onedayillsailagain

Haha! Ok well I took the 10mg dose approximately 20 minutes ago now. Not sure what I'm feeling, or if anything at all. I'll update once I can say for sure I noticed a change. Do feel a bit hungry, but I barely had a breakfast. Cognition hasn't improved. I think I might just try to take a nap and see what happens

Dutch speed smells like flowers (indeed most likely due to production impurities.. btw I have questionable COA which states 99.65% pure). Anyway.. did a 1mg allergy test. Don't seem to be allergic, but I'll have smoke and wait a little longer before taking 10mgs.

Well the stuff smells like speed and has a caramel color.. Wtf. Oh well. I was messing around with my new scale trying to calibrate it. In any case, I'm about to start testing it out. I don't know about the weird smell, but I figure 10mgs of speed wouldn't really be harmful, also I have benzo's handy. Dodgy shit haha! Supposedly odorless and "crystalline white".

Thanks people! Should be here any minute now, half an hour if the ETA is correct. Damn I feel so unusually nervous, haha! EDIT: I got it 3 minutes after I typed this haha

I'm expecting to receive Coluracetam within 2-5 hours, or so the shipment tracking informs me. I'm very nervous (!). I would hate to have gotten anyone's hopes up for nothing.. Anyway, figured I'd just open this thread already. I'll be keeping a hand-written journal throughout my trial. I honestly have no clue to what extent the effects will be, if present at all. As previously discussed, effects should be noticed within hours to days, but of course in the case of HPPD it could be different, and possibly require a higher-than-average dose. Depending on the effects, it could very well be that I won't update until tomorrow, which should be taken as a good sign. But I do plan to update tonight. Today I've only taken 500mgs of Keppra. I might take some sublingual vitamin B, but other than that I will abstain from the substances I've been playing around with lately. My first dose of Colu will be 10mgs sublingual upon receiving it. If no effects apparent within 3 hours, I'll do another 10mgs, if no effects after that, I'll call it a night. I don't know what else to add.... Wish me luck!

^ Same happened to me but then Prazepam (I believe.. or another with a P) in place of Alprazolam. Oxazepam works decent, but still.. guess I didn't lose one thing and that is high standards.

Wait.. forgive me if this sounds stupid, but is that in other words proposing that nerve signal transduction/conduction/propulsion/tranmission/whatever is mediated via some form of peristaltic movement?

I just realized I never responded to this. Well. Visually, no. However.. I suspect that my Frankensteinian device and possible improper placement, combined with the relatively (to HD-tDCS) little focal effect are all be co-factors to why it only lasted so briefly. I'd think that with fine-tuning, it could be used as an effective treatment for depression/dp/dr/anxiety/cognitive dysfunction, most especially once HD-tDCS is refined and available for consumer purchase (or schematics available for construction).

Yep.. or seeing the person you love most in your life after a year of not seeing them, and not feeling a thing, subsequently feeling guilty and ashamed. How are you doing these days?

Tired here as well, but IIRC generally speaking post-synaptic receptors are for furthering the signal transmission, whereas pre-synaptic receptors are for "keeping score"/feedback which then continues to regulate the production of the agonist. Thus, blocking presynaptic receptors would... *crank* upregulate production of the agonist/transmitter, and blocking postsynaptic receptors would impede signal transduction cascade or whatever the fancy you'd like to call it And the latter might also cause for receptor (density) modulation over the long-term. A bit vague, sorry! Note: Don't quote me on this.. This is just off the top of my head, which needless to say may be distorted information haha!

