Shadowplay

Thanks for your reply. Yeah, that's what I've been thinking about, that it might lead to anxiety. But then I might get some other feelings back as well I suppose. Right now I don't care about the visuals even though I got severe palinopsia and can't go out in the daylight. I don't have anxiety and it's easy to fall asleep. But this emptyness and dissociation makes nothing worth while. I guess it can be linked to depersonalisation but when I compare how I feel to others, I seem to lack a lot of symptoms when it comes to it. I don't see myself from a 3rd perspective, or feel unreal just emotionally detached, slightly physical. Yes I agree, it's kind of like a low dose of psychedelics, but I like it, though it's making me very unstable. Feeling high one day and mood is good. Then the other day completely empty and hates everything. Going bipolar god damn it. That's great that you seem to have some kind of success with your meds. I'm going to call my neurologist tomorrow and see if it's possible to try it out and I'd like him to refer me to Linköpings university for a PET-scan. If I won't be allowed for a trial I'm probably going to try Wellbutrin out. I hope it doesn't interfere with any kind of eventual healing. Why a PET-scan would be my choice is due to the latest Visual Snow Syndrome research where they used this technique: It was quite hilarious as I did my first EEG last week, I asked the doctor about a QEEG. She had no clue at all of what it was and smiled at me asking me if I'd read about it online! Uhm.. yea? It exists in Sweden too doesn't it?.. No answer to that. Well thanks to you now I atleast know it does and where to find it. I need to get diagnosed in some kind of way in hope to get some kind of insurance to be able to move on with my life.

Wihuu! When can we lay our hands on that?

Clonazepam and other benzos seems to be a way to go for some HPPD sufferers. However, I just learned that I actually got my DP from abrupt withdrawal of eating Ativan for barely 2 weeks. I researched a bit yesterday about the withdrawal symptoms and It's very clear that DP/DR is a common one even after short-term use, and withdrawal can cause DP that lasts for years. I don't think that DP/DR is caused by HPPD itself but It's simply from the anxiety it/or benzos brings. I had my first anxiety attack when abruptly stopped Ativan after just being on it for 2 weeks. This made me completely numb. So if you ever want your DP to go away, stay of these drugs because they can be the cause of it in the first place. I got HPPD without having a bad trip, so no DP/DR. Then these Ativan which the doctor said were mild so I took 2-3 mg a day caused an anxiety attack after the abrupt withdrawal which gave me DP. Damn that's bad luck. It's a great chance to recover from Benzo induced DP within 2 years which is atleast something. Take care

Thanks for sharing. And you are right, It's definitely HPPD. A swedish guy on this forum got it from smoking spice a few years ago and he has severe DP/DR with visuals. They're comparing it to MDMA in the article where he mentions that both these drugs are messing up and damaging neurotransmitters and that you'll have to refrain from drug-use in order for it to heal. He had some success with anti-epileptic meds on his patient but no complete recoveries. Nothing new but I guess that all public reports are good to warn hallucinogenic users and to start a debate about it. It would be great if they could take this further with a detailed explaination about the actual syndrome, but then someone who's got HPPD from spice has to come out to Aftonbladet to give a detailed interview to enlight scandinavia about it. Hopefully the swedish guy from here will find this interesting enough. Swedish newspapers as Aftonbladet love the "cry-out-stories" with a sad face attached. It would be great to warn others and even better for us to get some recognition.

Hey everyone, It's almost been 2 months without any improvement on the visuals. I basicly got all symptoms you can think of except for the most common one which seems to be anxiety. I can't feel anxious or panic. It's extremly hard to cry too. I've only cried or felt panic when I was using small pieces of Ativan. Thought it should be the other way around.. So I've been completely sober from all drugs and sugar for a month now. I live outside of a small town kind of in the woods so I'm quite isolated here except for when my girlfriend visits. I question myself all the time why she's still around because I''m not that fun anymore. My problem is that on the days that passes me by, I'm either feeling completely empty. No feelings for anyone and just doesn't care, without any anxiety or regret. I mean I obviously regret getting HPPD but I can't feel it. Comfortably numb you may call it but It's terrible. On other days (30-40%) I feel kind of high, waking up with an extreme body load. Almost got the feeling of being coked up. This can last the whole day which feels so weird but good in a strange way. I mean how the fuck can I feel good when I barely can laugh anymore. It's just this buzz that makes me sleep super-good as well. I can probably sleep 20 hours a day if I wanted too and my brain would enjoy it. Some nights are hell though. Can anyone relate to HPPD without anxiety? And having these weird good feelings? Then other days being completely empty and having a hard time to even get out of the bed. I'm thinking of trying out Wellbutrin but that combinated with my "high" days could get crazy I guess. On my non-buzzy-feeling days I've got no motivation, no lust for life which is ruining my relationships and mind even more so I need something to get out of it. As I experience no anxiety I get quite apathic. Anxiety is atleast a feeling that can force you to do something instead of being a damn vegetable all day. Did an EEG last week, but I guess nothing will show there so I'm not sure how I'll get my hands on Keppra either. The queues for a PET-scan here is up to 3 months and the days are long while the world is passing me by. Thanks for your inputs and opinions,

