MadDoc

I don't trust doctors much. I finally found a doctor who was a healer instead of a pill pusher. She just retired unfortunately. Anxiety can have many causes so it's hard to know if it's due to drug use or some other underlying issue. My hppd, in some ways, has gotten much much better but it took a long time. The anxiety I have is greatly reduced to the point that I feel "normal" (whatevery that is). Getting focused and moving forward is what got me onto the other side of that. Give you self some credit for coming to the realization that you want to be a happier person. That's a good first step as you proceed on your travels.

For me meditation has been extremely helpful. The practice allows me to intercept intrusive thoughts. When some negative thought arrives I can recognize it as being part of me, even welcome it, but i can choose not to unpack the contents of the thought. Over time the negative thoughts don't get exercised and the mental pathways on which they arrive start to atrophy. Just like learning to play a musical instrument, you need to practice.

Regrets? Not really. If I could go back in time I would avoid drugs all together. Then again, if I did that I wouldn't be "me" and life has treated me well. I mentioned this before I think. I used to go see Richie Havens play every time he came around. As he got older he used to say "I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be anywhere". He was a wise man.

It's very encouraging that you had a good day where the images backed off and your anxiety gave you a break. I'd take that as a good sign! When you have times when your mind is clear you can start making plans to move forward. That's what I found anyway. There was a time when I thought I was damaged beyond repair but, as I said in an earlier post, the brain can rewire itself. Hang in there!

PCP can rattle anyone for a while. I knowingly took it once (tablet form) and unknowingly a few more times. I found the effects to be really scary. Then again there are people who swear by it. Everyone is different. I have no idea if it can cause hppd. Note, I'm no expert on hppd though I've lived with it for a long time.

I don't know if what you have is hppd. After an acid trip there can be some residual effects that for most people dissipate. Stress can cause all sorts of bodily and mental symptoms and going to college, while being a wonderful experience, is stressful. You're refraining from MJ which is a really good idea. Give your system a break from chemical recreation for a while to see if the symptoms go away. At the very least being sober will help you focus on your course work which might alleviate some stress as well.

The strong MJ that's been available for years gives me horrible panic attacks and it makes my heart race. I've only indulged about half a dozen times since i "stopped" using drugs and haven't touched it again in a long long time. I'm curious, was the only drug you were using MJ? While I don't react well to it when it wears off, it wears off. My hppd came into being when i started using psychedelics when at 14.

I'd go see a doctor first. They can determine if there is some physical cause. Second, it might be a good idea to stop using drugs for a while to see if your condition improves. Understand that if you continue using it could get worse. I know nothing about the chemicals you've used and I suspect very little is known about how the might effect a person.

I felt that constant "tripping" when I was younger but it has diminished over time. I have moments when I'm seeing a visual and I hear a sound and they seem related in my mind and I feel that spaced sensation. I guess what I'm saying is I can relate. I've never had the sensation of feeling different parts of my head or scalp. Not that I can remember anyway. Give yourself some time to heal. While my hppd never went away, my condition has significantly improved over the years. I've also learned to adapt and now they're easy to ignore. Hang in and don't give up. The mind has an amazing capacity to rewire itself.

Life is hard and it's tough being human. That's reality. However, life is such a miracle (note, I'm an atheist if that's relevant). We're the matter that woke up to bear witness to whatever "this" is. I've learned that perhaps my hppd gives me some insight that others may lack. I understand that day to day life can be difficult with this disorder. I'll be in a meeting at work, holding it together, while all the little dots are grouping into shapes on the table in front of me. It's hard to be normal and I often feel like an alien trying to fit in. But I feel so lucky to be here. The best thing for me was to get focused. When I'm really focused my hppd seems to vanish and I accomplish something that gives me an endorphin bump. It might be something to try. I don't know if what I've written sounds like nonsense but it's what gets me through the grind. I am very grateful for each day I get to wake up and do it again even with the constant hallucinations I experience. We're not lesser human beings because of hppd and we're not bad people for taking drugs to experience non-ordinary reality. We're simply injured. Like someone who has lost a leg or gets cancer we need to adapt and move forward.

For many years I had totally indescribable moving images in my head when my eyes were closed. Like tripping but far more wierd. They were so bizarre I really can't describe it fully. That's the one part of my hppd that went away. I'm not saying my head has totally cleared but it's much better though it took quite a while to heal. Just as a point of reference, I dosed heavily for about 6 years. You are not as you said "fucked in the brain". The fact that you wrote such a coherent post proves you're all there and clearly intelligent . The brain is very elastic and can adapt. I think the best thing to is to stop dosing and refrain from weed to see if things improve. Also, even with this condition you can live a wonderful and productive life. I mean that! Hang in there!

I do my meditation practice almost every day and have been doing so for a long time. It helps with mental focus and my hppd is much less pronounced when I'm focused. But that's me. I doubt it can do any harm. You mentioned being 40 years older. It goes by in a flash. Time is strange stuff!

Welcome. I'm new here as well and I'm amazed at the abundance of information available in this forum. I'm no expert on hppd and didn't even realize it had a name until recently. You're still having visual issues like visual snow and colors, is that correct? Are they present all the time? I understand that psychedelics can teach us many things. However, there are some of us, like me, who end up with symptoms that we experience every waking moment. When I started using psychedelics over 40 years ago I thought they were some sort of miracle and shaped the way I experience existence in positive ways. However, I see visual patterns almost all of the time and have for decades. I dosed heavily for about six years. I'm not a doctor so I won't dispense any medical advice. The advice I would give is to stay sober for a while to see if the symptoms go away. If they don't please understand it might get much worse if you continue using. Also, if you do have hppd, don't panic! Even if you have this condition, it's possible to have a wonderful and productive life. I hope your surgery to remove your cyst goes well.

