Hospital Admissions

[Spartan]

My hppd became seriously intolerable , highly severe,  serious with prolonged ongoing stress with no treatment. 

I've now been admitted by ambulance to an acute psychiatric unit.

Possibly the internet is to give me MRI and testing etc to rule anything else out and to trial various medications etc 

Likley will be a 5 day / night visit.

 

Edited February 18 by Spartan

[firehawk]

wishing the best for you there will be better days. Keep on pushing brother

[Jay1]

Yea, keep on fighting... I know you've been through the ringer lately, but you are a very strong person and will get through this

[Spartan]

You are all awesome. Many thanks . Will do ! 

[cosmiccharlie]

Hang in there my friend. 

[Spartan]

Many thanks will do..

[AF44]

On 2/19/2024 at 10:00 PM, firehawk said:

wishing the best for you there will be better days. Keep on pushing brother

Good for you…I am praying the hospital will help you. You are tuff.

[Spartan]

Thankyou 

I'm out now. 

They diagnosed me with adjustment disorder on top of hppd which is bullshit because the trauma and stress I have been though have acasebated hppd severely. 

Diagnostic criteria for Adjustment disorder is not to have another condition exacerbated by the event, which I do and have do so this diagnosis is inaccurate for me. 

 Cannot even get prescribed a benzo after numerous psyches, neuro-psychs and hospital admissions,  because I've had dependence on the past, who gives a fu*@ it's for a severe chronic condition and I need some treatment. I have that human right.

I seriously cannot take this much longer, I felt invalidated by mental health ward, no one takes seriously.. well that will change when I'm fucking dead. 

Edited February 26 by Spartan

[AF44]

14 hours ago, Spartan said:

Thankyou 

I'm out now. 

They diagnosed me with adjustment disorder on top of hppd which is bullshit because the trauma and stress I have been though have acasebated hppd severely. 

Diagnostic criteria for Adjustment disorder is not to have another condition exacerbated by the event, which I do and have do so this diagnosis is inaccurate for me. 

 Cannot even get prescribed a benzo after numerous psyches, neuro-psychs and hospital admissions,  because I've had dependence on the past, who gives a fu*@ it's for a severe chronic condition and I need some treatment. I have that human right.

I seriously cannot take this much longer, I felt invalidated by mental health ward, no one takes seriously.. well that will change when I'm fucking dead. 

I am so terribly sorry to hear that. You DO have a human right to be healthy and have a good quality of life. And yes, I HATE the fact that these ridiculous medical professionals will not prescribe benzos to people who actually need them for a severe medical issue. It’s not our fault other people abuse them, or that these so-called psychiatrists don’t know their ass from a hole in the wall. I think it is especially heinous that you were prescribed them in the past and got cut off, which then made everything a hundred times worse. What state do you live in? I live in Oregon and we are pretty hippy-dippy and all into the importance of striving to help the mentally ill. I feel lucky to live here especially in this particular county, where I go to a mental health clinic that staffs very compassionate medical professionals. I never even get charged a fee or copay (I do have Medicare, not because I’m old, lol, but because I’m on disability for having Bipolar Disorder-which seriously I think is just HPPD.)  I guess my point is that I know a lot of states-assuming you live in the U.S-are tough and don’t give much of a crap about mental health. Oh, I was just thinking, I heard there is actually a directory of doctors who work with people who have HPPD. If you could get your hands on that information, maybe you could start contacting people. I am a pretty proactive person when it comes to managing my health (probably too proactive, as I am a raging hypochondriac!) and I’m also the one to dive maniacally headfirst into thinking of solutions for other people who are suffering from medical issues, especially weird ones where doctors are scratching their heads and don’t bother to take the time to figure shit out. So-do you have family members who understand what is happening and are willing to advocate for you no matter how much effort it takes? Sorry for this long response but I seriously cannot bear to think of your suffering and I truly BELIEVE we can find a way to alleviate it, at least somewhat. You can email me if you want/or are able to, seeing as your eyeballs are probably about to fall out of your head. Sometimes I wish MY eyeballs would fall out of my head Much love and I will be praying for you.

[LonelySailor]

18 hours ago, Spartan said:

Thankyou 

I'm out now. 

They diagnosed me with adjustment disorder on top of hppd which is bullshit because the trauma and stress I have been though have acasebated hppd severely. 

Diagnostic criteria for Adjustment disorder is not to have another condition exacerbated by the event, which I do and have do so this diagnosis is inaccurate for me. 

