onedayillsailagain

1. No, as they are too transient.. Soon as I was starting feeling normal-er, it would switch back. I did have moments where I feel substantially more normal, but not completely DP free. 2. Sharpness, depth perception, and color saturation were improved, as well as visual acuity. "normal" HPPD symptoms remain rather unaffected, moreover it's not persistent. I was looking at this Persian rug mouse mat thing, and it didn't morph like usual, it just stayed the same plus I felt like I was actually seeing it, rather than just noticing it. But on the larger scale (when I don't focus), stuff still moves. I know, it's pretty vague stuff. Sorry; it comes and goes. Anyways.. feeling a bit spacey now again, not so much of the pulling/alternating going on.. Fogged out, but it's not the type that's uncomfortable. I took ~22mg's Colu about an an hour ago, and 250mg's of a 50/50 Choline/Inositol capsule semi-sublingually (apparently it's very acidic to the taste.. yuck) just now. Going to wait half an hour to an hour, and if no changes by then I'm thinking of taking 1 ALCAR (588mg) capsule the regular way (swallowed). If nothing adverse after that, I'll take another 20mg's Colu, and thus conclude this as a 20mg TID day. Tomorrow I want to do a wash-out day.

It would seem that I'm having rapidly alternating perceptual shifts of sorts. Not necessarily painful to endure, but a bit.. distracting. As if I'm alternating between feeling good/normal, only to seconds later feel strange and DP'ed out again. A strange experience, but nothing horrible. Also as if my point of view is alternating constantly (both literally and figuratively). I'm wondering whether I should call it a day, or simply take the 30 mg's Colu like I was planning to, or maybe just 20mg's. Supposedly higher ACh levels should help you be more decisive, haha! Really weird though: one moment I'll be having positive thoughts and feeling strong/normal, the next I'll be having somewhat anxious thoughts and feeling weak/strange. Perhaps the shift to normalcy is something that doesn't go as smooth as one would like. So anyway, I'm gonna go with what the heck here, and just take another 20mg's (I'll try 30 another day). I'll see what happens, and if things go downhill I'll take 125mg's Choline Bitartrate sublingually and see if that helps. If somehow I end up feeling like shit, I'll take 5mg's Oxazepam and call it a day. Sounds like a plan, no?

Interestingly, I just had 2 eggs topped with mayonaise and about ~125 mg's Choline Bitartrate (yes I season my food with nootropics sometimes haha). 15 minutes later I'm feeling much better, but I have to see if this lasts. Again, can't rule out placebo, but for now I'm just fine feeling better.

So here's a quick update. I'll respond later to that Merkan. Feeling quite "out of it" and tired, but I do notice substantial visual improvements. Yet I have some anxiety, DP, and general spaceyness/brain fog, and just don't feel present-minded. Could be residual from yesterday I suppose. Just feeling a bit strange.

Two thoughts: 1) 80 TID safety was determined orally, presumably swallowed. Hence bio-availability would be different in that case. 2) My scale is strange. Might be my imagination, but I just measured out 22 mg's, whereas other times 22 mg's seems a lot smaller. Could be my visual fuck-ups. However, it does way the 5g weight as exactly 5g's. Interesting. Guess you have a good point there Merkan. Guess my memory is failing me again, but I thought I remembered something about long-term risks.

Merkan: This. State: Yeah Alcohol doesn't go well with me these days. Seems Damiana does the trick, but I didn't take enough because I was already feeling tired. Oh well! As for Oxazepam; on 10mg's I already felt as if it was "too much". And yes indeed quite weary of hypercholinergia haha I'm thinking perhaps a dose increase, but not double.. I thought perhaps I'll do a TID today of 20-30-20, and see how that works. If that works out without anything adverse, then I might try 30-40-30 tomorrow. Fun fact: THC inhibits HACU. Anyway, I think I'm gonna do 20-30-20 today like I said, as I haven't taken any yet. I'm working my way up Cupasoup: Yes: More vivid color perception, increased visual acuity, sharper vision, improved cognition, anxiolysis, more energy, improved sleep quality, easier to breathe, improved sociability (was making jokes with the waitress the other day at the restaurant). But I'm still weary of posting anything in a concrete sense, as I've yet to find a way to maintain persistent effects. These are just things I've noticed, but perhaps the expectation/placebo is making me more receptive to noticing these. Which is why I'd like to try it a bit longer in various ways before confirming anything. Yes I do realize it's just a minor setback and next time will probably better. I notice that though I still think it sucks, I'm not really ruminating as much as otherwise about it, so that's good. Moreover I can't really remember it that well anyway, because the more anxious I get, the worse my memory retention gets, haha! Anyway, I'm gonna take Colu now and see where the day leads me. Cheers people