Nope; the plan is to start with 10mg TID, and if that doesn't suffice, 20mg TID. I know it might take a while, but effects should become evident within minutes to days, a week tops I'd suspect. But yeah given the.. odd nature of HPPD it could be a little longer/different. But with 10mg TID, that's 2200/30=73.3 days. or 2200/60=36.7 days. and even at 3 x 30mgs, it would be 2200/90=24.4 days. I'd say that's all sufficient time to trial Coluracetam, especially considering the effects should be near to instant in onset. 80mg TID would probably be overkill, and I suspect this is exactly why the study failed to show results (as explained in the article). The most I'm willing to try is 40mg TID, for too much ACh can induce depression, though I doubt that I would need this much if it does actually work. The plan is to do a 1mg allergy test, then if that passes, a 10mg dose on a "clean" (nothing other than Keppra/tobacco/food) morning, if no effects by noon, another 10, if no effects by night, another 10, and then try that for 3 days. If still no effects, 20mg by morning, 10 by noon, 10 by night, if no effects 20 by morning 20 by noon 10 by night.... you get the idea. IF it works, I'll be buying bulk (at least a year's worth, probably more [maybe a decade's worth]). In any case, I repeat: I suspect changes should become apparent within a week tops, so that'll probably leave me sufficient time to order extra before it's out of stock. If there's absolutely no improvements after that, I doubt it'll work at all. Though I suspect it might be the kind of thing that accrues in benefit over time, it should start working rather acutely to the extent of being able to exclude placebo effect with confidence (not the: "ohh I've noticed some changes here and there but I'm not sure" -type of thing). Anyway, I should receive it in less than 48 hours now Also note that if it doesn't work within a week, of course I'll keep using it, but longer than a month and I would probably ditch it.

Alright, I'd suggest to use a pipe or a bong though, so you have more dosage control Good luck though. As for the caffeine: Yes, caffeine is quite anxiogenic for me, but for some reason the caffeine from tea is not. I can drink 10 black teas and at most will become a little restless, but nothing compared to 3 sips of coffee. I find tea to be anxiolytic in my case, but I do notice I can get a little amped up on black tea, whereas with green tea I do not. That's why I usually drink black tea in the morning and green tea in the afternoon/night. I notice nothing with white tea, and the taste is a bit faint for my taste. If you're already considering experimenting with herbs, I'd say Damiana is a proper start! By the by: Today I took Damiana and smoked Passiflora, and no such anxiogenesis occurred (on the contrary, I chilled out), which to me strengthens the thought that perhaps Chamomile may have been the culprit. Though Passiflora just makes me a little dreamy at times, and as I believe I've said before; best be called Ponderflora. Had some interesting thoughts on the stuff. Also, the amount of Damiana I've taken today was 4ml: 1 x 2ml, and 2 x 1ml... I mean I'm doing decent, but nothing near as profound as my experience the other day. Perhaps it's a situational thing, where the effects become more apparent under direct stress. Anyway, I'm considering soaking some tobacco in a little bit of extract, letting it dry, and smoking that. Actually I'm gonna do that right now. I would presume smoking has a more immediate and/or stronger effect than sublingual. I'll consider cutting out the black tea and replacing with green though, thanks for the tip And yes I used to drink 2-3 coffee's a day with no issues pre-HPPD as well.

I'm gonna be quite frank here: I had very little of a clue what the hell I was talking about haha! But it wouldn't surprise me if dynamic binding affinities can happen. Point was more that there could be more in the process involved than solely selectivity. Wouldn't know the mechanism of that though! Just a thought. Ahh good luck on the propranolol Should be somewhat helpful I suppose.

2 grams 1 on Tue, the other idk yet. edit: Well to be precise 2.2 grams haha.