Raze, do you only notice these flashing colours as symptoms of "HPPD"? Or do you have other symptoms that is more common such as after-images, light sensitivity and visual snow? If you don't then maybe you don't even have HPPD at all. And you seem to have some psychotic patterns for example that you believe people are reading your mind and that you actually wants to trip again. It's very possible that hallucinations appear due to other reasons then HPPD. I've been sober for over a month and eating healthy as well; it hasn't removed any visuals or depression but my body feels super-good. It's like a natural high and I don't have anxiety anymore related to my slight of DP or depression. Try it out!

Yeah, I agree Jay. More likely symptom free is a better way to describe it. Here's my favourite Clonozepam withdrawal video: That's why I wouldn't go that route. Either you use it forever, use it wisely or just fuck it I guess. You always gotta pay your debts in the end..

I read about a guy that after 5 years of HPPD now is on Keppra, Sinemet and Clonazepam and states that he is basicly cured (symptom free). I'm sure It's the best combo out there if you don't recover within a few years.

Hi DoneDoof, I'm also om my 6th week in. Low five! I first developed slight HPPD through MDMA as well, but it got fully blown by taking a half blotter of acid. There's people using MDMA every weekend for years without getting HPPD so I don't think that you should blame your self for abusing it, or taking too much. I kept myself hydrated and never had a bad trip and still ended up just like you. It's possible that we have "it" in us, and the drugs just takes it out of us as there are plently of cases of HPPD/Visual Snow Syndrome without drug abuse, so don't be too hard on yourself. You and I seems to be on the exact same route, as I've also been to an opthamologist twice and of course everything is just fine.. Going for my first EEG on thursday. I'm not allowed to sleep the day before. So excited! Uhm not really.. but what I've heard is that it's possible to recover within 6 months-1 year mark by keeping yourself away from any drug (caffeine included), eating healthy and exercising. If you can't stand it, which I barely can't right now, you can try different anti-epileptic medicin to reduce the activity within the visual cortex that is most-likely causing these distortions. If you want to see it in a positive way the brain is basicly taking in too much information from the eye, so we have some kind of super-sight. I actually improved my vision. Went to do an eye-exam today and my sight has actually improved (with -0.25) since getting this mess so atleast that's something! Why I'm still functioning is probably because my body went into some state where I basicly can't feel anxiety or panic. Pretty numb in other words, but I can still feel good times to times which is weird because I should be devastated. Waking up in the morning empty as a cracked nutshell is killing me though. Try LCHF-diet to start with, it has an anti-epileptic effect on the brain and it seems to be effective. Try to relax with some mediation or sleeping songs and dont push yourself too hard. I hope that you'll get better, as much as I have hope for myself. Let's have a challenge who gets HPPD-free first! Counting from today Best Regards,

Thanks for the tips. I'll stick to that and see if it would affect any kind of recovery. What I've noticed is that I now seem to be more sensitive when it comes to general drugs. I've been staying away from caffeine and alcohol these weeks but today I had myself a cup of green tea which has a very low amount of caffeine in it but it still gave me a calm buzz. Never had that before with tea. Maybe it's like that with the Ibuprofen so I won't need as much as recommended either. 400 mg Ibuprofen on morning headache days (which usually is 3-5 times a week) will do it! Starting LCHF-diet tomorrow as well. So much fun.