Update: Little to no effect noticed of the Colu today. Today's schedule was 20-10-10-20, whereas yesterday's was 10-20-20-10.. perhaps that's in part to blame? Also, I slept very little even though I slept great, so maybe I was just too tired to adjust. Anyway, my day totally flopped.. I met up with a girl I hadn't seen in almost a year, and I just choked up. I took 1ml Damiana prior but to no avail. Also had 2 beers because I was so anxious. I barely said a word, and I felt horrible. Normally this doesn't happen, but I guess this differs depending on the person I'm seeing. I do get some social anxiety here and there, but not like this. Extreme awkward feelings, and my mind completely shut off. When I first met the person in question, it was a few weeks before I got HPPD, and could hold a good conversation with her without anxiety, and had fun too. Pisses me off because I really wanted to be enthusiastic and sociable like I was when we met, but I couldn't. Haven't really spoken to her yet, but she's been one of the few people I've kept in touch with during HPPD so I presume she'll be very understanding as she always has been (knows all about my latest experiments etc.). Just sucks because I really want to be outgoing like I used to, do fun stuff etc, but I can't. Good news is that apparently combining Coluracetam with Passiflora, Damiana, and Alcohol can all be done (in my case at least). Next time I combine with Damiana, I want to wait until I notice the effects of Colu and then take 2mls of Damiana, instead of using it in a vain attempt to get my head straight last-minute. So yeah. I guess a setback. I'll try 10-20-20-10 again tomorrow and see if I get benefits from it again. Kind of strange though, because the effects were definitely not placebo when they were there, but now I'm starting to doubt that. Would be the strongest placebo ever though.. Heck, if everything turns out to have been placebo so far, I'll seriously start doubting my mind more so than usual. Also, for some reason or the other, I got another packet of Coluracetam powder in the mail today from the same company. Don't know how that happened, but what the hey right? Meanwhile I've been working on acquiring CBD, as I think it has some good potential to help, especially in regards to anxiety. Haven't looked into it as extensively as Coluracetam though.. Guess whatever's left of any gut/instinct I had is telling me it's a step in the right direction, though obviously there is also enough research to back it up. Just don't feel like I have to go through each and every paper as meticulously as usual to come to the decision to buy it. In any case, CBD is just plain awesome and really safe, so at the very least it'll just be a great supplement to add to the daily regimen (despite the cost). Also, I'm going to try to figure out tDCS again (I learned about it, used it, but of course I forgot all about it.. Aargh!). Pretty annoying that I can't learn anything! Well I can, somewhat, to a marginal extent, but if I don't spend my time on it daily, or write it down comprehensively, I'll forget how it works (I've even forgotten most about Coluracetam already.. I only know I wrote an article on it and just remembered the key points). Perhaps I can see if I can get professional tDCS sessions, though that would likely be a drag with more frustrations than benefits. If the 10-20-20-10 doesn't work tomorrow.. I might try 10-20-30-10 the next day. Or supplementation with ALCAR. Especially the latter is one I'd like to try. Also considering instead of QID, to do perhaps 30mgs BID, or perhaps 40-50mgs OD. As far as is known, Coluracetam can be taken safely up to 80mg's TID, and TID showed to be superior to OD. Hence perhaps I might work my way up to 30 mg's TID or so. Don't really know how to go about that, but for now I just want to see if I get the same results with my the previous 10-20-20-10 regimen, and whatever I'll do after that I'll give some thought tomorrow. Ideas, comments, suggestions, questions?

