onedayillsailagain

Yes I know.. But with Coluracetam around the corner I rather stay put to give it a trial first. I mean, if the stuff does work (which it should.. theoretically), I could bring some along for you guys to try. So depending on when this is taking place, I might still decide to join.

Hmm sorry guys. Would like to join but feeling way to spaced out for that. Maybe once I find something that works and I feel better. London is just around the corner though, and I could sail up there (i.e. travel for free basically). So perhaps next time (if there is any?).

^ Yeah I was gonna be that someone. However Coluracetam took 1st place on the to-try list. Seriously though, would be cool if more people would start experimenting a bit with different meds. Off the top of my head, so far the only meds that have been used are SSRI's, TCA's, CCB's, BZD's, AED's, Barbiturates, Beta-blockers, Sinemet, and it kind of stops there. From what I know I'm the only one who tried an MAOI, but that was way to short for effect to take hold (got scared of the Amphetamine metabolites). Rasagiline looks like a good safe deal if anyone would wanna try MAOI's. What about AChEIs? Nobody tried those either. Nor Cholinomimetics. AFAIK, I'm the only person who tried a SSRE, did little for me.. Hmm what else? tDCS had some short-lived but very profound effects for my mental symptoms, not many have tried that. There's bound to be some more approaches that could ameliorate symptoms, and perhaps I'm forgetting a few potential medications atm. Yet it seems - not trying to be a dick here - that most just settle for Clonazepam and try to move on. I wonder what factors contribute to this.. Yes, we all know the medical system is messed up. And maybe trying medication might be a scary thing for some. And financial factors, legality.. In short just all the limitations of the culture and society we live in today. Plus the rarity and all. But still I can't help wondering why there's such slow, little progress in HPPD treatment research/information/experience.

I never considered it. I mean people have advised me to see one, but honestly I just knew it wasn't a retinal problem from the start. Ruling out (co-morbid) diseases might help. Lyme seems to make HPPD worse, for example. Anything to improve overall health should be done though. 1. Nah it won't help. Doesn't hurt to try though. Although I noticed that when looking through my brother's glasses, my symptoms are still present but I can see a lot sharper. 2. Both. Really comes at random I guess. I've had some mitigation with certain supplements, worsening with others. Sometimes they flare up, sometimes they die down. Anxiety seems to worsen it, and relaxation/meditation seems to make it less of an issue, albeit that doesn't always come as easy. 3. Yeah, loads. Too much to mention.

^ Totally agreed. Cannabis is a definite no-go for me though. Sometimes I dream I'm high as a kite though. In any case, I'd say that if you consider psychedelics as a controversial cure, then keep it as a utmost last resort.

That's a pity.. I've learned the hard way to think twice about a doctors opinion. Maybe I had an advantage in distinguishing because I had been through an actual psychosis with amphetamines once. Trust me, it's fucking horrible. Either way, it's good they've reassessed that now. Keppra is pretty harmless though, but I get it with all the rules and regulations. Check out the Vitamin B supplementation article over at "Research Articles" if you experience any significant unwanted side-effects. I also got offered to stay in a (mental) hospital, but I just shuddered at the idea and said I'd never submit to that unless I was truly psychotic and capable of doing harm. But yeah, hope you're more resilient to such situations than I am. Be mindful of benzo's while you're there and try to make the most of it. Odisa.

