Shadowplay

Alright, sounds like a good idea. I'd like to inform you that the rate of getting a rash as an adult ranges from 0.8 to 1.3 per 1,000 patients. But, it is serious if it does happends. But it's very unlikely. Yes, I know that you don't have any problems clonazepam and that you do use it safely, however as it does interfere with both serotonin and increases the release of GABA, it's possible that it can delay the brains own function to heal itself through finding new pathways or by neuroplasticity and neurogenesis. I can't prove this but it's a theory based on how our brain and body usually works. The body usually have a wonderful way of healing itself and sometimes we do medical treatment on the way there. But it might actually interfere with natural healing process as the brain will ignore the problem when medicated.

If you eat a ketogenic diet it will work as a natural medicine to slow down overactivity in your brain that's causing anxiety or visual disturbances. This has been proven in a study. You can read more about this here: http://www.epilepsy.com/learn/treating-seizures-and-epilepsy/dietary-therapies/ketogenic-diet Kids have had their seizures reduced with 50%. It doesn't have to say that your HPPD will be reduced too, but it does in fact work at some level. So if you want to adjust your diet to your illness. LCHF is the way to go. Eating a lot of fish and seafood combined with good vegetables that grow above the ground and mushrooms is the ideal diet for HPPD. If you stick to this diet you don't need any other vitamins, minerals or supplements as this diet will provide you with everything you need and even more, as it will possibly reduce over-activity in the visual cortex.

Give it a serious try this time! Anti-convulsants can take up to 2-3 months until its effects are getting noticed. I hope it helps you and that you can withdraw safely from clonazepam. There is a girl here that had colourful trails that permanently disapeared from using Lamictal. I'm currently speaking with a new friend that has partial epileptic seizures that is on Lamictal and she doesn't seem to have any side-effects at all. Good luck!

I'd like to discuss the theory about SSRI:s and HPPD. It's usually not recommended as it does often come with visual side-effects. However, nevertheless you got HPPD or not, you get these visual side-effects when you are setting your dosage straight and getting used to the medicine. This usually takes between 2-8 weeks of what I've heard. After this session, your visual symptoms should return to normal but your psychological issues should be decreased. The connection between serotonin and HPPD have yet not been proved in any circumstances except for the fact that many react negativetly on SSRI:s the first week, which is completely normal as a side-effect. It doesn't have to have any correlation between that and HPPD. Lets leave that open until it has been valuated in a more serious study.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Felbamate It's a blocker of the NMDA receptor, which will stop the flow of calcium that might effect our vision. As other kalciumblockers are very effective for some of our symptoms. It's also related with the dopamin receptors where they play an impact on eachothers. Not only that but it's a positive regulator of GABA-receptors as well which can be useful for psychological reasons. This seems to be the most effective medicine for HPPD, but it has a price. Roughly 1/3000 and 1/5000 will be hit by some serious side-effects, and it might be irreversible. But I'd like to try this out some time, maybe at a hospital for safety reasons. We have to check this one out for sure. It seems hard to lay your hands on.

We don't know that. I don't think Naltrexone works on our DP/DR as it seems seperated from the real one. Naltrexone is effective for patients with real depersonalization. Just because our symptoms are close enough, doesn't mean that it's the same psychological illness. Keppra works for us, not for people with "chronic" DP/DR. Only that fact is interesting enough for me to question the whole DP/DR symptom that often comes with HPPD. The opioid overload theory is based on where you have enourmous levels of anxiety, you body saves you from pain by increasing the opioid levels in your body. So it creates a shell of numbness to protect your anatomical parts such as heart, stomach and head from physical pain. Thanks for sharing.

Sure, you got some good points. You just have to try to achieve some kind of clarity to these theories and thought that you have been thinking about. It's very good to think about such things but sometimes if you do not feel well, or if you are under the influence of for example cannabis or alcohol, your mind can play tricks on you and you can find yourself trapped within a thinking pattern and ideas that aren't the most logical. Share you ideas and thoughts with your friends and family, see what they think about it. Don't dwell in the past and don't plan your future, these civil structures does actually not exist. You have and will always live in the present. That's why acceptance is very important and it's the only thing that will help you to recover and to evolve through life. If not, you will build obstacles through you life that can create psychological issues and that is far worse then the visuals symptoms. And yes I agree with you that the human being is not a natural happy or pleasant creature. We have evolved through life and death, through pain and pleasure, through grief and happiness. We have to create our own joy. And there will always be more darkness than light. More evil than good. That's some well understood grounds in physics. But in the end of a very dark and long tunnel, there will hopefully be some light. For you and for me. And for everyone else on this forum.

Shoot! I'd try if I wasn't on Keppra that has fixed my DP/DR. I'm not sure about dosage but you should follow the study if you want to try it out. And do it in a safe enviroment. Research is great! The theory is that DP/DR patients may have an overload of the body's own opioids which gives the sense of numbness and dissociation. Naltrexone should stop this by acting as an opioid-antagonist.

