martifer Posted September 29, 2011 Report Share Posted September 29, 2011 Hello, new here. I've done LSD a handful of times (3-5 times). Shrooms once. All in low doses, except for 1 acid trip which was pretty intense. For about 6 months, i believe (you can correct me here) that i've had mild HPPD. Anything i focus on tends to sway and morph slightly, and ultimately whether im looking for it or not. Patterns on rugs start to "lift up" and move a bit when i stare at the ground. When stoned, the effects are amplified, and sound sometimes becomes distorted: sound coming from where it shouldn't have. For example music being played on a stereo sometimes seems to momentarily come from the opposite side of the room, where there is no stereo... None of these things affect my life very much but am i right in assuming that this is mild HPPD. And secondly, would future use of psychedelics make it worse? Keep in mind i came to the conclusion that something was awry before i knew what HPPD was... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay1 Posted September 29, 2011 Report Share Posted September 29, 2011 And secondly, would future use of psychedelics make it worse? Unfortunately, yes.. they probably will... and by worse, I mean worse in a way that could pretty much ruin years of your life. I had all those early warning signs, but that was about 18 years ago, long before the internet... so I just assumed it was all part of the druggie life and would soon go away once I stopped experimenting. You should be ok smoking a bit of weed, here and there.. drinking and enjoying partying... so be thankful for that and forget about pyscedelics (and ecstasy etc). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Smith Posted September 29, 2011 Report Share Posted September 29, 2011 There are warning signs? haha my perception was perfect, and then 5 months after my last trip i had a panic attack and click, it all came on and with drug use got progressively worse. Tripped around 12 times. It's not worth it man, forget drugs, this shit will break you, whoever you think you are will disappear, maybe for months or years or maybe forever...it'll drive you right to the edge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martifer Posted September 29, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 29, 2011 Thanks for the responses. I was very, very close to tripping "just one last time". But after your responses, and browsing some of the horror stories on this forum, i've decided to leave it behind me. Good luck with yalls situations - ill still probably keep browsing the site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Br0k3nS41nt Posted September 30, 2011 Report Share Posted September 30, 2011 Yeah, I would tread real lightly I got HPPD from my first trip, like you, it started lightly, movement and dizziness. And now its broad spectrum. Visual snow, afterimages, depersonalization. The last being the most unsettling feeling you will ever feel in your life, like Blotted said, whoever you think you are now will be lost to you, I feel as though I am eyes attached to legs, that reality is a million miles away from me. That being said, if your symptoms do progress it is not the end of the world. I have had this for eight months now and I am to the point where I can function normally outwardly, but I just feel like nothing internally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martifer Posted September 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2011 brokensaint, i went back and looked at your old topic about "movement". I relate most to your description of things "breathing" and expanding and contracting. Even as im typing this, my symptoms seem to be worse than usual... but im also up very late studying on adderall. the lines in my text book are starting to dance.... but i have to say that most of the day my symptoms really dont make an appearance. like what you said about video games - in that state of mind they go away. its when im unfocused or tired they become prominent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VisualDude Posted September 30, 2011 Report Share Posted September 30, 2011 Catching progression of HPPD early on It is important to take all possible actions as soon a possible. Most of us have had early warnings. And many have had progression for weeks or even months after the first signs (even with the cause removed). It comes down to ‘healthy living’ – each well, sleep well, exercise, quiet anxiety, cultivate friends and have fun. Do not take recreational drugs, limit alcohol, avoid smog, cigarettes, chemicals, etc. CAM therapies can be helpful to blunt the progression – though this is a very long subject. And there are a lot of ‘snake oil salesmen’ out there. Whether a person chooses to believe HPPD to be a brain injury or not, pursue modalities that you would for brain injury. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Br0k3nS41nt Posted October 6, 2011 Report Share Posted October 6, 2011 Yeah, for a while lines would bounce. Do you experience any unsteadiness from this movement. That was my worst symptom for so long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martifer Posted October 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 follow up... i was dumb and did MDMA (just one "last" time) last friday. on the bright side, it was an effin amazing show - prettylights/bassnectar. downside: on the come down we smoked ALOT of pot. i got a panic attack and got hit with a bout of depersonalization. now... i thought this would never happen to me but i had read about it and knew exactly what was happening.i felt that "click" in my brain and suddenly i was disconnected from my "self", it didnt exist. everything looked cartoonish, etc I spent the rest of that night, and the next day or two, recovering from that. I'm "back" now. The DP didn't last for me - but believe me when i say i know you guys feel. it was a terrifying experience. Now, my "self" is intact. I dont have DP. But everything seems slightly shimmery. But for the most part im