etardnow

I had hppd since my first lsd use, didnt know at the time. IT was very mild which is why i didnt know and didnt care, i thought it was part of the lifestyle of using drugs, an afterglow that would surely go away with time away from drugs. BIG fucking NOPE. I stopped drugs and thats when it really started to develop and worsen. Can you imagine having blurry like vision, starburst on every light, and that alone are mild. The worse ones are random colors flashing, morphing vision, etc. I dont have the worse ones but my hppd isnt getting any better even though ive been off drugs, alcohol, and even caffeine for about 6 month now. I think its safe to say most of the hppders experienced a WORSENING of symptoms in the beginning let alone a complete 'curing' of all symptoms which i honestly think is very rare if any. A lot of the 'success' stories are either about being able to accept them to the point that its not a disorder or symptoms going away ~90%.

how slow is slowly? 1day? 2day? 1 week? 1 month? So i guess training our core can be bad for hppd.

school put my hppd 'on hold' but im starting have bad days, i guess it caught up to me. i think ill start doing a 20min stationary bike with lifting routine. *nothing wrong with going bald.... i dunno im 23 and to go from full thick hair to balding in 2 month is pretty depressing.

Another interesting theory i have while reading. The wavelength of light is artificially altered by our brain due to its slow reaction in perceiving its stimulus. i dont know how this works but i dont think its a coincidence that purple(cosmic purple), the color of hppd, is at the one end of our visible spectrum.

Before hppd, i did weight lift a bit along with cardio via mainly stationary bike. Although i kept saying i would start exercising again to better my health, i havent started yet but now i think i REALLY will. Thing is, I'm reading comments where visuals are worsened by exercising and some have overall got better via exercise. I set up a poll but would like specifics in the comments. I dont really have DP/DR but i think im starting to re-develop anxiety.I think its due to my hairloss which is pretty bad. My hairloss could be a medical indication or could be the after effects of the 2-3week anxiety i had in July due to the hppd. For those that experienced hairless: Im about 2-3month and counting on the hairloss, hopefully it will pass.

A picture from my psychology textbook, "In this computer-generated copy of the Twenty-third Psalm, each line of the typeface changes imperceptibly. How many lines are required for you to experience a just noticeable difference?" The difference threshold (or the just noticeable difference [jnd]) is the minimum difference a person can detect between any two stimuli half the time. That difference threshold increases with the size of the stimulus. Thus, if you add 1 ounce to a 10-ounce weight, you will detect the difference; add 1 ounce to a 100-ounce weight and you probably will not. I dont know why im uploading it lol.

i have hair loss too with dry or oily skin. skin flakes off very easily even from my face. another medical symptom i had was i developed anemia. im visiting a gp and naturo doctor next week, hopefully they can do something about it and i can update you

WOW, im truly surprised to find another person with sudden development of cherry angiomas. (if that is the case) It's one of the symptoms i have that made me doubt if i truly had HPPD since it was so uncommon to hppders.... Doctors told me that it was probably there and i just didnt notice it and they are harmless anyways. It's obviously a sign of something wrong/off balance. Just this week, I've also thought that some of my palm veins are very visible :\ When you come off clonazepam, some of those sound definitely like withdrawal symptoms. It might be a good idea to get off them because they only mask your symptoms and if you get off them you might be able to deal with your symptoms and learn to manage them? Or like another use, only use them once-or twice a week or every other week You can also try Valerian root if you come off the benzos. they are like benzos but organic and healthier i think. im not too experienced with them but many people said it helped. My anxiety, fluctuations in hp bp, headpressure, orthostatic hypotension, mild dp resolved itself after the 2-3 weeks ive had it. So there is hope for 'natural' healing.

It could be just http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afterimage . Everyone has them but obviously our rods and cones reactions are extremely sensitive and create them on any source of light/eye stimulation. Could even be the cause for our visual snow, now that i think about it.

