Shadowplay

Keep on jammin! It's the best way to deal with this. Any kind of art When my HPPD started and the first months I could only play up to 5 minutes before my eyes was starting to scream from soreness. Now I can jam with friends and stuffs which is the best thing.

So HPPD can be fun? I remember 1 year ago, after drinking 4-5 beers during a period I started kind of tripping. This happend a few times.The room grew and got a more spacey feeling. I didn't mind and told my girl and some friends about it. They thought I was making it up or joking or something. I wish I'd checked it up. Didn't know by then that I would end up like this.

When you say caps, do you mean mushroom caps or capsules with the active ingredient? Wow, interesting stuff -mg, test it on us! But right, most of us aren't diagnosed for it take what you deserve!

Mine seem to diminish too during the recent months, not sure if it's related to Keppra or maybe the piece of hard plastic that I force myself to use every night that's doing it's job. I was clenching my jaw during sleep pre-HPPD too with these headaches so I'm not sure. Damn I'm too old for being 23.

Before Keppra I was tripping every night, experiencing astral tunnels, spectacular mathemathic spirals and geometrical patterns in different shapes and colours. It gave me an enjoyable feeling before going to sleep. I also saw my visual snow forming into different animals and insects flying around like you describe. This does rarely happen any more. I miss it a bit but less visuals is the way to go I guess. When I wake up in the mornings and if it's bright in the room and I shut my eyes quickly, I see a spider-web like flash that I really do despise. It reminds me that I'm still having this illness. I would say that CEV:s in a sober state, is a common symptom of HPPD. Are you still on Lamictal and what else did improve while you tried it?

I don't know about Reddit as a source, as it manifests on attention. But according to medical research it's found to be stimulating the nerve growth in the brain and do have neuroregenerating abilities. So I guess it's worth a shot. Can I ask you where you buy these shrooms?

Wow that's stunningly beautiful! Yeah I'd wish I could go outside and do something creative these days, but it's -5 and snow everywhere right now. Gotta move back to Spain, they do all this kind of flow arts every sunday in Parc Ciutadella in Barcelona. Throwing carpets, jumping on bungy ropes and playing bongo drums, I miss that place so much.. Haha yeah that would be so much fun. We can go for something like this: That flute solo is so impressive.

@leelala What is a firedancer? Sounds so exotic lol. Keep on dancing in them flames. @Mazzy13 Plenty of bass haha damn right. Yeah I love that stuff. 13th floor elevators are basicly the inventors of psychadelic rock. And I'm into fuzzy desert stuff too like Kyuss and Lowrider. All that good stuff. Roky is such a genius with his schizofrenic lyrics, great inspiration too for success with a fucked mind and vision.

Wow, that's heavy stuff. Didn't thought it could be that bad. And you still seem to manage life pretty good. That should prove that it's not about having a weak mind if you get HPPD or not, gotta be something else.. Why do some get these constant moving colours and another guy like me 300 fucking floaters in my central vision, visible in even darker enviroments. The brain has to been altered by different drugs and changed. Probably related to brain structure as well. Maybe we should take the focus away from finding a cure for HPPD and instead just treat the different symptoms. Too bad that there's no research in our symptoms either. Like seeing blue entoptic phenomena, floaters, photoreceptors probably has something to do with the photosensitivity. Where exact in the brain is regulating how much light we let in? Tinted transparent lenses would be awesome. But they don't exist yet.. Imagine lenses instead of sunglasses, that doesn't change your eye colour. That would be amazing.

About these colourful visuals, is that something that you see all the time? I've only had them during CEV:s at night. What do they look like?

I found this thread: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/621711-Anyone-had-their-HPPD-go-away-completely I've searched the web so many times with so few success stories that I almost at one point didn't believe in any recovery. I can't believe that I did miss this thread for some reason. This is the one you should read if you get HPPD and stick to that. Positive vibes is the best cure. There are 5 cases in this little thread where they're talking about serious HPPD that actually vanished within a few years of sobriety.

Is there something special that's going on in your life right now or something happened? Don't let the melancholic and misanthropic feelings beat you. It's saturday, whatever that means, spare yourself something special, do something young.

@Mazzy13 Haha really! We should start a band. Found a song named HPPD on youtube that was weird. So case closed. If you play bass and do drugs, there will a deep brain electric overload and you're good to go.

Yeah I completely understand you. It takes some time for a lot of people to understand your situation, most never will. My sister who's visiting right now just doesn't get it: We just to be best friends but right now I can't really deal with her, she's just too much and my mom's is irritating as fuck too sometimes. They don't get it. On the other half, I got a girlfriend and my dad that kind of gets it, they are being more calm and understanding. So you have to ask yourself, since you and I are ill, is it our empathy or theirs that doesn't feel right? Because if I met someone with parkinsons, bipolar or autism and I knew about I'd show them big time respect because they deserve it. Maybe it didn't work out with your housemate, maybe it was your fault or maybe not, it doesn't matter because right now you have to focus on yourself and build your world that works best for you. Don't run over people and have a nasty attitude in order to do so but sometimes you have to sacrifice one thing for another and that's just life. Don't blame yourself too much. I wish I could just smile and hide what I think but I'm too honest when it comes to communication in good and bad ways.

Strange that you got it from MDMA too. It seems like MDMA/MDA/PMMA and these kind of hallucinogenic amphetamines trigger HPPD more often than acid if you read stories about it. I guess it's more common with MDMA these days than dropping which will result in more people that got it from MDMA but still when reading about HPPD, LSD always seems to be that bad guy. I'm sure that bad MDMA with alcohol could be just as bad.