good. Is the onset of DP directly related more to MDMA, or weed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramblingon Posted October 19, 2011 Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 Only speaking for myself here, but weed would set off DP hardcore for me. I got HPPD from some acid I took, then smoking the day after I had a similar experience as you. Pot set of the DP/DR super hard for me, and it's been a bit of a hard transition seeing as all my friends smoke regularly, I quit smoking soon after. Weed only made things way worse for me after that. It actually took a few months of living in a sort of hell before I realized I had HPPD, but looking back now there were warning signs. But yeah, weed really effected the DP/DR for me. Might have been MDMA or LSD that set you off, but no drugs of that nature, including pot, are doing you any favors at this point imo. downside: on the come down we smoked ALOT of pot. i got a panic attack and got hit with a bout of depersonalization. If I were you I would take this as a warning sign. It was for me. Best of luck, man. Glad your feeling okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martifer Posted October 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 Prior to this MDMA experience... i was able to smoke as much pot as i liked without any kind of DP/DR or panic attacks. i know its selfish, but i find it hard to leave weed alone forever. im thinking of taking a break for a month or two, and then easing slightly into smoking here and there. i dont know... i feel like if i "heal" completely from this experience, i might be able to pull it off safely. but if i dont feel secure enough with myself, or experience symptoms in the future, i will probably just not smoke again. right now im feeling pressure in my forehead/nose area. it seems to be related to what i was feeling when i was DP'd. does this sound familiar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludwig80 Posted October 20, 2011 Report Share Posted October 20, 2011 Prior to this MDMA experience... i was able to smoke as much pot as i liked without any kind of DP/DR or panic attacks. i know its selfish, but i find it hard to leave weed alone forever. im thinking of taking a break for a month or two, and then easing slightly into smoking here and there. i dont know... i feel like if i "heal" completely from this experience, i might be able to pull it off safely. but if i dont feel secure enough with myself, or experience symptoms in the future, i will probably just not smoke again. right now im feeling pressure in my forehead/nose area. it seems to be related to what i was feeling when i was DP'd. does this sound familiar? This comes up quite a bit with new folks... What I can say is I would listen to the advice everyone has giving you here and not bother with any drugs anymore. It's normal to not want to give it up at the beginning, especially since it'll likely impact the relationships you have with those friends. I know it did me, and it was really difficult. But please understand, things can get much much much worse. It can easily get way beyond what you experience now and be really debilitating. Fold your cards, count your losses and move on is what I recommend because if you try to call HPPD bluff's things can go south quickly. Best wishes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Smith Posted October 22, 2011 Report Share Posted October 22, 2011 Just because it's gone away doesnt mean it isnt there...take it from me...i had sooo many symptoms go away, kept smokin, they all amplified 10 fold...you dont want this kind of regret, just give yourself a long while, if the head pressure is still there then chances are against you in that it probably will come back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Br0k3nS41nt Posted October 23, 2011 Report Share Posted October 23, 2011 Yeah, being drug free is something we kinda all need to wrestle with, I know for me drugs even smoking still is a big temptation, living with heavy drug users. But I came to realize that smoking, the high for a couple hours, was not worth the risk of my visuals getting to the point where I am not OK with them again. Drugs got me here, my quality of life has dropped significantly, I am not going to keep doing the things that led to a that drop. It would stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martifer Posted October 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 thanks for the advice guys, it won't go unnoticed. so the head pressure is definitely a DP sign? i've had it a a few times since that MDMA night, and it goes away within an hour or two... its eery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gill Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 And secondly, would future use of psychedelics make it worse? In my experience, yes. But if you still feel the need to try this or that, I would at least avoid LSD, since in my experience this is the main culprit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bradesofspades Posted November 15, 2011 Report Share Posted November 15, 2011 I'm in the situation now where i feel as if i mose well just keep smoking drinking, tripping with hppd because as i get clean i still live in this altered reality so whats the point anymore? