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  1. Hello and Happy New Year. I am new to the forum and how I got here was from watching a Vice interview with Andrew Callaghan, who has/had a YouTube channel called "All Gas No Brakes". If you are not aware of him, he does a type of Gonzo video journalism with some pretty hilarious results. Anyway, at the end of the interview he mentioned how he had HPPD and had gotten it from overuse of mushrooms which he started using at 13 and he's now 20 something. Anyway, I had never heard of HPPD so I decided to look it up, and that led me down the rabbit hole of YouTube videos, some medical journals and then finally to this forum. After reading about it now for many hours over the last two days, seeing some examples of what it could be it and hearing others' experience with HPPD, it made me wonder if this is something that I have had now, in varying degrees, for over 30 years? Let me explain: I am now 47 and I first took acid when I was 13 and did it twice. Then, when I was 15 until 18 I went full on into the acid world along with almost daily pot smoking which caused my school performance to go completely down the tubes. I went from being an A/B student to just graduating from high school. I eventually stopped using acid when a particularly bad trip, which was brought on by too much pure liquid LSD followed by some serious pot smoking, caused me to have a serious meltdown, making me feel as if I was in some type of cartoon land. It was very scary. I know now that part of what I felt that caused the exteme panic was depersonalization. I felt completely disconnected from the real world, and my friends I was with. I had had some other meltdowns in the past but this one was a doozy. I only did acid one more time after that and after that last trip I remember that the after effects seemed to linger longer than normal and kind of caused me some anxiety and paranoia. I believe that this was also when a fear of choking on my food began to rear it's ugly head. That I have gotten under control now. Around this time, age 18, I also quit smoking weed regularly. Whenever I would do it, feelings of the bad trip would come back, making me anxious, uncomfortable and on some occasions causing depersonalization. Of course at the time, I had no idea what it was. I just felt very weird and outside of myself and wondered if I would ever feel normal again. Of course, I told no one not even my friends about it and just privately dealt with it until I eventually just learned to accept it for what it was (even though I didn't know what "it" was until now). I knew however that taking drugs was not good for me which is why I pretty much cut them out. All except for alcohol. I took magic mushrooms a few times in my 20s, which was fine (no freak outs) and then 5 years ago, when I was 42, I took a microdose for the first time in over 20 years. The experience, since it was very mild, I remember as being quite enjoyable. I don't seem to remember any negative effects other than having a hard time falling asleep due to the visuals with my eyes closed. The next day was also a bit of a struggle. I have never done MDMA, ketamine or other synthetic drugs. While I am fairly anxiety-free now, in my early 20s, which wasn't long after I quit both LSD and pot, I began to have panic attacks. My first one happened when I was 21 and at the time I didn't know what was happening, I just felt like I was having a flashback. It was brought on now doubt, due to my living at the time, which was just existing, and being under a lot of both mental and personal stress. They continued at completely random times for a few years until they went away. This was probably due to my having started to exercise and eat better when I hit 24, and my way of living was getting better. I also did cocaine for the first time and did it very sporadically until about age 35. I continued drinking primarily and then smoking pot when the mood struck me. The decision to get high would usually turn out to be a bad idea because I would always do it when I was drunk. One particular episode when I was 36, of drinking and smoking more than I usually did (one or two bowl hits) led me to have only what I can refer to as a "pot black out" where I don't remember what I did for an hour or more until I came to or began to sober up. I guess it was a DP/DR thing. All I know is that my girlfriend at the time, who was a huge stoner, didn't like the fact that I ran off with a married woman and wandered around this music festival with her for an unspecified period. I often wondered if the weed was laced but it just turns out that weed strains now are very potent. During my teens I started to drink and have continued to do so. For a while it was beer and then wine before turning into drinking hard liquor on a daily basis. At first it didn't seem to be any problem but it eventually began to make me wonder three years ago if I was turning into an alcoholic. Not to mention I was also having depression, anxiety, etc. But again I didn't make the connection between the two. I was also exercising regularly, eating healthy, meditating, doing yoga and other good things. During the pandemic I decided to cut way back on my drinking and smoke more weed. I had always had an on/off again relationship with weed since I cut it out in my teens due to reasons listed above but now I am beginning to think that I need to cut it out once and for all because it aggravates what I believe to be HPPD. It's a shame though, because I feel that now I can truly enjoy weed again after not being able to for so long. Even times when I have gotten too high, while it can feel a little uncomfortable, I can manage. I am sure this all has to do with age, self-awareness and knowing how to handle anxiety. My HPPD symptoms, if that is truly what it is are the following: 1. Mild visual snow when in mid to darkly lit rooms or outside at night. 2. Things changing shape, etc if I stare too long at them or until I blink. This is especially a problem watching TV or having a conversation with people. If I stare (zone out) at the TV or anything too long, after a while everything else in the background will seem to melt away. I have to shake myself out of it. Maybe this is why I don't like to watch a lot of TV?? 3.After images, I seem to get this a lot from computer screens, which is why I have started wearing blue screen glasses 4.Ghosting of things. 5. Floaters. 6.When I was younger and this probably began after I first tripped, I use to always get crazy visuals at night when I would fall asleep. I don't have them so much anymore but every now and then, usually after too much caffeine, I can get little spots of light in my vision. 7.If I concentrate hard enough on things like my carpet, crazy designs, etc. I can "see" vague images but they are not enough to cause me any panic. 8. Reading in dark mode on my IPad at night, in the dark, can also make text kind of weird causing some ghosting. 