to delete that memory...... or will it? i dont know anything about science but just my 2cents.

its been what 3 days on magnesium now, nothing yet except it makes me gassy and gas smells really bad.

Just bought some magnesium 500mg (oxide, malate, glycerophosphate) Easy absorption[w.e that means]. I forcefully split it in half and it seems that the pill is like compressed powder wrapped in paper-like coating. I hope splitting the pill won't have any ill effect to my body? At least for today i plan to take half now(5pm) and half later at night (11pm) Also bought some B-complex but i wont be taking any for a few days since i want to see if magnesium alone has any effects. B1 (thiamine mononitrate) B2 (riboflavin) Niacinamide B6 (pyridoxine hydrochlordie) B12 (cyanocobalamin) Pantothenic Acid (calcium-d-pantothenate) <-- would this be bad since its calcium and counter-acts magnesium and whatnot? Biotin Folate(folic acid) Choline Bitartrate Inositol All 100mg except folic acid 1mg. Are these good forms of Vitamin B and magnesium? I Dont really have anxiety except for the 2-3weeks where i had it and it disappeared, so im mainly looking for how this will effect visuals. new symptoms are mild anemia, sharp 1second pains here and there, slight upset stomach/intestine areas after eating and such. Visuals are continuing to be worsened very slowly. Lights are brighter, ghosting a bit more. I really question if i have lyme but lyme in western canada is like hppd, doctors dont know much and the testing of ELISA first and if positive, then western blot test. This 2 tier method is so stupid since western blot is much more accurate; that should explain the state of lyme diagnosis in canada. Im thinking of going private and paying 700ish $ :\ Have you guys done additional check-ups even after you have accepted HPPD? It only took 1 month for my blood test to go from normal to anemia :\ Will update on the effects of these supplements. 3 month of hppd, various symptoms have came and went by.

a couple days ago, i was able to remember a dream i had a long time ago, pre-hppd and it felt like a real memory. i remembered some exact details, was quite amused. I was always a frequent and often lucid dreamer. I wonder if that's a predisposition to hppd? anyone else?

Any other symptoms like tinnitus, head pressure, starbursting, double/ghosting vision, closed eye visuals, darkened vision, Different medication works for different people. While the general census is that benzos help and stimulants/antipsychotics worsen, its sometimes the opposite for some. What antipsychotic are you on? Seeing your face sounds like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization which a lot of the members who have it consider it a co-morbid disorder rather than actual hppd. Maybe you have derealisation as well? and the antipsychotics are helping you with those? I have a mild case(for now :\) so im not much help but some of the other members will chime in soon enough. I have read cases about demonic images, wrong colors and such on the forum though.

As someone who searched this forum in and out for anything related to reaching a baseline, I came to the conclusion that only time will tell. For me, i always had slight text movement and breathing since my first use of lsd but i didnt know of hppd and continued to use LSD a couple more times with daily weed smoking and MDMA. It did not get worse/went unnoticed. However, when I became sober i noticed some physical symptoms and ultimately i believe some medicines triggered new and worsening of visuals. Its been about 2 month for me since my visuals were triggered and has gotten progressively worse. It's best to just accept that you have hppd. I guess its easier said then done and depends on the severity of your symptoms but worrying about it will do no good. If you look at it from an objective point of view, thinking everyday that your brain is 'damaged' and you can never live a normal life will destroy your mentality. Even if you believe you are stronger than that, it will tap into your subconscious. However you will learn to cope and manage it if you BELIEVE you can. There are reports that chances of recovering from hppd are good during the first 2 years. And the chances of recovering are even greater the less time you have it 3-6month. So just believe that you will get better. Many report that being anxious worsens their symptoms. For 'most' alcohol and weed use often worsen their symptoms for a few days but it returns to baseline. However, there are some reports that it triggered a permanent worsening/new symptom. So try to remain sober. Caffeine is also known to effect people. Care to write an introduction?