Puppeteer: Yeah I took it here and there for a week, but with Coluracetam in I figured I'd leave it be for now. Syntheso: It's pretty safe afaik. Indeed, you're better off getting full-spectrum products instead of pills etc. I've got Fungiology's full-spectrum powder, which I believe I posted a link for above.

Did it arrive yet? My memory isn't that permitting, but I believe there was someone here who tried niacinamide to no avail. Curious about your experiences

Synth: I hope you know Kava and Keppra are contraindicated? As for why not stay on Keppra for a year: well not being able to drink Kava for one haha! But it also meddles with my plans of trying other approaches, plus my memory is even worse on Keppra. Anyways; I should be getting some further info on that study you're referring to next week. I forgot who, but someone else on this forum (possibly multiple people) reported adverse effects from Brahmi.. Perhaps concurrent use of Mucuna Pruriens instead of Moda?

Yes the supermarket haha! But where I'm referring to the supermarket is more often a much nicer place to have a beer and socialize than the bars (You can get cold beer in the supermarket and do your shopping with a beer; it's pretty normal. You pay for your empty bottles when you check out.). Can't beat $0.10 for a beer though haha! EDIT: sorry to derail on beer. How much IU's of Vitamin D do you take and which form?

Very interesting stuff Mike! Looking forward to further updates Will you be wearing these lenses all day during your 30 weeks (wow 30 weeks?!) training?

I wouldn't care if it wasn't even human, at least I saw it! To the bolded text: Yes indeed perhaps they won't be sufficient by themselves, but I believe that they will provide a more 'plastic' brain in which it would be easier to be receptive to non-physical therapies (such as Vision Therapy for example). Looking further into Pyritinol it would seem it acts as a HACU enhancer (not a LACU as I previously suspected), which is odd as the general consensus is that Colu is the only HACU enhancer known to mankind. Though it seems to exert procholinergic activity via other mechanisms as well. It's well worth investigating, however a state of hypercholinergia is best avoided (in case anyone's thinking of combining it with Colu). Not sure I quite comprehend the underlined argument.. though of course with properly functioning visual processing, it would be easier to focus on cognitive functions (like being able to do math while walking the stairs, for if I don't look at the steps sometimes I trip, whereas your average person could walk stairs blindfolded). Anyway, looking forwards to that document Yes indeed I'm qutie surprised as well! Though I've yet to find a way to make the effects more persistent. Indeed; if at the least it can be a corner stone to build upon. My thoughts: find something that helps -> take it -> sustainable benefits -> more able to work/study/comprehend (also more finances should I be able to work)-> better/faster ability to find more that can help -> back to step 1 of the chain. Thus, once something that's sustainable and helpful has been found, it could only get better from there on out. As for atomoxetine: "side effects may include psychosis.." yeah I'm not gonna try that one out haha! However, from that study: "The marked increase of cortical ACh induced by atomoxetine was dependent upon norepinephrine alpha-1 and/or dopamine D1 receptor activation". NE alpha-1/Dopamine D1 receptor activation could be used for further investigation. Personally I'd rather go for D1 agonism. But by all means; proceed but with caution Thanks brendan! Haha not my pockets though But what the heck is money worth anyway? Big thanks to everyone here for the support and also for motivation Also, many of you have done a lot of digging/research/theorizing which makes the process a lot easier. Sure helps with any progress, and for any future ideas as well! Merkan would you mind expanding on that? Seems a bit contradictory at first glance. I'm curious to investigate safer (and more sustainable) ways of boosting dopaminergic transmission than Sinemet. Indeed; respect goes out to anyone and everyone on the forum, as they all contribute, whether it be research or otherwise But of course thanks nonetheless! Things do appear to be looking up, especially of late. Hopefully many more ideas will follow! Haha I've only but started with Coluracetam and am already looking into other options.. though financial limitations might slow the progress (referring to absurdly high CBD prices and 250 dollar tDCS devices, among others). Speaking of which, if anyone has some spare time on their hands and interested in research; check out the multifaceted pharmacological profile of CBD (anxiolytic, nootropic, neurogenetic, anticonvulsant.. off the top of my head though; could be off a little). Anyhow.. Ha I don't know what else to add. No adverse effects noted so far with Colu, and combination with Passiflora was pretty decent. Though I didn't exactly sleep: I lied down in the sun with headphones and just chilled out. The chillstep mix had some strange sentence spoken, something like "The inability to distinguish between external and internal stimuli ... hallucinations ... can be a terrifying experience...", which kind of made me think: "What evil creature would put something like that into a mix that's likely to be listened to when tripping?" Reminds me of this "guided meditation" I once listened to, when suddenly something along the lines of "And now visualize all your fears manifesting themselves in reality." was said. Weird shit. But whatever haha! I'll post another update tonight, or earlier if I notice anything noteworthy before then.