*Sorry for the long write, i always end up getting caught up on my theories etc and the reply becomes relatively unhelpful. Hopefully other replies can be even more helpful. So, you dont have any visual symptoms at all? How long has this been? Before I go any further, you might get more help on the http://www.dpselfhelp.com/ which is a dp/dr anxiety forum. Although the term 'HPPD' mainly focuses on visual symptoms, the symptoms you have are nothing new to hppders. Also, your reaction to meds, anti-psycho worsening and clonazepam helping, are also how hppders commonly react to them. Other commonly bad reaction are to ritalin and stimulants like caffeine Hopefully you dont develop visual symptoms later on but my hppd started with physical symptoms. Well, to be completely honest, i did have one visual phenomenon stay after my first LSD use but it was just one, out of the many i have now. For me, it started with a loss of appetite(feeling full after 2-3bites), continued with, for about a month of, physical weakness, random aches here and there, random nerve zap feelings here and there, new cherry angiomas and moles, eye tension, random tremors/heart palps, and more, but no real problems medically and at this time i didnt even know what hppd was. I was feeling hopeless and frustrated and probably developed slight anxiety because i had all these symptoms but doctors were telling me i was ok. Even with the abnormalities in my MRI, endoscopy, and bloodwork, they all fell in the 'normal range of abnormalties'. Eventually I was prescribed some dopamine antagonist meds for the random aches and around that time frame, my visual symptoms developed. As to whether it was related or not i dont know. I quickly learned that there are so many things unknown in the medical world and if a doctor encounters one of them , you're a hypochondriac. My guess is that HPPD does have a physical/mental aspect to it irregardless of visual symptoms. (or we just dont have a name for it). When i developed hppd with visuals, about 2 month in, one day, out of nowhere, i had a tiny panic attack. I was going slightly crazy, and had that feeling of worry and couldnt stop shaking my legs due to the worry and stuff. it basically sucked out all my energy. over the span of 2-3 weeks i basically felt dead, couldnt sleep , racing thoughts, vivid dreams, mild dp, but luckily it faded. during the 2-3 weeks i was already on vacation and was 'forced' to meet my grandma family, etc which i think helped ground myself because i 'faked it till i made it'. So some aspects of your symptoms could be from anxiety if its anything like mine. The thing is, many hppders seem to agree that anxiety,dp/dr is a co-morbid disorder, but personally, I think it can be caused as a part of HPPD. I mean dopamine and sertonin are the neurotransmitters that 'ground' us naturally anyways and if our theories of hppd is caused by messed up dopamine/serotonin balance(i think this is the general theory right guys? is this my own idea? lol) have any value, it would make sense that we have anxiety/dp/dr as a neurological symptom rather than a psychological reaction. Im not a doctor or anything near that, but as far as i know, if anything does show up in EEG's of hppders(some don't), it's that hppd-ers have cerebral dis-inhibition (our brain is over-excited all the time) and if you were on lorazepam, a sedative, i would assume that that over-excitation was sedated and made it have normal readings. As for you being labeled a hypochondriac, if you think about it from a logical point of view, we search the internet because we have symptoms, not because we are hypochondriacs. When these symptoms do take its toll, we can become anxious and be obsessed BUT within its own right because it started with symptoms that appeared out of nowhere and remain unsolved. So what labels us hypochondriacs? doctors who cant do shit for you. Myself and others learn this quickly. And to be fair, its not the doctors fault, scientists discover something new about the brain everyday and we are far from knowing how our brain functions. We dont even know why benzos/ssri work ffs, let alone the 'natural balance' of our neurotransmitters. After other members reply and you do some more research on this forum and you truly think is hppd, your best bet is to find a doctor who will believe you and work with you, but that 'work' is probably based on you doing a lot reading on this forum and trying out different drugs for management since most doctors dont even know about hppd. Many users report that their dp/dr/anxiety has been helped by magnesium, vitamin b complex, and omega3 supplements so give those a try? Good luck!

Any ideas on how i can inform my doctors of hppd?

I find this to happen if i am or was recently thinking about HPPD. When i have those moments where i feel hppd is completely irrelevant, ie) gaming, it makes me doubt my doubts. Of course anxiety itself is considered a co-morbid disorder so... Even when i am studying, if i get disturbed by hppd worrying, i feel like i have cognition problems and memorization problems but when i enter that studying zone for like 10-20 minutes, i question if its hppd or just me not able to control my worrying. Similar to my tinnitus. If i let the whatever noise takeover, i can easily tune out tinnitus but if i want i can bring it to my attention and let the tinnitus drown out other noises.