Thinking about trying Xanax 0.125mg or more as a diagnostic tool. The thought of my HPPD being something else (lyme disease, MS, parasitic infection, viral infection, candida, lupus, CFS and others) has always been on the back of my mind. The fact that some of my symptoms are completely unique to me has always been for lack of a better word, worrisome. Maybe its the lack of reports from others but some symptoms i believe are completely unique to me are: Joint pains(knee, hip, back) Sudden onset of cherry angioma and moles (stopped) nerve zapping paresthesia (stopped) Sensitive skin(running my fingernail along skin will create red impression for a bit) development of tonsil stones and the continued sensation that tonsil stones (sign of parasitic infection?) Epididymitis(Doctor recently said it might be muscular?[i forget what he said, maybe CFS] problem rather than an infection, which i now group with random body aches) Weakened legs, my legs start shaking after a day out. Also, in the very beginning i had a minor issue with muscle control, and lots of body ache/twitching. Even including some of the medical results which i believe are unique to me? or lack of testing on others are: Edematous hyperemic erosions on antrum (increased blood flow and fluid accumulation to opening of stomach) Narrowing of cerebral arteries resulting in faster cerebral blood flow. (from transcranial ultrasound, not mri) Microangiopathy-High signal lesion in periventricular and deep white matter. Parenchyma(neurons and glial cells) diffuse atrophic change (describes a loss of neurons and the connections between them) Ischemia(restriction of blood to brain) or infarction(necrosis due to no blood=no oxygen) by microangiopathy Its interesting that some of these are the reasons we hypothesize to be the cause of HPPD yet other's MRI's have come clean while mine is as such. Doctor thinks its just poor blood circulation and possibly the start of chronic migraine (which i dont have). It should be noted that MRI was done at my request and it was right before I developed visual symptoms. Also my head-pressure has decreased significantly also decreasing my fluctuating blood pressure and pulse and with that, pretty much no anxiety. As i mentioned before, I question if I really developed and learned to cope with anxiety in 2 weeks or was it just a physically caused symptom. From the visuals aspect, they are definitely things other hppders have. One new visual symptom i noticed this week was that I sometimes find that a light source flickers off from behind. It started in the bathroom so i suspected dying light bulb but it happened again outside. Anyone else have this one? I find my eyes tiring out easily more than ever and dry and is much more relaxed when its focused far away. Tinnitus was always a constant high pitched one for me but i noticed a change. The constant is either changing to a pulsation or a new pulsating of a different pitch has been added, hard to tell. Improving or worsening? :\ I'll be heading back home to Canada next week and I dont know even know where to begin with a doctor in explaining everything along with HPPD. Ill probably just be labeled a hypochondriac or something? I usually just go to a walk in clinic for colds and such so I dont even know what kind of doctor I should go to. I doubt a walk-in doctor attends to these cases? If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Thoughts anyone?

http://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/the-gut-brain-connection http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enteric_nervous_system One of the reasons why i go to the 'massager' i mentioned way back. Its not a relaxing massage by any means, he pushes on veins and etc and also my gut/intestines. Its interesting how some of the symptoms i have are manipulated this way. It could be just the strain he puts on my body but basically he's trying to clear the hardened gunk in my intestines so water can reach there. If I poke around my gut it definitely is hard and blocked but when I touched his, its all jelly like. Our body is 70% water and if more water can reach the gut, i have no doubt its beneficial. And when he is pressuring/massaging my intestines, i can feel and hear the water move in those areas. Basically manual detox. Of course i dont believe its going to cure my hppd but my theory is body improvement=efficient body=balanced chemicals=hppd improvement. brain-gut also relates to things like why nervousness causes butterflies, stress, anxiety etc. For me lsd did strain my stomach/gut but i may just be spewing shit out there.