And thus the drawbacks of Wikipedia become apparent What you quoted does indeed suggest that Etizolam has focal effect. How this correlates to receptor binding specificity/selectivity, I'm not sure. i.e. Because there's more Etizolam needed to induce motor-impairment, needn't necessarily equate to selectivity.. Couldn't it be a matter of (dynamic) binding affinity possibly with some wicked dose-dependent effect curve (thinking back to Piracetam here)? Not too sure on this though, and less about whether it makes sense at all, haha! Just saying: other things could be at play. After all, certain subtypes are more abundant in certain areas than others, etc.etc.etc. yet that type of information (distribution of receptors and their subtypes in specific regions) is particularly hard to find, especially subtypes. Or so I've found it to be in my searches (believe I was trying to find out about the distribution of the M1 mAChRs). In any case.. yeah I'd just stay away from obscure benzo's regardless haha! But that's just me. Then again, finding a better alternative to Clonazepam (which seems to be used by many if not most HPPD'ers) is definitely necessary. Haha just some thoughts, don't know if they're accurate. I haven't gone that in-depth on this particular subject as you have. Also, you know, the fogging fog! And yes indeed, removing the word "other" from that sentence would resolve any possible implications of the sorts. I'm not that up-to-date on stuff lately though. Figured I would take a break after the Coluracetam document (fucking drained my brain that stuff), so I did. What say you on other Clonazepam alternatives?

Ok great hope it helps then And yes, I also use most things as a "vacation" rather than a treatment. Sure helps though. I absolutely agree. I've never experienced anything more crippling than HPPD, and I've been through some weird shit in my life already. As for the doctors; I know it sucks, got me all up in a knot too, but I just asked them what the hell we were talking about anytime I lost track of the conversation. Or told them to give me a second cause I was seeing some trippy shit. And that's why it's hard to fully accept HPPD for me, because it's always there. Every second of the day, in your face. So indeed I'm inclined to believe that once it is cured, one could go about catching their breath, process what happened, be grateful it's over, grieve, etc. and move on with their lives. But without that I'm just sort of stuck in a semi-acceptance. As for where I learned about the neuroscience and pharmacology etc.. I don't know man. Sometimes I'm writing some neuro-lingo and think: How the hell did I come to know this? But anyway, I think most of the stuff I learned was by searching. For example I would start out with the HPPD article of Dr. Abraham with the COMT inhibition, and I'd just look up each and every thing I didn't know yet, and within those also things I didn't know, too be able to comprehend the initial article. Just you know.. the internet is sometimes full of BS, so you gotta be meticulous about your sources of education. If there's a statement on wiki, there's a citation usually. Read it from the source they provide instead, and if that doesn't suffice, try searching and finding a better source. Other than that I've also bought and rented some books here and there. One book I have is "The Principles of Pharmacology", and I believe you can also get books of a similar "The principles of" fashion, so you could find some basic introductory neuroscience books. Just one very important thing to consider is to exclude all pop-science books/articles where possible. I mean you can read them, but they won't give you an accurate description or in-depth info about how stuff works. No worries though.. When I first got HPPD, all I knew about the brain is that I have one and that I probably damaged it. If you wanna learn, just start reading the HPPD articles and go from there. That's how I did it.. I don't remember how it went but I presume I just thought that if I would want the slightest chance of curing myself, I should get familiar with this shit, and that's what motivated me to push through all the daunting terms etc. And yes, it's quite the fucking paradox to try to understand neuroscience in an attempt to repair your cognition, don't you think? An analogy: like a one-armed man trying to make a prosthetic arm for himself because nobody else will. Not impossible, but it tends to slow any progress. I can't recommend any books alas.. I do remember inquiring for recommendations though, but I forgot which I got recommended! I'll check.. Ahhh yes this one is in my bookmarks (I'd love to get my hands on this): Principles of Neural Science 5th edition. It covers a lot, and has a whole section on perception. Also, The Neuroscience of Hallucinations, and Vision: from Neurons to Cognition. Though these are just in my bookmarks, as a "well if I happen to come upon a million bucks I'll buy these". If you're going to invest your money in to this, I suggest the Principles of Neural Science though, because you know.. "Principles" haha. Don't worry about comparisons mate.. At least you're motivated to learn about it, which is the most crucial step of the process. Conversely, some here don't really bother looking in to it, for which I'm sure they have their own reasons. Perhaps "Neuroscience for Dummies" is a good start, though I haven't read it. You don't want to be overwhelmed by 100 new terms per paragraph of course. Anyway, everyone copes in their own way, and mine just happened to be understanding this the best that I can, so that I can have a chance at fixing it. I've spent most of last year looking into neuroscience etc. Some may call that obsession, I prefer to call it necessary. Perhaps that'll help a little for motivation haha Cheers!