9. I play music and sometimes after having stared at music notation for a period, the notes can seem to change ever so slightly. While I don't see them now I am sure there was a time when I would get trails from objects, albeit very subtle. I always thought that this had something to do with my bad eyesight: I wear contacts and have an astigmatism in my left eye. At the same time, ALL these things can get amplified when I smoke pot,drink or do both, which I usually do, and will usually persist even when I am sober. They have also happened after having taken an Delta-8 THC edible. Perhaps this is why I feel just as stoned and out of sorts on D8 THC as I do on regular THC? Over the last few years, since I started smoking pot again (or whenever I have decided to smoke it again), I have noticed these HPPD symptoms ramping up. The same thing with OCD, which I only realized I had a few years ago, even though I had gotten negative or weird thoughts throughout my life since I first used either LSD, pot or both. I sought treatment a few years ago after a period of regular pot smoking mixed with alcohol was causing some more than normal intrusive negative thoughts, and causing me some anxiety. I even saw an OCD specialist for a bit, which helped. While I didn't want to believe it at the same time I am 100 percent certain that the pot use caused it. Based on the HPPD survey that you can sign up for on the first page of this forum, I now believe that early age psychedelic use has caused the following symptoms in my life and have been with me since I was a teen. Again, I never made the connection until I came across HPPD, this forum and took the survey. 1.OCD 2.Vertigo - completely took me by surprise but it makes sense because when I was a kid, before I started using drugs, heights didn't bother me as much as they do now. 3.Chronic back pain?! 4.Panic attacks (though I don't have them anymore) 5.HPPD 6. Social anxiety (not so much anymore). I am more introverted than not but I have to be on when I teach, which is my day job. Other things I have considered that may also be due to my early use of psychedelics: I also don't really like driving at night and its made even worse when it rains. This is due to the halo effect that I can get from on-coming cars' headlights. I am not sure if this is HPPD or not but just thought I would mention it. I could never get those damn "Magic Eye" Puzzles to work. Every time I would zone out on the image and try to see the hidden picture the design would just blur out into nothingness. Certain patterns really hurt my eyes It takes me a while to adjust to darkness For a long time I did reality based visual art and now when I do any sort drawing, especially abstract, I have to try really hard to not get too caught up in whatever random patterns I am creating. Anyway, if HPPD is what I have had with for this long (almost 30 years) then I have learned to deal with it. It is what it is as they say. My life now is the best it's ever been: I am married, have a career I love, and have just a basic quality of living that I had when I was younger; I am sure that has helped a lot. Meditation and mindfulness has helped get my OCD under control and now I am going to cut out both pot and alcohol for at least a month and see what happens. I didn't realize that caffeine can aggravate HPPD and I drink at least 3-4 cups a day so, maybe I need to either cut that out too or at least just have one cup each day. I had Covid-19 as well in 2020, before I was vaccinated, and I wonder now if the 'brain fog" amplifed my HPPD a bit? It is obvious from having read some of the other posts on this forum that my case is not as bad as others and nor was it ever to the point where I couldn't function normally day-to-day. However, it is safe to assume that because I used drugs at such a young age, before my brain was fully developed, HPPD, along with the other symptoms that I have listed above, has been with me a long time. It is just now that I am realizing why that is and for that I feel like I have made in a huge leap in my day-to-day life. Again sorry, for the length of this but I feel I had to get it all out there as a way to help me process it better.
  2. Hello All, My name is Allen. I've browsed this site randomly over the past couple years but was afraid share. I'm in my 30's and have had HPPD 2 for 18 years. I was diagnosed 5 years ago after a seeing countless doctors through the years. Recently I found out my wife was pregnant and I became determined to find a treatment or, god willing, a cure. When I was in my mid teens I took lsd about 5 times and I was a chronic marijuana smoker. The last time I took lsd I smoked weed at the same time and I had the worst experience of my life: My heart began to race uncontrollably, my arms and face became numb; I saw long blury trails on everything and I felt hot and cold all at once. It was so intense that I thought for sure I was going to die. In desperation, I curled up in a ball on my couch, closed my eyes, and began to pray to god repeatedly to make it stop and let me live, until eventually I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and thanked god I was alive. I swore of lsd forever. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from trying to party with my friends as usual. Every time I smoked weed after that I would have severe panic attacks and almost black out. When I'd drink alcohol I felt like I had a lump in my throat and couldn't breathe. A couple weeks after that horrible trip I woke up to a dull version of the same type of visuals I had the night of my bad trip, I was petrified and began having random panic attacks. I finally told my mother what I did and what happened since and she took me to the doctor. The doctor swore it was depression with anxiety and completely dismissed any lsd involvement. She prescribed me Effexor and xanax. The effexor didn't help at all and it made my heart race. The symptoms were not going away. I was afraid I damaged my brain beyond repair. Shortly after I withdrew from school and became a hermit. The xanax helped a lot with anxiety but the visuals remained. Through the years I saw about a dozen different psychiatrists and none of them knew what was wrong with me and continued me on benzodiazepines and ssri's. I lost my insurance and couldn't afford all the doctor appointments and medicine, so I began getting zoloft and Vicodin off the streets to self medicate. Eventually the visuals became less intense and my panic attacks were less frequent. Although the visuals and anxiety are a part of my daily life, I still manage to function. Some days are worse than others but I forced myself back into society and I got a good job in construction, and married my girlfriend who has been with me through this whole experience. I got off the vicodin with suboxone and continued the zoloft. With the news of our first child, I found a new determination to get rid of this horrible disease for good. I told my doctor that I wanted to try anything we can to make this stop and she agreed to start prescribing me different medications to see what, if anything, will work. She prescribed clonidine last visit and I started it 6 days ago. Unfortunately it hasn't helped my visuals at all and last night I began having strange thoughts and seeing weird images when I closed my eyes. I'll keep everyone updated on how it goes. I'm really hopeful that something will get rid of this for good. Wish me luck and good luck to all of you. P.s. I am thankful to whomever started and maintains this site. I hope we can get this horrible disease more attention and find a real treatment for it.
