etardnow

Mine doesnt get dilated to that size but i have minor anisocoria([different dilation size]it was much more noticeable before). Also when i look in the mirror at my eyes, even though i stay perfectly still and the light environment doesnt change, my pupils will constantly dilate and contract. Its not obvious and the back and forth is only about 1mm in size. I dont know if this is normal or not. Probably not normal.

The surverys sound like a good idea. if tons of questions are added on it, i think it can be easier than compiling the data we already have. But I dont think there's much to compile to determine relationships. I think there are way too many variables at play to compile that sort of data. The uniqueness of our hppd alone is overwhelming and random. Add that with factors like sleep, stress, supplements, exercise, diet, etc. To be realist, every one of our theories, treatment can and should end with "however, this may not work for you" Just by looking at some of the polls from the forum, many of the results are 50/50. And the ones that 'work' and have good potential have already been read and in everyone's knowledge bucket. (ex/ benzo, magnesium, tramadol, etc etc) nonetheless, i would love to see the survey!

Anyone have bad experience with b complex? I started taking b100 complex recently (about 4 days now) and noticed a mild stimulation effect... and today maybe even to the point of mild "no-reason" anxiety. Last night, my heart seemed to be beating faster than normal during sleep which in the past and today resulted in extremely vivid/memorable dreams (to the point of remembering exactly what i say in dreams) as well as falling in and out of sleep often :\ Weird. Will have to observe more. I havent really had any anxiety/DP problems since 2 month ago when I've had it for 2-3weeks which resolved itself. Maybe i shouldnt take bcomplex since. Maybe I should drop out of school....lol i guess thats an excuse :|

my none visual symptoms are: tinnitus, random nerve zap(like a needle poke), thinning hair(easily falls out, the hair bulb is thinned), dry eyes/strained eyes, joint pain in right butt/back area, cherry angiomas,

what kind of foods did you eat?

Wow. I was doing some reading on bluelight.ru and found the word phosphene just now.Came back to post here but you've already posted it The picture on the wiki article is exactly what I see. 'Glad' to see its a well defined phenomenon. Also suprised that I was able to guess correctly exactly why phosphene occurs. It only partially explains why phosphene occurs when i wake up though.. (prisoner's cinema?) I dont know what you mean by vortex. the vortex of phosphene? Mine is not that strong. It kind of fades away even if I am still pressing on my eyes. It starts with flashing specs of blue light, then the squares then lightning strikes starting from the sides and nearing to the center and some regular cloud cev. Led me to read about optic neuritis which outlined some of the symptoms i've had: The vision might also be described as "disturbed/blackened" rather than blurry A study found that 92.2% of patients experienced pain, which actually preceded the visual loss in 39.5% of cases.[5] (dont know if this means eye pressure) Also lesions on brain but mine was mild and regarding that, the doctor basically said it was abnormal for my age but its normal lesions. wtf? Bunch of the causes(lyme, MS, etc) are things i have suspected but I probably 'just' have HPPD. -.-

I've always had mild text movement and mild tracers ever since my first LSD trip but my ghosting vision, starbursting, tinnitus, etc all developed within the time and after I was taking some dopamine antagonist called Clebopride along with clotiazepam and paracetamol . It was small dosage but I've believed they were the cause of my 'trigger'. I was taking them because up to a month before taking them, I had a bunch of physical symptoms like exhaustion, loss of appetite, random twitches and aches, mild gastritis, etc. These symptoms all started when I flew over to asia and had to abruptly stop my daily weed smoking routine. I believe all these 'events' are connected somehow. What i think happened was LSD/mdma fucked up my dopamine system among others, but my daily weed smoking (every day from morning to night) was keeping it 'in-check'. After all weed is a dopamine neuron activator. But that abrupt stop probably caused a deficiency and since I cant get it through weed and my body cant make it anymore, boom! hppd. With that said, I dont know what to say about sleep deprivation anymore. In the beginning(2ish month ago), it helped me for sure. but now, I dont have the non-visual symptoms that were helped by sleep deprivation. Though I cant say visuals have gotten better at all. I had a hard time sleeping 2month ago, with headpressure/anxiety and all that but now im fine. I dont really get 'tired' in the natural way. I can stay up all night if I wanted to but i can also go to sleep if i go lie down.

