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Sara

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Everything posted by Sara

  1. Hey, In response to your message. I have had HPPD since I was 17, Im now 22. It took about a year and a bit to clear of the symptoms your going through - pretty much exactly. Im now going through it again, I was really really ill with the flu and it run me down so bad, the anxiety started, which in turn brought the Hppd back on pretty hardcore and the depersonalisation (which seems to be the worst) - i can deal with the tripping. QUOTE; -Random disturbing or confusing thoughts pop into my head for example picturing in my head my throat being sliced or other images of harming myself or being harmed. I have never self mutilated or even considered it which is also one of the reasons why this really troubles me. - this happend to me first time round. Like really phsycotic shit, of peoples faces smashing together, blood. -Id then have wig outs where I couldnt get rid of a certain thought - Id be walking in high heels and i would trip and my ankles would crack open and snap and Id be on the floor completely fucked. Over and over and over again. It all blends with other patterns and images in my head. Its really disturbing. -Sometimes while trying to sleep I get extreme depersonalization accompanied by a feeling that I am melting which I experienced while on the trip. I also have distorted perception of the feeling of my body as in my body will feel long and stretched out as if i were made out of putty and pulled across the room. I get that too. my arms feel like their longer and the floors almost far away, but its not etc. A really odd string of unexplainable thoughts until I honestly feel like Im going to explode. Its awefull. But if it makes you feel any better, Im going through it as well. Im still not in control of the anxiety second time round - its drivin me nuts and its what makes everything a million times worse. DO NOT GO ON MEDICATION. No sort. it just fucks with your head. What we have is neuron damage and the brain has a amazing capability of healing. You just gotta get through it (i gotta get through it - again). The docs just try and chategorize us as skitso but its not the case. On the plus side, I dont get the images of violence etc anymore. The second time round, its not as bad as the first. As for sleeping, I have the TV on and I stare at the damn thing until I pass out. Rolling around in bed only makes you wig the hell out. What works for me is, one day at a time. All you afto do it take it one hour at a time even. It peaks and then it comes down. Im doing some healing and body massage next week - the lady is amazing and about 5 months ago I had had a bad knee for almost 2 years and since having one seshion of the healing - I havent had a problem with it since. I emailed her explaining what was going on and she rang me today saying my aura is damaged and anyways....shes going to work on me. Do you want me to let you know how it goes? maybe we could keep in touch for support. Ill private message you my details. We could chat on msn and stuff. Ok hopefully hear from you soon. Sara
  2. Hey Newbie. My HPPD started coming on when I was 17. (I am now 22). It first was the dp (although I didnt know what that was at the time) I then continued taking acid and the last straw was when I had 5 ectasy pills and I passed out for 13 hours, when I woke up I was full feldged tripping out. I thought I had broken my brain until my mate told me they where laced. It made me feel better as I 'knew' I just had to ride it out. Later on I was tired and sneezing alot, so before bed I took some antistaminics for the allergies. I had the trip amplify and the anxiety started from that day on. I ended up walking through the night for 7 hours because the panic attacks and trip was so bad i couldnt stand still. After complete exaustion - passed out and the tripping did not stop. this went on for months. I contemplated suicide and got to the point where I could no longer think about anything exept what was going on internally - I thought this is it for me, my life is fucked. At this point, everyone was still on the gear, and I had to suffer alone. over time the anxiety started becoming less, although the depression and dp seemed like an unshifting veil over my life. I left australia and went to live with my mum in the UK and a year and a half later it had pretty much disappeared. WITH NO DRUGS. alcohol would worsen the tripping. (peripheral movements, tracers and I coulnt sleep in the dark) creepy shit you know? I had 2 years of absolutely no drugs. I then moved back to Australia and studied, got my shit together. What brings me onto this sight again, is that three weeks ago I became sick with the flu- like realy sick. It started with anxiety, full fledged dp and the HPPD has come back on. Yesterday was the worst, peoples voices seeming intolerably loud, my arms feel like their longer than they are, even though i know their not and other depth perception trip outs) - I am coming to terms with the fact that I hafto deal with this again. Although the reason of it coming back on - makes no sense to me. (although when your sick - now dont quote me on this as i dont remember very well what the doctor said) when your sick, your insulin levels rise which can trigger anxiety) so a theory is the anxiety has caused the dp to come on which has amplified the hppd and back in the crap hole again. I went to the doctor and Im now on a 12 week mental health plan for fear of skitsophrenia - ha get f*****. Im not skitzo, i know whats real and whats not. Im not delusional. The thought of being skitzo triggered the anxiety of the worst - and the hppd symptoms worsened along with dp. Anxiety is defenitly a massive aggravator of the symptoms. Anyway I know Im going on...it feels good to type about this knowing that you guys are all going through something similar. All Im saying is, quit the drugs mate. I am living proof that It goes away with time. You just need to get rid of the people in your life that are going to make you want to do drugs. You have the support of people on here, you have my support anyways if you wana message, because I need support as well to make it through again. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone has something that they are faced with in life, this is what we have been dealt with. Trust me, when you get better - it really puts life into perspective (in the sense of how even just walking to your car feeling happy and symptom free can be so satisfying). I have gone through this before and I came out good, The bout I am having now is knowhere near as bad as the first. I am able to sleep and be in the dark and when I clear the anxiety - It comes in waves - then everything seems easier to deal with X Sara
  3. Yeah..Im a little bit confused :S but I would like to know more...
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