bpl4269

Going to start on a low dose today. We shall see what happens. Trying not to get my hopes up too high though. Wish me luck!

So amidst all of this chaos with lyme/hppd I will also be moving out of my house in the next couple weeks and rooming with an old high school friend. Gonna be rough but I figured fuck it. At least Ill get some space/freedom and time away from my family for a while. Lyme treatment isnt going so well either lately. A lot of uncertainty. Oh well. Have any of you had to deal with this?

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I will try not to completely lose my shit for now. It just seems that everything that could have gone wrong right now, is going wrong.

How if at all does one acquire social security disability for this condition? I know it can be a long drawn out situation, but I legitimately hate living with my parents now. I wake up every morning and despise seeing my mother's face. She is making my life a living hell, (if it wasnt bad enough already). I can't stand to be in this household one more second. In the meantime I may ask my grandparents if I can move in with them. But, how do I apply for benefits? If so, will I even be capable of recieving them?

The problem is, ive taken three different antibiotics in the past month and a half in the hopes that it would help, but only one of them seemed to make any difference at all. That only lasted for about a week too. Now if I dont find something that works for my lyme, then I dont see why my visuals cant get indefinitely worse. That is a terrifying thing to me.

I dont know where to begin. My lyme disease is coming back and not responding well to antibiotics. This is what I believe is causing my visuals to go haywire. My negative afterimages and nighttime trailing are absolutely horrendous (worsening every day), wobbling edges is becoming much more prominent, trailing of moving objects during the day is coming back, and my anxiety is through the roof because I just stopped taking klonopin after taking it every day for 3 weeks. Oh, on top of that I thought I had met a nice girl who I maybe had a future with who knew what hppd was and sympathised with me, but she stopped talking to me. Needless to say, Im crushed. I honestly cannot think of a reason why I shouldnt kill myself now and save myself from more needless suffering. How the fuck am I supposed to accept the fact that everything continues to worsen, even after months upon months of sobriety? Im going to try and tough it out for a bit longer until the 13th where I might get a script for keppra, but after that, who knows what the fuck im going to do. Ive lost so much progress both mentally and physically. Ironically this downturn began after I saw dr abraham. I need advice. Im fucking desperate. Im feeling hateful, self destructive, and fed up with life and people (including my family). Suicide has never felt like a more realistic possibility and that scares the hell out of me.

Not because of the holiday itself. Is because of the things that come with it. The bright Christmas lights at night that trace like crazy, the reflection of the sun off the snow that gives me after images about half the size of my visual field, the happiness that everyone else experiences around me about their Christmas presents when all I want for Christmas is to feel and see like a normal human being. Plus it has become a terrifyingly trivial occasion. No one asks what they can give to others. They just ask what others can give to them.

Yes I have noticed that issue lately as well. Im trying not to let it worry me though.

So, I started taking curcumin and NAC with my newly prescribed antibiotic and I already see improvement within a day! So glad that this stressful month is over.

Live and learn. Dont beat yourself up man.

Melatonin. Great for sleep. Very good for brain health as well.

I feel you man. I had extremely mild hppd that was almost gone and then I went and decided to smoke again and it came back worse than before. It will abate to a certain extent. Mine did improve again, but I fear it will never be as mild as it used to be. Everyone is different though, so who knows. It might not have any perm effects on you as it did me.

This seemed to quite come out of the blue for me. Ever since my trailing has worsened, this symptom popped up as well. Its like whenever I wake in the morning to check my phone, I see double of my phone up close and my eyes have trouble focusing for about a half hour after waking. For the rest of the day its not prominent, but Im a bit disconcerted to say the least. Is this an hppd issue, or is it possibly related to the klonopin Ive been taking for the past week. (.5 mg per day).

So, as of late, my antibiotics have stopped working correctly to keep my lyme disease at bay and Ive noticed a rise in hppd symptomology. My tracers have gotten worse, wobbling edges are much more pronounced, starbursting slightly increased, and Ive noticed a slight bit of morphing coming back. Im fucking depressed to say the least. Im supposed to get a script for a new antibiotic today and Im nervous as all hell. I really hope it works and my symptoms clear up, because I dont know if I can cope with this stress any longer. Wanting to kill yourself everyday is certainly no way to live and ive been taking a bit of klonopin for the past few days to get me through this rough patch. Well, that brings me to my next point. I am certain that lyme disease made me extremely prone to this condition as it causes inflammation in the occipital lobe which is the area that is hypothesized to be incorrectly functioning thus causing hppd. I think that is also why my symptoms seem to improve with zero drug use. This is because I probably was never genetically predisposed to hppd. The inflammation to the occipital lobe caused by lyme is also why I think my hppd is presently worsened. Any thoughts? Comments?

