Puppeteer

People definitely tend to invest more faith in nootropic/pharmaceutical treatments than is realistic - it's easy to hope that swallowing a pill in the morning will fix all your issues because there's hardly any effort involved, hah. It's a good place to start, though. Perhaps it'll be a launching pad for the more exhausting stuff (exercise, memory training, etc.) Before pumping yourself full of nootropics make sure all the normal dietary requirements are met (eat well and get some fish oil, b-complex, multivitamin; the usual). You hear a lot about Bacopa Monnieri for memory improvement. Unfortunately it gives me nasty brain fog but other people rave about it. Probably best that you search for a "memory stack" or something similar on longecity.org, though. And this is far and away the best resource for mood-improving nootropic ventures: http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/54028-treating-anxiety-safely-effectively/ Best of luck man. Also, do your own research, I'm an 18-year-old who struggles to practice what he preaches and gets most of his knowledge from lurking the Internet into the wee hours (and a bunch of the other folks here are pretty similar ) so I'm the first to admit I mightn't be the most reliable source.

Whelp, just transferred the cash ($130 AUD! ) for 3 grams, so it's pretty well set in stone that I'll be getting some of this in the New Year. Finally splurged on a milligram scale the other day for tianeptine (decided to double up on the dose since I discovered newmind sells it for 1/3 of the price I was looking at on eBay) so that'll come in handy. Yet another tenuous pharmacological venture to invest too much hope and and faith in than is realistic for the period it'll take to receive it, woo! Got every part of my body crossed. Oh, incidentally, the guy organising this has started accepting cash transfers for the buy, so. Y'know. Get on that shit, I guess. http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/65189-participants/ (link should work?)

Hey. I've been considering taking curcumin but i feel like i'm already too far into the rabbit hole of feeling like my everyday existence is governed by the intake of a bunch of chemicals. It's kind of scary to be like "what aspect of my experience is being influenced by things i swallow every morning", hah. Anyhow, look into supplementing piperine/bioperine because it seems pretty unanimously recommended to take it with curcumin as it's supposed to increase dietary availability significantly.

Waiting with bated breath for the overall outcome. Can't tell if you worked out that the needle are okay or not?

Hey guys. I've just gotten into a kind of panic after considering an incident I had earlier this year. I suffered from acute hyponatraemia at a festival I went to in January: it was incredibly hot, so I was drinking a lot of water. When I got quite a bad headache, of course I've been told all my life that water's the best solution, so I kept on drinking :S. After jumping around for a bit at a concert, I left and had a tonic-clonic seizure, accompanied by falling over and hitting my head. The next 12 or so hours are missing from memory save what I've been told and blurry pieces here and there. A couple found me and took me to the paramedics, I can recall having very slurred speech and laboured comprehension interacting with them. They didn't really stick around to describe what had happened very thoroughly which is unfortunate. Apparently I was very dazed and out of it. I woke up in the ER, while peeing for a drug test managed to drop the bottle of piss all over the floor before falling asleep again, so I guess that's an indicator of how gone I was at the time. I'm really not sure just how adequate the initial treatment was because they'd assumed it was all because I'd taken drugs (I hadn't) and were trying to "flush anything out" before treating whatever else. They tested my vision and I had a blindspot in the left field where I couldn't see the torch they were holding. This lead to me being kept in the hospital over the weekend (not a fun time). When I got out, people were telling me for a couple of weeks that I still didn't seem completely with it. What's followed has been a year of hell, of course, but I don't know what role that episode has played. Of course, at the time I was already experiencing pretty unpleasant HPPD. I really can't remember too well how different life was before and after the incident, save that it was really shitty all around. I had an MRI and EEG at the time which weren't remarkable save for a slight white spot in the upper-right (really not sure exactly where and don't have the scans on me at the moment) "consistent with having bumped my head" which I was assured was mild and would recover quickly. I'm aware though that a lot of brain damage just can't be picked up by typical scans and now I'm fretting that I'm not only looking at HPPD but also an undetectable ABI. I'm just wondering if anyone knows what I'd best do in this scenario? I've read that there are more sensitive scans that can detect the "shearing of brain cells" from traumatic brain injuries that would normally go undetected but still cause a notable blow to cognition. I read something about a qEEG possible also being of value. I'm not sure if there's anywhere I might be able to receive any such specialised scans in Australia, or indeed whether I might have already undergone the best analysis I have access to. The scans I've received were at the Australian Brain and Mind Research Insitute which has a sizeable neurology sector but I'm not sure of just what scans they might've run given my main claim at the time was drug-related impaired cognition... They did know about the hyponatraemiac seizure episode, of course, so perhaps they ran tests with that in mind... I don't know whether it's appropriate to email the research professor I've been seeing about this, I don't really want to bother him with a spur-of-the-moment hypochondriac rambling... He's clearly a very busy, highly qualified guy who's gracious enough to consult patients when he can. Fuck. Being in a situation like this really does foster rampant hypochondria. Fuck all this ambiguity about what's caused what... I'm just quite panicked right now. Eugh