Oh a fancy lawyer, please sentence the fellas that's selling bad acid and fake-ass MDMA for a more HPPD-free society! Yeah Keppra is a blessing for me. I never thought that it would work so much for the DP/DR and brainfog and socializing. On good days I feel like I used too pre-HPPD, and I don't care as much about the visuals anymore either. I get tired few times a week but that's it. And this rage was crazy, but I told them that I need a calm enviroment so I think they do understand the situation as I've told them about possible side-effects of the drug. It's just the fucking floaters and the sunlight that's ripping me apart, everywhere, all the time. After doing that vitrectomy I'll probably be looking forward to live again. Dr. C K Patel in UK at Oxford does that shit with a great success without having to worry about cataracts later on. Yeah you know violent and aggressive people are just stressed and very emotional. Some people cry, other destroy things. It's better to hit a wall then to hurt yourself or someone else. The wall doesn't got feelings and the next time you get mad you can just look at the bloody hole in your wall and you might change your mind. Good luck with your studies, your a champ that's dealing with that with your symptoms.

Wasn't he occasionally dropping acid according to the blog entry? If that's his story that is. "Then the day came... the day I took those "Lucky 7's" ecstasy pills. I knew they were more than MDMA, because everyone who took them hallucinated like mad while on them." Sounds like MDA in my opinion. I tried that once, my vision was so sharp that it was ridicolous. A real potent HPPD inducer of what I've heard.

If you're experiencing stress and anxiety it can easily turn into anger. I don't think it's related to HPPD itself. I had my first real Keppra rage the other day though, pretty embarrasing afterwards. My family had an argument by the kitchen table and I destroyed my plate. I never destroyed things previously in my whole life, except for teenage vandalism. Fuck ties. Why are you wearing those anyways?

It's very rare to get HPPD from a single trip I'd say. Set and setting and a psychological evaluation before tripping and you shouldn't be too worried. And I'd like to remind you that I got HPPD firstly induced by MDMA. It bursted on acid though. I've read about HPPD when I noticed my first floaters 5 years ago after smoking weed. But I've always been a positive guy that doesn't take too much things in moderation or think about the aftermaths. I lived a free life and eventually got fucked I guess.

I do nothing. Trying to recover. I'll probably start studying biomedicine this fall if everything works out. Taking loans from the government to fund it. I don't find money rewarding any more so if I'm going to do something, that would be to create and help others. A music shop sounds tempting though. I play bass as well. What's up with HPPD and playing bass? That's the most hilarious coincidence ever. @matt @jay

I was thinking about these kind of problems too. I'm having a hard time with feelings of regret. I can't really feel it. I can't take responsibility for my actions any more. I do got my feelings back since DP/DR has been reduced. I do have empathy and can relate to others, but small problems never affected me since I got a lot to think of my own. I can easily do bad stuff without any kind of regret. I don't even regret getting HPPD. Isn't that sick? It's the worst thing that happend to me but I'm just accepting everything and don't feel bad about it. We are outside of the society, because we don't see the world or think as other human beings. That's why they won't understand us and we won't understand them. Alienated; but it doesn't have to be a bad thing. There are a lot of people out there just like you and me Stop telling yourself that there's something wrong about you. If nothing is good nor bad but just beautiful then so are you, right? Accept what you have become and don't try to adapt too much. You have to try to like yourself and who you have become. The goal, atleast for me isn't becoming normal. Don't care too much about what people think of how you are or what you think. I'd love to hang out with you, you seems interesting enough! In time you will find people that'll like you for the person you are, that's how nature works, we want to connect and create and share with the people that's like us. That's atleast what I believe.

Hahahah, you saw that live? Man that's the most hilarious thing I've seen in a long time. Great guitar riffs. "If I went to medical school I'd be a booty doctor" On topic, the first book I read after getting HPPD was The Valkyries by Paulo Coelho. When I read this it was like a sign of hope for recovery and that my HPPD will pass some day. " The air was heavy. He decided to go out right away–without tying his sneakers, he started to leave, but realized that he really wasn't feeling well. Could it be something I ate, he said to himself. But when he ate something that was off, his entire body usually gave him a signal, and he knew that. He wasn't nauseated, didn't feel like vomiting. Just a kind of dizziness that didn't seem to want to pass. Dark. The darkness grew; it seemed like a gray cloud around him. He felt the dizziness again. Yes, it had to be something he had eaten–Or maybe an acid flashback, he thought. But he hadn't tried LSD in five years. The delayed effects had disappeared after the first six months, and never returned." Again, probably not HPPD, but derealisation, flashbacks, visual disturbances? A light version I suppose.

Holy crap.. Do you think that's some kind of side effect to having HPPD for a long time? That your brain just gets so damn exhausted after a while or something. Maybe you should check out some deep brain stimulation. I guess with such a long medical journal that I suppose you got already maybe it's possible to get it for your problems.

I had these sick depressive, doomy feelings too. Basicly it felt like something evil had a grip on my soul and was dragging me down into a void of emptyness. This happend few times a week. After using Keppra for over a month, I don't experience this anymore. And my social status is even worse now than a few months ago. I still don't get these sick feelings that just unbearable. It's not panic nor anxiety because I was anxiety-free at that time. It's the feeling of death and I'm glad that it's gone because even on an alright day it could strike me down in seconds. So I'm backing up 415_STYLEE's advice. Try to get a sleep EEG, that showed spikes for me. I can post you some Keppra, but it's usually gives the greatest effects after you have been using it for a while, so I don't know. But if you want, I'll do it for you.

DP/DR is getting better every week. Visual Snow is basicly gone. I had a mild version of visual snow previously but the CEV:s was pretty strong. They are reduce to 90% including visual snow. Thought I'd let you know. No improvement on trails, starbursting or floaters. Side effects: somnolence appears randomly few times a week.