  3. This might be a long one, but here goes. I've been looking at this site since the end of November, and I think I've found what's been affecting me. I'm 22-years old; a college student living in student accommodation away from home during term. I've occasionally experimented with drugs since I was about 15 (in social groups, never alone), but it was only in the last year or so that I ever tried ecstasy or LSD – not something I've done often but I found them quite positive experiences. Both times I took acid were quite low doses, and generally njoyable experiences. The only thing I noticed was that I often get bad anxiety from smoking weed since the first time I tripped; before acid this never happened. The experiences were so positive that I became a little bit obsessed with psychedelia; the music, the art, all the hippy stuff basically. For weeks after my trips I felt more clear-minded, focused, happy and just generally appreciative of life – even when COVID lockdowns became a part of our lives last March. After lockdown during the summer of last year I partied with friends for a couple of days straight; lots of alcohol, ketamine, and on the last day we all took a some of ecstasy. The afternoon of the day I came home I began experiencing what I think was serotonin syndrome; I got waves of panic, heart palpitations, agitation. It was very unpleasant, and it stuck in my mind long after I felt better. My current predicament was triggered by a caffeine-induced panic attack at the end of last September; I saw a flash of light in my peripheral vision after drinking black coffee, which led to continuing anxiety, visual disturbances, panic attacks, and negative thought loops – all these symptoms seem to come in waves, there's days or weeks when they're far less apparent and times when they feel overwhelmingly intense. I even got an eye test and was prescribed glasses for slight nearsightedness, but they said there was absolutely nothing wrong with my eyes from what they could tell. I had an ECG and a blood test at the doctors too, and they said there didn't seem to be any health issues that they could see – which is good news. Visual disturbances include visual snow (VS), prolonged after-images, floaters, blue sky ectopic phenomenon (a swirling or rapid movement effect on skies – especially on a bright blue day), as well as occasional perception of movement or lights in peripheral vision, “cracks” or vein/branch-like after-images in my field of vision just after blinking for a few minutes after I wake up, and flashes of light when the eyes are closed (when trying to sleep). These visual disturbances often create a sense of anxiety, and distract me from everyday tasks. The anxiety tends to get worse if I'm hungover, at night, and especially when I’m trying to fall asleep. I’ve also been experiencing occasional high-pitched ringing sound in my ears (more the right ear than the left one), heart flutters/palpitations, a slight feeling of nausea (generally worse after eating), and a sudden sense of dizziness or disconnection which may trigger mental panic or turmoil. Episodes like this don’t happen frequently, but are usually accompanied by a hot feeling in my face and an over-sensitivity to noises and sensations around me, with even a relaxed living room feeling chaotic and overwhelming. Unpleasant episodes like this tend to happen on days when I spend a lot of time ruminating about my condition. My mind often gravitates towards the idea that I may have a serious mental disorder – especially schizophrenia, despite not demonstrating the symptoms of this disorder (delusions, complex hallucinations, hearing voices, etc.). It’s more of a fear that I am experiencing what comes before a psychotic episode (prodromal period), and a feeling of helplessness and panic quickly grows out of this. I spend a lot of time Googling symptoms of various mental illnesses as way to reassure myself that I’m not psychotic, but sometimes I think I’m subconsciously trying to confirm that I am – however labored the justification may be. I think a lot of this is mainly down to the visual issues, but also the general ‘out of sorts’ feelings I’ve had. When I’m feeling particularly out of sorts or anxious, my mind tends to feel jumbled and chaotic – a fuzzy psychedelic feeling in my mind’s eye where it’s difficult to clearly visualize things properly or think clearly. This feeling can be intense and distracting, and it often makes me feel lethargic or low on energy. I also have trouble sleeping, or rather trouble going to sleep before 12 am. This isn’t a new thing; it has been a recurring issue for me for the last four or five years, but never as consistently problematic for my mental health (being due to anxiety or visual issues), and I was rarely ever kept awake when I wanted to sleep. These sleep problems often mean I wake up and fall asleep again multiple times every morning and struggle to fully get up before 11 am, and I think this effects my productivity for the rest of the day. I don’t feel well-rested when I wake up, so I think this messes with my mood throughout the day. Today I had the worst panic attack of my life; in broad daylight on a pleasant day at home surrounded by my family. I haven't taken anything (even alcohol or cigarettes) since before Christmas, so that hasn't added to my problems thankfully. I began to fixate on the sense of movement in my peripheral vision and visual snow, which set off my anxiety in an extremely intense way and it has taken all day to calm myself down. After talking with my parents we agreed it might be time to see a doctor; this isn't going to go away easily and I just want to rule out any other possibilities. Apologies for the length of this post, I just had to get it all out. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I would appreciate any advice. I will post an update if my symptoms change, and I'll try to keep up to date on any future developments.
  4. Hey there so I think I might have some mild hppd. I have done lsd thrice last summer and had a bad trip once. After that I would have occasional 20 sec flashbacks of color enhancement etc but nothing else. Now three weeks ago I took mdma, and everything was fine after that. I was on a weed break and smoked a few days ago. Ever since I smoke everything is very cattoony, hd colors if you know what I mean, like elongated. Not sure if it's hppd or what. I stopped weed because after that bad trip my weed was often very anxiety inducing and very intense. Now I am hopeful that if I'm lucky and I recover in a few months while being sober. I don't want to do lsd or MD anymore not risking it, but can i still smoke weed, like will that go back to normal. Will these hppd neural pathways be faded out? Like erased. Thanks
  5. Hey how's it goin everyone? So I'm not much of a drug user, smoked a lot of pot as a teen quit in my 20's after it started making me paranoid used mushrooms a few times smoked opium a few times tried coke a few times never really enjoyed getting high always preferred alcohol and was freaked out by how friends acted on lsd so I never tried it. Flash forward to the present, I was at a Halloween party everyone was having a great time including a chick there who was tripping balls, kept telling me how I should do acid, its so great I'll love it'll change my whole outlook on life acid is soooo awesome. Well I told her a good 6-7 times that night I didn't use drugs. Had another drink set it down to take a photo..... Finished my last drink went home went to bed woke up a few hours later totally fucked up. My first time tripping experience I was not expecting it, in middle of sleeping, total darkness, no music, no tv, no people, no paintings or art. Just darkness and silence, it sucked really bad. So ever since then I've had terrible anxiety, an unexplainable fear of leaving the house and driving, everything and everyone looking way too real. Not exactly hallucinating, but everything looks weird, too real weird. Looking people in the face when I talk to them and the details in their faces become too much to handle as if they're turning into a cartoon character of themselves yet still human. I've also been getting vertigo and feel like I'm falling over a lot especially if I'm watching a movie with fast movement. There's a lot of posts from years past here to look through, so any suggestions on your experience, medications, what type of doctor, websites or news articles you'd like to share I appreciate. If I should repost this in a different area also let me know. Thanks for any help.
