Puppeteer

Did you purchase some of this batch from Ceretropic, Odisa? Very cryptic language there, even for me

Cheers, couldn't see an obvious way to embed a video. How does one do so, incidentally? I'll check out those tunes soon!

Oneohtrix Point Never, an artist I like whose music in a way deals a lot with detachment from the self and reality - artistically arranging samples and synths in something of both an homage to and critique of how computer/Internet-technology is shaping the world and with it our humanism. So I guess intentionally or not one can draw parallels to the sentiment of the actual music and DP/DR, but I digress. (link in onedayillsailagain's post below) It's essentially a collection of (for the most part) pictures very-realistically 3D rendered objects of varying significane and mundaneness, but at the same time you're aware the images are computer-generated copies of the objects on a 2D plane. The feeling a person without DP/DR (i.e. me circa just over a year ago) seeing these replicas might experience - some kind of clash of distinct familiarity with distance, alienness, unreality - is very similar to the sensation I experience when looking at anything in the world; as though everything is an incredibly faithful yet somehow unreal version of what I know the object to me, like every frame of my vision could be a screenshot used in this video. It's just a lot more scary when you know they aren't images someone's created with 3D software.

Yeah, what a bummer. It's frustrating; it seems like realistically accommodating international purchases would be so easy for the benevolence and increased customer-base it would afford yet so many otherwise quality businesses are US/Canada-centric. I guess it goes without saying though that the other nootropic stores will follow suit soon enough so it's not too much of a loss. I purchased a skincare product from Vantage.cc over the weekend and took the opportunity to inquire about coluracetam - he expressed his frustration with the numerous delays but assured me it'd be 6 weeks maximum. Lets hope!

I got the impression that they'd unintentionally listed the product earlier than they had it in stock, and if I'm not mistaken removed it from their site after realising? Perhaps I'm wrong. A user on Longecity pointed out today that they had some in stock so I assumed they'd actually gotten it in and had relisted it on their site.

http://www.ceretropic.com/coluracetam-sublingual-solution/ Their page states: Extremely Limited Supply! Act Now! Product contains (60) 20mg doses of Coluracetam in a sublingually absorbable solution. I'm personally going to hold off because I've got other treatment options in the pipeline/can't really justify this purchase at the moment/etc. but I know a few people are interested so I figured this was definitely worth its own thread.

Not sure if anyone here digs Animal Collective but they're far and away my favourite contemporary band. As a psychedelic/experimental act it's not too surprising that they openly discuss drugs pretty directly now and again in their lyrics, both positively and negatively. The lyrics to a song called Laughing Hieroglyphic off Avey Tare's (one of the cornerstone members of AC) solo album Down There jumped out at me when I revisited it recently: I didn't think you were Struggling so long With all of the wild things That we took so young How it must have wrapped you up And left you hanging upside-down When I was too busy getting lost in The big sound, the big sound ... Lately I've been seeing beings They look like they float at the back of my headroom I don't find it strange, but I'm talking to you ____ The whole song seems to be addressed to someone he was once very close to who he fell out with through their developing personal issues and him moving on to pursue his musical career. HPPD or not it definitely sounds like some kind of psychedelic-related mental health thing was going on with his friend. Maybe it's just the Cymbalta withdrawal but this really resonates with me, I'm choking up a little, hah.

Just been going over this stuff for the psychiatrist appointment I have in an hour (eep) and I thought it would be useful to bump this thread to the front page.

Just a quick one to ask if anyone who's experienced success with Keppra had developed HPPD from MDMA use, or had their HPPD significantly exacerbated by MDMA. I've just noted that a few of the unfortunate non-responsive cases have been in people with MDMA-related HPPD and wanted to know if there's any tangible connection there or not.