I experienced ghosting twice. Scared the shit out of me. Never happened again, never looked for it again. I hope that it'll stay that way.

Happy to hear that bro! Still on levetiracetam? I'm doing good too. Visuals still there. But my psychological issues are almost gone with the wind

I have to like my HPPD, even though it's severe and I'm taking Levetiracetam for it. It's a part of who I am, and a lot of things has had it's evolutionary and consequential path to get to this point, which is me. If I don't accept my HPPD, or even like it, then how can I enjoy life? I think you know the answer to that. And that's the most important thing to do with any illness. I can recommend a quite new film about Stephen Hawking and his journey through life named "The theory of everything". He is too smart to get depressed or feel sorry about himself and his illness is thousands of times worse then HPPD. Stop feel sorry for yourselves and stop making up and try to relate all different kind of symtoms that appears or problems that comes in your life with HPPD. That's the greatest myth of our illness.

Yes, that's the common reason that physicists believe why we do dream. It's a way to deal and handle with the problems that we face. It helps us in an unconscious state of mind. When I was most depressed, I had the most lovely dreams about skateboarding, playing at shows and meeting up with old friends. It inspired me to deal with my problems and to get my life back on track and today I'm not depressed at all, I'm actually pretty positive overall. I don't suffer from anxiety either. The body has a lot of natural ways to deal with psychological pain. That's why you shouldn't smoke weed nor take anti-depressants as it will interfere with your natural healing process. Most people that smoke weed don't dream at all. Keep you head high up, accept your problems, enjoy your life.

I'm working on another documentary right now, but I will do a more serious project about HPPD in a few years. I'm thinking of following maybe 4-5 people with major HPPD through their daily lives and to talk about their story on the way.

I'm happy to hear that! Why the fuck does everyone here play bass? I do, Jay do, and you do that too? Is it all about the bass? The fuzzy tones? Is that what brought this upon us? Slappin zhe bass mon'! Well, I believe that the qEEG is for a better approach and a more detailed analyze on the issue itself, so I should do it without medication to try to isolate the issue. So it's more of a research thing I believe, and for a better diagnostic picture. They can see like almost everything what's going on in my brain which is pretty cool, so I'm stoked about that. So far I've only done a sleep deprived EEG which showed some spikes in the left temporal lobe which has been adjusted back to normal with the use of Keppra, but I want more details and my neurologist takes me very seriously which is great.

Sounds like pretty strong CEV:s, lately this week I've experienced CEV:s before going to bed where shadows are moving, changes of light. Some blue light. When HPPD started I had like super-intense stuff such as swirls of colours and shapes of weird objects. I got myself blinded a few times by the self-light to my eyes. Which means that the self-light got so bright that it hurt my eyes even though I had my eyes fully closed. And I got a vortex looking galaxy object, similar to this but not as intense once: http://s3.amazonaws.com/dk-production/images/72437/large/TD10.jpg?1394476531 So, yeah I guess it happens. I've heard reports and I have personally experienced this that if you think about something, the visual snow or CEV:s can turn into that object. So maybe you were thinking of for example shrooms and they appeared?

Regarding increasing my dose I've just felt a bit more tired after breakfast when my stomach is full and Keppra just kicked in. Yes, I agree with you on that point with the tiredness. That sounds great! I'm glad to hear that. I don't think too much about DP/DR anymore, I actually don't even believe that it's depersonalization as others may get from traumas and abuse etc but simply just a trippy state that involves similar symptoms to dp/dr, now this is a theory but as hallucinogens do give you that effect of dp/dr while under influence of the drug (but you do obviously like it when your high) and since we are basicly stuck in a trip, I do prefer this theory then to say that "Ohh HPPD is so traumatic so all got DP/DR", then 90% of people with brain cancer would have that too right? But they don't. Also Keppra and other anti-convulsants works for us, not for people with real chronic depersonalization, now if that exists. I feel good actually, my eye soreness is gone, which means I can play guitar, watch movies (fuck em starbursts) and read books. So studying and working will most likely be possible for me in the future which I'm really happy about. I'm approaching life very positively these days, as I've came out of a very deep depression with suicidal thought patterns and I've come to some insights in life now which I feel good about. I'd like to relate to Kafkas story in The Metamorphosis where the human being turns into an insect and loses everything that he loved and everything that he knew. Just before he dies, he hears his sister play the violin, and that was the first time he actually listened to it with full attention, and it was also the first time and the last time when he felt the most human as ever felt, even though he was just an insect he died with joy. Still have some fucked up mornings with chronic pains in jaw and head and racing thoughts, but not as often as before. It used to feel like a hammer in my head previously. Visual snow is reduced a lot. Still gets some CEV:s when going to bed and the real feelings that there is no difference with closed or open eyes, because I see the same stuff no matter if they are open or closed. Still have long trails but I try no not care about them (I was actually playing with some waterdrops in the shower before). It gave me anxiety but that's my approach, to try to become friends with my symptoms. I'm getting used to the after-images. Floaters still fucks me up everytime, all the time but I will visit Dr. C.K Patel in 1 month in London, and might get schedueled for surgery. Before Keppra I didn't have emotions. Now I feel like me again and my emotions are great. According to my doctor the level of levetiracetam in my blood was low, which means that a increase of the medicine is a good idea for me. However this was analyzed at Sahlgrenska in Stockholm and later determined by my neurologist, which makes her look very professional and I also count in the fact that it seems very individually how your body reacts on the medication and how much you actually have in your blood stream. I will get back to you guys after my meeting in Lunds university, hopefully it's QEEG time, but it might just be some random bullshitting and then get a new appointment. How did it work out for you Merkan? Because you were there right? Did you got the test immediately or did you first had a meeting with a doctor and then got re-schedueled? Take care bros