Also, presumably you'll have to see a specialist with your mother? Surely she's aware you've got /something/ going on and should be more than willing to take you. I'd strongly suggest that if you think you could tell her without a significantly detrimental fallout you should; it'll be much easier in the long run for her to understand exactly what's going on. Otherwise, say you've got anxiety or are just feeling quite out of it lately - if you're experiencing DP/DR you might just say that those popped up out of nowhere a la Depersonalisation Disorder, or something - and just want to make sure everything's okay. Then once you're there ask if you can speak to the doctor privately for a bit. Parents generally understand that there are things kids want to keep from there parents and hopefully she'll respect that. I'm not sure due to your age if doctors are legally obliged to keep what you share with them confidential but most will respect that often there are things that can do more harm than good if out in the open and trust your judgement in that regard. I'm not sure if you have health insurance of some sort so from what I understand your mum might have to fork out a fair bit for whatever you get prescribed. That's another reason that you want to be as open with her as possible about this. Hopefully you have a relationship where she loves you and accepts that you will make mistakes. The initial upset and frustration and acceptance period of telling her you used drugs and wound up with this is scary, but you have to compare that to trying to keep her in the dark when she's going to be the one taking you to appointments, buying your meds, witnessing and dealing with your anxieties and so on. Best of luck dude.

File Name: HPPD summary, Keppra study and testimonials File Submitter: Puppeteer File Submitted: 29 Nov 2013 File Category: Publications A compilation of HPPD diagnostics from the DSM-IV and ICD-10 on HPPD as well as excerpts from other sources, the Keppra/levetiracetam study abstract, and numerous testimonials for Keppra's effectiveness from around the forum (largely thanks to user HBB). Changes and updates are very welcome, please upload any modified versions if you think they'll be useful Click here to download this file

Hi man. Keppra is often prescribed to kids much younger than you for epilepsy so presumably there aren't any significant age-related concerns about it. Because HPPD is uncommon, opinions on what is and isn't appropriate for treating it vary widely. Prescription laws in the US seem to be more lenient so I think a GP can prescribe it which'd be much less of a hassle for you than seeing a psychiatrist or neurologist, but a lot of it's down to luck. It may well be beneficial to see a specialist; if your GP's skeptical/stubborn you could either ask them to consult a neurologist or to just refer you straight to one. Just familiarise yourself with the drug, be certain to print out all the information about HPPD and the use of Keppra in treating it, stress that it can't be abused, isn't addictive and is generally quite well tolerated with no lasting side effects. I've actually compiled (somewhat shoddily) a bunch of information on HPPD (ICD and DSM excerpts) as well as the Keppra study and numerous testimonials (many of which were lifted from a post by user "HBB" made a while back) in a Word document so I'll upload that to the Downloads section in case it'll be of use. EDIT: uploaded it here. http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/files/file/71-hppd-summary-keppra-study-and-testimonials/ you might want to add stuff or change it around or whatever.