I'm confused... How do they derive a statement for Etizolam from an article about Abecarnil? edit: Yeah I can't find any justification for that statement from that article either.. Also checked what beta-CCE and ZK-93426 were, but they're not Etizolam. Maybe hit up wiki and change to "citation invalid" or something? BTW the link only works if you're coming from the youknowwhere website. Try this instead for those who can't access it.

^ I more or less figured everyone had flashes of lights, but of course that's a little presumptuous. I know mine are constantly present, at high frequency too, and it can be quite tiring to see a strobe light all day, haha. At its worst I get these white flashes across a large part of, or my whole visual field, sometimes black flashes too, especially in my left upper visual field. However sometimes I feel decent and the lights flash slowly, kind of like a slow wave, which gives me a break. Flashes/flickers are my most pronounced visual symptoms though. As for the eyes shaking thing: I haven't experienced that myself, but I would suppose you could try relaxing, closing your eyes in the dark, and observe whether you feel any movement in your eye.

Just a heads up: The link you provided is inaccessible. But I can access it nonetheless (thankyou:D) I'll skim it through tomorrow.. though BZD's are not my specialty, so to speak

Haha bad timing man, as I just did another experiment. I'll try doing so once my head feels clearer. They're both nice Anyway, here's what I did today: I smoked Chamomile. Note: This was done after smoking 250mgs of Passiflora, which put me in relaxed state. I smoked perhaps half a bowl of Chamomile (100%biological stuff, though genus was not specified on the tea-box). I got a little anxious, DP worsened, brainfog was/is thicker (I just smoked the stuff perhaps 10 minutes ago). Anxiety lifted a moment back. Now I'm just tired. I wouldn't recommend smoking Chamomile, however the tea I find tolerable. Also a depressant effect. I don't like smoking Chamomile. My mind is numbed. Think I'm just gonna end the night listening to chillstep or w/e. Feeling really stupid or dumb now. Took 0.5ml Damiana just now and I'll see what happens. Added 1ml sublingual B-complex. Ok this is few hours later: It would appear I some small/short anxiety attack of sorts. Though now I'm quite comfortable again. Just had trouble breathing, tightness of the chest, anxious thoughts, and I had some flashbacks which are very rare for me. I don't know for sure whether it was the Chamomile, the Passiflora, the company I had over the other day, or whatever the hell. I know sedation can induce anxiety in me.. But I'm pretty sure Coluracetam arriving Tuesday has something to do with it, so it may have happened regardless. Anyway, I had a sandwhich, some green teas, a Matcha tea, and some Melatonin, and I feel much better. Quite sure I can fall asleep now.

Thank you StateOfRegret! Yes indeed, very excited about this myself.. Though now that the day is nearing.. I realize I haven't given much thought to what I'll do if it doesn't work. Well I mean I've had some thoughts and theories, but just.. fuck I wouldn't know what to do next haha! I can't possibly conceive a more perfect candidate than this, which would make it ever so more demoralizing should it not work. So I guess I'm just quite anxious that it won't. Conversely, if it does, I'd imagine myself yelling it off the rooftops

^What -mg said.. I've posted a lot of stuff that's informative/useful. Though they haven't been promoted to "articles", it would definitely suck if they were lost, as apparently I tend to use this website as my drawing board a lot, and don't really make any back-ups, aside a few bookmarks and some documents. But the theories and connections I've made are mostly "in the cloud" (isn't that the term nowadays?). I'd really be interested in reading -mg's stuff too, for that matter. Would be great if the material could be recovered! I guess that's why I opted for writing articles now, so as to be able to keep them backed-up. I know the promoting to articles doesn't occur anymore, but still.. would suck if everything was lost.