Hi, I hope everyone's alright. Since I recently developed HPPD and it's quite severe in many symptoms I'm trying my best to recover, as there seems to be a slight chance within the first year. What's common after a stroke at a patient is that they'll get Ibuprofen subscribed to heal the inflammation in brain as quick as possible, because this is preventing the neurotransmitters or cells to recover. Here's a source, testing on rats: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/10/121003111153.htm I'm not sure if direct HPPD causes an inflammation in the brain or not, since it's not very like a stroke, but there's probably a minor inflammation that could prevent any recovery. Do you advise of me taking an ibuprofen once or twice a day the following months? I know that the bi-effects is pretty bad for the stomach and liver, but hey I guess it's worth it if it will help me recover and I can get some Losec for the stomach. Thanks,

The neurologist didn't know shit what I was talking about. Luckily I had a lot of documents and research material with me regarding Visual Snow Symptom and what could be defect in the brain. I waited 3 weeks for a 30 minute, worthless meeting with a neurologist that basicly left me all alone and said that she had to move on to another patient. She said something about that they'll contact me again for an EEG scan in a couple of weeks. And might refer me to another hospital for a PET-scan as well. But that could take up to 3 months. Hopefully I'm still alive at that point. Damn, this is really frustrating. She did at some point say that she got after-images as well, and was waving her hands like crazy. Her movements made me sick, that's a nice doctor. Well I guess I'm just making this all up and everyone else is too.

I feel you! I used to live in Gothenburg, still stuck in Sweden though and I doubt that the east coast will help me better. I rather not go through the benzo way of dealing with it though, but I guess that's usually how it goes for the anxiety that sometimes comes with HPPD. Does your meds help you with your visuals? As I'm quite a new guy when it comes to this illness so any "swedish" tips or shortcuts would be much appreciated, as I reckon you had it for a while. Maybe a few electroshocks here and there could get useful so we all can end up like Roky Erickson with his mom and a hell lots of distorted noise in the background to disturb our visuals.

Hi Visual, Thanks for taking your time. Yes, when I got these eye drops a great part of my light sensitivity was reduced which is ironic since a dilated pupil receives more light and all floaters dissapeared as well, so it is indeed positive while under influence of the drug. However as a side-effect people have reported HPPD from misusing a lot of anticholinergics as a recreational drug, and it was mentioned in the Wikipedia articel that side-effects can trigger visual snow, so I got worried that this could have increased my symptoms since my palinopsia got worse. Regarding the floaters; I always see them when moving my eyes in any light enviroment/background and if I do go outside they're everywhere. A few hundred small and some big ones. I'm nearsighted as well (-0.75) which usually leads to having a bit more detached vitreous within the eye. My floaters was the major warning sign for HPPD along with a bit of BFEP, but I didn't thought it was related to drugs but my eyes. Then exactly one month ago, I shared a blotter with a friend and since then got HPPD. So I'm at my 4th week and have recently developed some kind of emotional numbess where I don't care about anything but I want to get better, that's for sure! Maye it's due to depression, as I don't feel any DR anymore and the little DP I had is getting better. It's probably because I can't feel anxiety. I've got Ativan subscripted for me back in Spain, where they said they were "mild" anti-anxiety pills. I never had benzos before in my life which resulted in taking too much for the first week and then went for a horrendous withdraw back home in Sweden. Since then I've taken 0,25 mg 1/4 at some points. The ativan worked good for the DP/DR that I first experienced and the social anxiety. Now I barely has any DP/DR and no anxiety at all, because I'm that numb. I made some irrational decision 2 days ago because of not caring about consequences which gave me troubles of sleeping again and I took 1/4 of Ativan. When it kicked in and I was going to sleep my room got super bright just from the glare of the moon shining through my window that's even covered well with curtains. Then the visuals got worse, where I had some OEVS and a lot of self light to the eyes. So I'm done with the Ativan for now, I seems that my trailing is even worse today. My hands are driving me crazy. When coming down from the Ativan I get even more light sensitive, the visuals gets worse, I get extremely sound sensitive and in a worser mode. So I guess it's either eating it all the time non-stop, or just not doing it at all for me. I read that lorazepam itself can be hypnotic, not sure if that would worsen the visuals or not but it did the other night and it wasn't a pleasant experience. The light sensitive is to that extreme point where I can't go out in the sunlight without using polarized sun glasses. I can't be in bright rooms. Phone, screens, well all electronic devices that has a screen have to be set to the lowest brightness possible to even be bearable. I'm not sure if it's greater in my peripheral vision but if I'm watching TV, any light in my peripheral vision can disturb me, even if it's just there, it's hard to explain but it feels like that any light would be the focus away from me. I finally got an appointment with my first neurologist on friday (The only one in town, I hope he's good). I already printed a bunch of papers related to the Visual Snow Syndrome and the hypermetabolism in the visual cortex that's seems related to HPPD as well. I can't really open up about drugs to the healthcare here in Sweden, as I would then be rejected any help more or less, but hopefully they can help me at some point. Best Regards,