^ I had that exact article in mind. Just couldn't find it so I didn't bother posting. Personally I skim through it a little out of boredom. But honestly I freaking hate talking to my friends for various reasons, and often I find myself reluctant (perhaps brain fog or anxiety causes this) to reply to messages. I've got about 5 unanswered mails from people, and it seems like a difficult task rather than a social outing. Planning to delete all my my internet identities once this is all over though. It's just too much baggage really. I might start a fresh blog for friends and family, but Facebook is just too uppity for my taste. Besides, subtracting the ease of use might provide for a better insight to who would take the initiative to write you a postal letter or give you a phone call, ultimately showing who's really interested. And I'm going to change my "real" name. Just a total fresh start: no more fragmented self-images. That is, once I feel there is no such issue anymore. Derailed a bit there.. About FB though.. Hmm spending most of your day using a computer is unhealthy, regardless of the activity. Yet perhaps indeed with FB the reward system is specifically royally fudged.. I'd say it just adds to illusions really. Besides, personally I believe that if I don't a desire to interact with people face-to-face, then what purpose do social medias serve really? It's a different story if I actually want to speak to those people, instead of hiding behind FB in an attempt to avoid actually meeting them because I have nothing else on my mind but my own dilemma's. If, in real life (hehe..), I find again the desire to socialize with people, then I would guess Facebook would just be an extension really, rather than something to spend hours doing. Yet often I find myself thinking: "Wow.. it just feels like I'm talking to myself, or talking to the computer." It's so dull, just plain text, not even written by hand. In conclusion: As long as you don't tweet and twinkle every time you take a dump and scratch your nose, I'm sure it won't be that bad. Everything in moderation I suppose.

Welcome to the forum! Just curious: why didn't you inform the doctors that they were being incompetent in their assessment? EEG testing could confirm HPPD, have a look over at the Downloads section for both EEG studies in HPPD. They'll help your doctor in detecting abnormalities that would otherwise not present themselves in "classic" analysis. One is "EEG coherence in post-LSD visual hallucinations" and the other is "Stable quantitative EEG difference in post-LSD visual disorder by split-half analysis: evidence for disinhibition", or along those lines. Why are you in the hospital? Something unrelated I presume? Good luck with the Keppra. I sincerely wish it works for you. Are you going to step up dosages biweekly? If so, you'll be at the same dosage used for the Keppra-HPPD study in 6 weeks, so try to stay patient about it (having trouble with that myself.. aargh). Wishing you the best, Odisa.

Sorry to hear man, I feel for you.. What have you tried already? Therapies, medications, supplements etc. I mean. What are your most debilitating symptoms? Are you seeing a "professional" now? Besides solutions outside of yourself, try looking within. I'm no guru or whatever, but meditation has helped me at times. I found this documentary very interesting and to the point: http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/beyond-thought/. And for more insights on the self in relation to environmental influence (the field of human behavioral biology), perhaps watch the (13 hour long) Trom Documentary. Both might be contradictory, but the first is more about the self, whereas the latter also shows how the environment can influence your self. Visually it might not change a thing, but mentally it can definitely help. Sometimes it'll seem to make things worse, but as with everything that passes. As painful as the mind can be, simply distracting yourself constantly also provides little potential of change. Confronting or observing your mind may be painful, but it doesn't last for ever. So yeah..meditation with (proper) medication would seem the way to go.

Anyone tried this stuff? It's selective for mAchRs *ooo's and aaa's* Doesn't seem to cross the BBB though.. Maybe nootropic effects are mediated by enhancement of PSNS activity, thus indirectly providing anxiolytic feedback to the CNS?

Whether Piracetam is pro-cholinergic is actually still up for debate. It might be that it can be considered anti-cholinergic in some ways, which could worsen symptoms. The distinction between ACh and Choline must be considered though, leaving the ambiguous nature of language open to nitpickery (mierenneukerij). While CDP-Choline may simply provide the brain with more Choline to synthesize AcetylCholine, it needn't necessarily raise AcetylCholine levels if, for example, there's Choline Acetyltransferase dysfunction present somehow. Whilst Choline+Acetyl Coenzyme A are required by Choline Acetyltransferase to synthesize AcetylCholine, simply supplementing Choline may not suffice to actually raise ACh levels, as the limit of the amount of ACh synthesized is set by High-Affinity Choline Uptake (HACU). Coluracetam, on the other hand, enhances HACU (i.e. raises the upper limit ACh synthesis ability) which could be far more direct of an action than even AChEIs (which nobody has tried yet for HPPD, AFAIK). Yeah.. seems like I'm promoting the stuff.. Just really excited. Just a week or two till I receive it I've experienced neither bettering or worsening of symptoms with Choline (as bitartrate), Piracetam, or those two combined. En ik reageer later wel ff op je bericht, beetje waus vandaag. Cheers.