Anyone try them? I dont think its far fetched to try it as a solution since they are about trying to get the body stronger so it can heal itself vs taking meds.(though supplements will be used at naturo) I have an appointment and its going to be costly around 300 and 50+ for trip. Aside from visual hppd, I definitely have physical symptoms that need some attention. Anemia, new moles, cherry angiomas, balding, occasional prickling, dry skin. It could be just from stress on the adrenal gland and stuff but it could be much more. Either HPPD has much more effect on the body then ive been reading about or i have something else/co-morbid. Anyways, question is, should i tell him about my hppd and drug use? should i try to inform him about hppd (if so what should i 'teach' him? its not like i did an eeg so i can tell him i have cerebral disinhibtion and such. Ill also be meeting a regular family doctor on monday, should i teach him about it as well?

Music is definitely one of my outlets. I DJ at home just fucking around but not really 'djing' lol. I enjoy EDM, even without the drugs so i go to shows but i think im gonna cut back because i think the loud noise and stimulation is probably not too good for the brain. Im a pc gamer, heavily into Counter strike:GO right now. I also watch a lot of netflix and shows. Also going to college for business/accounting. I also have a great bunch of friends that i hangout with sometimes. I like to hunt for deals, mainly electronics and necessities. I enjoy food. I enjoy breathing. I go on reddit a lot. I like to think about life a lot.

Guilty, it was too long for me to read. Eating well means eating well. Basically not eating junk food. I started to eat well after hppd but i didnt really notice a difference. It took me 4-5month to reach hppd baseline (even though im in month 5 right now so who knows) and about 2 month in, i developed anxiety and mild dpdr which all stayed only for about 2-3 weeks. I dont know if eating well helped with that but probably not? After about 4 month of eating healthy, (i lost like 10kg due to that), I started to introduce shitty food back into my diet. I dont really notice a difference. In fact, it can be quite 'supportive' since it brings back one of the pleasures in life. Eating healthy is good all around but being conscious about everything i ate was taking its toll because i was feeling like a desperate sick person. However, I do believe in a gut connection with hppd so i still keep the shitty food to a bare minimum. Im starting re-develop some anxiety but i think its due to the fact that my hair is balding. WTF another symptom of my disease imo since i dont have anyone bald in my family and im only 23. Might be due to the stress of hppd, just thinking about it everyday. Sleeping well basically means getting 7-8hours and only 7-8hours a sleep a day on a regular day-night schedule. Hppd is so unique so u have to try out different drugs to see what works or just not use them at all since it not really a 'cure'. I think its very rare if supplements make someone worse but i think they dont really do too much for visuals. Many people say that magnesium and vitamin b complex helps with the mental(dp/dr/brain fog/ etc) issues though. My starbursts occur any light sources that are very bright to begin with like LEDs, sun, headlights, and reflections of those but nothing from screens. Same with ghosting, the ghosting i only notice is on LEDs and high contrast stuff. Trailing i also only notice at night on my bed when playing with my phone. Your symptoms seem similar to mine especially since having mild/to no visual snow seems to be an uncommon thing amongst hppders?? Do you have any non-visual symptoms like tinnitus, nerve zaps, dry eyes, etc?

I've always had a theory on the benefits of marijuana and HPPD. My HPPD started with very very minor text movement after my first LSD trip. I was smoking pot daily and I attributed it to afterglow and didnt even know what HPPD was. It was only when i stopped my daily pot smoking due to a trip to overseas that i started to get sick and then a month later(i had general sickness the whole month), double vision, ghosting, halos, etc. After reading several other stories relating to the cease of marijuana use and worsening of HPPD symptoms, my theory is that I was dopamine deficient but the weed was able to supply that dopamine. Stopping it caused the symptoms of dopamine deficiency. As to why i got dopamine deficiency, weed and drugs might be a good reason so i dont know if continued use is a good idea :\ Though if i was guaranteed improvement, i wouldnt mind smoking weed everyday for the rest of my life One of my many theories -.- * also just remembered the reports of MDMA and reducing of symptoms for several days and my theory can be applied. though i know 2 shits about brain science lol.