I had the "always high" feeling for a long time. As the years pass it has significantly diminished. That being said, it's hard to deny that tripping feeling when I have visuals all the time. What helped? Time, sobriety, a clean diet (i.e. not an American diet), and meditation. Focusing on something like work pushes away the visuals and the general tripping feeling. I've never taken medication for hppd so I can't comment on that.

Thank you for putting that together. I've gotten a little lost trying to read so many posts.

The only supplement I take is CBD oil because it helps me get a good night's sleep. That might be counterintuitive because I can't touch THC. Some days my hppd is distracting while other days I hardly notice it at all. My more "visual" days seem to follow a poor night's sleep. I think KB's suggestion of starting with tiny amounts of any supplement is a really good idea. Everyone is different and you never can tell how it might effect you. Supplements can also take a while to start working so you may have to give it some time. I'm probably not saying you don't already know. I'm going to read up on LMM. Thanks for the info!

Hi and welcome. I'm new to this forum as well. I don't know much about ssri medications so I'm not much help there. However. My hppd symptoms are very similar to what I experienced while on hallucinogenic drugs but not as extreme. I'm curious if your symptoms are similar to what you've felt while taking ssri medications. The brain governs the way we experience reality and there are a lot of chemicals that alter that experience. Do the symptoms linger after you stop taking the ssri meds? Note. I'm not suggesting you discontinue any medication without consulting with your doctor. I'm no doctor that's for sure!

What does lion's main mushroom do? Does it help with anxiety? Some herbals can be very powerful and I can see how they might not always react well. Someone recommend I try kratom for anxiety. They swore it worked great. It turned me into a jittering mess.

I should add that I too see things that are other things. About a month ago I was looking at the arm of a chair and there was a wasp sitting there flitting it's wings. After a couple of seconds I realized that it was only a thread that the cat had pulled out of the arm of the chair. It had twisted around into the rough shape of a wasp but I *saw* a living wasp. If you're seeing twigs that look like worms ... then that's what I'm experiencing. I've gotten used to it and even find it kind of amusing.

Hi Lizord, and welcome. I'm new here too. Two of the symptoms you described are something I've experienced. When I was younger I would see little bright purple dots appear and then vanish. Second, I had real reading issues. Shapes would form between the words that were very distracting. The visual dots went away entirely and the reading issue is still an issue to some extent but I've learned to compensate. Other than having hppd for a long time I'm no expert on the subject but I'd say those symptoms are indicative of hppd. I agree with K.B., sobriety and a healthy lifestyle is good medicine. I continued to use psychedelics for years after I had my first symptoms and now I'm stuck with it.

Point of no return? I don't know. I just see life moving forward. While my hppd has never "cleared up" I feel healthy and happy. Basically it's now just part of who I am and I can't remember what it's like to not have visuals. For me, it's never going away but life is wonderful and each day is a gift. If the thunder don't get ya then the lightning wil. Robert Hunter

I've had insomnia for years. One thing that worked very well is CBD oil. It's a non-psychoactive cannabinoid usually extracted from hemp. I take it about an hour before bed and without fail, I fall asleep, sleep through the night, and wake up refreshed. Very gentle stuff.

Hi gschppd. My primary symptom is that I see patterns on just about everything if I stare at it for more that a few seconds. Especially surfaces with a fine grain. Sand, concrete, grass, curtains, carpets, etc. I start seeing shapes that slowly morph into faces, animals, strange symbols, or just some things that are just bizarre. They're not invasive. If I look away they disappear. When I look back they start to reform but they're never the same twice. They're not three dimensional and they don't speak to me or anything. They're just "there". I don't get visual snow, after images, trails, or warping. Instead, It's like everything has this strange "motif" of its surface. I've had this since I was 14. I'm 57 now so, for me, it's never going away I suspect. That being said it's not nearly as bad as it used to be and in reality it doesn't bother me much anymore. I've had it for so long that it's just part of me. I used to have terrible anxiety but that too has significantly moderated with age. I can't say what may happen with your condition. I'm not an expert in any way shape or form and I'm no doctor. I hope your appointment with the therapist goes well. Hang in there.

Jay, one thing you mentioned is how you appear to be very laid back to others. I'm the same way but there's something I struggle with constantly that's part of my hppd (I think). It's a little difficult to describe. Each of us has a persona. We act in a certain way around others and we may act one way around our friends and another way around someone else. I think Ken Kesey referred to this as "social armor". Psychedelics strip away your social armor and you can (or you think you can) *see* into other people and I used to think I could see this social armor. What happens to me now is the little nuances of each person's persona is exaggerated. People often seem like stereotypical used car salesman. Little behaviors that are normally common social behaviors seem so over the top that I have difficulty communicating sometimes. Instead I just act calm and I don't say much. I smile a lot.

What I forgot to say is if people in the 60s had a very very pure substance then 2000 mics would be conceivable. 1000 of the stuff I had in the early 70s would have been unthinkable. 1000 of the "university" batch that came later was very "doable". I'm wondering if the doses I had in high school were really impure or adulterated with something nasty. A lot of them had some sort of speed "included". That was the stuff that started my hppd. The clean "material" I got later didn't seem to make hppd any worse. It was different.