Sorry for not responding.. Turns out I'm pretty tired now, haha. Though I did manage to go to the pharmacy today. Took 20mgs this morning but no noticeable effect really, though I thought I still felt something this morning. Perhaps 20 mgs is not the ideal morning dose? Dunno.. Maybe the higher dose made me tired? I felt pretty refreshed beforehand. Anyway, I'm gonna take 10 mg's in 10 minutes, have a bowl of Passion Flower, and have a nap on the porch. Hopefully when I wake up I'll feel a bit more energized and I'll try to respond. Feeling a bit fogged out now.. Figured because yesterday I did 10-20-20-10, today I'll try 20-10-10-20. In the meantime I'm trying to find some pure CBD as a next project! Expensive stuff though.. Perhaps I'll order one of the few available trial packs. If you guys know any good sources do tell Cheers!

I litererally just woke up. I slept fucking amazing. I had some very vivid dreams, most of which were quit pleasant: I dreamed I was getting a back massage and it felt unusually real.. then again I also dreamed about some kind of Amazonian insect that would cradle you front tooth, bore it out and eat it, only to replace it with a fake one, just to piss you off. Haha! And also a family member of mine who apparently did cocaine, but would never actually do that in real life. Strange! On the other hand I also dreamed of a girl of my past.. yeah you get the point. Was pretty cool. Anyway my memory also seems improved as I remember much more details about yesterday than I normally would. To the point where I actually mouthed the words "holy shit". They're not as vivid as I'd wish, but I remember unusually many details about yesterday. Most of all I just can't believe how great I slept! Absolutely fantastic! EDIT: I went to bed at like 3/3:30 in the morning. I woke up at 10 this morning. I feel more rested than ever (since HPPD that is)!