Well shit, sorry to hear! No worries about the delayed response.. I've yet to get back at some odd dozen messages myself. Tend to put it off I guess. It would seem like your dealing with some incompetent doctors, but perhaps that's my personal bias. Psych ward doesn't really sound like the most appealing, supporting environment to be honest. Guess you saved yourself there. I was suggested the same, but I was blatant about it and told them that unless I become a danger to others, I wouldn't be found dead in one of those pits. Perhaps again a bit biased, but I think that's a road that's hard to return from once traveled, sucking dry the last bit of freedom one may have. And yes well.. psychosis is a broad term. I guess it can be easily said that one is psychotic under the influence of drugs. Nonetheless unless it is something endogenously produced, I wouldn't worry too much about the times you think you did have one. I had one too, from which I still to this day have lingering anxiety, but I figure that unless I'd be stupid enough to do Amphetamines again, it won't happen. Anyways man, IME don't settle for anything less than good doctors, and you'll come a lot farther. I might've said all the above before.. Forgive my memory. As for the multi-vit.. Yeah could be a lot better I suppose, but already better than nothing (though that's questionable too as some vitamin forms are rather avoided). Too bad about the Noopept.. As for the magnesium, it could be better form and higher dosage. Note: these are just my views, obviously you should make your own decisions. Wow oxycodone.. Don't really know what to say 'bout that. I've no experience with opiates. From what you describe, Damiana seems to do more or less the same for me, so perhaps that's a viable alternative? Though idk about interactions with Clonazepam, and I've never used Clonazepam myself. To me it would seems like something I'd rather avoid if I can. Pff I just woke up, and I'm still having thoughts about the rather vivid dream I had, so forgive me if this post is useless to you. But anyway, here's what I would do, if it's any help to you: Be assertive with the professionals you're dealing with; tell them what you will and won't do, set demands, and don't give in. Wean off the Klonopin, Depakote, and Oxycodone Replace with Damiana and/or Passiflora (these have been superior to benzodiazepines IME) Half Melatonin dosage down to 1 x 3mg, and only use higher when you have insomnia, also try to use on an as-needed basis Up magnesium to at least 1gram/day, possibly 2, and use at night, or split dosage over morning and night Get a better multi-vitamin Keep the Omega's but spare your money when you run out.. also if you get a good multi-vitamin it will have Omega's already Possibly double up Keppra if it's helping you. Do your research on pharmacology/interactions/etc. when adjusting/introducing etc. medications/supplements/etc. Though of course, the usual disclaimer is in place: Discuss with your doctor, blablabla. Just use your head, even if it may seem compromised at times. Personally I don't discuss much with my doctor, as I rather take things in to my own hands. As for getting disability: there's no need to act.. Just be honest. A little exaggeration might flavor the cause, but don't over do it. Or that's how I would do it. Again; obviously you've the best insight to how your situation is and how to best approach it in regards to any and all actions. If you've any questions, ask away All the best, Odisa.

I take mine sublingually usually.. Perhaps that'll help with the stomach upset. Though I get that too, now that you mention it. Doesn't really bother me though, as I just have a bite to eat when that happens.

Hey Mike, welcome to the forum! A well-written introduction, of which I'm sure many of us can relate to. It would seem you've managed to cope with it well eventually.. 5 years must be tough, I've only had this for a year myself. Though as you presumably know, minutes can seem hours, and hours days with this. "As a reader, I don't think it's possible to fully comprehend this struggle without living with it every single day." Yes, it would seem so indeed. After all, it is far beyond the scope of imagination of your average individual. I myself probably wouldn't have been able to be understanding of this, had someone come to me with this when I didn't have it. I'd probably give them the same well-intentioned, yet useless advice I nowadays get from my surroundings. I'm looking forward to your participation in the forums. Wishing you the best, Odisa