Gooooooosh. I really need to sort out my sleeping schedule, it's definitely not productive to be up this late. I'm good at palming it off/making excuses but it's a real step towards generally feeling better and the inconvenience of sorting it out is more than worth the benefits that come with it. Anyhow. I tried splitting my Cymbalta dosage into 2x30mg (once morning, once evening) instead of 1x60mg (once morning) and the past few days on that schedule were fucking awful. It just sucks to be constantly reminded of how fragile a thing the human experience is when these delicate neurological processes that dictate what I think and feel and do and say are thrown slightly off and everything goes to shit. That was without even lowering the dose, just splitting it up. I figure if I'm going to taper safely it'll have to go something like 50mg + 10mg > 40mg + 20mg > 30mg + 30mg > 30mg + 20mg > 20 mg + 20mg > 15mg + 15mg > 10mg + 10mg > 5mg + 5mg > 5mg > 0 with adjustments as it happens. that's gonna take a bit of fiddling around and more than a month though, so I'll definitely leave it until after I'm settled with TAFE and have seen this new psych and so on. But damn, the SNRI withdrawal is exactly what it's been made out to be. Gosh it just seems legitimately ridiculous that these are part of the frontline of typical treatment for depression - but Big Pharma bashing belongs elsewhere, ha. As far as other stuff, I'm doing okay. I got a couple bigger concession payments than I was expecting and kind of irresponsibly bought a few more supplements. It's a silly fascination but man when there's all this promise of all-but risk-free potential for improvement of this crap and it's all so cheap it's an eeeeeeeeeasy pitfall. I'm planning to be responsible/rational with it all, though; I'll probably have a few waiting in the wings to add on or swap out as I go through them. Anyhow, I got small quantities of: Rhodiola Rosea ALCAR Inositol Aniracetam Adrafinil And of course I'll discuss my experiences as I go through them on here as best as I'm able.

I'm sure more than a few HPPDOnline users are familiar with longecity.org. However, for those who aren't, or haven't stumbled upon this thread, I'd highly suggest reading through it: http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/54028-treating-anxiety-safely-effectively/ A really great source of in-depth, well-referenced info relating to anxiolytic supplements. I'm currently getting good results from magnesium and l-theanine.

Well, to be brief, I've got an appointment with one Professor Ian Hickie, who seems to be an incredibly intelligent and philanthropic dude, in just under a month's time. He's been involved in the following studies: The effect of stigma and discrimination on the outcome of mental disorder Neurobiological investigations of substance use and psychosis. Understanding and preventing mental health difficulties in young Australian men Circadian and sleep wake disturbances in mood disorders A few of those makes it sound like he may be a sure bet. Here's hoping. Naturally, that email I sent didn't yield a very helpful response, but I'm pretty interested in seeing Professor Hickie. I can't accurately pinpoint what improvements I've experienced, but I am feeling all-around a lot better since I've started taking NAC and magnesium. I'll try to be more in-depth in a bit. Also, l-theanine has been amazing for getting to sleep and is generally just a very pleasant thing to take; I'd love to hear how it helps others with their anxiety. Got into the music course I applied for; 17 days until it begins. Eep.

Hmm, a little supplement update I guess. I've decided to discontinue gotu kola for the moment, and halve my ginkgo dosage. I stumbled upon ScienceGuy's thread on Longecity about treating anxiety effectively where he discusses the long-term issues with GABA down-regulation caused by GABA-receptor agonists, which warns against gotu kola as a long-term anxiolytic. I've been having my doubts about it anyhow as it seems to be causing some uncomfortable physical restlessness and rapid heartbeat. Not great for sleeping :\. I'll continue with ashwagandha due to the numerous benefits associated with it. though will be certain to be strict with cycling given the ambiguity of its interaction with the GABA system. Discussions within the same thread have increased my concerns about Cymbalta, with numerous well-referenced posts condemning SSRIs as effective treatments for anxiety and depression. The numerous unpleasant side effects I'm experiencing make the lack of anxiety seem not at all worthwhile. If my reaction to NAC, magnesium and l-theanine supplementation as far as general mood and particularly anxiety go is positive, and if psychiatric acknowledgement and treatment of my HPPD is further delayed, I think I'll begin to taper off it. I'm sick of the worsened DP/DR, the general emotional and physical numbness, the all-but non-existent libido, the iffy vision, and so on. I'll go slowly but I think a month is a reasonable window. If things get bad it won't be hard to secure an Escitalopram prescription, the only SSRI recommended by ScienceGuy/numerous other members of the Longecity forum, many of whom are well-deserving of trust and respect in this regard. I've had a successful experience with Escitalopram before and in addition to my current/future nootropic regimen and examined diet I can forsee a reasonable smooth experience being likely. We'll see though, naturally I'll be giving this a lot more consideration as things become clearer. Not much to report with melatonin. I'm sticking to approximately 1-2mg per evening, but the physical restlessness/rapid heartbeat I mentioned above has made it difficult to really note its usefulness, not to mention that I'm trying to train my body to sleep hours earlier than I generally have been for a while. Also, once I've got a fairly concrete regimen/stack in place I'm keen to give Bacopa another shot at a much lower dose than I had issues with a while back, given its potential for substantial memory improvement, sustainability, and potential to balance out the possible GABA agonism of ashwagandha. Gosh this nootropic stuff is interesting. Really must make a post on Longecity to ascertain I'm not at risk of contraindications or redundancies with the supplements I'm taking/will be taking.