Hi there, Since I have a few hundreds of floaters in my vision that my brain can't filter out due to this hypermetabolism I'm thinking of doing a surgery to get rid of these. There are a few concerns regarding this except for the risk of the vitrectomy itself. First of, I've been to three different ophtamologists that has used both mild and strong eye drops to dilate my pupil. These drops improved my HPPD temporarily and almost gave me a buzzy feeling so I had to check it out what it was. Apparently it's usually a form of a anticholinergic that comes in different brands, which according to drug forums and even Wikipedia can CAUSE "Visual Snow Syndrome/HPPD". After I've been to these different eye exams I feel that some symptoms could have worsen, such as the extreme palinopsia trailing I'm experiencing right now. Since the doctor that will perform the vitrectomy most likely wants to examine the inside of my eyeballs as well before proceeding with the surgery, I'm afraid of getting any more of anticholinergics in me. I will most-likely be put into sleep using standard anesthesia as well, which I already found a thread for and no one so far seems to have any problems with this one. But I'm worried after all. I'm sure that a lot of you have floaters as well, but just to make sure how severe mine are, I can tell you that I had to resign from my work because I couldn't sit behind a computer screen due to these black spots and cowebs. I would say that the floaters and the palinopsia together with my photofobia are the worst symptoms so eliminating one would be great. Is it worth to take a bank loan for? For me it is. Is it worth it if it can worsen my HPPD? Definitely not. Please help me to discuss whether anticholinergics or muscarinic antagonists can effect HPPD. I also would like your input of what you think about how the photofobia (extreme light sensitivity) has its relations to an increased noticing of floaters and the blue field entoptic fenomena. Has any one here had success of reducing photofobia or floaters using Keppra, Clonazepam, Sinemet or eating a ketogen diet? I'm very grateful for any opinions on this one, Stay strong,

Hi Brake, Alright, thanks a lot for sharing this. *Fingers crossed*.

Hi there, This is the latest symptom that I received roughly 1 week ago and my HPPD hit me 3 weeks ago. I'm really unsure why I started to notice this after a while and it has increased a lot lately. Maybe it has something to do with the Ativan which calmed my anxiety so my brain could focus on finding another issue instead. I haven't used any bensodiazepines the latest 80 hours but I'm still anxiety free, which just feels completly wrong. Maybe I'm getting uncomfortably numb for some reason. (It's way better than anxiety attacks though). It has gotten to the point that these after-images as with my hands all the time. When I'm at the computer, I see them flying all around at the keyboard. Hell, even when I'm walking I see my the after-images of my feet, so I'll have to keep my head up high. When I'm socializing this is a problem as I use a lot of body language, and so do family and some friends too. So at some point I'm just heavily focused on these damn moving hands that are everywhere which is giving me a hard time to focus on the conversation. Is anyone else here dealing with after-images that is really bad when it comes to fast movements? And have you had any success to decrease this symptom? Over time or with medication/supplies. Thank you very much, Best Regards,

Thank you very much for your effort so far! I would say that this study is the best latest achievement for those with VS/HPPD which gives me a little of hope. I just donated 100 bucks and I'm afraid that's all I can do now since I had to quit my job because of this mess. 38.000 in 2 months isn't bad at all. Do you have any idea on how Eye on Vision will proceed when the initial amount of 50.000 dollars has been reached? And I wonder if this thread shouldn't be moved and pinned in the general forum for a wider attention? It's very close to 50.000. You are stating that the government doesn't do anything about this, or isn't involved in any research. But why is that? Shouldn't a tenthousand sufferers be enough for any government to take action and find some what of a solution now when we know what the issue is? Best Regards,