As a possible Lamictal side effect or an HPPD symptom?

what dose have you started at? do you know what cruising dose you're aiming for? i'm on it currently and can't say much is happening, but it's only been a couple of months and everyone's different. i didn't experience headaches but it's definitely a fairly common side effect after starting/changing dose which in most cases goes away, so unless it gets really unbearable i'd say power through. I've seen it mentioned here and there that folic acid supplementation can help with lamotrigine side effects, so you could give that a shot! I'm thinking of picking some up. Good luck man!

Hi mate, awesome that your DP and brain fog has gone away. Definitely gives the rest of us hope! Can definitely vouch for the DP and depression combo being fucking awful. It's frightening that suicide has become a casual daily thought for me. It does seem like HPPD is a many pronged thing. Who knows how many parts of the brain it affects? downregulated dopamine/serotonin receptors, fucked up visual cortex, temporal lobe seizures, etc., all those other theories. It seems like the kind of thing that has similar symptoms caused by a whole variety of different things, so it makes sense that maybe one thing might right itself while another's still wonky. +1 for the idea of trying out a medication of some kind. Definitely be wary of SSRIs though; outside of reports of exacerbated symptoms (went through that myself on Cymbalta), often times their effects just aren't really that great. Wellbutrin could definitely be an idea, and I'm trying out tianeptine at the moment which definitely isn't doing any harm; not sure if it's really changing much though, either. Been a bit down in the dumps lately and haven't adhered to the best dosage routine. Considering doubling the dosage if I can justify purchasing that much (shit's pretty costly). Possibly look into nootropics and such as well? Prior to retriggering my HPPD with MDMA like an idiot I had great luck with piracetam. Check out this thread: http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/54028-treating-anxiety-safely-effectively/ (anxiety and depression definitely cross over in a lot of ways so it's pretty applicable). Good luck dude.

Saw my psych today for the first time in almost two months. Told him how I'd been doing worse, experiencing nothing noteworthy with lamictal, reiterated the value of keppra with this stuff, etc. He gave me a very interesting talking to about how it's theorised that dissociation works but the appointment essentially ended with "take slightly more lamictal and try not to focus on it". Next available appointment? February the fuckin' 3rd. Pretty disappointed, I suppose. It does make sense that dwelling and focusing on DP/DR is going to make it persist, change the brain so it's more sensitive to and more focused on DP/DR, etc. Of course there's value in just doing your best to get outside of yourself. It's just so, so much easier said than done. When Keppra is pretty clearly the one big thing that works for this stuff, how does one not obsess over the desire to try it? Of course there's a substantial chance it won't help, but knowing that it just might, after having dealt with this for so long and trying a bunch of other junk, it's torture to just not know. The whole time I've been on lamictal I've been wondering about keppra, I know I'll be doing the same for the next couple of months. If I tried it and found out it didn't work, it'd suck, but at least I'd know and would finally be able to put the constant speculation to rest. I just don't have the patience to spend the next 2 freakin' months in the state I'm in currently. I'm really starting to fold here; I'm really losing faith. It's just so fucking hard to care any more, about anything. I've once again stopped talking to my friends, stopped listening to music with any regularity, find it so hard to care about routine and so on. I don't know if lamictal's had anything to do with this somewhat recent drop in mood, or if i'm finally returning to a base state post-Cymbalta, or if it's just the natural progression of hopelessness from dealing with this shit for so long. Anyhow, enough pessimism. Can anyone recommend a decent, genuine online pharmacy? I figure I'll give it a few months, hopefully I can afford it. Or if you think I'm being an idiot feel free to tell me why! Thanks dudes.