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted November 15, 2011 Report Share Posted November 15, 2011 Hey Newbie. My HPPD started coming on when I was 17. (I am now 22). It first was the dp (although I didnt know what that was at the time) I then continued taking acid and the last straw was when I had 5 ectasy pills and I passed out for 13 hours, when I woke up I was full feldged tripping out. I thought I had broken my brain until my mate told me they where laced. It made me feel better as I 'knew' I just had to ride it out. Later on I was tired and sneezing alot, so before bed I took some antistaminics for the allergies. I had the trip amplify and the anxiety started from that day on. I ended up walking through the night for 7 hours because the panic attacks and trip was so bad i couldnt stand still. After complete exaustion - passed out and the tripping did not stop. this went on for months. I contemplated suicide and got to the point where I could no longer think about anything exept what was going on internally - I thought this is it for me, my life is fucked. At this point, everyone was still on the gear, and I had to suffer alone. over time the anxiety started becoming less, although the depression and dp seemed like an unshifting veil over my life. I left australia and went to live with my mum in the UK and a year and a half later it had pretty much disappeared. WITH NO DRUGS. alcohol would worsen the tripping. (peripheral movements, tracers and I coulnt sleep in the dark) creepy shit you know? I had 2 years of absolutely no drugs. I then moved back to Australia and studied, got my shit together. What brings me onto this sight again, is that three weeks ago I became sick with the flu- like realy sick. It started with anxiety, full fledged dp and the HPPD has come back on. Yesterday was the worst, peoples voices seeming intolerably loud, my arms feel like their longer than they are, even though i know their not and other depth perception trip outs) - I am coming to terms with the fact that I hafto deal with this again. Although the reason of it coming back on - makes no sense to me. (although when your sick - now dont quote me on this as i dont remember very well what the doctor said) when your sick, your insulin levels rise which can trigger anxiety) so a theory is the anxiety has caused the dp to come on which has amplified the hppd and back in the crap hole again. I went to the doctor and Im now on a 12 week mental health plan for fear of skitsophrenia - ha get f*****. Im not skitzo, i know whats real and whats not. Im not delusional. The thought of being skitzo triggered the anxiety of the worst - and the hppd symptoms worsened along with dp. Anxiety is defenitly a massive aggravator of the symptoms. Anyway I know Im going on...it feels good to type about this knowing that you guys are all going through something similar. All Im saying is, quit the drugs mate. I am living proof that It goes away with time. You just need to get rid of the people in your life that are going to make you want to do drugs. You have the support of people on here, you have my support anyways if you wana message, because I need support as well to make it through again. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone has something that they are faced with in life, this is what we have been dealt with. Trust me, when you get better - it really puts life into perspective (in the sense of how even just walking to your car feeling happy and symptom free can be so satisfying). I have gone through this before and I came out good, The bout I am having now is knowhere near as bad as the first. I am able to sleep and be in the dark and when I clear the anxiety - It comes in waves - then everything seems easier to deal with X Sara Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludwig80 Posted November 16, 2011 Report Share Posted November 16, 2011 Hey Sara Sorry to here about your HPPD returning. Don't fret too much though, if it goes away once- it can again. Especially if you haven't been complicating things with drugs. I'm similar to you in that my first bout of HPPD came on hard for about 2 years then faded. Then a year and half later it all came back worse. Still with me but i'm managing. You sound like you have your wits about you which is good. Did you take anything when you had the flu? Antibiotics, flu meds etc..? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martifer Posted December 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2011 Sara, thank you so much for that post.... its helpful. and sorry i hadnt noticed it before i havent been online. I've avoided acid but i've still been doing drugs recently. for the past couple days i've been trying to determine if i have mild visual snow or not.... i think it might be. floaters definitely have increased. smoking weed gives me panic attacks ever since that MDMA night. the fucked up thing is that i am still constantly trying to rationalize to myself that i can still do drugs. and i know why. im afraid of life without drugs. and afraid of losing my friends and the good times. im weak. but ya'lls stories have been helpful into scaring me into an attempt at smarter decisions. If i was a little mentally stronger i wouldn't need so much convincing to quit drugs, but i have thoughts that lurk in my head that always tear down any attempts to do so. I have this idea in my head that i can I still do things like cocaine, nitrous oxide, xanax/klonopin, oxy and other pills because i haven't heard of those things directly affecting hppd... im probably wrong right? Thanks for being patient with me. the intellectual side of me is trying to convince the rest of me to make the right decision, but its been an uphill battle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martifer Posted December 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2011 Just popped back into this thread to say that ya'll were right. Shit hit the fan after my last roll. Im drug free now, cept for beer and a few klonopins here and there... Hoping it doesnt get worse. This is all my fault, but im trying to take something positive away from this - if it werent for hppd i wouldnt have quit drugs. A little scared but excited to dive into my old hobbies and enjoy life to the best of my ability. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alice-acid Posted December 25, 2011 Report Share Posted December 25, 2011 not wanting to not take drugs any more is very very common, but it will actually be fine i felt exactly the same and was scared of a life without drugs but i didnt have much choice as a life with drugs was hellllll but good luck with your drug free life trust me its definately better and worth it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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