Pictures like waterfall become real and looks like the water is flowing, depending on how i focus. I noticed today that if i have a flashlight(phone) near my eyes, resulting in the constriction of my pupils, ghosting is gone. Maybe overall visual stimulation is greatly reduced by LSD so the brain/eye tries to get all the stimulation it can but when something bright like a flashlight is right infront of my eyes, its overloaded with stimulation so the brain doesnt need to do that hppd effect? lol starbursting still there though so blahhhh I should visit an opto. Also noticed a increasing number of blood vessels in eye. probably due to dry eyes (which i didnt have b4 hppd)

Smoked a few cigarettes today. Had no effect on my hppd (or unnoticable). I'm not your average smoker. I guess a social smoker is a close term. I do enjoy the feeling of smoking but i dont think ive experienced the smokers euphoria that a lot of smokers experience. in fact i get a massive 30 minute headache if i smoke too much/fast. recently for the past week-ish, ive had some stomach burning sensation and lots of farting. Also somethings that are on my mind is: The development of tonsil stones during my onset of hppd. Quite a few times, ive had a bump form on my skin like a mole but colour different. I would rub it for a bit and then it would disappear. It even happened on the roof of my mouth once but it was like a pimple sized. I rubbed it with my tongue intermittently during a few minutes and then it went back in while i was rubbing it. Sometimes i wonder if i have a parasitic disease or lyme or something and not hppd. But i have no idea how i would even bring it up with the doctors, theyll probably think im a hypochondriac of some sort. Ill have to come up with a game plan when i return to Canada (my home country), havent seen a doctor there yet for anything as this all started on the day i arrived in asia (along with sobriety) also i think i get exhausted/fatigued really fast :\

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_ground_vomiting . your other post mentioning acid problems, it probably caused the reaction mentioned above. i guess if you must take prozac, take it with full stomach? get it checked out just in case? endoscopy in order perhaps?

If you consider that meditation can manipulate state of mind/mood/emotion, also consider that our mood manipulates the chemical levels of our body. And as for massaging our organs, deep breathing will ease the tensions of our organs allowing them to perform at optimal efficiency. Tension means stress, irregular blood flow, etc. imo, hppd is not simply visual + dp/dr + anxiety. with things like tinnitus, random body aches, exhaustion, fatigue, etc, anything that can help our body, i see it as a step towards improving hppd. this is speculation. also, as for the 'feud', i do think some of chris' wording are inconsiderate. its pretty much dismissive and rhetorical but the reply was just as sarcastic. Why not just take it as scepticism and try to further our knowledge with research etc etc. Forum drama chill out and have a toke. fuck we cant do that anymore. :\

simmer down guys. As for meditation and hppd, if it works for some why not. Even if its just a placebo, if it can be therapeutic for some, its definitely helpful since lots of people link hppd with anxiety. Also here are some research proofs on controlled breathing/meditation. search words were: meditation cerebral cortex, deep breathing brain function, meditation and brain, etc. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain_activity_and_meditation http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0062817 http://www.nmr.mgh.harvard.edu/~lazar/Articles/Lazar_Meditation_Plasticity_05.pdf http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18820654?dopt=Abstract http://newsroom.ucla.edu/portal/ucla/evidence-builds-that-meditation-230237.aspx http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1361002/ just a couple abstracts and my random theories Helps with DP/DR perhaps? stress, inflammation, energy, all keywords in hppd.

The one thing i enjoy about HPPD is that I can look at pictures in 3D. I guess the slight movement of things create that effect. Works well on nature/space photos

Just got back from a drive. Worsened night vision is confirmed, though it is not debilitating yet, far away things become darkened significantly. If i open my eyes wide, starbursting and night vision is improved but it brings out a complete ghosting/double vision on LEDs. I hope it doesnt get to the point that i cant drive at night.

I was able to sleep 'well' again but naps are a no-go again. Same results as yesterday. I guess im kind of happy to find some consistency in what works for me and doesn't though not in my favour. Even though i get tired (probably food coma/boredom) as little as 5hours after waking up and doing nothing, if i try to nap, my brain wont shut down. Ill be falling asleep but ill have this 'buildup' of not being able to fall asleep and then i decide to make a movement which wakes up my body with a tremor. lol it doesnt even phase me anymore, i would like to nap though... or have a 12hour sleep session. i miss those days. I'll be going back home n 2 weeks but im worried how that will fuck up my relatively stabilized circadian rhythm. Usually i just spend 24+hours awake and then sleep on the night of my arrival but i dont know if i can do that anymore. I'll probably won't be able to sleep on a plane, as i can barely even sleep now. Its going to be such a long flight (10hrs).