disguyhere

i get the floating text dealyhoo.. when it gets bad every letter takes on a different depth from the screen and it gets really confusing

14 years..cant say gets better.. it usually gets better than worse.. but life is what you make of it

double root canal tomorrow... some temp crowns thursday.. perms in january fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck i hate dentists

instrumental or not you made the choices that got you there, not him. Dont let your own decisions impact a friendship. If the guy is a shit friend and constantly gets you into bad things then hell go ahead and do whats best for you and walk away but do it for the right reasons and not for one you could grow to regret. If nothing else consider that this friend is someone that probably knows what your going through better then alot of other people could hope to.. for better or worse

I just get a job offer. fantastic money.. finally making use of my talents.. and then this morning.. i wake up.. go get breakfast.. take a bite into my bagel.. and break one of my front fucking teeth clean in half :\ a year ago i probably would have given up at this point. swallowed a bottle of pills and said fuck it im done.. but today..today im just sad..sad and tired.. but somehow still willing to push one more day :\ fuck you life and your unforgiving irony

if anyone gives you someone let me know .. been looking myself

i get exactly what you mean.,. and i get exactly what you mean too .. but yeah whatever it comes down to cause wise our brain has a disconnection in it's ability to process shadow and textures properly.. it's the same thing that happens when you get your general acid trip wall crawl, but expanded to other textures and both move on its own and moving with you... but hey. just because its all in your head doesnt make it any less real

all z time... any textured surface i look at has independent texture /shadows / coloring. Some move along with my eyes, some move randomly. Gigantic pain in the ass but ignorable.

lance reddick has a purple tinge to me.. yes.. man is midnight incarnate

ask her about prism corrective lenses .. cheaper and it's helping me with the same exact problem right now. this is exactly what i was talking about in a recent thread under symptoms. in the 2-3 weeks i've had my new glasses i've been sleeping better and am able to resolve things more clearly without the glasses on. the optometrist i saw was the first in many years to even point out an issue i knew i had, that my eyes refused to align themselves on the same point without effort. I never saw this as an issue issue because i learned to live with it and had fun with it, using it to perform tricks with my eyes like spinning them in opposite directions, or moving one to a top corner and the other to the boom corner.. was un, freaked people out, and led me to intense deep meditation techniques. but it also gave my visual system fuel for making the hppd symptoms that much worse. I cant speak to it's effectiveness in helping any dp/dr symptoms, but hell.. just being able to see the world a little bit more "normal" couldnt do anything but help with feeling disconnected from reality. but yeah, before being pushed down the 4k$ route see about prism lenses. they arent horribly more expensive then regular lenses and go a huge ways towards coercing your eyes to fix themselves.

worse in my distinct lack of ability to see the color black except under the rarest of circumstances... all i see when i look at what I'm told is black, is some impossible combination of colors... red-green red-blue blue-green purple-green.... i dont mean the mixing of colors like they teach you in art class but a color that is at the same time red and green... :\ ... it's been 14 years now since I've been able to see black for a sustained amount of time, and those times i do see it are under intense meditation. it is the main reason i can't sleep. seeing living colors nonstop whenever i close my eyes isnt really something helpful to ones ability to sleep. on the flip side it gives my night vision a boost.. i could probably navigate around a completely pitch black room with little effort by seeing the subtle variation in the color field i see instead of pitch black.. but i'd give it up happily.. hell i'd probably give up my left nut, if it got me back black..

oh I know I did.. not directly double vision but moreso I've always had independent control of both eyes. But it would always cause latency when I would focus on something, one eye would always lag behind and fail to align. However the hppd did make this worse, among the other distortions I experienced (halos / texture crawl / afterburn / ceaseless trails / etc etc etc..) The new glasses didnt stop all of these things or anything like that.. but they soften the blow I guess you can say. Removing the impact of the misaligned eyes is like removing fuel from the fire. Even when the hppd rears its head and my eyes try to drift out of focus on their own, the prisms force me to focus back to a centralized point. So far its been very helpful reducing the frequency and duration of my normal visual distortions.. which does help my mental outlook at least but doesnt stop all the other emotional and mental effects of the hppd.

from personal experimentation i've done studying my own cev's, there is definitively a central point of focus that all of my distortions swirl around in both eyes.. the point at which both eyes overlap, which is the brain's blind spot in our visual field. not just you

