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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

MadDoc

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Everything posted by MadDoc

  1. MadDoc
    Wonderful to hear that you're doing better. One's outlook is so very important.
  2. MadDoc
    It sounds like your symptoms are improving quite quickly. Yes, a year is quickly! That's excellent! You suggested that people stay away from MDMA. You might want to take your own advice (if I understood your last post correctly). I've never taken it but some in this forum have said that it caused some extreme symptoms. Just a suggestion, it's your space.
  3. MadDoc
    Refraining from psychedelics, absolutely! I think staying sober provides a better chance of a having a happy mind and body. That goes for a healthy diet and exercise as well especially as you get older. I've never taken prescription medication for this disorder because I just don't trust the quacks who prescribe them because health care in the U.S. is all about profits. That being said I realize that when properly prescribed and monitored they can be very helpful for some people. While following a drug free regiment hasn't made my visuals go away, it has helped in healing most of the more bothersome symptoms. That and time, lots of time.
  4. MadDoc
    Mythos, I'm glad things are better for you. I've been away in the mountains searching for nothing. I think I found it. Hang in there. You have a lot of good days ahead of you.
  5. MadDoc
    For the last 3 months or so I've had something strange going on. Um, stranger than usual. I'm getting on in years so sometimes I take an afternoon nap. When I wake up my visuals are intense. I mean really intense! It only lasts for about 30 - 45 minutes before my visuals drop down to "normal" (still present but not too bad). I don't feel any different. This afternoon, at work, I took a 15 minute dip into Nod and when I woke up I was seeing all of these bright red lines forming all over my hands. I looked out my window and .... well, it was intense. This doesn't happen when I wake up in the morning. Anyone else have a similar experience?
  6. MadDoc
    This is why I don't touch prescriptions. In the US most doctors hardly look at you and then hand you a vile of pills. Not only that, they won't talk about side effects. US health care is the bottom of the barrel. I hope you're feeling better Mythos. I mean that. You've had some good advice and people who come here need that. Hang in.
  7. MadDoc
    Mythos. I don't know you and I'm not in your head but you're clearly a bright person and I'm hoping ... really hoping that you'll seek out the loving people in your life for support and help. Given time, it does get better. My 20s were a very rough time but each decade got better and better.
  8. MadDoc
    First, stop taking drugs. This disorder can be cumulative. Hppd can take a long time to get better but the healing can't begin until you stop using. If you were a straight 'A' honor student you're still a bright person. You've just fallen into the fog. While I only used DXM a small number of times (can't remember how many) I do recall that it made this fog quite thick. For me, a sober life has been a good life.
  9. MadDoc
    Jay, you must have a strong constitution to be able to regulate your medication. I know myself and I suspect I would rapidly fall into abuse. It's just in my nature unfortunately. You should be commended!
  10. MadDoc
    It's interesting how many people start using psychedelics at 14. I was one month shy of my 14th birthday. Did you use psychedelics during those 5 years? Remember, you're not a "head case". You're a human being that has, I'm assuming, sustained an injury for lack of a better term. In my case I think of it as a "rewiring". I found that acceptance of my condition made it easier to move forward in life. I think it's a healthy mind set. However, don't let acceptance get in the way of seeking help. I never really attempted to get any medical assistance. However, there was no name for this condition other than "burnout" back in the early 80s. I suggest taking the time to read through the posts here. There's lots of good advice. It made me realize I'm not the only one in the world that pulled a joker from the deck.
  11. MadDoc
    Thanks mgrade. In reality, I don't endure it anymore. It's just part of me. I think I would miss the visuals if they vanished. I'm not sure. They've never held me back in life so, I just let them be. Then again, I DIDN'T miss the CEVs when they went away. It's so nice to close my eyes and see nothing ... well, there still a little background radiation in there.
  12. MadDoc