  6. Hi, Just found out that this forum exists and a few months ago what HPPD is. Figured I share my story what made me come here sadly Around year ago I did my first ever psychedelic around 50ug of LSD, even before that a year I did 2-3 times MDMA, for the first days I didnt notice anything unusual, I felt good actually. Then came the strange morphings in my visions in low light conditions, I actually saw my tattoo on my forearm become a full sleeve on my arm, for many months after still...strange feeling, I immediately know whats going on, some kind of after effect of the LSD, so I got scared away from psychedelics,...after that I only touched weed which I had no problem with it, up until this point, a few weeks ago, I been on a really down point of my life, been struggling with anxiety and depression most my life, but the last few years I felt like its getting better, however, I figured I give a try to microdosing LSD, maybe I will get my life together with the help of it. I always looked at drugs as tools, never as something just for fun, so I started 2 weeks ago, taking around ~30ug, then 3 days off, and again..until the 4th time, I felt positive I really thought this can help me, get things set in my life. but...after the last dosage, on the next day I went to bed for an afternoon sleep, got a weird like LSD dream, which best I could describe as the oncoming of LSD that feeling, that gets stronger and stronger, at that point I woke up, all of a sudden, panting and somewhat scared,.. with a ringing ear(tinnitus) and mild visual snow,(i think i had it before but now more aware maybe?!, and the floaters. I knew what was going on, HPPD - because around 2-3 months ago I bumped into this HPPD thing, so I briefly looked it up. Like everyone else here, I'm also scared that I have two live with this and just wont go away, and literally no cure for it, Also annoyed by the fact that didn't even properly had the chance to know more about psychedelics, because I still want to know whats my mind has inside, but my well being is more important. However I gonna stop experimenting, even with weed, been on regularly weed(2-3times a week) which helped me the most, but I tried smoking few days ago, and made the tinnitus worse sooo..., I'm just try and gonna focus on things that matter now, stay focused, get goals, live life without fears, get a better life! I just really wish the ringing would go away, thats really annoying, I don't wanna focus on it and dwell on it every time I hear it in my head, but it's there..hopefully gonna slowly go away. Peace! 28/m/Hungary
  7. Hello guys, it's been a year since i had the same problem as you. Always exactly 1 year I took 150ug of LSD and had a terrible bad trip that traumatized me and left me sequels. I had flashbacks and I missed a lot because of it. Distorted visions in my peripheral field. All this was cured with antipsychotics, especially risperidone (I can not remember the dosage). But what it took to be cured was the emotional sequel that caused me. Psychedelic experiences transform you radically and unfortunately if you are not prepared for them it may take a long time for you to get back on track and I confess that I am not yet 100% healed of this trauma. But what I can say to you is that the worst of all this is not the visions, but the horrible thoughts that go through our heads thanks to the anxiety that causes us. And what I want to know about this post is just that. What are the thoughts that torment you because of this anxiety? Write them in the comments and we'll help each other by talking about them. For example, I used to think all the time that I was getting schizophrenic, that there would be some outbreak, over time this evolved into existential crises where I thought my soul was lost in space time and I was not living reality, just watching it (depersonalization and derealization helped in this).
  8. Hello everyone Last year in December, I had a really bad trip with two of my close friends. One of my friends geeked out and had ego death, but we were all tripping so hard we didn’t realize so we all thought he was being super weird. So me and my other friend left him to be because he wanted us to leave him so he can be alone and try to ground himself. After my friend and I dipped, we smoked a joint and rolled up a full gram of wax in it while I was coming down from the trip. I feel like this is what triggered some of my HPPD (if I even have it) Since then, Ive had somewhat foggy, grainy vision, mild tracers, and sometimes Id see halos around people when thered be a bright light behind them (for example during my HS graduation my principal was speaking and there were like 5 bright lights behind her and infront, causing a halo like effect around her). Besides my visual symptoms, I suddenly started having problems looking people in the eye which has significantly decreased ever since I stopped smoking weed 60 days ago. I feel like weed was making some stuff worse so I quit cold turkey aftwr 2 years of daily smoking. I dont know if Id have depersonalization but sometimes I just have nothing to say to people when they talk to me like Im just so much in my head that I dont care and tune out of what they say, though this has significantly decreased ever since I quit smoking weed. I still have some visual effecta though, and i dont know if thats hppd or not or just aftwr wffects from smoking a gram of wax and weed while coming down from an acid trip. Can someone please tell me if this is HPPD or not? Thanks for all your guys’ help.
  9. Hello Everyone! I am new to this forum so thanks in advanced for taking the time to read this post and help me out. I truly appreciate it! Little background about my drug use. I first tripped LSD when I started college about 3 years ago. Since then, I've done acid about 20 times and shrooms twice. Last time I tripped was technically 7 months ago, but I had no visuals and a very very light body high. The time before that was about 10 months ago. I use cannabis almost every day. I have been dealing with some mild anxiety recently for about two months, and I've noticed more floaters and blue field phenomenon more than usual. Ive seen an eye specialist who says everything is fine. Sometimes if I zone out hard enough, I can see surfaces drifting and moving slightly. I can also see afterimages very quickly but only rarely if Im really anxious and that goes away when I calm down. I dont see trails, fractals, or feel any DP/DR. I feel dissociated slightly sometimes but I can get myself out of it and my psychologist says that has to do with my brain coping with anxiety and not possible HPPD. I guess my main question is, is it still possible for me to get HPPD if I abstain from any other psych use? (I know weed is a psychedelic, but Im talking about acid and shrooms). Im definitely not gonna trip ever again, and I dont think I have HPPD right now (and if I do, its very very mild and not noticeable when I'm calm). Is it possible to develop HPPD months or even years after psych use? Should I be abstaining from all other drugs (weed, alcohol, caffiene) to lower my risk? If anyone has ever developed HPPD so long after tripping, please share. Thanks for reading!