Cardiocular Hypersynchrony? Does it really matter what you call it?

My visuals are sometimes correlated with heart rhythm, if I pay close attention, if that's what you mean. Wouldn't know what it is called.

I'm too tired to highlight all the relevant stuff, but believe me this is highly relevant. Cheers.

Perhaps. Eradicating the monetary system would probably be better (in the long run).

Hey Sam, that was classic set-up of anodal left dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and cathodal right supraorbital @ 1.5 mA, IIRC.

must-be: while not having experiences with benzo withdrawal myself, I have felt their addiction potential. There are many things you can do to manage benzo withdrawals, and there are many sites devoted to the science behind it. Some things I know off the top of my had that have been reported to be helpful: L-Theanine and Coluracetam. I'm sure I've read a lot more about the subject, but seeing as the info wasn't useful for my personal situation I've forgotten most substances with WD mitigating properties. Just have a search, there are plenty of substances reported or tested to help in benzo WD. And yes, caffeine would definitely make your withdrawal worse I would think. All the best.

Have a look at the symptoms of Acute Anticholinergic Syndrome. Eerily familiar, huh? Note that the '≈' sign is not a '=' sign. I'm not saying this is true, I'm just saying I'm seeing an eerily large resemblance here. Thoughts?

Ahh well that clears things up. Notice that my previous comments where merely if-then clauses, as I wasn't completely sure what was the case. My apologies if they seemed unwelcoming or offensive, as this was not my intention. Please do share your experiences in what has helped you, I'll be interested to read of it. All the best, Odisa.

Because by denouncing or denying the therapeutic potential of medications, one would, ironically, come across as narrow-minded whilst advocating meditation as the sole route to recovery. That medication did not work for him and that meditation did, well that's great that he found something that works. Really, it is. Indeed meditation might be equally effective as medications, I never (as far as I recall) stated that medication was superior to meditation, or vice versa. In regards to taking disguyhere seriously: Whilst his experiences with meditation may have had a truly profound impact on his symptoms, ruling out the potential of medication to help anyone would, in my eyes, limits the ability to take his views seriously. My comments were not meant in any offensive way, rather as a reminder to not limit one's options if a certain system doesn't initially prove to work. Similarly I've had a lot of trouble with reaping any benefits from meditation. Yet that does not prove to me that meditation is useless. It merely tells me that at this point in time it is not sufficient for me personally, and that I should look into other means of recovery, yet simultaneously leaving that option open to possible (future) beneficial potential.

^ Agreed, mikezero. Sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Who was it that said that? Papa Roach? I'm gonna look that up. I'm just pissed off that after having grown so much in life, it feels like I've been thrown back a few years in my life. Seriously, sometimes I feel like I'm 12 years old once again, and I fucking hate it at times. Every single trace of a sense of maturity seems absent. Like everything I learned in my life has been taken from me; all those lessons learned, all those things achieved. Stripped from any confidence I had come to acquire and take for granted, is mostly what makes me feel so damn young again. The best times of my life were moments of fearlessness, and I was quite fearless for a long time, which was a great part of how I defined myself. Paradoxically that might be what lead to this, yet I'm inclined to believe it was more a phase of ignorance, rather than fearlessness. Those two can be hard to distinguish at times though, haha. One of the few things that keep me going in the delusional face of this seemingly endless torture, is the fact that once this is passed, I will come out of this much, much stronger than ever before. Or so I imagine it would be, as it's hard to judge how I'll be then. For what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger right? Eventually at least.