 Cannot even get prescribed a benzo after numerous psyches, neuro-psychs and hospital admissions,  because I've had dependence on the past, who gives a fu*@ it's for a severe chronic condition and I need some treatment. I have that human right.

I seriously cannot take this much longer, I felt invalidated by mental health ward, no one takes seriously.. well that will change when I'm fucking dead. 

Hey man! I am really sorry about your situation and i fell a lot that you fell too. I live in Brazil, and apparently no docs here know about HPPD. I've been hopping around medics that can't help me or they try some experimental treatment based on a hunch.  

I passed trough some really hard times, including heavy depression with suicidal thoughts. Things got better after a while, then got worse, then got better. Its not easy but know that you are not alone in this. 

I know its hard to imagine getting better when you are in a hole, and this kind of get better talk makes you want to punch the guy that gives the speach. But don't lose hope. I havent found anyone that could help me yet, but im trying, and if you couldnt find someone to treat you, it doesn't means that it is impossible. There are people around there that can help us (i think in the US its better than in latin-america haha) and they will appear one way or another.

Just keep on fighting, heads up and have faith!!

[Spartan]

14 hours ago, AF44 said:

I am so terribly sorry to hear that. You DO have a human right to be healthy and have a good quality of life. And yes, I HATE the fact that these ridiculous medical professionals will not prescribe benzos to people who actually need them for a severe medical issue. It’s not our fault other people abuse them, or that these so-called psychiatrists don’t know their ass from a hole in the wall. I think it is especially heinous that you were prescribed them in the past and got cut off, which then made everything a hundred times worse. What state do you live in? I live in Oregon and we are pretty hippy-dippy and all into the importance of striving to help the mentally ill. I feel lucky to live here especially in this particular county, where I go to a mental health clinic that staffs very compassionate medical professionals. I never even get charged a fee or copay (I do have Medicare, not because I’m old, lol, but because I’m on disability for having Bipolar Disorder-which seriously I think is just HPPD.)  I guess my point is that I know a lot of states-assuming you live in the U.S-are tough and don’t give much of a crap about mental health. Oh, I was just thinking, I heard there is actually a directory of doctors who work with people who have HPPD. If you could get your hands on that information, maybe you could start contacting people. I am a pretty proactive person when it comes to managing my health (probably too proactive, as I am a raging hypochondriac!) and I’m also the one to dive maniacally headfirst into thinking of solutions for other people who are suffering from medical issues, especially weird ones where doctors are scratching their heads and don’t bother to take the time to figure shit out. So-do you have family members who understand what is happening and are willing to advocate for you no matter how much effort it takes? Sorry for this long response but I seriously cannot bear to think of your suffering and I truly BELIEVE we can find a way to alleviate it, at least somewhat. You can email me if you want/or are able to, seeing as your eyeballs are probably about to fall out of your head. Sometimes I wish MY eyeballs would fall out of my head Much love and I will be praying for you.

thankyou im actually Australia..

I'm a severe and long term sufferer / over 30 years. 

Yes a part of the law is that human beings have the human right to medical treatment, tho I feel I am got getting it sadly and therefore condition worsening and immense suffering.

Reason things have been so worsened over the past 2 years is because I have had massive existential treat / stress and trauma that is not going away, yet. This has driven me to the edge with no relief. 

I'm currently in disability support also for severe hppd. 

I recently contacted Dr Locke in the USA / hppd specialist, tho he charges something like $500 USD an hour . That's out of my price range. 

I have played a key role in the existence of the hppd protocol study, tho that is 800K to get It started, don't have it yet and Still looking at funding options. 

Yes I have a mum and a dad they understand and they are awesome. They are likely the only reason why I'm still here physically today. 

Yeah I did a recent post about removal of eyeballs to see if still hallucinating tho unfortunately many think it would still be a yes because it's coming from the brain and not the eyes. 

Thankyou I appreciate the support.

Wishing you blessings , peace and healing also.

Edited February 27 by Spartan

[Spartan]

9 hours ago, LonelySailor said:

Hey man! I am really sorry about your situation and i fell a lot that you fell too. I live in Brazil, and apparently no docs here know about HPPD. I've been hopping around medics that can't help me or they try some experimental treatment based on a hunch.  

I passed trough some really hard times, including heavy depression with suicidal thoughts. Things got better after a while, then got worse, then got better. Its not easy but know that you are not alone in this. 

