trip into hell

i would be to afraid to talk to people..especially strangers....social anxiety is one of my problems...but i guess it wouldnt help me either..XD

im in a position where i just cant change my life..its quite hard to get out of the drug scene...and not just because i love drugs..also i have the feeling its the only thing im good for... you are right the people who are not questioning themselves enough are mostly stupid ignorant assholes..but i have been able to live with this shit even though i was always being in doubt about everything for 25 years until i had that terrible overdose experience with mushrooms having the worst imaginable panic attack..it has to mean somthing else than me just having overdosed myself + i just cant accept that it isnt reversible and i have to stick with this trauma for the rest of my existence..im fighting back for 1 year and 2 month now and the only thing i have managed is wiping out hppd, remaining depression and anxiety..life is not the same anymore

maybe this will fade over time (at least i hope so) cause on some rare days i dont feel so weak and tired..or depressed..but alway when i start feeling better my surroundings show me that i have no reason to feel good...its too bad...it causes me to ask existentiell questions.

hppd was just a visual thing for me and these visuals were terribly bad and im thankful they are all gone..even visual snow..but i have panic disorder still and thats why i mostly feel weak and tired..i dont feel to be back at square at all..that would be so bad..

there is no solution to this if you dont want to quit your job..you will put yours and other peoples life on the line...only you can decide what the right thing to do.

of course but to do so he needs so much motivation...not everybody has that much motivation...even though my hppd is long gone ..i know that nothing will happen in my life anymore (cause i feel stoned and tired all day and have no power left)..its theoretically over already... dont get me wrong im not trying to stop somebody from making the most of his/her life...its just my point of view...

most of my people do understand my situation somehow..but that doesnt really help me..its you who creates your reality...make yourself free of the thought of being fucked or incurable..otherwise you will have very little to no chance of getting better..thats all i can tell you from my experience

im so sorry and i dont want to disappoint you..i really wish you can find some reason for your life and enjoy it somehow...i was just talking about how i feel..please dont transfer that over to you...you are another person and you can do amazing things if you free yourself from everything disturbing in your life..im sure..it helped me a lot to beat hppd until i was cured, but i have to deal with panic disorder and depression too, so thats why i say im still fucked..you shouldnt give up yourself because im saying ''im fucked''

dp/dr which is a symptom of anxiety was the worst thing i have ever encountered in my life...when i had hppd it was the visual snow, dp/dr, morphing and the very physical feeling of driving backwards while just sitting on my chair or trying to sleep..dont know what this is called...but im glad that i dont have to deal with any of these no more.

even though i generally feel very enlightened through all my tripping on psychedelics .. i am fucked by my last one (overdose of mushrooms) somehow...but i have to add that thinking this way makes the situatiion a lot more worse than it actually is.

i love these pictures XD

nice picture...but i think its normal that it looks like its moving

you are right..even if im cured from hppd my anxiety issues make me worry about existential questions and feel strange all the time and wont let me enjoy drugs or life itself...i would be glad if it ends some day but..it doesnt feel like my old self is really coming back totally. its very bad to know that your whole life is messed up..

thats weird...why did he know and show you this website if he doesnt really understand the severity of your situation...there is no meditation or healthy diet, etc. to overcome it and jet no one knows what it really is..so there is no way to cure or treat it. first of all, it seems that my parents and all my friends are not as critical as yours but i still have some people who call me mentally insane or think the same way about me as you mentioned whereas most of them believe me even though they dont understand it fully...i just described my situation in a detailed way..anyway..they learned it over time cause they knew me and also knew that i wouldnt be the way i was just for show..nobody would make such efford just to lie to people...stay tough...dont give up even if they give up you the best is not taking care about what they think and do everything to make yourself feel better...maybe they will realize it some day

..so they dont really care about you...i would just ignore them and let them think what they want if they dont care about you, you should leave them behind...i know its not easy but its what they deserve..people like those only made me sick over time...in the end its your choice

my parents are the same...they dont jugde me for my drug past but they think im just making it up sometimes (not always)...but its annoying and also makes me feel alone..

its an anxiety symptom resulting from over awareness...i have an anxiety disorder and had to deal with this one before. btw. dp/dr is also an anxiety symptom (defending mechanism from the brain)

i know ...and i hate that feeling...just forgive them..they just cant imagine...i mean do you believe everything somebody tells you if you cant imagine it yourself due to lag of experience?..(btw. its pretty sad that most people only believe what they see or have experienced themselves). and if they are so disturbed by your behavior do your best telling them that youre serious and ask them why they dont believe you since you have no reason to tell them shit..there is no reward for you doing so. if they still wont believe you try to show them some website like this to prove its not you making it up. ...

thanks for the info..i have read the link...cause my hppd and dp/dr are long over but i still have very slight ghosting, it is hepful to know its just a hardware problem...i will see what i can do to fix this and see a doctor...even though its not bothering me at all in dayly life.

one big hit of a bong a day would be enough for me i dont want to smoke weed all day every hour or so...thats the point where it becomes boring...but you know what i mean i just want to be able to do so just in case without anxiety....i want to feel free about it

you are right but i want to be able to hit the bong again..these days i smoke as much weed in a cigarette as one would smoke in a bong who is able to do so...but when i smoke a bong i get very anxious for 20 minutes.. its coming on too fast for not to be anxious about... guess i need some training

ive read all your postings here...and i find it so depressing that i just want to die right away...im sorry but even though i have no hppd/dp/dr anymore (just tripping panic when i smoke too much weed) this sounds so hopeless and useless...im so sorry for all of you and still cant understand why a thing like hppd/dp/dr has to exist...its so sad

oh man thats weird...somehow it looks really cool...im glad that i dont have this kind of visual distortion anymore

i tell you what it is...its the most debilitating, annoying, depressing and serious symptom i have ever encountered in my life...i loved life before...now im glad when it finally ends...its the only thing i can look forward to what a great fucking life i mean i dont have dp/dr anymore...but when i take too much drugs it comes around for a while....and since i love taking drugs and i really want to..i cant avoid dp/dr...whereas in the beginning after onset (1year and 1 month ago) i had constant dp/dr all day all night 24/7..im glad that hppd and dp/dr are over but my life is still not quite the same..and i want to get my drug past back where i could smoke as much weed as i want and so on

thats because its unimaginable until you have hppd/dp/dr yourself...its just as trying to describe a psychedelic trip to a person who never took psychedelics....before my hppd/dp/dr i didnt even believe that it could be possible to aquire a horrible condition like this one...and now i know its not a placebo or an underground legend...its real