Of course its always helpful to raise awareness and if you can do this at the university level, it might even be helpful for hppders in creating interest for research. I try to talk about hppd alot online. Whenever drugs and specifically LSD/MDMA/SHROOMS come up, i try to mention hppd. To some its crazy talk and well to most it is but raising awareness is always good imo. If i knew even the slightest risk of the drugs(MDMA/LSD/Shrooms), knowing myself i can honestly question if i wouldve done it or not. I usually google medicine i take but i cant believe i didnt do that for mdma/lsd, i was too busy chasing the euphoria. Unfortunately, i was introduced to these drugs by friends and they had no previous ill effects so i obviously believed i wouldnt either. Especially because i had a much higher tolerance to marijuana amongst friends. so immature of me now that i reflect on it lol and this was only 5 month ago *cringe*

^ what he said. I too had anxiety in the development of hppd and even before i had visual abnormalities, i had general sickness for about a month (which i believe is hppd/chemical imbalance) and i was getting worried because i wasnt getting better. I've done MRI, transcranial doppler, endoscopy, etc all at my request. I did have abnormalities but nothing that was out of the 'normal range of abnormalities'. When I discovered HPPD, i was thinking about Multiple sclerosis, Candida, Lyme, Schzio, sjogrens and bunch more. New symptoms were popping up here and there and others were worsening. Orthostatic hypotension, random body aches, internal tremors while trying to sleep and waking up (not actually shaking but it feels 100% real that i am), racing thoughts, hearing voices that feel like they are right beside me, very vivid dreams, fluctuations in heartbeat and blood pressure, heart pounding for a few seconds. These are the things i developed BUT only had for about 2-4 weeks. The thing is, for me, it came out of nowhere. One night ago, i was browsing internet playing games and even though i had ghosting vision/etc i wasnt minding it too much. The next day, bam. I had a mini panic attack, not screaming or anything but I was 'mentally stable' enough observe my situation. It would slowly get worse over the next couple weeks. My heart was beating fast randomly, racing thoughts and what made it worse was I didnt know WHY. I was getting depersonalized a tiny bit(i didnt know it was DP at the time) and I really didnt know why. I think not knowing why is mentally dangerous because looking back on it now, I think my defense mechanism to anxiety was to develop DP/DR so i can disassociate myself from the intensity of anxiety (being emotionally dead vs extremely worried 24/7 over something i didnt know why) I thought i was going crazy, I NEVER had anxiety in my whole life except for a partial bad trip on LSD which i recovered from within 30minutes. After consulting here on the forums, i was told it is and everything can be attributed to anxiety. I think slowly accepting HPPD and that i was going to be 'OK' health wise helped. One thing i still have qualms is that i believe hppd can produce anxiety as part of the way brain works and not just because we are actually anxious. But all that is very complex since anxiety itself is subconscious and you cant know for sure. WIth that said, im not diagnosing you as HPPD 100%. Even though ive had it for 5month now and im havent gone crazy or died, i still have some doubts. I have a few symptoms that no other hppders have(even though hppd is so unique to the individual). I revisited my optometrist recently to check my eye health and it was healthy. I plan to do a few more checks in the near future including lyme, antibody, colonoscopy but if they come up clean, i think it will help clear my 'hidden' anxiety worries even more and i can think to myself its 'just' HPPD(which is mild for me). of course i have fairly good reasons for getting my checks which include but not limited to: anemia, tinnitus, hair loss, tonsil stones etc. Not obsessing about it is key. If you can relate to some or most of this as other hppders have, i think theres a good chance its just anxiety and not schizo

