Jay1

Yea, it doesn't sound like HPPD to me either. You mention you have bipolar with psychotic features... A few of my friends have similar and cannabis is one of the worst things to aggravate their symptoms. Is it really worth it for the help with twitching/insomnia? Could you maybe try a high CBD, very low THC strain? Can you think of anything else that has triggered this spike in symptoms? Maybe stress or illness?

Yes, please indicate why you think you have hppd. Did you take drugs recently, what are your symptoms? I'm sorry to hear you are in pain, but it could further damage you to mis-diagnose. The safe things you can start to do though are to stop taking any drugs (not meds), stop taking caffeine and try to de-stress... whatever helps you take your mind of this, films, tv, games, getting out in nature etc

Yea, Wales is a bit cheaper and more relaxed on what you can do with land... But that means leaving all our friends and family. If it was just me, i'd certainly think about moving to another country (Thaliand!), but I have to think about my wife too. She's open to living an off grid life, but needs to be close enough to visit family. We are currently looking into living on a boat. You can live tax/fee free on a boat as long as you move to a different mooring every 2 weeks... Could be a nice way to be in nature without the $750k+ price tag.

Yea, mine isn't as strong as in that picture, though it's hard to define, as my visual field is also flashing all the time. Like you, if I look at white, black and especially blue background (the sky is the worst) then it looks more like that pic. oh, and yes to halos and starburst.

Strong VS, strong geometric patterns (green/blue), crazy CEVs, long after images, warping and the worst of all, my entire visual field flashes about 6 times a second (i think this is called strobing?). There's probably other stuff, but I always forget the terms people use.

I tend to get the opposite on a high dose... Just blank out, no dreams and find it near impossible to wake myself up. I imagine the underlying stress you are going through is the main culprit. The very worst nightmares I get are when I binge drink though, hellish stuff.

I probably tripped on acid 50 or so times and maybe 10 times on mushrooms over the course of 2-3 years. I was lucky that that only led to fairly mild visuals and no anxiety/dpdr... I then got heavily into MDMA (easily 100+ times), plus lots of speed and coke. That's what really fucked me up. I don't think it's worth overly stressing about figuring out what drug or which specific time on that drug caused this shit. The only real lesson to learn is we can no longer take drugs and need to avoid anything that makes our condition worse.

Yea, it's possble, for sure. The first 1-2 years of my hppd were visual only. It's only when I started using MDMA that I got dpdr and anxiety.

You sound like you are living my dream life... I really want to live out in the country somewhere and just look after animals and nature and move away from technology. Sadly, in England, that lifestyle is pretty much only for the rich.

The basic difference is ... If you did drugs and then developed visuals issues, that's HPPD... If you didn't do drugs, it's VSS. I'm sure there is a grey area in between though. Drugs might just bring on VSS, for instance.

Sorry to hear, Spartan... Keep on fighting, mate! PM me if you ever need any support.

People tend to put derealisation and depersonalisation together (dpdr). That combo is probably what best describes the trippy feeling. Derealisation being that dreamy, unreal feeling combined with depersonalisation, where you don't feel fully attached to your body. If i'm feeling really floaty, I sometimes pinch myself as hard as I can on the arm, seems to snap me back into reality a bit! I think in a previous post, you mentioned you don't take any meds... While i'd never want to push anyone down that route, it is worth noting that benzos do take the dpdr away a bit, if you ever need a break (just make sure to research a lot before you ever try such a med).

Hi, sorry to hear about your conditioning worsening with age... It's a big worry for me too, as I already feel like i'm slipping into some kind of dementia at 44. DR really is the worst... I can deal with the visuals, I can just about get past the anxiety... but feeling like i'm tripping still is just the worst, especially in social situations where everyone else is just in a normal mental state.

From what I remember, there is no sign of any brain damage in hppd sufferers when tested on the typical devices like MRI and CT scans.

5htp worked ok for me, no side effects and got me out of a depressive slump. Others have reported side effects though, so if you try it, go slow and steady. Inositol also seemed to work, for me.

Yep clonazepam works for me. It's a magic bullet really. But be careful of addiction... I just take it sporadically and have done for 13 years now with no tolerance/addiction issues. I sometimes take beta blockers too, which help with the psychical symptoms of anxiety, but do nothing for hppd itself. Time also really helps... I was also in a very dark place when i was 17... By the time I was 20, i had learnt coping techniques and pushed myself to a better place. By that time, i was at college, had a side job, had a girlfriend and my own place.. It's amazing how quickly life can change... Just keep on fighting.

I do lately, but I put that down to overuse of screens. For 20+ years with hppd, i had no blurring issues.

Not for me... My long term memory is quite bad, possibly a combo of brain fog from hppd and just getting older. Short term memory seems ok.

Never noticed any difference, visually. I actually sometimes feel quite a bit better after laughing, whether they are sad tears or tears form laughing... Seems to release something inside me.

I would even avoid adding any new supplements, for now, too. Begin to understand your symptoms without any extra input for a month or two. Stop drinking anything with caffeine. Try to distract your brain as much as possible, films/tv/games/exercise etc ... whatever it takes.

Yea, that very much sounds like DPDR. Were you taking drugs before the shock event that caused this?

Absolute worst case scenario, you should be able to walk into any hospital, explain what has happened and get an emergency dose. Going cold turkey off klono after so long can be dangerous and it is their duty to help (at least here in the UK).

I seem to remember reading that a qEEG can pick up excitation in the visual cortex in HPPD sufferers, so that would probably be the place to look for a fMRI too. No idea if it would pick anything up though.

The initial part of your post sounds very much like HPPD. The second part is not HPPD though. HPPD just distorts what is there, not actual hallucinations. PS- What you describe sounds exactly like sleep paralysis, including seeing a dark figure in the room/above you. Is it possible you drifted off to sleep?

Hi, sorry to hear you are going through this tough time. Have you ever had a serious discussion with your parents about what you are going through? How they feel about the situation? How their actions make you feel? etc... It sounds a bit like you are assuming they are embarrassed by you, but maybe they are just confused and worried? Opening a dialogue would really help you all understand each others situation and emotions. They have accepted you back in their house, so there must be some level of love and compassion. Are you being treated for the psychosis symptoms? For the physical feeling you mentioned, have you ever tried a beta blocker... I find they take away that awful feeling in the stomach that seems to be related to anxiety. Keep fighting, Jay