  10. Hey all, Does anyone else have nothing they can objectively point to as "wrong," no visual static or distortion, but simply a general feeling that something is wrong with one of their senses, and an obsession with this idea? I have one of the oddest cases of "HPPD" I've ever heard of, including on these forums. About 5 years ago, I took a tab of LSD. I'd been experiencing increasing levels of anxiety on drugs over the previous 6 months, but that didn't deter me. The trip was unremarkable, except that I could not sleep, and that no one around me was on LSD - they were probably doing other drugs since they were all club kids. After about 18 hours on this trip, including 2 after parties, taking 10 melatonin pills by accident with no effect, and watching the sunrise by myself, I carried on into the next day, sleep deprived, tired and anxious on the come down. I was terrified of seeing my parents, but needed to go home to get some gear for a DJ gig I had that night. I stole into my house, and decided, for some reason, to change my contact lenses (probably because i'd been wearing the same pair for over 24 hours). I didn't have the correct prescription, so as I remember it I put in a slightly higher prescription in my left eye. The next day, and ever since then, I became aware of some anomaly in my left eye. No visual static, noise, or other perceptible hallucinations...just a feeling that something is wrong. However, this feeling and large amount of accompanying anxiety ONLY exists when I am wearing contact lenses. In glasses or without lenses on, I don't feel it. But I hate, hate, hate wearing glasses, especially because I have a high prescription. I also feel broken. With contact lenses on, I feel incapable of conducting myself normally in any situation. However, I feel that I look best without glasses on. I even gave up trying to look good and wore glasses exclusively for months to see if the visual problem would stop, but it didn't. It's super weird. Somehow it's like PTSD and I've associated wearing contact lenses with the LSD trip and the HPPD is only activated when I'm wearing them. I'm considering LASIK but don't want to feel like I'm on a permatrip! I'm also obsessed with "figuring it out" - what exactly is going on, how did it start? It's worth noting, I get a lot of other kinds of physical anxiety even when I have glasses on, like neck stiffening or social anxiety. And I tend to get obsessed with the physical manifestations of my anxiety. It's been 5 long years of up and down hell with this. I often feel like if just this one thing would go away, I could feel OK about myself and get on with life. But it haunts me, and like so many other forms of anxiety, the more I think about it, the worse it is. Your thoughts and feelings are welcomed!
  11. I’ve been trawling through this forum and seems like you guys are really helpful – not sure who’s active anymore but anyway I have some questions. Sorry it's long, if you’re feeling helpful but not up to reading then skip to the end :-) I’m 20 and developed HPPD from LSD maybe 13/14 months ago. Light tracers, afterimages, visual snow, seeing colours etc. It caused me a bit of anxiety towards the beginning but it must have been very mild because it hardly bothered me at all. I could’ve very easily lived with it. I did MDMA multiple times in the following year, and some coke and keta, none made any difference to my HPPD, so I just linked it to LSD (wasn’t sure what it was really). Just over a month ago I had mushrooms for the first (and LAST) time. Trip was extremely intense, I passed out and then it was like I’d woken up in another galaxy, but not a terrible experience like some you hear. About a week later I woke up with insane visuals, everything moving around, colours vibrant, people’s faces looked pink and yellow. I was vomiting and could hardly stand up. I felt like my life had ended, like I was no longer myself at all. I was seeing through a fish eye lens, my voice wasn’t my own, everything was moving around me like on a boat (I also have sea sickness so that didn’t help haha), brain fog, paranoia, crippling anxiety, muscle spasms and pain. Im lucky enough to have a psych ive been seeing for the last 5 years so had that support. I found out a lot of the non-visual symptoms were anxiety-related (brain fog, muscle spasms, paranoia, and some worsening of visuals). I actually still feel as sharp as ever, just distracted by my visuals a lot of the time. My anxiety hasn’t been as bad, I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression before so that part I can handle. It’s the fucking DP/DR that gets me, have never experienced it before and its hell. It got so bad I thought I was in a virtual reality simulator and my memories were all fake. And the visuals are definitely the cause – how could I not feel like things are fake if everything looks fake? I’ve been very up and down in managing it since then but still functioning, seeing friends, doing uni work, trying to get out and do things, exercise, I already ate pretty healthy. Symptoms now: everything permanently looks like a mild acid/mushroom trip, covered in very heavy static, nothing looks solid, colours very vibrant and stuff moves in my peripheral vision, and sort of wobbles in and out of shape when I look at it (with all the afterimages, light trails etc. but I was already sort of okay with that stuff and can deal with it), and DP/DR. I am feeling depressed but that I can deal with. So my questions are: do your visuals (the static in particular) ever fade away or will I just have to get used to them? Or as it’s been just over a month since it got really bad, is it worth having Klonopin, Sinemet or Keppra now or should I wait? I was thinking sinemet could be worth a try, even though it hasn’t done much to a lot of people, it seems to have the least side effects and I want my DP/DR to go away. Or should I just get some Klonopin for the days when it gets really bad? Very luckily my dad’s a doctor and completely believes me and is willing to prescribe me anything I think will help. (I live in Australia and have heard it’s hard to get it recognised at all here) Sorry for the long ramble and thank you so much to whoever replies <3
  12. Hello Everyone! Wow! I have only recently discovered that continuous flashbacks have a label! I have had HPPD since I was 12 years old. Now I am 60. I spent the school year dropping LSD, Psycibin, Mescaline, and Marijuana. One time I simply never came down. It intensified soon soon after. I knew of no one else who had this like I did! I was simply terrified! I only told my brother, not my parents. My biggest fear was that I would get uncontrollably higher. I had every symptom but the very worst was the feeling of not being fully present. The experience was like just arriving in my own body but realizing I had already been doing whatever it was, but not with full presence. Maybe this is "de-personalization"? I would explain it to various Doctors and Opthalmologists through the years and all I got was "hmm....."! So, I finally just learned to cope. Then about a year ago I found the name HPPD. The casebook description of symptoms were as if they had read my secret diary! I know that I was never diagnosed but I know what drugs I used and when the HPPD started. Now it has been 48 years! Definitely some of the symtoms are not as vivid as in the beginning, however, if I get tired or in a conglomerated atmosphere there they are. I also think after so many years these just become part of your normal perception. For me, HPPD did not go away. How did I cope until now? I definitely quit any drug use immediately. I gravitated toward a simple Christian way of life, actually living with Old Order Amish at times, where I was not bombarded by electric stuff. I think those who have HPPD will seriously have to deal with sensory overload and seek out a peaceful existence on many levels. Live your life anyway. I raised 7 children, grandchildren and life goes on, just looking through Kaliedoscope eyes! Be healthy! Be smart and realize sometimes one stupid mistake done in youth can change your life forever! In my case, I just wanted to be cool in 1969! I really didn't realize the risks. How true it is that we reap what we sow! I want to cry...that I lived my whole life with this and never found anyone else with this or knew even that it was recognized! The only report on flashbacks I ever heard of said that they think LSD creates new neural pathways in the brain.That was maybe 30 yrs ago! Wow! I am truly impressed at my own survival! Trails, pulsating breathing walls, tinnitus, time slowing down, colors, everything. Even dialated pupils. Sigh. How exhausting at times! It has helped me just to keep in mind that my own perception has been tweeked.My chemistry was altered. I would not wish this on anyone! But, if you have it, just live your life as peaceful as you can. Do everything you normally would do because your heightened perception maybe can be helpful in other unexpected ways. Don't do anymore drugs. Dont tell others who may not understand. We've been tricked by the devil's potions! God bless us all!