€0.90 would get me 2 beers where I'm from

Alright so I just had a family dinner (what a drag).. I was writing down notes while having dinner, so here they are: 17:45PM: I take ~22mg's Colu sublingually (note: obviously not at the restaurant haha ) 18:45PM: Anxiolysis with stimulation, enhanced awareness, improved cognition, yet slightly jittery in a way, which doesn't make sense because I notice anxiolysis as well. 19:00PM: I spotted a small blond hair in my mushrooms, which I removed. Vision was rather sharp. 19:30PM: I think the effects may be diminishing, though possibly a transient thing as I just ate. Well it's now 20:00PM, and I still feel as if it has diminished, or is in the process of doing so. However, I was noticeably less anxious in the restaurant, and I think my vision was indeed improved. Awareness was also enhanced, because as I was sitting outside I suddenly noticed the faint sound of an air-vent above me, which else I would have definitely not noticed. I was, however, stimulated in a way. Still am a little. But all in all it made the dinner bearable and not as "shit I just want to go home already" as usual. The effects don't last too long it would seem. Shame. I also noticed I was just more honest. In the sense that when it was suggested that I should just continue my life and start working again (I've heard that useless advice over a thousand times now probably), I told them: "You say you want to help, but all you do is give me well-intentioned yet useless advice, which you know annoys me as I've said that before. If you really want to help me you should pretending everything's alright with me, and listen to what I have to say for once, and helps me in the ways that I tell you you can help me." Of course, the subject was swiftly changed (or rather, talked straight through me) and my family persisted to be blissfully ignorant. I'm pretty fed up with people telling me they want to help me, but when I tell them I need their help, they start bitching about my methods and that they don't think it's a good idea. (Told them about the tDCS device I wanted and I got the response that I should go see a professional about it. Yeah, I'll be 25 before they even schedule a measurement of my skull.) Gahh idiots! I do notice however that despite that I'm frustrated about this, it's not the "I'm going to punch a hole in the wall" type of frustration I had yesterday. Earlier I was also pissed off, but noticeably less than I would otherwise be. Just tired of people ignoring the facts and trying to sugarcoat and rose-color everything I say as if it's "not too bad", and imposing their BS and what they think I should do on me. But.. I'm able to take a breath instead of clenching my teeth, which is odd yet better of course. Yes I do believe breathing has become easier as well by the way, but that may be linked to anxiety. My vision is improved when I'm on Coluracetam, yet the effects seem to be short-lived and seem to peak at a certain moment(s). This leads me to think that either I should A] Dose more frequently which will be a bitch to do, or B] Dose higher, or C] Try combinations. Also D] Be patient and perhaps effects will become sustainable (continuously present) over the course of time. Again, I'm having trouble describing the visual improvements. I did find it extremely unlike my usual perception to notice a small blonde hair on my mushrooms and be able to remove it too (motor-coordination also seems improved on Colu, as well as walking). The effects started diminishing roughly after I had a cigarette, which I found notable obviously, but it could've been co-incedental. I would be interested to know what non-smokers experience. Kind of a disappointing dinner, as I had hoped of course for "Yes of course we'll get you that machine that has the potential to improve your cognition almost instantly, because we said we would help you any way we can!". Also notable is that I seemed to be enjoying my food more, rather than just stuffing it away a.s.a.p. to get the hell out of the restaurant. Also had some nice tea's, and overall just felt.. more confident I suppose? Note the adjective part of that sentence however, as I did not feel completely confident (as I usually would in such a situation prior to HPPD). But maybe (probably) I should also stop comparing things too much with how I think or remember I was before this, and more on the improvements I'm getting now, which to be honest are quite interesting when they are there. Reading this over a last time, I noticed I'm reading faster too. Syntheso: Good to hear! I'm very interested about the Guanfacine. I'll have a look at the Vision Therapy thing later.. I've been focusing more on substances rather than actual training of sorts (also interested in neuro/biofeedback for example). Brahmi also sounds quite nice; I'd also like to grow my own. Would make a nice hobby too! I'm thinking of growing some Cannabis and making my own CBD extract, yet I'm hesitant to do so for my cognition may not allow for this to go smoothly, moreover the government changes the laws every few months and I would have to stay up to date and educated on them. Brahmi would seem like an easier thing to start with. Also, Puppeteer had an interesting mention today: Pyritinol. I have yet to look into it further, but it would seem to be procholinergic via various mechanisms (including choline uptake, I'm assuming low-affinity choline uptake for now). More new stuff I'll be looking in to when I have the cognitive window is transcranial LLLT/LED therapy.. Supposedly facilitates mitochondrial respiration, and also something to do with ATP, which seems to support cholinergic transmission (read that skimming through my pharmacology book, again I'll have to look into that deeper). I've no clue if it could be beneficial, but anything transcranial is interesting to me and at the very least worth investigating. Dude.. that's been on my to-do list for months now. I refer you back to the bolded text And indeed maybe not cures per se, but I believe that perhaps with enough/several beneficial therapies, things can improve to a significant extent. Though vision is not on the top of my list.. I rather regain my cognition first and then I'd be able to look into other/new options with a healthier mind. I'm going to take another 10 mg's, which will make today's dosing schedule 10-20-20-10. I know I wasn't planning on QID dosing, but with the transient effects I'm interested to see what'll happen. Plus I've noticed almost no side-effects and certainly not the shitty feeling I felt yesterday. I know; I'm not the most strict with my methods. I'm just playing around with it for now. Some may say it's best to do a week of strict 10mg's TID, and then move up, but considering the safety etc. I'm just curious to find out what my sweet spot is. Also quite curious to see what my max. tolerable dose is. Perhaps higher doses will be better/last longer? I'll still play safe and only do 10mg increments if I do so. Anyhow.. So far so good. No holy-shit-it's-a-panacea outcries (yet), but I'm noticing substantial benefits, and I suppose every improvement is.. well an improvement right?