    Back in the early 80s I brought this condition up with my doctor. He basically told me that it was my punishment for using psychedelics. Ok, so that doctor was a jerk but it taught me that doctors don't know everything. Some are just pill pushers and few are healers. I don't hold any anger for what the doctor said. It's just not worth hanging on to the anger. That being said, to this day, I've never brought it up again with any doctor. Thanks to this forum I plan to at my next physical. We'll see what happens.
  13. MadDoc
    The advice I give everyone is stop taking drugs ... at least for a while. See if the symptoms moderate. For me, weed really makes my visuals intolerable so I don't touch it. Every once in a great while I give it a try and it's never pleasant. You did one dose of LSA or did you do other hallucinogenic substances as well? If you've only dosed once you may have a good chance of having your symptoms clear up but it might take a while. If you're having issues with anxiety, I can't recommend mindful meditation enough. Good medicine. I don't take any prescription medication so I can't comment on that. Hang in there!
  14. MadDoc
    Exactly. Mine were very cartoon like. Sort of two dimensional but not always. They were responsive to thoughts and feelings. Technicolor for sure (is that still a word?). The closest thing I can think of is the psychedelic drawings done by Art Crumb but constantly changing. I'm really glad they finally cleared up.
  15. MadDoc
    My CEVs went away but it took decades. The fact that yours are reducing so quickly sounds like a really good sign. Yes, with this disorder, months is quickly unfortunately.
  16. MadDoc
    You're doing great! Don't forget to give yourself credit for the progress you've made. Smoking is one of the hardest things to give up. Nicotine is an insidious chemical. Nicotine replacement seems to work for many. Gum, lozenges, patches, etc. Just a thought. I quit cold turkey about 30 years ago after my first kid was born. Almost lost my mind for a few weeks but in the long haul it's nice not to be under its control.
  17. MadDoc
    Live
  18. MadDoc
    My hppd was cumulative. I noticed it after my first dose but the years that followed cemented it. I never really had a bad trip. Bizarre, strange, unearthly, but i never "flipped out". My only memory of a really difficult trip was when I was dosed without my knowledge. What i was "given" was something really impure and nasty. I was lucky enough to have some good friends around to explain what had happened.
  19. MadDoc
    I probably interpreted what you originally wrote incorrectly. I have a double whammy of hppd AND dyslexia. I often pull incorrect meaning out of written text. Correction, I almost always do. I wasn't trying to imply that consuming alcohol was your goal. What I was trying to say is the people enjoying a drink or two aren't necessarily happy or normal. People who seem totally together struggle with depression, anxiety, etc. Those of us with hppd my be at one end of the spectrum but humans in general struggle with various mental disorders. I mean, what's normal? If it seems like I totally missed your point again please understand that I never seem to interpret the world in the same way other people do. I'm always coming out of "left field" (sorry about the baseball analogy).
  20. MadDoc
    People drinking in bars are missing out on the wonderful life sobriety can bring. I'm not going to go into some lecture about the evils of alcohol or any other mind altering substance. Not with my history. I just found that I didn't feel purified happiness until I was sober for a while.
  21. MadDoc
    Ug. Nutmeg. I had forgotten about that experiment. Never repeated.
  22. MadDoc
    I don't touch over the counter cold medications. Pseudoephedrine might as well be speed in my body. No idea why. Benedryl, even at small doses, makes me really groggy and can make me feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. It all makes my visuals worse and my mental focus falls apart. DXM in therapeutic does does nothing to stop a cough so why bother. When I was young we'd buy it in tablet form for, albeit rare, recreational experimentation. The were called something like Lorimare or something like that way back when at the dawn of time.
  23. MadDoc
    No idea why lack of sleep reduced your symptoms. It does just the opposite to me. Visuals are more frantic when I'm sleep deprived.
  24. MadDoc
    I get that a kind of loud "whoosh" sound in my head when I'm half asleep. Apparently a lot of people experience something similar. It's weird when it happens but existence is pretty weird too and it's contained within that. Conical weird.
  25. MadDoc
    I think my long term psychedelic use at a young age formed a philosophy that I adhere to today. Am I "tripped ou" by them? No. I actually am very happy with it all. Live and let live, don't worry about the little stuff, it's all going to be OK, reality is an illusion, and so forth. Needless to say, I sometimes get strange looks when I start talking. Don't much care though.
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