Wow, thank you for that advice on the curcumin supplementation. I had no idea that that might help. You may have just saved my ass from worsening visuals. Im ordering that shit pronto, and in the mean time ill be taking tumeric as it contains curcumin. Thanks again man, gave me a little hope today. :-)

So last night I took 2 mg of klono with some codeine tablets knowing full well the risk of respiratory depression. I guess some part of me wanted to cease to exist. Im in a real dark place right now. My lyme disease is becoming resistant to antibiotics and because of this my visuals are worsening every day. Im getting visuals that I havent had in eight + months. For example, when I stare at anything it starts to morph, shrink and shake. This symptom has been gone up until now for almost a year. I just hope to god another antiolbiotic will work for me or I can find some effective alternative treatment. I feel I am at the end of my rope. It is downright inhumane for anyone to endure this much mental stress on a daily basis. Honestly, I dont know how much longer Im going to last. Im going to start taking klonopin every day as my last resort so at least I dont end up killing myself.

I know this has probably been covered before but I figured that I would revive this topic. So just figured out a couple of weeks ago that I have a systemic candida infection and I have been on the diet for two weeks now. Feeling a bit better. No more tense muscles/aches/pains, and my anxiety is not as intense. I have this because for about three weeks, I ceased taking probiotics with my antibiotics that I take for lyme disease and the already rampant candida that I had became systemic. I am now in a very tricky situation because I now have to keep three conditions under control simultaneously. Considering that the candida made my visuals worse, its safe to say Ill be on this diet for quite a while. My main problem right now is that I still have to take antibiotics to keep my lyme disease under control, but they also deplete healthy bacteria in my stomach delaying my recovery from candidiasis. Have any of you had this before? If so how long did it take to recover, and did your visuals improve post recovery? Its really amazing how strong my ability to adapt is now. A year ago, a candida problem would have left me crippled and depressed. Now im just eager to fight the problem and just go on with my life. I basically just brushed it off like nothing. This hppd has improved my mental strength and stamina tenfold. I cant wait to see what I can accomplish in the future once I work out my issues.

Really happy to hear that this subsided for you odysseus :-) I wish you a happy and healthy life for years to come :-)

Ive been looking into possibly trying kratom as an anxiolitic and antidepressant but I dont really know how it may affect my visuals and or dp/dr. Needless to say, Im conflicted. Have any of you used or currently use kratom? If so, how does it affect your visuals, if at all? Im very interested in trying it, but I have some very obvious concerns and Im trying to be as cautious as humanly possible.

Whoa there wakeupyourdreaming. Chill out a bit. I was just venting and wallowing in my own self pity. Just because I fantasize about the thought of death, does not mean I would take my own life. Plus, I dont believe I would have the balls to do it. Ive already hit rock bottom multiple times and havent offed myself yet, so Im fairly sure I wouldnt ever kill myself.

Pretty shitty right now. Ive had this whole bit of drama with my mother the past few days. She thinks that she is the center of the universe and everything I do should be for her. Simply put, she is a cunt. I know thats a strong word, but I feel that it fits the situation. In addition to the incredible amount of emotional pain that I experience from hppd, I have my mother saying things like "you are selfish asshole," and "Ive had to put my entire life on hold because of your bullshit." She is entirely unsympathetic and is insistent that punishing me on a consistent basis is the right method of action to quote "straighten me out." Somehow she doesnt have the mental capacity to understand that Ive endured enough agony and punishment for a lifetime. On top of that, Ive got these random aches/pains joint pain coming out of nowhere which I believe are due to candida from the antibiotics I take everyday. This being because I have been quite lax with taking probiotics with my clarithromycin. Well then. Got that off my chest. Anything you want to bounce off me?

Nyquil contains dextromethorphan which people use to trip in higher doses, so I can definitely see how it would worsen your visuals. I would advise against taking it again.

It caused a relapse of one of my symptoms on two seperate occassions. I am extremely sensitive to it. The second time it caused a relapse of one of my symptoms it wasnt even regular coffee. It was decaf.

So, these past few weeks ive gotten desperate enough to attempt supplementing with aniracetam again, as it has improved my worst symptom in the past, (my brain cannot properly filter out the presence of my nose in my vision.) So this time Ive decided to cycle on and off the drug. One day on, one day off, one day on, two days off, etc... This is to possibly eliminate the increase in positive and negative afterimages that I experienced in the past due to daily dosing. So, I a now 5 days in and my positive/negative afterimages are largely unaffected, any visual snow that I may have had is pretty much gone, (May I add, it was very minimal to begin with), and the symptom where my brain does not properly filter out the presence of my nose is almost gone/greatly reduced. I believe that my visuals increased with daily dosing because as I am sure some of you know, aniracetam affects the 5ht2a receptors in the brain, which is the site that is strongly agonized following ingestion of lysergic acid. We do not yet understand how aniracetam specifically affects the 5ht2a receptor, whether it be modulation or antagonization, but I believe that with staggered dosing we can largely eliminate negative side effects on us hppders and maximize the benefits,( reduced visual snow/floaters/blue field entopic phenomenon.) Well, enough rambling. If you do indeed want to experiment with aniracetam, it is a legal nootropic availabe for personal use.

That is wonderful to hear morbide :-) I hope you go on to live a successful and fulfilling life. Im well on my way to "recovery." Hopefully I can be just as happy as you in the near future. Most of my visuals I dont care about anymore. Im not afraid of dp/dr anymore, so thats starting to fade. There is really only one symptom holding me back at the present moment. With any luck, either the symptom will fade, or I will get used to it. Best wishes!