As I was staring at the bricks on our porch, I figured I could transform my previous strange statements into a more clinical, saner context. What bother me the most visually is this constantly fluctuating depth-perception/spatial awareness, which I believe to be linked to the feeling of DP (the left/right side feelings I described earlier). That nothing is standing still really bothers me the most. I do however believe, that despite this, I'm noticing sharper vision. I.E. I still have troubles focusing on an object, but they appear sharper nonetheless. I hope that is a bit clearer than my previous description haha! A little more elaboration: I do still perceive there's this "film" over my eyesight, which I can't penetrate. Others have described it as a "film" before, and I thought this might be a little clearer to describe as well. The "film", is terribly annoying (though now I'm in a better mood it's not that much of an issue, but of course I hope this lifts over time).

Thanks Jay! So... Took ~22 mg's about 40 minutes ago. Dosing is a real pain, so I didn't bother with the 2 extra mg's. Effects are quite similar to yesterday, though I'm not doing much at the moment. Yesterday it felt stronger/better in a sense, but that may be because I was doing something (walking, new environment etc.) However, I still feel the "mind block" I've been having since HPPD. I guess you could call it brain fog, but to me it just feel like something is damaged in my brain. So I'm kind of alternating between enjoying the effects and feeling fogged up at the moment. I have these instances where I feel a lot more lucid, but somehow they don't stay. I don't know why or how that is. Also, I had 2 (awesomely cooked) eggs for lunch, which is a source of Choline. Just as a note I suppose. As for visuals.. they do seem reduced, however they're still there. To me, I'm just looking to feel normal and think clearly. I'm really hoping the benefits accrue over time, because for the moment it seems to help to a rather marginal extent. Obviously I'm looking to get benefits with vision as well. With HPPD I've noticed that particularly everything on my left side is fucked. I don't know why, but it seems so. My left visual field is worse than my right, and everything that I do with left is a lot harder than normal. Similarly, I feel as if my consciousness is centered more to my left side of my being (I know it sounds batshit) and it's associated with everything shitty in my experience. As if my "normal self" used to be centered to the right. Probably DP stuff. What I meant with alternating between enjoying the effects and feeling fogged up, is that one moment I'll be "perceiving and feeling" through my "right side" (feeling [more] normal) and the next I'll be back to my "HPPD left side" (feeling DP'd out and brainfogged and a general sense of severely compromised consciousness). This sounds absolutely insane, and I'm aware of that, but I have no better way to describe it. Lately I've been thinking about looking into right-brain/left-brain stuff.. Makes sense however, because activation in the left DL-PFC is known to ameliorate depression and improve cognition (as the left brain would control the right side of the body), and activation of the right tends to be associated with the opposite (thus relative right PFC hyperactivation may be causing the strange left-sided fuckups). This is purely conjecture however, and has nothing to do with Coluracetam. Just a thought I had the other day, and I also found it interesting that left DL-PFC stimulation was significantly beneficial to these left/right feelings (which I associate with DP, because as you know DP encompasses foreign bodily sensations). If only my neuro would stop being a fudgecake and just forward me my EEG results via e-mail, instead of demanding to discuss them in person. I can get really frustrated about this, but I notice that now I'm not as frustrated about it. Just slightly pissed off about it. Interesting. Nonetheless, I'm feeling decent. I'll be having a dinner with some family tonight, which to be honest I'm not exactly looking forward to (expecting things like: "Hey is it working yet?" i.e. putting more focus on it of which I have enough already). Possible side-effects noted: increased perspiration (yesterday I thought I noticed this too), but nothing worrying. I rather sweat buckets and feel better if you get my drift, but it's nothing like that thankfully. Also it's not associated with anxiety, as I know how anxious sweats are. Possibly dry-mouth again, or perhaps I'm just more aware of it (I'm a smoker after all, and with the diminished consciousness I don't have the best bodily awareness, which I'm sure you guys can understand). Combinations I'd like to try: Coluracetam + Choline Coluracetam + ALCAR Coluracetam + Choline + ALCAR Coluracetam + tDCS Coluracetam + Damiana Coluracetam + Passiflora Anyway, sure am feeling a hell of a lot better than I was after coming back from the park last night. I'm gonna wait this out for a few days and see how things may change. Also, I'm interested whether the other Coluracetam I'll be receiving soon will be any better than this questionable stuff I have now. Hmmmmm don't know what else to say really. If you've any questions, ask I must say I'm feeling noticeably better, and I find it hard to convey it in the same language I've used to describe my otherwise morbid perceptions. Mere text seems to fall short of that, though it is nothing extremely profound as obviously I would've reported that in capital letters and possibly a video. Cheers.