  13. I came to talk to you about my symptoms a little bit. I'm Brazilian, so if I say something wrong, I apologize, but I'm still not fluent in English. About 11 months ago I tried lsd with a friend, after an hour we used weed, and after that I had a very bad trip. Only today I was able to find this forum, because until then I did not even know what I really have. After using lsd, I have never used lsd or weed again. Since then, I have a lot of anxiety, sometimes I feel very depressed, and I really feel some visual effects, such as sensitivity to light, things seem to vibrate a little, and it seems that sometimes I see traces in moving things. What makes me bad is that I can never stop thinking about it all, I try to fight against my own mind not to think about it, but it's very difficult, when I realize it, I'm thinking about it. From what I understand I have hppd, but is it normal for me to think about it constantly? Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy. This site was very inspiring to me, until then I was very afraid of what happened to me, and not knowing that there are so many other people with the same problem. So, THANK YOU for making me a little calmer. I will accompany you always now, hoping that I will improve. Thank you.
  14. Hello all, My name is Christiaan, I'm 18 years old. Over this past summer I smoked copious ammounts of cannabis and consumed LSD thrice, with a space of three weeks between the first and second expereinces and one week between the second and third. On the first two occasions I consumed half of a 155ug tab and smoked a small ammount of cannabis alongside (around one bowl). during the final experience I tripped in haste in my home, and dabbed pretty heavily alongside. I had an amazing experience on 3/4 of a tab, and on the comedown of this trip I accidentally ate another 3/4 tab, intending to redose only 1/4. I panicked and went to my sister, who became upset and started to frighten me as I began to trip harder, and so I just went into my room and panicked quietly. Eventually, maybe two hours later I took 15mg Remeron, an SNRI I'm perscribed for GAD/Depression, which put me to sleep for a few hours. When I woke up I was no longer tripping. Needless to say, since this past experience I have ceased all cannabis/hallucenogen consumption. I have been seeing slight hallucenations. Surfaces sometimes breathe, subjects in paintings seem to float and move around, and when reading lettering, especially on a screen, the words and lines can really seem to warp and slide around a bit. I also have noticed strong starbursting affects on lights especially at night, but I'm fairly sure I experienced that before. I am terrified of this developing into something less easy to ignore, especially since I took an SNRI while I had a good bit of acid in my system. As time goes on I become less and less hopeful that this is simply my anxiety or heightened awareness of normal phenomena. Thank you so much if you managed to read all this. -Christiaan
  15. Hi all, First I'd like to say I'm glad I found this forum. It's awesome that so many people can come together to discuss this issue, since not a lot of people know about its existence. Reading your stories has really helped with my anxiety. I started smoking weed about a year ago, eating space cake or smoking joints maybe once a month or so. I was never a heavy user, just did it on occasion and didn't get overly high except for a few times with the space cakes. I started noticing floaters in my vision all of a sudden, but didn't think too much of it and was sure it would go away. I didn't notice them that much anyway so it did not bother me. I then tried LSD, only about 65ug, and had a very good trip. This was the first time I experienced hallucinations. I still felt normal at this point. Then, one day I decided to try some mushrooms. I only took about 1.5-2g of dried Golden Teachers, and my trip was very good overall. I was just sitting and thinking by myself while having some mild hallucinations. On the come-down, I got greedy and wanted more so I started smoking weed to extend the trip. Big mistake. I must have smoked way too much because my trip started to go down to nightmare town after that. I won't go into details here, but I just felt like I was going absolutely insane and I had no control over my thoughts. The anxiety really hit hard and I felt like I was going to be like that forever, stuck in a time loop. I get a little anxious just thinking about it still. After the bad trip, I continued to have strong anxiety for about 2 weeks. It was really bad and I got scared. I have lived a very good life with little worries in the past, so this was unusual to me. It eventually subsided though, and I felt OK again. However, the floaters got really bad. They were now permanent and I could almost always see them, which was very annoying. I got my eyes checked and nothing was wrong with them, and the doctor couldn't explain the floaters. At this point I started to suspect that they were caused by the drugs, and I started reading about HPPD. Now, it has been a few months since that mushroom trip. Apart from the floaters, I have some DP/DR symptoms. Sometimes I feel like an alien among people, and I'm constantly questioning the reality that I'm observing. It goes up and down, but most of the time I don't feel quite normal. I'm always scared that I'm going to end up with schizophrenia or dementia or some shit like that. These thoughts just adds to the anxiety even more. I just miss feeling "clear headed", instead of constantly living with major brain fog. Reading about some of the success stories gave me hope to get better though, and I'm trying to get normal again. I've always valued my health so eating well and being active will be easy for me, thankfully. Some of you have way worse symptoms than me, and I can't even imagine what you're going through. I sincerely hope you all recover from this shit. Oh and I forgot to mention, I haven't taken any drugs since that bad trip. I'm definitely planning to stay sober. These bad trips really make you appreciate it.
  16. A few nights ago i decided to take mdma idiotically because my symptoms were so much better after 4 months of abstaining from drugs, well during the trip and afterwards i can say i believe i know whats it like to have the full 9 yards of hppd. During the trip it was horrifying, faces everywhere on my floor on my dogs fur on my wall, my feet were itchy i could feel the anxiety and paranoia but i think the mdma helped me manage to stay happy. The next day i learned of all the severity of symptoms that other people have that i dont, my ghosting was not just only above like it usually is, but it was below and side by side, 4x as worse as what it usually was. When people talk about starbursting, i used to think that was normal, but no i saw what it really was like, and i saw afterimages of literally everything. My visual snow was creating flying cars or weird hallucinations that i couldnt completely make out, my anxiety had been almost the same as it was before. Thankfully 4 days later it seems as if im back to the baseline as to where it was before. Guys, mdma used to be my drug, i used to do it every day before work but now i cant stomach it. So my message to you is, if you have hppd, DRUGS ARE NOT WORTH IT.
