TheGman6072

I have depersonalization but is it possible to have both at the same time ? The weak feeling and trouble getting up out of bed feels more like a physical thing

Is depersonalization considered depression ?

This has been happening to me for a very long time pretty much since July of last year but I haven't brought it up until now. Anybody feel very weak and like you can barely get out of bed in the morning ? I have not smoked weed in 2 weeks and honestly I think I was feeling better when I returned to smoking weed because it's like a temporary escape. Waking up to panic attacks isn't fun and my buspirone has stopped working. I tried double dosing it but that's hard to do with my parents monitoring it

When I get sick, I just start popping the Benadryl because I do not want to be sick and it's worth the risk to me. My HPPD and depersonalization and derealization got super bad from abusing Benadryl but as long as I take the dose it says on the label (double dose max.) I am fine. I prefer to risk it than to deal with being sick

Fuck....

Well Jay, is there a real cure ? A med that will actually make it go away for real ?

Buspirone made me believe that I was almost cured. Turns out it only masked the symptoms ! I'm just wondering if my case of dp/dr is mild, medium, or severe ? Despite the fact that I have sever HPPD, the visuals are just a small nuisance compared to the depersonalization. I hate how I feel like I'm watching my through a TV screen or like I'm in a dream. I'm sick of questioning if what I'm seeing is real or fake. When I get angry, I rage like a psychotic maniac and my brain goes on complete auto-pilot and it is as if something else is controlling my body to do whatever I'm doing while I watch it happen as if it's not me even doing it. I look at my hands and they feel like they aren't even my hands. I feel like I'm not even alive or human. I feel like I am dead and like a zombie and even sometimes when I'm having a bad dp moment, people think I'm tripping on something because I look like a damn zombie. When I look in the mirror, I see a demonic version of myself My family doesn't even feel like family because I am so dissociated and detached. They just feel like strangers almost. Brain fog is one of the worst. I have severe short term memory loss and I sometime turn on the stove to cook something, then I black out and walk away totally forgetting that I turned the stove on ! My brain fogs up so bad when I ride my bike, I have ridden my bike directly into traffic and I'm lucky I never got hit by a car. I am prescribed buspirone to help with some of this but I realized that I am not cured. The buspar just masks the symptoms and if I one day don't take my medication, it's back to the "life" of hell. My brain lied to me making me believe I was almost cured

I was clean from August 2015 to March this year and that was my longest time ever being sober and I still hate myself for starting drugs again

I am going back to my old school next year so I won't ever see these new "friends" again. I really hate calling myself an addict or admitting I have a problem but I know it's become an issue. First time doing speed I was like "one time only". Last time I touched speed, I was thinking "I'm on a path of life destruction" and stopped but I can't seem to break out of the weed habit.

So after the buspirone made me think I was invincible to further HPPD and dp/dr damage and deciding to start smoking weed again and even smoked synthetic weed once and took speed 4 times, I ended up skipping my dose of buspirone one day and realized how fucked up I got. So last time smoking weed was 3 days ago and I think that will be my last.

So I'm in class right now and I am very detached and my anxiety levels are very high. I took my buspirone this morning and I have been taking it for 2 months now but it seems to be losing its effect

Because I abused diphenhydramine

I don't plan on taking any other medications. My HPPD started very mild but it also went into hyperdrive in around July of 2015

My earliest memories of HPPD signs were in June of 2014 after I quit doing LSD but I just found an old Facebook post where I was complaining about "headaches that fuck with my vision" which was in April of 2014. So here is how I am winning this battle against HPPD and DP/DR. I was prescribed buspirone in February and it did make me feel very depressed at first but after a month I felt so much better and I am still feeling great when on this medication. It makes me feel half cured. I still feel as if I am watching my life from behind a screen but I am now happier, and I am more mentally sane. I smoke weed almost on a weekly basis and even smoked k2 once I'm able to wake up the next day and NOT feel more depersonalized. I still do not recommend smoking weed because the results can be totally different for each person.

He was in the New Beginnings program which he had to go to for 3 days after me and him got in trouble because he was giving me his medications back in January. I went through the same program as him a few months ago. They drug test us, have guest speakers talk about drugs and alcohol. even had one guy who had brain damage from a drunk driving accident. He will have the JADE program next which also involves drug tests and shit it's a pain in the ass but kind of entertaining at the same time

It was a drug program at the school that he had to go to

Ok so my mom did show up but she showed up very late at night. Her phone was off and everything and it's not normal for her to do that shit. The emotional stress from last night seems to have fucked me up a little more ????. I didn't sleep last night because I was super paranoid and full of anxiety

If I were you, go buy a few drug tests. I know the stuff didn't have PCP but some drugs will mess around with the system and make other drug tests say "indecisive" or even positive. These people won't contact me or answer so I think these people are complete morons. Many of the workers there are former drug addicts so they are probably mentally retarded

This is seriously the biggest scare of my life.

But I also kind of feel it's my fault for the psychotic thoughts I used to have. This is something I can possibly fight but it won't be easy.

Possibly. I went to the 2 classes and they never contacted me again and never answered my calls even though we were supposed to do exit interviews. I don't trust them.

Possibly. I went to the 2 classes and they never contacted me again and never answered my calls even though we were supposed to do exit interviews. I don't trust them.

So today I am possibly in a family crisis that may involve losing a parent and this can change my life forever. This is one of the biggest panic attacks of my life and I know past panic attacks have made everything worse. I don't think buspirone can save me this time

I've tested positive for PCP because of some of the shit you've given me. I don't really trust those people at JADE

I have thought about this before and I'm glad somebody else mentioned it. At my worst I was like a 70 year old man in the early stages of Alzheimer's because my brain fog was severe. but I have gotten better with my medication