Recently found I can induce CEV by doing what you mentioned above; pressing on closed eyes. So ive been playing with them lately. I dont know if this is dangerous at all -.- probably isnt good though lol I learned that one of the CEV i produce by doing this is the one I wake up to in the morning(that disappears within the minute). Touching our eyes physically probably stimulates the retina perhaps? Also supported by the fact that Rapid Eye Movement sleep occurs near the time of waking up??(which I have the CEV/OEV for a < minute upon waking)

mind sharing your symptoms and timeline of them disappearing and such? thanks.

I had headpressure. My hppd started with physical symptom aches before visuals came a month later. Eventually the physical symptoms disappeared though. Read one about some worsenings, killing some hope, recreating some hope, straight talk, etc. lol For me it started with head pressure with some tension behind eyes. About a month after developing visual effects, Fluctuations in heart beat and blood pressure, as well as related anxiety started suddenly. Along with anxiety related symptoms like racing thoughts, tremors trying to sleep, etc etc. Very minor DP when the anxiety was strong(once or twice). The anxiety/bp/pulse/headpressure only lasted for about 2-3 weeks and the head pressure maybe 4-5. But i developed tinnitus and new/worsening visuals stayed. I was like you at first. The visual effects didnt phase me at all in the beginning. I just let it be and thought not too much of it. It was about a month into hppd when i developed the heartbeat/anxiety problems. I honestly, even now, believe to a little extent that I wasn't anxious but the hppd messing up my brain chemistry triggered the anxiety(perhaps a drain of serotonin/dopamine?). (I never had anxiety in my whole life except on a minor bad trip). I didnt know 'why' i was anxious, because a day before, i was fine with the visuals. But that can be argued because anxiety is part subconscious. In the beginning, although I 'believed' i was going to get better and subconsciously I was begging it for it to go away, every awaking day with hppd was probably eating my hope away(though, consciously, i was trying to believe i was getting better). Which inevitably caused the anxiety? who knows. What matters is that it didnt stay. headpressure, heartbeat fluctuations, racing thoughts, sleep problems, minor DP were all gone and i believe those are the ones that hinder hppd-ers most. Visuals are just visuals. Like wearing dirty glasses you cant take off but the mental ones make it hard to function. I think headpressure will settle down for you as the brain adapts to the unfamiliarity of hppd. I didnt really do anything special. I changed my diet to an extremely healthy one (losing about 10kg due to the healthy diet), and I quit alcohol, caffeine before i even got to "test it out" to see if it worsened my symptoms. But i think only time is the real answer here. If it gets too fucked up, knowing that i have some benzos at hand helps imo. Eventhough i havent even tried one yet. And at first, when I found this site, i was on it all day everyday, reading through all the posts, and such. I felt better reading about it but later came to the realization that its not that helpful. I mean support and research is great but in the end, the cure isnt here....YET I still check it everyday when im on the computer but im also living life right now, back in school and busy with that.

I have no clue why but taking a nap is extremely weird for me. At night I can sleep pretty well except for the odd day, but when I try to take a nap regardless of if I didnt get enough sleep or not, I can fall asleep but it raises my heartbeart enough to wake me up and it brings on the tremors. Maybe a little sweating but that could be due to temperature. I find this really fascinating because at night I experience nothing like this. Also fascinating that our insomnia can be beaten by boredom. (just started new school term) Before school, once I woke up in the morning, whether I got a refreshing sleep or not, I was awake and neurons were firing and about. Now that I am going to school, I just want to go back to bed all the time lol. I also wake up a few times now and then and I get so happy when I realize that I have a few more hours to sleep. And then Ill wake up again the next hour and next hour, it gets annoying but sleep refreshment is not greatly diminished so i'm thankful for that.

The less you take the better. Its really up to you imo. I have about 30 x .125mg xanax that i was prescribed. I havent even touched them, not even for 'testing' sake because I know they are only for temporary relief. With that said, if your looking to try out clonazepam, (in my very own opinion) just try them? Why not start with 0.5mg and go from there, since you are not even dependent on benzos.........yet? :\ Give enough rest before the next dose since clonazepam half life is 18-50hours and it will accumulate, compared to etizolam's 3.4hours (main metabolite 8.2hours). HPPD is "unique", every benzo and dosage works differently for others, if you can find relief with less dosage, why not. I guess someone with more benzo experience should chime in.