I'm a bit exhausted so i'm making this post brief but i wanted to share something that now after a week in i'm positive has helped erase a large portion of my lingering visual degradation/distortions and it's something pretty damn simple that doesn't require a drop of medication.. 2 weeks ago i had an optometrist appt to get myself a new prescription as my vision has been degrading quicker than i care to think about, from both the hppd and normal aging... but my primary issue has been my lack of ability to focus both of my eyes on the same thing at once, leading to serious case of double vision and that would daisy chain itself into increased visual distortions. the less focussed my vision got the easier it was for my brain to fill in the blanks with hallucinations. but i've also had an issue with my eyes tracking independently since i was like fifteen. it's always caused me depth perception issues which the hppd has just made worse over time... well long story short, this doctor through the use of the newer automated measuring and eye scanning machines that are getting more widely used identified my double vision issue in seconds. for the first time in 18 years an eye doctor actually saw a problem beyond the normal far/near sided mess... he suggested to me that i get prisms added to my new lenses to help my eyes more easily focus on the same thing no matter how close or far i needed to focus on.. the next week (aka last monday) my lenses come in and immediately there was a major difference for me.. the prisms completely screwed my peripheral vision but at the same time for the first time in years i had 0 double vision.. it took a few hours for my eyes to finally start adjusting to the prisms but later on that night it just clicked in my head and my depth perception actually came back.. walking my dog that night im looking up at the sky and actually able to make out individual stars.. and can make out the individual lights on planes flying overhead.. I cant actually recall having been able to do this since i was 18-19 before the night that would lead to my hppd. i'm not saying these new glasses "fixed" my hppd completely. there are far too many lingering issues for them to be that effective. but in the week since ive gotten them i've slept better, had less headaches, less eye strain.. more actual black in my vision then i've experienced in a long ass time. I know i've read in a lot of peoples intro stories comments about double vision and ghosting and general depth perception issues. it's clear that of the many physical issues hppd causes us, there is a misalignment of of visual processing that furthers the lingering hallucinogenic effects if something as simple as an additional prism added to prescription lenses can help mitigate this then it's worth sharing/looking into. -d

if i blink rapidly it gets worse.. if i squint hard or close eyes tight then open them.. it gets worse.. pretty much the only thing i find works some times is equalization between left and right eye by leaving one open at a time for like 2 minutes then switching.. and repeating that with lowering the time between switching until both eyes level off

<hand raised> i get afterimages that can last from minutes to much much longer.. but its all a wash to me half the time anyway

yeah.. it was about as happy an ending as was humanly possible for that show... people still complaining but theres always people who will complain. but if they went the other way and let the nazis and toss especially live way more would have been super pissed... and if they had jesse finish off walt then it would have ruined jesse's entire redemption arc and been completely out of character for him. he's had months to reflect on what he did to put himself there, no matter how much he blames walt he chose to follow him knowing where it could lead for him and those he loved. honestly to anyone that can still complain after how well acted that whole episode was i say go try and write and direct a series like breaking bad yourself, and then come back and complain

jeeez... best of luck man. hope you have as speedy a recovery as possible

dexter's ending ruined my years of being an apologist for that show.. it was a gigantic mess and yes a slap in the face. breaking bad's ending was perfect.. i couldnt feel more satisfied

dont go on facebook.. watch as soon as you can.. really .. try to watch it tonight even if you have to take headache breaks

only 4 hours to go... celebrating the finale with some healthy sketching...

think the problem is this is a fairly stripped down install of IPS. If you remove items from a bulletin board install (which certain things were removed here) you can trigger issues like this. If I had the free time I'd offer up help as I'm familiar with the past 10+ years of invision power board software and had run multiple bbs' in the past, but sadly i dont have enough time to put towards it :\

best suggestion i can give is to stop.. take a deep breath.. and then read some of the forum. sometimes just seeing what other people have written about going through this can calm things down for the anxiety side.. it gets better man... it gets worse too, but it gets better.

recovery is subjective.. i mean physically we can never be the person we were before becoming the way we are. just by virtue of the constant changing off the cells/particles/memories/stomach contents/brain chemistry/synaptic connections/environmental factors.... the me of this second is never going to be the same as the me of even 5 minutes ago. I'd count a full recovery for myself is being able to perceive the color black again. to not know what it means to see the colors redblue and greenorange and cosmic purple all the time. (if you know what i mean then you know... you know...) everything else i take as consequence for my actions and are part of who i am today whether i like it or not. at least if i could see black again and not have a 100% always on electric current running through my visual field... maybe i could sleep.. maybe i wouldnt suffer as many headaches.. maybe my stress levels would decrease and my stomach would calm down.... so if i can recover black at least.. i could call myself a success story

hannah, we welcome you here but please go easy on the spamming. we appreciate the message of hope but you dont need to post it in 5+ different new threads