Amen to that.. Sorry wish I could help you, I know how frustrating it can be. Don't know much about the Aussie medical system. Just keep trying until you find one that's not a dick. Isn't there some place you can call which can advise you on a proper doctor (meanwhile you could complain about your asshole doctors )?

Damned backspace, haha. No worries Chris. Trust me, if I notice any substantial reduction in visuals that I can confidently confirm, I'll let you guys know a.s.a.p. And indeed Merkan I wasn't expecting any poof-gone-magic effects either. Cool Syntheso! Yeah I've been trying to keep it mellow because I don't want anyone to get overexcited like I did about this haha Anyways.. Yesterday when I came home I don't know what happened really.. Could've been some kind of rebound effect from it wearing off. I was frustrated, and I felt pretty badly depressed when I went to bed (unlike my usual "fuck living this way" moods which aren't too bad). Just feeling very shitty. Felt totally drained and too tired to think rationally. Perhaps choline depletion or hypercholinergia? Yet to try it out. I wonder had I taken another 10mgs if that would've lifted or worsened.. But I wanted to play it on the safe side, because I was already feeling unwell. Anyways, I forgot I'm not home alone today, quite the opposite actually. However upon waking this morning I am noticeably in less of a bad mood, and don't really mind that much. I'm gonna take 10mgs in half an hour and see how that goes.. I just find it very strange how my mood was unusually high when in the park, and unusually low when I came home from there. Really don't want that to happen again, so I'm wondering whether I should just push through and take more when that happens, or if I should eat an egg haha. Perhaps supplement with ALCAR instead? I don't know. If it happens again, I think I'm just going to try and take another dose and hope that helps, and otherwise just call it a day and try choline or ALCAR supplementation the next day. Hopefully it just won't happen again! I guess it'll be a bit of play and tug with this stuff as with all substances, but if I can get sustainable benefits from it without the mood-drop, then I'd really be interested to see what'll happen over the course of time. Also, I was already highly anxious about this yesterday, so maybe that just drained me from energy prior to using it, and that probably wasn't exactly beneficial to my mood last night. Just some thoughts. If you've any to add, shoot Cheers!