  17. It may just be me getting used to hppd but i find my all cevs to be fading, i find my visual snow to even be less when my eyes are closed as opposed to when theyre opened. Its like im getting a taste of what its like pre trip. Itll be 4 months in 5 days. Unfortunately it seems that when my eyes are opened the static is constant.
  18. Hi guys, I only recently found out about HPPD after googling these symptoms ive had for a while after my first acid trip: Up until this point I had only ever smoked weed, did mdma regularly and tried a very low dose of psilocibin mushrooms, I decided to try acid next so I bought and tested a couple of 100μg tabs and planned to take one after work one day. So the trip went fine, i was a little overwhelmed but overall it was a good experience and i planned to do it again soon with my girlfriend until I noticed slight visual hallucinations when I was sober. I thought nothing of it and that it would go away in a few days, well here I am 3 months later lol. I experience most of the general visual effects people describe e.g. visual snow, trails behind moving objects and objects changing color/shape, but mostly breathing/undulating walls/objects. If I stop concentrating on something for 1 second the room surrounding me begins to close in, and wont stop until I look at something else. This makes it very difficult to watch tv or relax in general and im kinda freaking out haha. Also, Ive just completed my exams at school but im afraid i will have failed them the symptoms became much more serious in the exam room and it was hard to concentrate. Also, the effects become much more prevolent when using weed, and the visuals are almost indistinguishable from LSD when using mdma. Thanks for reading guys hope you can provide some insight
  19. Hi all, 19th of march this year i microdosed 3 tabs of acid(my second time doing lsd) after my trip i had a really bad time(felt like tv shows were attacking my insecurities, felt like something watching me, hallucinating a white demonic looking face in the centre of my eye) that has all subsided now, and i am now left with ghosting, visual snow, afterimages and very minor palinopsia. As far as dp/dr goes i no longer feel like a zombie when im in crowds but as long as ive been alive ive felt numb so i cant say i really "feel" things. Anyways, as far as progress goes im feeling pretty good about it. My paranoia is gone and i dont have a whole lot of anxiety. I do tend to have mood shifts an awful lot(between angry-neutral) ill get jolts of happiness but they never really last. My hppd i fine also comes with a weird type of pareidolia where if i look in my jeans i can see little tiny people with weird faces. I also have the ability to see reptiles and demons if i stare at floor with pattern long enough(which makes my visual snow worse, i think its kinda like colour shifts??) Im definitely open to the idea of being schizophrenic or bipolar(i do believe im bipolar tbh) i saw shadow people on my lsd trip. Anyways recently ive started taking the supplements: NAC OMEGA 3 LIONS MANE L TYROSINE GINKO BILOBA. I am very interested in taking piracetam with choline as ive heard some good things but also some bad. My doctor prescribed me lexapro and seroquel but im not interested in taking those until at least up to or over a year. I will be trying to take keppra or lamotrigine after the 6th month mark. Anyways thats my story for the most part. I look forward to hearing your responses.
  20. So After 12 years of that bad trip, all those traces, figures and distorsions have a name. I must say that the first couple of years were tough, but I belive I've managed to tame it, even Knowing that it stills swims somewhere inside me. I've always knew that drugs had a diferent effect on me, that with my friends: when I smoke weed, I still feel the effects on the next day. My hangovers are like nightmares.... After many years I've ended up taking small doses of lsd o shrooms and I felt afraid to wake up that terror again but it din't. My question here is: recently I been atracted to try Yagé or ayahuasca as an spiritual and concius expantion and of course, curiosity. Anyone here carrying hppd who has any experience?
  21. Hello everyone. To give some context, I'm a freshman in college that has had weed occasionally over the last 2 years. Nowhere near the amount of my friends. This year though, some friends and I've only tried LSD twice. The first time was 100ug, the second time (this November on Thanksgiving break) was 240ug. I had no problems after the first time. After the second time though, I was consumed with anxiety. I didn't have a proper comedown and basically had a really bad trip in the end. For about 3 weeks following this, I had visual static, starbursts when I closed my eyes, and noticing walls breathing/patterns moving. Little tiny floaters. One of the worst parts about this was the INCREDIBLY vivid dreams/nightmares I had. I had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. With all of these symptoms combined, I became a depressed anxious mess. Eventually, these symptoms subsided around 4 weeks later and my school's Winter break came along. Feeling cocky and back on top of things, I decided to try weed again with my friends. I smoked 2 times and everything was fine. On New Years Eve, I had a very strong edible. During my high I could see the visual static coming back. Over the next week, ALL of my symptoms came back and the "after images" and static actually seems worse. I had my first nightmare again and for the last 2 weeks I've had vivid dreams/nightmares ever since. Not being able to sleep through the whole night. Now I'm sitting here knowing full well that I was almost completely recovered in under a month and I screwed it all up for myself and made it worse. Last time I was feeling better within 4 weeks. Abstaining from everything (even caffeine), taking vitamins, going on walks, meditating. Since I didn't take LSD again and it was just weed, how can I expect my recovery to be now? How much did I just set myself back with weed?
  22. I'm new here and I'll start with telling you my HPPD story. Some weeks ago I took a psychedelic which was sold to me as LSD. I'm almost 100% sure, that it wasn't. Visuals were miles away from what I experienced on LSD before and I got strong seizures/cramps. Their intensity was proportional to the visions I got. Since this date I have HPPD. I see bright colors extremely enhanced and I can differ colors which seem the same for others. One week later I took 170µg of real LSD. The trip was usual like my previous ones, but at the three hour mark things changed. The visuals from the other substance started to kick in again. The worst part was that I got these seizures again and they lasted for some days after the trip. Two other weeks later I tried a microdose of 20µg LSD and the seizures and slight visuals started again. I also noticed that coffeine causes slight seizures and that my right eye feels dry and overstrained since I took the unknown substance. Now I fear that it could get worse and that it could cause any damage to my health, because the seizures feal so unhealthy. And I don't think it's possible to see colors that much enhanced for such a long time without any sideeffects. Do you know what could help or do you have an idea how these seizures are caused? Please let me know, I'm really concerned about it.