Well Clonazepam effects the serotonin levels as well doesn't it? I doubt that these "shocks" are from an anti-convulsant or just plain from HPPD itself, but from Clonazepam as this is the only medication that is interferring with serotonin levels where there are a lot of reports on this from SSRI-usage. I'm sure it's possible that it can be related to the anti-convulsant but I haven't read anything about these kind of side-effects. If it would be the case, it would be more rare than from Clonazepam usage.

I'm happy to see that it works for you too Pinionlel. My blood tests came back from an analyze where I had according to my neurologist a low concentration of levetiracetam in my blood (48 umol/L). Since it has positive properties on me she recommended to up the dose to 1000x mg twice a day which I'm following now. Been really tired today as I'm used to only 500 mg a day, but I'll get used to it in a week probably. Looking forward to my QEEG that will go down in 2 weeks.

Yes, there are numerous of reports of sufferers that fought with their HPPD for years and they tried to smoke some weed again at some point, and it took them back to square one. Even our best researcher for this illness Dr. Abraham states that cannabis is absolutely dangerous for us and that we should avoid it at any cost. If you want to hype cannabis and act shaman please don't do it on this forum. I'm glad that it "helps" you though, but then you have to question yourself, do you really got as severe HPPD as other on the forum? Its common effects makes everything worse for the most of us here and I think that it's rude to encourage a such usage that can, yes, make HPPD permanently worse and even cause it in the first place with a SSRI for an example.

I don't know, but I know that a daily use of clonazepam can fuck your head up and give you worse visual side-effects then HPPD itself.

Well said, Merkan! I agree a lot on your philosophical thoughts on HPPD and how to deal with it. And I'm going down the same route and I'm fine, even though I would call my HPPD severe compared to others on this forum. I know that yours is bad too which comes to the conclusion that a great mindset is important for us to cope with it. And I've learned that I even like some psychological effects of my HPPD. Even though I'm medicated with Keppra to take the edge off, I still have an non-materialistic, introvert and analyltic thought pattern. Without brainfog and DP/DR (that's reduced with 80% since start of HPPD) it can come handy. An expanded mind as I'm tripping forever, and when you can deal with it you can use it in social and work situations. Like you said we don't have time to act pessimistic about it. I certainly don't have time to be depressed, or to have anxiety or to waste time thinking on what could have happened or what could have not. The truth is according to the physics of the universe is that this is the only way that it could have happened and I'm not talking about a destiny or fate but simply about the physical phenomena called cause and consequence. Where nothing disappears but it keeps transforming and shifting shapes and moves on. This is the only way, this is your life, and you better embrace it because this is who you are. If you don't love yourself, then how will the world love you back? Get friendly with your symptoms and they will become less harmful.

No idea, but I got starburst from the street lights all the way down to the street. So meter long ones. It doesn't change. I don't care to much about it any more. HPPD for 8 months. Starbursting is the same. Keppra doesn't help it. Alcohol makes me forget about it during night-time.

It's fine. No problems. Worse hangover due to I'm a bit more anxious now then I was pre-HPPD but that will eventually pass anyways so it's secondary to HPPD.

Doesn't have to have anything at all to do with serotonin at all. That's just one of the many neurotransmitters that we got in our brain. And there are some theories out there. In fact sex is mainly dopamine related. You're probably just depressed or anxious, it can develop into loss or increase of libido. HPPD have some symptoms that's well documented and known. I think it's time that we have to realize that we got HPPD+all the others stuff that normal people gets too and this is probably one of them. We can't put us in a corner where we blame HPPD for everything and it's just too common these days. You'll be fine. Stop jerking off, it's bad for your brain and it empties your dopamine levels which can make you feel even more depressed. Get a girl so you can balance it out better Good luck man!