Sleeping too little or too much does effect my symptoms. My body doesnt let me sleep much more. Once i wake up in the morning, my brain is pretty much up. If i try to sleep more I can but if i go past like 9hours, my body gets internal trembles and somewhat intensified CEV when i am half awake. Same goes for naps, my body rarely allows me to nap. I will start to tremor as I fall asleep, or my pulse will rise and wake me up. Or that build-up + jerk thing. However, one thing i noticed is that school makes me sleep no matter what lol.

Im going to spew out completely unscientifical opinion. Maybe it's interlinked to some and not interlinked to some. LSD creates new pathways and cut off some to old ones? Considering that actual tripping on LSD can induce anxiety + DP/DR(bad trip) and the fact that HPPD itself is the remaining of visuals from LSD, I believe there is a good possibility that DP/DR itself can remain in the user. I also think that there is a better chance from recovering from DP/DR/Anxiety because we can actively work on those areas using our brain/thoughts and even our sensations like touching/swimming/talking to feel more grounded and fight off DR/DP. However, with visuals, I think its more complex. We cant really counter visual abnormalities by ourselves like we can counter DP/DR by trying to force emotions and sensations. We would need the aid of professionals and machines (or research some eye exercises), as it has been mentioned in another thread that behaviour optical therapy has some good potential. (again i note that im making this up as I write it, just food for thought) When I developed anxiety about 2month into hppd, I always thought of it as another symptom of hppd. I didnt know why I was anxious and although I was new to HPPD, ghosting visuals and the like didnt really phase me at all. I'm hesitant to call it anxiety because I think it had more to do with heartbeat fluctuation and bloodpressure levels, not to mention that medically confirmed of mildly abnormal cranial bloodflow. (maybe i was already subconsciously anxious then?) but its questionable because my phase of anxiety developed after I had visual symptoms and disappeared within 2-3weeks. Maybe I coped fast? Though things that made me feel better was getting massaged and also visiting family relatives kind of forced me to keep myself in check. edit: to clarify, my anxiety and very mild dp/dr didnt start until about 3-4weeks into HPPD and only lasted about 2-3 after that. I now 'worry' about hppd occasionally but i wouldn't call it anxiety at all. I never had a history of anxiety either except for a mildly bad trip once and rough start of a trip once.

I had a good joke about HPPD but i forgot it. Fuck you hppd. lol

Yesterday, I was able to induce the 'common' MDMA nystagmus. As where as I was talking about up and down trembling before, the one I produced yesterday was the exact same as the one I had while on MDMA. It's the exact same because while on mdma, if i tried to focus on the frame of my glasses, it would shake left and right. (and now i can do it by doing the same sans mdma) It's much more obvious and i can feel the eyes go left and right probably because its rubbing on my eyelids or some muscle sensation w.e. I think i can feel the up and down one too but the shakiness is not as severe. (and i was mildly sleep deprived which makes this symptom easily producible) By definition, i think the involuntary (even though i trigger it in some sense) eye spasm is called nystagmus. I dont really plan on medications yet since im only 4month in hppd and trying for a relatively 'clean' route for a while. I've entertained the idea that medications might stop the progression of hppd and if i dont do anything I might be fucking my self in the long run. No one truly knows. Ever so slowly, my visuals have gotten worse over the past 4 month and even though all the symptoms are really mild compared to other hppd-ers (imo), I cant say the sober/healthy life has done me any good yet.... except for helping me lose 10kg due to healthy eating lol. 85kg before hppd, 70kg now lol. One more thing I plan to 'try' is get back to working out but I'm sort of hesitant because I believe HPPD works on chemical imbalance and call me crazy but i think to some extent, exercise will cause chemical fluctuations that can confuse my brain in finding its neutral balance again....though i have no idea if my brain even knows its unbalanced....(fuck you brain, get your shit together. im talking to my brain now, schizo? lol ) Thoughts?

It not permanent as in it happens all the time but I can always induce it if I want to. I don't know if its true nystagmus or just a visual processing error but it can shake quite a bit. I've also noticed that when I was high on MDMA, nystagmus was guaranteed. Even before MDMA/lsd/mushroom use, I think my eyes were more comfortable in being focused out even though I'm looking at something close. And i also had anisocoria when all this started. Now, i think it rarely happens but when I do ge to see it, the size difference is barely noticeable. behaviour optometrists, im waiting for some more updates in the thread.

