TheGman6072

Same shit ? I don't really remember ever posting about this. And I dont notice anything get worse just by thinking about it

Going to start putting an end to this on Monday. Going to try getting an appointment soon but I'm going to start with plan b since the appointment seems almost impossible

In the past week, I have no longer been seeing colors flashing at me, slight trailing, tracers and I had a bunch of other visuals which I have never been able to describe. The visuals I still have are : • visual snow • walls breathing, melting or completely moving • when reading, the texts seem to spread as if they are all floating in water and moving • afterimages which really are annoying when I'm trying to read • halos around bright objects such as my phone but only in the dark. If I shine the phone flashlight at myself, I see a "rainbow halo" if you know what that is. The halos seem a lot worse. I don't think I should be seeing halos stick out like 6 inches from my phone

I have the depersonalization/derealization that comes with HPPD. I feel like I'm watching my entire life from 3rd person as if I'm not there but watching from behind a screen. I had a lot of anxiety but now instead of freaking out, my mind just shuts down and I feel like I'm stoned. I often trip for no reason. I can hardly feel emotional connection. I could be crying but I can barely feel the emotional connection it's weird

Try Keppra it has been proven to work

So the past few days has been terrible with my parents after I unleashed hell on them because they are so unsupportive. I'm feeling better again and everything has cooled down but more damage seems to be done. Stress has seemed to play a strong role in making this shit worse and I actually managed to get a little better, just barely, after a period of minimal stress but then something went wrong. Still feeling very depersonalized. Seems this shit has made the brain fog a bit worse. I'm as fucked up as an old person in the early stages of Alzheimer's now. I'm losing shit and now my family is noticing that I'm constantly forgetting shit as I tend to repeat shit and we would be having a conversation and I'm suddenly like "what are you talking about ?". I was just recording a YouTube video earlier for my YouTube channel and I started repeating shit that I already said and I started spacing out. PS I'm not freaking out right now I know this post looks a little "panicky" but I don't really panic or get much anxiety anymore my brain just shuts down and enters a stoned state.

Well my HPPD and dp/dr have gotten a little better back to the way it was a couple weeks ago thank fucking god I thought I was back to hell (not that I was out of it)

Well there is also other shit I have my eyes on. My suicidal meltdown is over now but I was so close I actually almost did it. Now I'm in that mode where I'm not suicidal but if there was a train coming at me, I wouldn't rush to get out of the way.

until my appointment, I'm going to keep sticking with plan b to get meds.

An appointment to hopefully get prescribed Keppra

I often think about suicide and I even attempted it once but failed. I'm going to try to get an appointment again and October 17, 2016 will be judgement day

Tinnitus is that weird buzzing, ringing and sometimes vibrating in the ear right ?

I'm going to try one last time with an appointment. I've already decided on killing myself if this shit isn't gone by the time I'm 18 or when I get the chance

But permatripping perfectly describes it

I'm either going to kill myself or move in with one of my former drug dealers. I just need to get away from this life of hell

I'm sorry but this has to end now. Just as I am starting to get better, everything just took a massive turn for the worst. I am cutting my father out of my life now officially and since both of my parents are so naive and unsupportive, I think it's time to prove to them how serious this is but at a cost. Something feels terribly off and it is not good at all. I'm only 17 so what's a quick painless way to kill myself ? I'm scared to do it but I have to. This must end.

Visual ?

I miss doing LSD and now it's been a year this month since the last time I touched it. I was doing LSD almost all the time from January to June of 2014 and then a couple times in November of that same year and thank god I stopped. I have not seen LSD ever since the last time I did it which is a good thing cuz my retarded ass probably would do it again. It took a bad trip to get me to stop doing high doses of diphenhydramine

I did shrooms back when I used to take LSD. Every time I see them on a pizza or growing in the grass, I think about psychedelic shrooms

Yeah I ended up leaving school today cuz I didn't want to deal with any stress and possibly have a panic attack

Yeah to me it's a lot better than the freak outs. I hope that means it's getting better cuz I still feel depersonalized just without all that anxiety

meds feel great but one thing that really helps is getting out of the damn house. I just went to SeaWorld and walked around San Diego last week and running around with my crazy nephew made me feel somewhat normal again. I might be going to Hawaii again in the summer (maybe England too but not very likely) but I really need to go to Hawaii again. hopefully the dp/dr is gone by then cuz my recent Hawaii trip feels like it never happened. Anybody else ever go on vacation and end up feeling normal again ?

so the colors I would see flashing at me went from large blobs of color to smaller blobs like the size of a quarter. I no longer see everything shaking. my other visuals seem the same. I still see walls appearing to breath and even melt, movement in peripheral vision, afterimages are kinda becoming annoying. visual snow is still the same so I still have the depersonalization/derealization and I have less anxiety but I still get my moments. sometimes instead of freaking out, I just shut down and enter a stoned state, does that happen to anyone else and is that a good thing ? the brain fog still seems pretty bad since I brainlessly rode my bike into the middle of the street and almost got myself killed like 10 times.

Peripheral vision has a lot of movement for me

Yeah I experienced similar things