Yeah, you're very lucky to have caught it now. Having only used acid and only once definitely reduces the complexity of your situation, and I'd say most of the people who've reported quicker/more extensive recoveries have been in the same boat. When you've used a bunch of different psychs and research chemicals and stims and smoked weed and so on it definitely makes things a lot less clear cut. It sounds like you're only experiencing the visual shit at the moment which is great - believe you me, that'd be heaven on earth for those of us who've got all the cognitive/mental bullshit as well. As is logical, do your absolute best to not use any recreational drugs from here on out. That can't be stressed enough. It's really unfortunate, but there are too many cases of people thinking "just once won't hurt" or "surely I can still just use weed" leading to worsened or new symptoms. Some people are fine with caffeine, others aren't at all. If you don't feel weird and awful after a coffee then you're probably fine, though there's definitely no harm in minimising caffeine intake generally. Stay away from the medications reported here to make things worse even if a doctor thinks it'll help; frankly most medical practitioners know shit all about HPPD. If you want some good ol' chemical support, look around at the various recommended vitamins, nootropics, and prescription meds discussed here. If you think you can get by without, then that's definitely best. Most importantly, keep living your life as best you can, and try not to dwell on HPPD, your misfortune, bad decisions, etc. It's an incredibly easy trap to fall into - HPPD breeds hypochondria like nothing else. The more you think about it and focus on it, the worse it'll seem and the worse you'll feel. Don't give your life to it. It's very easy to just sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Perpetually obsessing over it isn't going to do anything to make it go away, and in all likelihood will make the symptoms last longer. Highly recommend you limit how often you visit this site for this reason. Probably the number 1 cure for HPPD is doing your best to ignore it. Finally, y'know, live well, eat well, sleep well, exercise, get sunshine, get laid, you know the deal. Best of luck man.

In short I can't say with any certainty that weed has had any long-term impact on my symptoms (find it difficult to distinguish between different mental states/levels of intoxication/effects of any medication etc. that are subtle or happen gradually), though it definitely makes all of them worse while I'm on it. And my current experience is that it only worsens my worries about most things as well as what effect being high will have on my HPPD. That's with the high-THC strain I've used though, keen to compare with some CBD or a high-CBD strain at some point out of interest; no intention to make a hobby of it, though. I'd recommend against using it with any regularity though, if that's why you're asking. It's just not worth it, unfortunately. Yeah, there are people who seem to be fine with it, but there are definitely a heap of people who wind up worse of for using it, and it's impossible to know which category you're gonna fall into. And hey, even if it doesn't seem to make things worse, who's to say that it's not stopping things from getting better? Just not a gamble worth taking IMO. I try to regard being able to get high comfortably again as a reward for working to pull myself out of this mess, haha.

How long did you have HPPD for, what were your symptoms and their severity, and what contributed to their remission? Great to hear that at least the HPPD-related problems in your life have subsided. I guess it's impossible to know whether some of those "feeling like a mess" symptoms are residual but that kind of stuff is definitely much easier to deal with. Thanks for sharing man, and best of luck!

Best of luck dude! Really hope to be right there with you as soon as possible. Hey Ghormeh, wanted to ask why you specifically prefer a B-Complex over a specific B6 supplement? Do you advise against taking a B6 vitamin in addition to a B complex? I'll have to look into the theory behind B6's value in keppra treatment more thoroughly...

When these are things that just pop up out of nowhere in brains that were otherwise normal, it's clear that something up there has changed and we just don't have technology sensitive enough to detect what it is.The fact that some people see improvements with existing medications that were never made with these conditions in mind makes it seem like whatever causes it has to be fixable - like there are different switches, all of which trigger the same symptoms but which each require something different to turn them off. Exposure through the media means more attention - undoubtedly there are heaps people out there living with this shit who haven't looked into it and who don't participate in communities and so on. More people expressing concern means a greater awareness in the medical community, and thus more effort toward research into the cause and subsequently developing treatments. If there are drugs out there that can help some cases without being specifically designed for these conditions, then I can only have high hopes for the outcome of treatments that do target them. Optimistically speaking, it seems like it should only be a matter of when, and how great the relief provided is.