Could be anxiety messing up your pulse and blood pressure resulting in hypertension and the like and fainting. Remember that anxiety is part, if not mostly, subconscious. I had orthostatic hypotension(blood rush when standing up from sitting position) and general bad floodflow. It developed about a month into hppd but it disappeared about 2-3weeks after. I did faint once from standing up. I kind of believe I dont have anxiety and rather it was a symptom of hppd as I have had many other (only physical) symptoms come and go. Like headpressure, bad blood flow, nerve zaps, cherry angiomas, and other random symptoms. Yeah being focused helps as long as you dont lose the power to focus since because of obsession to hppd. EX\ i have text fluid movement/dancing but if im focusing on what im writing rather that actually trying to see the letters move and such, i dont really see it. Its only when i stop typing and kinda look at this wall of text that it starts moving.

Hello, I believe my symptoms started after I 'quit' weed too. I've always had text movement and breathing visuals somewhat after mushrooms/lsd/mdma(dont know which one) but i didnt mind them at all because i thought it was normal and came with the lifestyle of smoking weed everyday and that it would go away if i stopped the weed. I had to go sober because i had to come to asia for vacation. This was around mid may. My hppd development started with random physical symptoms like fatigue/malaise, random pain, nerve zaps, cherry angiomas and a bunch. Eventually about a month after soberiety and random symptoms, i developed new visual symptoms like ghosting, starbursting, halos, and then later on worsening to some very very minor snow like thing (i cant say for sure its snow but pure solid colors do have some static-y appearance. My most recent one is edges wobbling. For quite a few of these symptoms, it happens when I 'let' it happen. Things like ghosting i cant do anything about as it will occur in LEDs, lights and high contrast settings but for things like text movement i sort of have to look at the big picture of texts and really let loose. in minor form, it happens constantly though. I did develop anxiety/fluctuation in pulse and blood pressure, headpressure about 2 month after sobriety but that faded on its own in 2-3 weeks. I still question if its another hppd induced symptom or something 'I' had developed as a reaction to hppd. I never had anxiety before. I think its really interesting that your progression of symptoms and even how it kind of started is similar to mine. including the fact that I also dont have the common symptom of visual snow. Only when i concentrate on it, i can notice that something is not a pure solid color more staticky but barely noticeable. Physical symptoms have come and gone, some have stayed but all my visual symptoms have stayed.....for now However, when i first got it, even though im fairly new (4month in), i can tell you i was in a whole different mindset. About 2month into it, I started thinking I was fucked. GG. Life over . Existential crisis. But even that only lasted 2-3 weeks for me. I guess i was pretty lucky as many others have it bad here with DP/DR. Something I used to really cope was thinking about myself before HPPD and forcing myself to be that person again, thinking about how visual symptoms are just visuals and my mentality shouldnt really change. I'm not that weak. ETC ETC. Right now, i think i subconsciously believe that i will eventually get better and i also put some of that belief into future science however im also accepting the fact that i can live with this forever. I think believing and preparing for both ends can really help with the acceptance/coping. It will be a different story if it gets extremely worse though. Also going out to meet friends sort of helped. At first, ill be noticing all the lights and visuals somewhat but when it's still there after an hour and my friends are there i sort of just started to concentrate on my friends and being grounded with the situation at hand. It helped me learn to not mind it as much. It was hard the first feew times but it was getting easier. But i should also mention that my anxiety was residing away on its own before that.

I should also mention that this is considered one of the treatments to nystagmus which is one of my hppd symptoms. Haven't tried it tho

Maybe im understanding it wrong but DSM is a manual for mental disorders. Why is HPPD considered a mental disorder? I mean we do have some evidence of cerebral disinhibition, abnormal MRIs, and such? Maybe im just understanding the semantics wrong but when i read mental disorder, its kind of offensive. I ask because i plan to see a doctor soon and sometime during the visit ill probably mention "i think i have hppd, its in the dsm-iv" My main concern is my future (career wise) and I dont really want to have a 'mental disorder' somewhere in my records. Not to mention that it would also be on record that I have abnormal vision. Would such a thing show up on background checks... In canada,bc, medical and driving, are both run by the government and i wonder if they share infos. That would be one of my main immediate concern.