I know its hard to imagine getting better when you are in a hole, and this kind of get better talk makes you want to punch the guy that gives the speach. But don't lose hope. I havent found anyone that could help me yet, but im trying, and if you couldnt find someone to treat you, it doesn't means that it is impossible. There are people around there that can help us (i think in the US its better than in latin-america haha) and they will appear one way or another.

Just keep on fighting, heads up and have faith!!

Heyy sorry to hear.. that must be very challenging with no experts in your country. 

Klonopin helps take the edge of slightly for me. 

Yeahh I understand how tough things can be. I think your environment will play a key role. 

I've been trying for a long time to get help. (30 + year sufferer) tho only thing that makes slightly more manageable Is klonopin. 

That's cool you are in Brazil . I have a beautiful Brazilian girlfriend from Nathal , she knows about my hppd as she had to look after me while I cold turkey off 6 mills of klonopin. 

Yes always keep fighting. Tho there are situations where if someone or something is trying to destroy you and everything you have worked and stand for, that kind of stress and exacerbation sometimes makes me seriously consider not being here any further.

Thankyou man. Please take care of yourself, I hope you will find the right treating professional as soon as possible. 

Edited February 27 by Spartan

[Jay1]

Do you guys not drop into the dark web or similar when you can;t get benzos? That's how I used to do it before getting a script. 

[brake]

16 hours ago, Spartan said:

thankyou im actually Australia..

I'm a severe and long term sufferer / over 30 years. 

Yes a part of the law is that human beings have the human right to medical treatment, tho I feel I am got getting it sadly and therefore condition worsening and immense suffering.

Reason things have been so worsened over the past 2 years is because I have had massive existential treat / stress and trauma that is not going away, yet. This has driven me to the edge with no relief. 

I'm currently in disability support also for severe hppd. 

I recently contacted Dr Locke in the USA / hppd specialist, tho he charges something like $500 USD an hour . That's out of my price range. 

I have played a key role in the existence of the hppd protocol study, tho that is 800K to get It started, don't have it yet and Still looking at funding options. 

Yes I have a mum and a dad they understand and they are awesome. They are likely the only reason why I'm still here physically today. 

Yeah I did a recent post about removal of eyeballs to see if still hallucinating tho unfortunately many think it would still be a yes because it's coming from the brain and not the eyes. 

Thankyou I appreciate the support.

Wishing you blessings , peace and healing also.

HPPD specialists are so expensive!! I called them as well.

[Spartan]

Yeah i understand they have to live tho it would be nice if they could make treatment slightly more accessible to the people who really need it. 

[AF44]

On 2/26/2024 at 11:12 PM, Spartan said:

thankyou im actually Australia..

I'm a severe and long term sufferer / over 30 years. 

Yes a part of the law is that human beings have the human right to medical treatment, tho I feel I am got getting it sadly and therefore condition worsening and immense suffering.

Reason things have been so worsened over the past 2 years is because I have had massive existential treat / stress and trauma that is not going away, yet. This has driven me to the edge with no relief. 

I'm currently in disability support also for severe hppd. 

I recently contacted Dr Locke in the USA / hppd specialist, tho he charges something like $500 USD an hour . That's out of my price range. 

I have played a key role in the existence of the hppd protocol study, tho that is 800K to get It started, don't have it yet and Still looking at funding options. 

Yes I have a mum and a dad they understand and they are awesome. They are likely the only reason why I'm still here physically today. 

Yeah I did a recent post about removal of eyeballs to see if still hallucinating tho unfortunately many think it would still be a yes because it's coming from the brain and not the eyes. 

Thankyou I appreciate the support.

Wishing you blessings , peace and healing also.

I am also a long-term sufferer, about 26 years. My closest friend knows that I have HPPD and I jokingly (or maybe half-jokingly) said I wish I’d go blind and she said, “I don’t think it would change anything, since you still see stuff with your eyes closed.” 
I am so glad you have your parents as a great support. I have my husband…no clue what I would do now without him. I was functional enough I suppose, through my 20’s and 30’s, I had no idea about HPPD but knew my issues were due to my last acid trip. Sometimes I didn’t even notice it, then it would get bad, then go back to baseline, etc. So, when I was like 33(?) I was addicted to Red Bulls and was drinking them every day. Also exercising my buns off! Whaddya know…everything got worse! (Imagine that.) Like, intolerable. I Googled of all things “caffeine overdose” because I figured maybe I OD’d on the Red Bull. I went through the maze and ended up on a Wikipedia page about HPPD! I couldn’t believe my eyes. (I can never believe my eyes, har har.) So I was like “Great! Klonopin is the treatment!” I immediately told my family, and went to a neurologist, long story about him not believing me but then grudgingly looking it up and agreeing to prescribe me the Klonopin, etc…now I’ve been on it literally every single day since. Not one day without. And I still sometimes get flares, like now. I thought my recent flare had subsided, but it’s back. So I was really affected by what has been happening with you, because I know it would literally be Hell on earth if I were to be taken off that medication. I’m always keyed up each month when it comes time for my refill, nervous, sad thinking about the future if I am cut off. My family needs me, I have grandkids (that makes me sound so old! I’m “only” 45. Maybe that is old.) 
Yes, I didn’t even think about the expense of seeing someone like Dr. Locke. I can’t afford that either. Now I have forgotten my entire point. I swear it’s the HPPD. I get so forgetful and foggy that I start off trying to respond to what was written to me, then end up talking about something completely different and unrelated and forgetting what the original convo was supposed to be about. Ugh! Sorry. I guess my whole point is that I really hope you start feeling better and I will be praying hard for you