Yeah, as anyone who's read a post of mine brevity isn't my strong suit, haha. I really hope he's willing to at least glance over all of it though, I did my best to minimise redundancy and babble, there's just a lot to cover. Thanks kindly for the recommendation. I'll try to get in touch with him next week sometime, unless something happens with this current psych. Same to you man.

I only sent it today and with the weekend coming I assume he won't read it until Monday, if at all. Still, fingers crossed! Cheers man.

Hey, yeah I'm aware that the more common brain scans aren't able to detect abnormalities associated with HPPD - he was more concerned about tumours and such I believe. Pretty silly given that any apparent abnormalities would've undoubtedly picked up when the neurologist analysed the scans after the seizure, but he said that it was important to look at them from a "psychiatric point of view", so there you go. I'm afraid in order to get a qEEG I'd have to first have a specialist outright acknowledge my HPPD and be willing to treat it, which seems unlikely. Thanks for the suggestion but due to costliness and the dubiousness of such businesses online pharmacies aren't a route I'm comfortable pursuing. Frustrating the amount of people out there from this forum with excess Keppra just lying around since they didn't respond super positively to it. Be nice if it were something you could comfortably give to a fellow sufferer out of good will, but if it were I suppose it wouldn't be necessary to acquire a prescription to get it in the first place. Anyhow, just another little update. I sent my psychiatrist a lengthy e-mail stating my reassessed stance on the situation, which I posted here: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/2013-an-e-mail-ive-sent-the-psychiatrist-who-was-reluctant-to-acknowledgetreat-my-hppd/. Hopefully he'll read it and consider it open-mindedly, but otherwise I guess it's the good old psychiatrist lottery again for me. The NAC, magnesium, and l-theanine haven't arrived and the weekend's come. I'm bummed because I've got a big family event coming up that I'm obliged to attend and I was hoping they'd relieve some of my symptoms so as to deal with that better - very stressful even if I didn't have HPPD, hah. Thankfully my good friend has agreed to come along with me which'll make it much more tolerable, and then we'll be able to hang out for a while afterward. Still, it'd be nice to give the new supplements a shot as soon as possible. I'm still pursuing some TAFE courses for the upcoming semester, which has proven to be difficult because the damn head teacher of the Music course won't respond to my emails or voicemails. I should be able to fall back on web technology, but that's less appealing than music, and either course is quite frightening/anxiety inducing due to all the related responsibilites that I've been relatively free of for some time. I'm determined to follow through with it, though.

I mentioned in a pretty heated post to the progress-thread I keep in the main forum the fairly poor, typical psychiatrist appointment I had on Tuesday. After gathering my thoughts I composed a pretty lengthy email and sent it his way, and though it's pretty specific to my situation there's definitely enough in it that I feel like it could well be of use to others who've had lukewarm experiences with specialists. Naturally I don't mean for this to be a stencil for someone to alter as that would be dishonest, just as a general reference. There's probably more I could've added to support my case and indeed stuff I could've left out. I'd've included the summary of the keppra study if I hadn't already given him a copy during our first session, so that's obviously a wise thing to get to anyone you're trying to convince to prescribe you it. Hopefully this is of use, or at least of interest, to somebody!