My location is Canada, bc and it would be extremely helpful if other canadians can chime in. I haven't been to the eye doctor yet since the 'major' visual symptoms started though I went to one about a week before it did start, due to pressure which turned up nothing but dry eye/allergy diagnosis(Bullshit). I do have some physical eye symptoms like dry eyes, unstable pupil dilation/constriction, and tiring out easily (i guess due to light sensitivity). Also, my glowing light/ghosting images are reduced significantly if i am looking up at a light source. While looking down at a light source makes it the most intense. Anyone else? For those that don't know, my symptoms started when on vacation in asia and i have yet to visit any doctors here in Canada now that I'm back. I can provide them with an MRI result and bloodwork but im also thinking of maybe starting the whole thing over since its free here (i think) and Canadian doctors are more likely to be knowledgeable in drug caused problems (asking for too much?) and I can actually tell them about hppd and drug use and not get arrested. lol. Anyways, my questions are: Do i go to a general doctor first or just book an appointment with an ophtha.? Should I mention HPPD from the beginning? my plan is to basically say, "i think i have hppd (explain basics, hope s/he doesnt laugh) and say, i guess im ok with hppd since nothing can be done about it but i wanted to make sure my eyes were medically ok" blah blah. Should i go see a psychologist/psychiatrist, explain everything and then ask him/her to workout a gameplan to do some medical checks? psychiatrists are not free here though Can i do this with a general doctor? I've never shared ideas/talk medically with doctors before, always played dumb and just state my symptoms. Now that i think about it, i had vertigo for 6-12month after a heavy night of drinking. (maybe another predisposition/warning sign lol). In my view, BC is a very recreational-drug tolerant city and im surprised there are no localized hppd acknowledgement/awareness. Should i try to contact some research people like University of British Columbia? Its one of the best schools in canada and i even remember seeing a research article posted here that was related to visual snow (though i barely have that one) and such. How would i go about doing this? This ones a long shot but anyone know how insurance works with BC? to my knowledge it should be all free.

I've had instances where if i lie down for bed and my brain doesnt want to shut down or is trying to sleep, i will hear voices/sound that i heard earlier in that day. But they sound as if they are right beside me. I've also noticed that when i close my eyes and move arms around, i feel like i can see my arms as CEV. I dont think its like 'depersonalization' but i just see my arms movement through my closed eyes. Kind of amazing. I can do it in pitch black rooms so its not just the shadow casted by lights.

So today i am sleep deprived (just cuz i was busy and didnt have time to sleep) and i am lying in my bed. I guess my eyes have dried out/strained out for the day and when I open them wide looking at something at a specific distance (70cm-ish) what i see shakes up and down [i think its nystagmus]. I cant 100% say its my physical eyes shaking since it doesnt happen on mirrors/(no edges) but i bet they are physically shaking?:\ I mentioned in the past that i have this but the sleep deprive/exhausted eyes made it extremely more shaky when I open them wide just now. Its not as severe if i try again, its as if they needed stretching and by doing so, they are more flexible/precise and shakiness less intense or maybe i just lubricated my eyes by playing with them. Anyways, reading about it in wikipedia, it does mention LSD toxicity as a cause. And although it was thought to be untreatable long time ago, recent studies have some treatment options. A lot of them were familiar drug names ive seen from hppd and I wanted to know what people's experience with them were. My shakiness is 95% of the time produced by me manipulating my eye focus/muscle, though the one or two times i have edge wobbling but thats a different feeling. edge wobbling which happened about 3-4times on its own seems to happen on vertical edges shaking left to right while the one produced by me is basically horizontal lines and even lines of text shaking up and down. Thoughts? experiences? is it an already discussed topic? Im going to sleep now and will do some more reading tomorrow. I find it ,for lack of a better word, interesting that searching for specific symptoms can lead it back to lsd/drug toxicity while searching directly for hppd and its symptoms output arbitrary results. I also noticed that when i look in the mirror under the same static/stable lighting conditions i notice my pupils are trying to find a right spot of dilation/constriction but they are struggling. I can see constant minor dilation and constrictions in my pupils. really going to sleep now.

New visual effect yet again. Couple days ago, I was driving for a while, 150km or so and when i stopped and looked at the road infront of me, it was zooming out. It was 100% obvious. And today, stopping at my apartment hallway and the edges of other peoples doors were wobbling. I thought I had wobbling before but this was a new high. Also noticed that halos sometimes create a web-ish kind of effect sometimes with colors like a reflection of rainbow you would see on glass. In both instances i probably inhaled some second hand smoke (though i went on a smoke binge on this roadtrip and didnt really notice a significant worsening of any symptoms), in fact i think i match another person's account where smoking stimulates the symptoms for a short bit then brings it down a notch. My symptoms have been slowly but always been getting worse. (3-4month in now)