I think it depends on how severe your hppd is. Mine isnt so severe, mostly to do with lights, but i think school is helping me push my hppd aside. Looking at lecture hall lights, project light, far away teachers, my attention might wander off into hppd land but it kinda gets 'old'; my hppd aint going away so might as well listen to what the prof is saying. Gives me a reason to go out everyday and even the 'small' things like 'pretending' that im fine amongst my peers helps me a bit imo. Basically re-training my brain to think about other things rather than obsess over hppd. I dont know if i can give credit to school or it just coincides with the passage of time but i am definitely thinking less about hppd with this relatively busy life. I think reading books actually improved my text movement visuals since im constantly reading and not taking a break to notice the text movement. Its like my brain is forgetting how to make it move. I should be fucking amazed actually but text movement was mild to begin with anyway. Sometimes i find myself using HPPD as an excuse to just not go to school but everyday i continue to go is another day that 'I win'. I sometimes wonder if i have some cognitive setback from HPPD but i think it might be just the worrying. I might have some cognition troubles but I can't say for sure. Prior to hppd reading something once was usually enough for me to understand concepts but I think hppd is a hindrance to my mental power only when im actively thinking and worrying about hppd which is quite often. Hard to memorize/comprehend when my mind is preoccupied with thinking about hppd(reading but not actually reading, if u know what i mean). But it is slowly fading away since im 'forcing' myself and in turn teaching my brain not to think like that. When i 'observe' myself having no problems when gaming/reading forums/ surfing internet, i cant say i have a true cognition problem, though those activities are less cognition intensive. -.- This is my experience so far. Only you would know if you can handle it or not. I think the mere fact that your considering going to school is an improvement and a sign of 'moving on'. Also, I think it would help tremendously if you were actually passionate about your major/studies. Unfortunately for me, my studies arent my passion but i'm doing it for the money. I like to think about how if i was financially set, how less i wouldve been affected by hppd. If i had a couple million dollars, i think i wouldnt mind so much of hppd. funny how that works.

I must first let you know this my optometrist was a pediatric vision therapy focused dr. though she does have adult patients. I did a comprehensive test including a eye muscle test that, according to her, most optometrist do not perform. It requires me to tell her when two images that are controlled by her are in a certain position among other focusing/some color lens thing or something. Basically, she blames it on the eye muscles and that they were weak and i was born with it but the drugs must've exacerbated/allowed me to notice it. On some points i think it makes a lot of sense since symptoms like ghosting, halos swirls can be manipulated by flexing my eyes. She also mentioned its role in our vestibular system. She even talked about how people with weak eye muscle will experience fatigue and a 'dizzy' like etc sensation since our vestibular system is responsible for notifying where we stand in space and such.(she mentioned this first to my surprise?) DP/DR perhaps? I never searched up vestibular system before but if it's right, it looks like a link to my tinnitus maybe? I did mention that I think its brain oriented but she went on to mention on how things like autism and ADD are misdiagnosed a lot due to vision problem as well. However, on some points, i cant take her word. It was my fault i didnt mention it to her because i was too focused on telling her visual symptoms but things like paresthesia, cherry angioma, tinnitus i had probably cannot be explained by vision. And although i havent checked my own brain, its obvious that cerebral dis-inhibition has a role in HPPD. She said vision therapy would fix my problems and i would work with a different doctor since its not her area focus. It would cost approx $4000, about once every or every other week for about a year. What do you guys think? Eye-health wise, it was all ok and was told i can just learn to live with it as well.

Cant get a clear grasp of what you mean but do you mean like where popcorn-ceilings look like they are floating/moving about? I have that. My 'hallucinatory' visuals arent as severe as the light related ones (halos, starbursts, etc). Also sometimes i feel like edges are very pronounced. so like if im looking at my phone, 'i cant put a finger' on it but my hand and phone look like its "beautiful". something like a picture/artistic. i dont know why. Kind of like how LSD makes you perceive something is 'beautiful' even though it would be something you have seen everyday.

The only sound issue ive read about so far is developing tinnitus (which i have) and it doesnt really have a big effect. I can only hear it in relative silence.