Syntheso: Hehe I admire your out of the box thinking. Whilst I think I understand what you're trying to convey here, I'll refrain from responding extensively so as to give you a better chance to outline your theory. Wouldn't want to misinterpret it prematurely. But I believe what you are saying is that by introducing psychedelics, one might be able to put the brain/mind in the same malleable state as the one that induced HPPD, and then in that state the brain would be more receptive to medications/therapies/positive reconstruction? Perhaps a bit on the philosophical side, but it's definitely worth investigating. Hope to read your review soon All the best.

Damn that's a lot of text! Welcome to the forum though. Regarding the mediTation: I think most of us here are aware of the benefits of it. Personally I had very profound with meditation pre-HPPD, yet somehow after I acquired HPPD it was never the same, alas. As such I personally lean towards finding a neurological means of treating HPPD. Regarding the mediCation: Well good for you avoiding Belladonna! I saw that at the pharmacy the other day.. All I good think of was: "So they're selling scopolamine at the drugstore now? That's ridiculous." Undoubtedly many, if not most, people with HPPD have experienced less than pleasurable happenings with medications, doctors, etc. Yet simply going extremist "Pharma is evil", is not going to help. Yes, many doctors are incompetent arrogant sob's, and many medications are totally controversial if wrongly prescribed. That doesn't mean that medications can't help, if they're the right ones. And while I agree every person has their part to play in getting better, simply denying the potential of medications to help, because you experienced the ubiquitous inadequacy of medical professionals in this specific field, is not going to help. Medications may give just that extra plasticity/flexibility needed to reform the brain to what it once was, what couldn't have been achieved without it in certain individuals, to speak in lay terms. Sure, there are people who recover "naturally" and find a great deal of improvement through meditation, yet that doesn't exclude the need for adjunct therapies in others. And while being able to ignore the visuals might help sentience go from terrifying to dull, it is unacceptable to conclude that this is sufficient mitigation to be able to live in joy once more. Where some might be content with that, I presume that most (including myself) find that a life without proper visual acuity severely limits QOL and ability to function. What I'm trying to say here is that one must view this situation from all angles, and not strictly limit themselves to one thinking "bucket". Otherwise you might not see the forest because of all the trees! Let me explain: personally, I've seen great potential in neuroscience and pharmacology in aiding recovery. Yet whilst I find that area of thought highly intriguing, I also keep in mind other trains of thought. I do not denounce the possibility of meditation to aid in recovery. On the contrary, it might be very beneficial. Yet a combination of those things might prove to be more useful by far, rather than singling out one method. HPPD is not as simple as black-and-white (pun intended). Keeping an open mind to possibilities is key to getting where you need to be. And there's no reason why spirituality and neurobiology cannot be combined, much less to shun either from prospective. And judging from your history with medications and doctors, it is not strange you have found a disliking of pharmacology. I too was first prescribed Mirtazapine (a ridiculous medicine IMO), and was dealt the short end of the stick with doctors. And while the system and incompetence agitated me, and still does, that didn't lead me to deny the potential of medications to help. On the contrary, it drove me to take into my own hands and to start looking into pharmacology myself. Judging the ability of something to help prematurely is not helpful, and in doing so you might just cut off the possibility of finding something that can help you immensely. Anyway, don't take this offensive in any way. Just trying to shed some light on other ways one can go about thinking about this. Might've lost where I was headed with this, but you get the general perspective I'm trying to convey here. Nonetheless, I'm glad you've found such profound benefits with meditation and yoga. Correct me if I'm wrong, as your writings are rather lengthy and I might've interpreted them wrongly, but it would seem that you're conveying, in essence, that the only way to get better is via mental/spiritual/emotional/cognitive training, and that medications will never be helpful. This is the reason why I respond, because you cannot expect anyone to take you seriously with such a point of view. Nonetheless wishing you the all the best, Odisa