  23. Hi, hope you guys are doing well. I'm starting my blog as many others do .. I took LSD 8 weeks ago and have a couple of concerning symptoms I would like to share with you. The 2 - 3 weeks after I took acid I was very dizzy / had vertigo (when I walked around it felt like being on a boat). I went to a doctor and an ENT-specialist, but they didn't find anything. The dizzyness now almost disappeard, but I still have a blurry vision especially when things or me : ) are moving fast. I still have a constant headache, even though it is also already better than at the beginning (I had awful neck pain at the back of my head). I still feel like having a constant hangover though! When I'm outside a lot I can feel that all the impressions are a lot to process for my head. E.g. the front of my brain is working a lot/is struggling processing all the information. I also feel sick most of the time .. which I think is due to my blurry/dizzy vision! I don't have a lot of symptoms described in the blogs/forum though (e.g. trails, frames, etc.) This is why I'm questioning that I have HPPD. Did someone have a similar experience? Does this end anyday soon? The last couple of weeks I didn't notice that it's getting better. I'm therefore afraid that it isn't going away. I started to freak out a little bit last weekend as it seemed to get worse again. Would love to hear your opinions? I planned to go to the Neurologist in a few days .. I don't think though this will be very helpful. Many thanks in advance.
  24. Hi all, I'm very glad to have found this forum and think that it has already aided me in understanding what I can do to help combat my (suspected) HPPD. I've been looking through threads and have found a few great stories which gave me hope and huge inspiration from those who have been suffering (and still are) but seem to be able to make a go of things. Some context, I am 20yo male, studying at uni and working. Previous to my breakdown, I had 1 LSD trip (Dec 2014), Shroom two weeks later cactus trips (Feb 2015), LSD trip 2- the bad one (20th March), Shroom trip 2 (9th May). Since approx 2010 I've been smoking week periodically, and over the past 2 years reasonably constantly; culminating in periods where I would smoke every night. I believe that I have got HPPD after having a particularly bad acid trip where I completely disconnected from reality, lost all connection to my sensors and from what I can remember decided that I was experiencing death at what were the bottom of existential crisis thought loops. After this I experienced what I will call disconnection from my past (i.e. with effort I could remember what had happened to me, but could not remember the actual feeling of being there (the quaila-any philosophy majors?)). I had some mental fog, but was otherwise seemingly fine. A month later in hopes of helping the situation I had a mushy trip at reasonably low dose (5 caps maybe), this started out really well, with mostly euphoria etc. I then started to feel very L.S.D'y and told my tripping buddy and he came up to my room with me and helped me write about what I was feeling; I believe at this point I had my first taste of DR/PR, as I frantically wrote about the meaning of life and the way in which we define ourselves as people etc. After an hour or so of this my anxiety abated and the trip ended very pleasantly. Approximately 3 weeks later, my mind somehow preempted my complete collapse and I went back to my parents house, where I ended up with crippling anxiety which saw me bedridden, this is when my HDDP symptoms appeared (I'm not sure whether one preempted the other etc), this all started approx 1st of June. I was a complete mental mess unable to concentrate or remember almost anything. I had streaks and trails (which as far as I can understand are reasonably mild comparatively to other peoples- but I was scared to death at the time), I believe at this time I also had thoughts of ending my life because I could not see a way through what was going on. At this point in time I had exams and managed to do one of the essays (in hindsight this probably stressed me out and made things worse). I went to see a psychiatrist whom I told the whole story, and it seems I got lucky because he took it all in and did not judge at all, which helped immensely. He put me on zoloft (SSRI) to treat the anxiety and Circadin (melatonin to aid sleep), I've also been using Temazepam when I have a really bad night. I am also hoping to get my hands on some benzos as a 'just in case'. So I'm now just over a month into this experience, things do seem to be improving. At times I feel completely normal, and having read what some people experienced and are experiencing I feel almost unqualified to feel bad for my situation. The questions I have relate to the mental symptoms which seem less talked about, while I am dealing reasonably well with after images/trails tracers and the such; I get almost complete disconnection from each day to the next, while I can most of the time remember with effort what I did yesterday I don't really feel like I've done it. I have also experienced this at random times during the day (kinda like turing around and looking at someone and being like what am I doing here and who is this and then having to dig for the info and being disconnected to it); is this to do with DR/DP? This coupled with my complete lack of memory really freak me out at the moment and seem to be my biggest barrier to getting back to a normal life (memory is good for uni and work ) Last question is thoughts on the SSRI use, I have talked to my doctor and while he is hesitant to take me off it he said if I believed it would be better in the long run, then he would defer to me on the matter. From what I've read it seems it might be best to go without the SSRI? Any general tips Cheers for all the love that goes around this place, the forum seems to help a lot of people in desperate need; I feel like I'm a lucky one to have found you guys so early, Peace, Love & Healing to all
  25. So I did 1.75g of shrooms three days ago. Ever since streetlights have appeared brighter with visible halos as if the exposure setting was set too long on a camera. I can see color hues and brightness contrasts more starkly. Basically it looks like I'm at the beginning stages of tripping where everything looks more vivid... but I'm sober. I do remember things subtly changing a little bit after the last time I did LSD but it was a lot more subtle and I basically chalked it up to being able to appreciate colors and lights more after the trip. Now after shrooms it feels really apparent. Personally I'm enjoying it. Night time is hella beautiful and extremely calming. I don't know if this is permanent or completely unrelated to HPPD. I've done shrooms before and none of the visual symptoms ever carried over after the trip. I'm sorta alarmed but I don't have any of the visual snow or any other symptoms other than everything looks brighter and more vivid. Like J.J. Abrams made me a special pair of glasses. I'm also psychologically fine and I don't see anything in particular when I close my eyes. Did I just forget that streetlights at night are bright and make streaking halos or did my perception physically change? This is a good approximation of how I'm seeing things. albeit a little more colorfully vivid:
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