[Spartan]

11 hours ago, AF44 said:

I am also a long-term sufferer, about 26 years. My closest friend knows that I have HPPD and I jokingly (or maybe half-jokingly) said I wish I’d go blind and she said, “I don’t think it would change anything, since you still see stuff with your eyes closed.” 
I am so glad you have your parents as a great support. I have my husband…no clue what I would do now without him. I was functional enough I suppose, through my 20’s and 30’s, I had no idea about HPPD but knew my issues were due to my last acid trip. Sometimes I didn’t even notice it, then it would get bad, then go back to baseline, etc. So, when I was like 33(?) I was addicted to Red Bulls and was drinking them every day. Also exercising my buns off! Whaddya know…everything got worse! (Imagine that.) Like, intolerable. I Googled of all things “caffeine overdose” because I figured maybe I OD’d on the Red Bull. I went through the maze and ended up on a Wikipedia page about HPPD! I couldn’t believe my eyes. (I can never believe my eyes, har har.) So I was like “Great! Klonopin is the treatment!” I immediately told my family, and went to a neurologist, long story about him not believing me but then grudgingly looking it up and agreeing to prescribe me the Klonopin, etc…now I’ve been on it literally every single day since. Not one day without. And I still sometimes get flares, like now. I thought my recent flare had subsided, but it’s back. So I was really affected by what has been happening with you, because I know it would literally be Hell on earth if I were to be taken off that medication. I’m always keyed up each month when it comes time for my refill, nervous, sad thinking about the future if I am cut off. My family needs me, I have grandkids (that makes me sound so old! I’m “only” 45. Maybe that is old.) 
Yes, I didn’t even think about the expense of seeing someone like Dr. Locke. I can’t afford that either. Now I have forgotten my entire point. I swear it’s the HPPD. I get so forgetful and foggy that I start off trying to respond to what was written to me, then end up talking about something completely different and unrelated and forgetting what the original convo was supposed to be about. Ugh! Sorry. I guess my whole point is that I really hope you start feeling better and I will be praying hard for you

26 years is a really long time. I understand the going blind thing tho don't think it would make a difference to be honest as it's etiology is from the brain with CEV (closed eye visuals) included.

That is really awesome that you have your husband as your rock etc 

Yes can totally relate with the caffeine thing and any other stimulus like pseudoephedrine or even anti depressants definitely exacerbate and apmliy symptoms visual and non visual.... along with stress / any stressors to the CNS. 

Thanks for that, yes klonopin cold turkey from a high dose can be dangerous/ that's why I was monitored in hospital, tho yes certainly comeing off greatly heightened / worsened all symptoms as well as DP DR etc and new symptoms like agoraphobia etc K pin withdrawal can be brutal. 

Thankyou so much for your the words and for your prayers etc. Really means alot to me. Will keep you in my prayers too. Wishing you all the very best. 

 

[Jay1]

Just a side note, anyone thinking about the blindness thing (we've all thought it)... Just try wearing a dark blindfold for 24 hours. It's way harder than you think!

[James3524]

You would need to have your visual cortex removed. Removing eyeballs wouldn’t do much

[AF44]

19 hours ago, James3524 said:

You would need to have your visual cortex removed. Removing eyeballs wouldn’t do much

I’ll have them all removed

[AF44]

On 2/29/2024 at 1:26 AM, Jay1 said:

Just a side note, anyone thinking about the blindness thing (we've all thought it)... Just try wearing a dark blindfold for 24 hours. It's way harder than you think!

Yeah we should all stop talking about going blind