Now I'm quite concerned - do you think your case is an especially isolated one? I realise that despite both being SNRIs they're still different drugs but I'd hate for Cymbalta to cause me any lasting issues.

Good to hear. It definitely seems wisest to outright reject it at least until I've tried all the safer alternatives, even if that takes time and effort. Do you mind sharing your experience with Effexor? Either here or via PM? Did any of its negatives persist beyond the period in which you were taking it? I'm constantly considering going off Cymbalta because there are some side effects including exacerbation of certain HPPD-related symptoms but I'd hate to endure the return of the godawful anxiety I was experiencing, and I don't want to push my luck with being prescribed keppra through requesting to be put on to Lexapro again.

I live in Sydney Australia and it would be amazing to find out if there's a psychiatrist in the city who's known to be more open-minded and who has prescribed Keppra/sinemet/so on for HPPD in the past. I wanted to ask if you have any thoughts on the possibility of downregulation of natural melatonin production caused by supplementing large dosages for long periods of time? Given that some people stress taking less than 1mg and some swear by up to 10mg it's a tricky thing to be taking. The capsules I got are 10mg so I've been opening them up and eyeballing my evening dosages.

One outcome of the frustrating psychiatrist appointment that I had yesterday (which I discussed in my HPPD progress-thread in the main forum) is that he offered to trial me on a low dose of this anti-psychotic. Naturally I'm keen to further pursue a prescription for Keppra (currently halfway through composing a thread for help with wording an e-mail to the psychiatrist) but I was wondering if this is something I ought to definitely dismiss immediately or if there's anything to it. I know the general opinion on HPPD and antipsychotics (stay the fuck away) but haven't seen anything specific to Abilify/aripiprazole so I was hoping some of the folk with better knowledge of the neurological side of HPPD could offer some help. Here's the excerpt from Wikipedia on Abilify's MOA: "Aripiprazole's mechanism of action is different from those of the other FDA-approved atypical antipsychotics (e.g., clozapine, olanzapine, quetiapine, ziprasidone, and risperidone). Rather than antagonizing the D2 receptor, aripiprazole acts as a D2partial agonist.[34][35] Aripiprazole is also a partial agonist at the 5-HT1A receptor, and like the other atypical antipsychotics displays an antagonist profile at the 5-HT2A receptor.[36][37] It also antagonizes the 5-HT7 receptor and acts as a partial agonist at the 5-HT2C receptor, both with high affinity. The latter action may underlie the minimal weight gain seen in the course of therapy.[38] Aripiprazole has moderate affinity for histamine, α-adrenergic, and D4 receptors as well as the serotonin transporter, while it has no appreciable affinity for cholinergic muscarinic receptors.[32] D2 and D3 receptor occupancy levels are high, with average levels ranging between ~71% at 2 mg/day to ~96% at 40 mg/day.[39][40] Most atypical antipsychotics bind preferentially to extrastriatal receptors, but aripiprazole appears to be less preferential in this regard, as binding rates are high throughout the brain.[41] Recently, it has been demonstrated that in 5-HT7 receptor knockout mice, aripiprazole does not reduce immobility time in the forced swim test (FST), and actually increases it.[42][43] This implicates 5-HT7 antagonism as playing a major role in aripiprazole's antidepressant effects, similarly to amisulpride.[42][43][44] Note, however, humans possess a splice variant not found in lower mammals (the "d" isoform), while mice possess one not found in humans (the "c"). The significantly altered c-terminus observed in 5-HT7(d) results in a similar binding affinity to the other forms of this receptor, however, the "c" variant found in lower mammals differs in affinity. This difference in expression means the receptor's function in modulating thalamic and hypothalamic output, and corresponding effect on fatigue perception and alertness may not be homologous in mice and humans. Aripiprazole produces 2,3-dichlorophenylpiperazine (DCPP) as a metabolite similarly to how trazodone and nefazodone reduce to 3-chlorophenylpiperazine (mCPP) and niaprazine converts to 4-fluorophenylpiperazine (pFPP).[45] It is unknown whether DCPP contributes to aripiprazole's pharmacology.[citation needed]" This would be in addition to the SNRI I'm currently taking, 60mg Cymbalta/duloxetine. Thanks so much.