Thanks for your response, Syntheso; sounds like you've definitely been through the same kind of selfish, reckless friendship as me and the resulting gut-wrenching dissonance about your responsibility to the relationship. It really does suck that the most magnetic personalities are so often the most destructive. I think once you reach the point where you can honestly say that someone's brought more harm and sadness into your life than good and is likely to keep on doing so you should cut them out. You have to make sure your life is the best it can be and if you know cutting them out of that is the best way to do so then that's what you should do. As a psychologist once put it to me, "the friend chop". It doesn't sound very nice but it's a hell of a lot nicer than the alternative; from now on it's an attitude I'm going to adhere to firmly. As for this friend of mine, of course I'm aware he made mistakes, that he undoubtedly feels remorseful for a lot of it, and so on. Forgiveness just isn't the blanket of fairy dust people treat it like, and it's certainly not something one's obligated to give. It is all in the past and can't be changed now. But I think it'd be unjust for me to just let it go, really. The best case outcome is that he learns something from it all and doesn't endanger someone in the same way in the future. Also, of course he didn't know that I would wind up with HPPD as severe as I have it. The thing is, he made it out like he was sure I wouldn't. He intentionally constructed and imposed this identity of a superior and highly knowledgeable psychedelia expert, and I really don't think that because I was gullible enough to get caught up in that delusion that I ought to own all the blame and exempt him from any. I told him about my early visual symptoms and he very firmly told me that it was really nothing to worry about and that I could go on using things with no worries. He frequently insisted on how good certain things were and how we needed to use them together and how he was sure they were safe. I expressed apprehension about MDMA and he told me that it was fine and safer than weed and shit, we needed to roll together. I told him I really didn't want to roll again and he kept pushing and I kept brushing it off but then when I was drunk and had my guard down he pushed more. When it first got "really bad" I told him and he grabbed and sternly and firmly spoke down to me and said "the drugs you've used can't cause any of these problems". That last one really cemented how much of a fuckwit he really was about it all. Forgive me while I employ the best analogy I can think of: Imagine you're standing in front of a fire. You've never seen one before but you've heard in passing that it can be dangerous. Your friend, whom you trust a great deal, stands by you and aggressively assures you that not only is it safe to touch the fire, it'll actually be fun. They've read extensively about fire and have a lot to say about how the warnings about it are false and misguided and are perpetuated by stupid conservative people based on outdated nonsense ideals. They wave their hand around in it a little and pull it out unscathed. They insist that you should try touching it, they're sure that it'll be okay, that very respectable and informed people out there recommend it and do it all the time. Because this person you hold in high regard and trust immensely is so confident in their understanding, clearly knows a lot more about it than you, and is so eager for you to do it, you're interested now and you decide to give it a try. You wind up with severe burns. Of course it was you who willingly performed the final action, without having done extensive research about what you knew might be a dangerous thing to do. But that hardly means that this person who positioned themselves as a trustworthy, knowledgeable authority on the subject and who perpetually urged you to touch the fire should get off entirely scott free. They can't just turn around and say "it wasn't my fault at all because I didn't hold a gun to your head" and be justified in doing so. I think there's definitely a burden of blame there that they need to own. I think that's the logical conclusion. I think that pretty accurately reflects what's happened here. Him accepting blame for it isn't going to make the problem go away or improve it at all, but as a friend I think it is the right thing to do. He did a lot of stupid and inconsiderate things, abused my trust, and played a significant role in me winding up in a very bad place. He didn't intentionally do it - who on earth would - he just did a lot of reckless and destructive things that shouldn't be done in a friendship. He's probably been the most destructive person in my life after my parents and I'll never be able to have the same love or respect for him again. It's made so much worse by the fact that in the year or so since it really got bad he hasn't stepped up and made any sort of apology, owned any responsibility. And I know that if I were to raise it with him he would refuse to, and I just don't have the confidence or strength or wherewithal to deal with that kind of argument so I probably won't bring it up with him for some time. It's hardly my responsibility to get him to acknowledge that he did me dirt. Reading back over this I realise I probably sound like a daft, gullible idiot. Hell, maybe I was. But it was all so different at the time. Our friendship was very long and very deep. I've always been pretty smart, but I've also always had a hell of an inferiority complex and low self-confidence and so on, especially when we first met. Always in need of validation, always assuming everyone was better than me and looked down on me. The perfect candidate to be victimised by a narcissistic, manipulative, authoritative personality like him. Of course he has good qualities, nobody can be completely written off. But man they're weighed down by some bad ones. People like that have a way of making you think that what they want to do and would like you to do is what you're independently deciding you want. That doing otherwise wouldn't be fair to them. He was so scathingly but confidently judgemental. The fact that I was someone he didn't (to my knowledge) subject to that made me feel special, I guess. Ha. That I was good enough for this intelligent and talented guy to want in his life. He would pretty regularly entirely write off people he was close to and cut them out of his life, and would always have plenty of good reasons for doing so. People I'd met and gotten along with well enough and who clearly cared about him, who kept on trying to reconnect with him to no avail. One of these people had a similar relationship with him to me I think, and even got caught up in his psychedelic obsession too; wound up doing a lot and buying a lot and selling a lot and if I recall wound up with at least moderate HPPD. Not sure how he's going. Yikes, went off on some tangents there. I guess what it all comes down to is that this is all stuff I need to put behind me, learn from and move on from. I guess it's just becoming clearer and clearer that my friendship with him is something that belongs behind me as well. (god knows he should understand the desire to entirely cut off people who care about you).