Im just gonna throw stuff out there but It might be that your HPPD is really starting to 'develop(progess/worsen). For me, i had mild text movement ever since my 1st of 3 lsd trips. After about a month after my latest trip, i began to develop new visual symptoms and ones that actually started to worry/effect me. It took me about 3 month for my many new developing and worsening symptoms to reach a baseline. Also, except for the text movement, all my new symptoms started when i happen to stop all drugs(daily weed) due to an oversea trip. (though i was on some medication at the time which i believe may have a role since it was related to dopamine) When the new visuals developed, i heard voices but it wasnt some random 'god' voice or anyhting, it would be voices of people i know and it was something i probably heard in the past. It felt like the voices were very clear and life like and it would only happen when i tried to sleep but my mind would not shut down so i was 1/4 asleep (hypnogogic perhaps). looking back, I now attribute it to short-term temporary anxiety which i developed for about 2-3weeks. BUT I still debate on whether its because i was truly anxious or anxiety was part of developing HPPD. Racing thoughts, brain not shutting down, headpressure, etc. A 'normal' person shouldnt be getting visuals when youre getting high(unless its their first time or they are drug sensitive).As a ex daily pothead, IMO, cutting back to only weekends shouldnt have had a significant effect on tolerance. If it was me, id be a little worried and try to stop which is great that you are doing. It depends on the individual but some hppd-ers report that they get intense worsening of hppd when blazing but return back to baseline within a fewdays-week but some users also report a permanent worsening of hppd. Its a risk you take for continued drug use just like how developing hppd was a risk. Also remember that your psychological expectations have a great effect on how drugs work. So like acid, if you think its gonna go bad, it could very well so. When this all started for me, i stressed about it so much and even now i think about it everyday since i SEE it but i kinda brush it off now since ive accepted its not really gonna go away. Either way you cant really do anything about it except hope and believe that it will go away on its own with time. Pushing it off for the future... I think the 'withdrawal' of weed does have some effects on hppd, ive read a few accounts including my own of how stopping weed changed/started hppd and not always for the good. i think it might have to do with the weed providing our brain with dopamine/other neurotransmitters but once we stop, we become deficient because our natural production of it was lowered to compensate for the amount given by weed. It could be coincidental timing but i doubt it. IMO your on the right track to 'healing/handling' hppd Also since youre in your teens you have a better chance of healing due to your more plastic developing brain. Also worthy of mentioning that anxiety/worry is subconscious and even though you may be consciously brushing off the hppd, it might be slowly getting to your head. Don't let it Lastly, friends dont know shit. Unless they are actively researching about this stuff and even then its so under-researched, how can they possibly know whether continued drug use will trigger your predisposition to schizo or not, all it takes can be one really fucked up bad trip, even from weed. Im probably making it out to be worse than you have it since you are still comfortable with weed, Dont forget that weed can have withdrawals and your anxiety can be a part of it too. IF you know it and understand it, it will be less worrisome imo.

Thanks for coming back. Just for clarification, what are 'flare-ups'? Do you wake up and randomly have bad visuals compared to other days and then go back to baseline the next?

my hair is physically thinning and it is falling out easily. I can see where the hair starts to thin and its been about .5 cm ish. I'm only 23 and i dont want to start balding WTF FML. There is a study that found a link to hairloss and drugs for parkison's treatment. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2002/03/020312073810.htm Loss of dopamine causes the nerve cells to fire out of control, leaving people unable to control their movements normally. In both cases reported, the women had been started on pramipexole and subsequently switched to ropinirole as dopamine therapy. In the first case, the patient's hair loss stopped within two weeks after she switched to ropinirole. The patient noticed new hair growth one month after switching drugs. After a year of treatment on ropinirole, the alopecia has not returned. In the second instance, the patient experienced hair loss after being given an increased dosage of pramipexole, which she had been receiving for a year. When her dose was reduced back to previous levels, the hair loss continued. In this case, hair loss continued even after she switched to ropinirole. Ropinirole was finally stopped and she was started on carbidopa/levodopa. Within a week, the hair loss stopped and some of her hair grew back over the next six months. Also when my hppd started and i did a transcranial doppler that showed shrinked vessels and faster bloodflow. I was searching on if this could have something to do with my hairloss and although bloodflow may have an effect on nutrition reaching the hair, another interesting thing i read was that dopamine works as a vasopressor as well. http://www.nature.com/scitable/blog/labcoat-life/dopamine_the_link_between_neuronal What do you guys think? should i try to find things that can mess/fix up with my dopamine balance? what could they be? I dont know much about science but yea... Maybe its a big link or maybe its not. dopamine does effect so much. Do you guys think im dopamine deficient of excessive. maybe both due to a never balancing push and pull action?