Well, another frustratingly futile appointment down, and it's hard not to feel put out. Despite having conservative expectations it's impossible to completely ignore the possibility that /this could be it/, and it sucks to have that extinguished time and time again. Basically he said all my brain scans were fine and so his primary concern came back to prodromal psychosis. He dismissed HPPD due to being unfamiliar with it and revealed that perhaps he hadn't considered my material too through referring to HPPD as "it may well be this post drug perceptual...uhh persistent... Thing" and said keppra was off the table. Of course, this left three options: just keep on truckin', get a second opinion, or a low-dose antipsychotic. Fucking brilliant. Naturally I'm awaiting his call about seeing another psych he recommended. This time round I'm going in guns fucking blazing I can't stand the sluggish bureaucratic close-minded bullshit of popular psychiatry. How on earth it passes for an okay system to channel people with dire mental health issues through is beyond me. That they as a whole, after forcing intelligent but unwell people to exhaust precious time, money and energy navigating through their endless hoops only to wind up right where they began, would still insist on being the sole upright authority of psychiatric care and dismiss self-medication as reckless is just laughable. Sigh. I'm pretty frustrated. Again, oneday, thanks so much for your response. I'll respond specifically soon

Well, another frustratingly futile appointment down, and it's hard not to feel put out. Despite having conservative expectations it's impossible to completely ignore the possibility that /this could be it/, and it sucks to have that extinguished time and time again. Basically he said all my brain scans were fine and so his primary concern came back to prodromal psychosis. He dismissed HPPD due to being unfamiliar with it and revealed that perhaps he hadn't considered my material too through referring to HPPD as "it may well be this post drug perceptual...uhh persistent... Thing" and said keppra was off the table. Of course, this left three options: just keep on truckin', get a second opinion, or a low-dose antipsychotic. Fucking brilliant. Naturally I'm awaiting his call about seeing another psych he recommended. This time round I'm going in guns fucking blazing I can't stand the sluggish bureaucratic close-minded bullshit of popular psychiatry. How on earth it passes for an okay system to channel people with dire mental health issues through is beyond me. That they as a whole, after forcing intelligent but unwell people to exhaust precious time, money and energy navigating through their endless hoops only to wind up right where they began, would still insist on being the sole upright authority of psychiatric care and dismiss self-medication as reckless is just laughable.

So I just found out I probably used a synthetic cannabis product a while back, most likely what's sold as "Kronic", without even realising it. Once when I bought some weed I got a little baggy of fine plant material along with it, and being unfamiliar with synthetic cannabis I just assumed it was clippings from the grower's crop. I saw some pictures of Kronic today and it looked very similar. Damn. Luckily I didn't wind up in a full-blown hellish trip like others have spoken about - though my memory's foggy I seem to recall it feeling like a really mild cannabis high, which cemented the assumption that it was just shake or something. Given the nasty experiences some people have reported with spice and HPPD I really hope it didn't have a role in fucking me up because it seems like spice-related HPPD is far more resistant to treatment than other kinds, but it's hard to be sure. I guess my case is too muddy to really concern myself with it much. Still, damn.

Just a quick little post since I can't sleep: it's 12:30AM on the 17th, so it's just gone the day prior to my follow up appointment. I've been taking the fish oil (somehow still very unpleasant despite being deodorised and fruit-flavoured), spending time with friends, sorting out education stuff for this coming semester and so forth. I'm desperately hoping something comes of tomorrow. A prescription for keppra would be absolutely ideal, but I can't help but feel that there's a ways to go before that's a reality. Utterly frustrating given that it might not do anything and is so bloody safe. Even if it's a lacklustre appointment, it's another step in the process and there's always something to be said for that. I feel like I'm in really good hands with this guy, so I'm as optimistic as seems realistic. Anyhow, no matter what happens, there are always the other avenues of treatment to explore, and the NAC, magnesium and l-theanine should arrive soon enough so it won't just be another week of going through the established motions. Sigh. I just fucking want to be normal again.