Hey Newbie.
My HPPD started coming on when I was 17. (I am now 22). It first was the dp (although I didnt know what that was at the time) I then continued taking acid and the last straw was when I had 5 ectasy pills and I passed out for 13 hours, when I woke up I was full feldged tripping out. I thought I had broken my brain until my mate told me they where laced. It made me feel better as I 'knew' I just had to ride it out. Later on I was tired and sneezing alot, so before bed I took some antistaminics for the allergies.
I had the trip amplify and the anxiety started from that day on. I ended up walking through the night for 7 hours because the panic attacks and trip was so bad i couldnt stand still. After complete exaustion - passed out and the tripping did not stop. this went on for months. I contemplated suicide and got to the point where I could no longer think about anything exept what was going on internally - I thought this is it for me, my life is fucked.
At this point, everyone was still on the gear, and I had to suffer alone. over time the anxiety started becoming less, although the depression and dp seemed like an unshifting veil over my life. I left australia and went to live with my mum in the UK and a year and a half later it had pretty much disappeared. WITH NO DRUGS. alcohol would worsen the tripping. (peripheral movements, tracers and I coulnt sleep in the dark) creepy shit you know?
I had 2 years of absolutely no drugs. I then moved back to Australia and studied, got my shit together.
What brings me onto this sight again, is that three weeks ago I became sick with the flu- like realy sick.
It started with anxiety, full fledged dp and the HPPD has come back on. Yesterday was the worst, peoples voices seeming intolerably loud, my arms feel like their longer than they are, even though i know their not and other depth perception trip outs) - I am coming to terms with the fact that I hafto deal with this again. Although the reason of it coming back on - makes no sense to me. (although when your sick - now dont quote me on this as i dont remember very well what the doctor said) when your sick, your insulin levels rise which can trigger anxiety) so a theory is the anxiety has caused the dp to come on which has amplified the hppd and back in the crap hole again.
I went to the doctor and Im now on a 12 week mental health plan for fear of skitsophrenia - ha get f*****. Im not skitzo, i know whats real and whats not. Im not delusional. The thought of being skitzo triggered the anxiety of the worst - and the hppd symptoms worsened along with dp. Anxiety is defenitly a massive aggravator of the symptoms.
Anyway I know Im going on...it feels good to type about this knowing that you guys are all going through something similar.
All Im saying is, quit the drugs mate. I am living proof that It goes away with time. You just need to get rid of the people in your life that are going to make you want to do drugs. You have the support of people on here, you have my support anyways if you wana message, because I need support as well to make it through again.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone has something that they are faced with in life, this is what we have been dealt with. Trust me, when you get better - it really puts life into perspective (in the sense of how even just walking to your car feeling happy and symptom free can be so satisfying).
I have gone through this before and I came out good, The bout I am having now is knowhere near as bad as the first. I am able to sleep and be in the dark and when I clear the anxiety - It comes in waves - then everything seems easier to deal with
X Sara