I just came back from a walk in the park. Right now I'm feeling frustrated though. Guess that's just from seeing my mother, who's name is synonymous with anxiogenesis for me. Damnit I wish I could just have a freaking week by myself haha! And also people in my surroundings are asking me "Is it working yet? Is it?", which is, to be honest, very annoying. I just want to say: "I don't know, leave me the fuck alone so I can find out please :)" Anyway, it's hard to describe what I experienced today. Also, I think it might be wearing off at this moment. However, I remember thinking: "This is unusually strange, but strangely good!". Though as soon as I walked into this apartment my mood took a distinct dive downwards, but before that I was feeling remarkably good. Could've been co-incedence, but for me this apartment (or anywhere my mother is for that matter) has "depression" written all over it, whether I'm feeling normal or not. My walk in the park was awesome though. Yes I still have visuals Chris. I don't expect them to disappear overnight. However I did notice I was just seeing differently, as if I was perceiving more. Also, it felt as if my eyes were adjusting in a good way. Don't know how else to put it for now. When I said I expect benefits to be acute, what I meant was that effects should be noticeable rather quickly, but probably will be cumulative. Hence, I wasn't surprised that my visuals didn't magically disappear, moreover didn't really care much as the mental/cognitive part seemed to be improved significantly. Anyway, I had a great time in the park. I felt anxious here and there, but there were also parts of the walk where I did not. I sat down in these lounge chairs with fake grass on them (pretty awesome stuff), and just felt good. I can't really explain it, moreover it seems that it's a state-dependent memory type of this, so I don't remember it that well. But I do know I was feeling more normal, and I smiled unusually frequently and it felt genuine, which surprised me. I felt as if I was "adjusting" if that makes sense. Like I said, I think it's wearing off now for one reason or the other.. Could also be environment-related (I think so.. plus the sun just set. Note: I still saw afterimages of the sun etc.). But I definitely noticed a change, though I can't yet put my finger on it and still don't like to claim anything prematurely. I just wish I could've stayed in the park longer.. Not a great place to be at night, but during the day it's ok. I don't know if that's of any use to you guys haha! But that's all I can say right now really. My last (the second) dose was at 18:45 at 12mgs (didn't feel like messing around too much). It's now 21:05, and I've been home for about half an hour, so that means... means I walked pretty fast! But also that effects lasted almost 2 hours.. Would've thought it to last longer, but maybe I'm just tired and that's a confounding variable (I do feel pretty tired). Only adverse effect that may have been attributed to Colu was dry mouth, but it was also pretty hot and I didn't bring anything to drink. And possibly the frustration I'm having now.. though I doubt it. Anyway, I did *feel* different. But now it seems as if nothing ever happened (feeling back to baseline). But I doubt it was placebo. Going to take another 10mgs in 35 minutes, so it'll be 3 hours apart again. I might try 20mgs tomorrow already, I might not.. Have to give it some thought. What I do know is that I'm going to wake up early tomorrow so that I'll have much more time by myself and less interruption and irritation. EDIT: I'll try to make the next update while feeling the effects. Probably would be easier to convey. EDIT 2: I'm not going to take the third dose tonight. I'm tired and I want to sleep. Tomorrow is probably a better day anyways, with more time for myself etc.

Well like I said I'd hate to give any premature statements.. But I'm pretty sure I do feel different. However my mind was/is so set on this being the correct treatment, that that may be a confounding variable of course. Thus, I will need some time to be absolutely certain. Indeed I hope that benefits will be cumulative! Cleaning up just seemed to go faster/easier/less of a drag. Anyway, I'm frowning a lot, which to me is a good sign haha Feel like I'm thinking differently in a way. Again: still have a lingering anxiety that this just may be bullshit of my mind I'm just updating 'cause I know you guys are probably as curious as I am, but I rather wait until I can go "Holy fucking shit it works" and be 100% sure about it, before making any conclusive statements. Anyways, taking another dose in half an hour... Hopefully that'll tell me more.

Well here's a quick update: I feel stimulated. I just cleaned up the apartment I live in, which usually I don't care for doing. Strange. Wasn't really expecting or hoping for stimulation, but whatever. Can't say this isn't placebo or anything, but I found it noteworthy. Other than that I do feel different, but I'm not sure I can place it. Well I'll take another 10mgs in an hour and see what happens.

Thanks Ghormeh, I figure his color perception would be different perhaps haha Indeed cream yellow it could be described, but I find it more a light caramel. Anyway nothing adverse so far.. I'm gonna give it a while before I update again, wouldn't want to be hyperfocussing or overobsessing about any effects, let alone make any premature statements. Just gonna have a smoke and sit on the porch and try to chill out a bit..