Interesting to hear, that's really not a benzo you see mentioned often at all. Are you still using psychs and shit though man? If so have you seen your condition worsen due to it of late?

I really don't think that's in the spirit of being a member of this community and I don't take Odisa as the kind of person to do that, but hey, I guess business is business

Why are you ordering 10g all at once? As far as I understand that'll last approaching 10 months, and is pretty damn costly for something you can't be sure will work for you. Would it not be worth buying just a few month's worth to determine its usefulness for you and if you find it worthwhile put in a larger order for the next group buy? Seems like a lot of people who haven't used it before are ordering quite large quantities for personal use and it just seems like an unnecessary gamble edit: though i guess if that ending up with a largeish quantity you can't use isn't too much skin off your back i'm sure a lot of people on here would really appreciate a donation given how costly and tedious to acquire this stuff is

Don't even get me started on self-blame, haha. Though the most fucking awful thing for me is the ambiguity of so much of it... Did this or that drug exacerbate my symptoms or did I imagine it, did the seizure cause any long-term damage which is contributing to my current cognitive difficulties, have my symptoms gotten worse, have my symptoms gotten better, is this medication helping at all, is my recent drop is energy/sociability just a normal fluctuation of my mood or a side effect, etc. etc. Talk about negative thought loops! Afobazole definitely sounds interesting, keen to hear how that goes. Are you still interested in tDCS?

The main thread is tedious as hell to trawl through. Any chance you know how long it takes on average for effects to becomes noticeable?

Is anyone able to confirm what's generally regarded as a good dose for this? The study seem to just generalise, wish I knew what the starting dose was and what the high doses they were increased to were. I've seen people mention taking 10mg BID, 20mg BID, and 30mg BID. Is there a consensus on what's the best to stick with? Put my name down in the group buy thread, by the way. Cheers Odisa

Man, what I'd give to get my hands on some high CBD/low THC weed! Ever since a... certain website went down... you have to have very good connections in Australia to have any idea what sort of strain your smoking, otherwise the best distinction you get is "bush" or "hydro". Frustrating as anything. I just wanna see how I react to it - the only weed I have access to currently is probably the most potent sativa/THC-rich strain I've ever encountered - even my non-HPPD friends think it feels like they've down a ton of coffee along with it. Sucks. Anyhow, Odisa, didn't realise your recent bout of anxiety was due to that blow you did a couple months ago. Bugger! It seems so cruel that in the desperate quest for relief from HPPD we seem to more often than not end up fucking ourselves up further. Really hope you spring back. Have you considered looking into any other prescription meds? Escitalopram, bupropion, higher-dosage tianeptine, agomelatine, etc.? Even just trialing klonopin? I mean, there's gotta be a reason this is all the stuff they safeguard, right? Despite the side effects of Cymbalta I didn't like (and can't quite tell if they're still around or how severe they were, bugger this memory and utter inability to notice subtle in mood/mental state), it absolutely obliterated the excruciating 24/7 anxiety I was enduring. I'd probably advise against Cymbalta, but who's to say that an SSRI like escitalopram mightn't have more pros than cons? Just a thought, seeing as it doesn't seem you're too lucky with the (somewhat) legally obtainable stuff.