Hi Ozzz and Jay, Thanks for the replies and the story that you attached. I will definitely try to exercise more but it's really difficult as I can't let it go off my mind. It's always there, and these floaters and the extreme light sensitivity is constantly reminding me. I have a large amount of floaters and that's why I'll probably will go through with this eye operation. Hopefully it will be succesful so I atleast got one less problem to think about related to this torment. I tried to have a few beers with my friends but it did only worse the symptoms, so I'm definitely not going for any more of that, I've also stopped with smoking cigarettes and caffeine without any troubles. I just don't simply know what to do with myself and it really feels like the world and my whole life is just passing by as I do nothing about it either, I feel really helpless. I had to quit my job because I couldn't stand the bright enviroment and the light from the screen because it really made my floaters shine and caused heavy anxiety. This was pre-full-blown symptoms. I tried to study, didn't work either because I can't focus enough and it all feels pointless. I guess that the depression is coming for me already. And the worst thing is, is that I've read about HPPD before I got it, I just never thought that it would be this serious and scary and liferuining if I would be that unlucky guy that eventually got it. I'm really admiring all of you, who's actually coping with it, having a job, studying, working out etc, because all that seems so far from where I am today. I can barely make it through the day. I tried to go to swimming yesterday at a indoor place, and it gave me some relief but the social anxiety isn't fun at all, it felt really awkward. In a few months it'll be a very dark place here in Sweden at 4 P.M already which is a bit of relief. I can't stand the sun anymore. I just hope that the Visual Snow, which is at a moderate level right now won't increase. The worst part of it all is that 2 months ago, I had a great life and I was actually happy with a shared flat with my girlfriend in Spain and had a work that was really smooth with a very sporty and social life. Right now, I have nothing. I am nothing. Hopefully I'll survive long enough for any improvement, or any kind of light in my life, that will make this worth fighting for. My best wishes to all of you,

Hi everyone out there, I've been reading on this forum for the last week daily more or less. I think that I've probably have read the most threads already, which have given me both hope and pain at the same time. It's a very serous diagnosis and there seems to be very litte help for this curse of agony that is upon us. To make a long history short: It started out with a massive increase of floaters in both eyes after taking crystalized MDMA. I had a great night but the coming days were obviously very hard to deal with. I thought that it could be something related to HPPD but wasn't sure at all as my opthamologist said that I had gotten myself a Posterious Vitreous Detachment (PVD). This was very confusing as I'm only 23 years old. Except for this I didn't notice any other symptoms, except for BFEP (Blue Field Entoptic Phenomena) which can be a quite normal event while watching a blue sky. 1 month later, dealing with a minor depression because seeing hundreds of black floaters everywhere I turn, I went to a festival in Portugal to take some time off and have some fun. Having some fun obviously includes drugs to some part and I remember myself thinking, after a 6-pack of beers and a line of coke, buying that blotter of LSD that: "Fuck it if I get more floaters, I'm still gonna do a vitrectomy for it anyways!". The brain isn't very intelligient on these drugs I would say. Stupid me. Luckily (oh the irony) I shared the blotter with a friend of mine. The trip was very strong for me, morphing heads, OEVs, strong CEVs with loads of fractals. But for my friend, it wasn't that intense. It's quite strange because we actually had a fun time tripping, it was very intense and of course a lot of interactions because it was at a festival but it was definitely not a bad trip by any means. The day after I felt a bit dizzy and my friend was feeling sick. I continued to drink and did a few lines this night, but eventually got very tired and sick and went back to the car to sleep. During my sleep I think I got some kind of flashback, as I remember that I did experience CEV's and did not feel that great at all. And since that day afterwards, everything has basicly been a mess until today. I got some Ativan from a doctor and she said that these were very mild tranquilizers. I've now realized that they're quite strong and has used 1/4 mg every morning to be able to socialize and to see more doctors for examinations. It do feel very helpless though, as I know more about my symptoms and diagnosis then the doctors do, but I won't drop that it is a drug-induced disorder as this will lead to ignorance of my health. My symptoms of HPPD are: - Extreme light sensitivity (I can't go outside without glasses on a sunny day) - Floaters (I have over hundreds of dark floaters, basicly all the time on every surface.) - Lack of depth perception (but it's getting better.) - Halos/Starbursts - Palinopsia (Most annoying thing, wherever I move my hands, a quick after-image will follow, and this is killing me.) - Tinnitus (with extreme sound-sensitivity.) - Visual Snow (also having light sparks CEVs) - Anxiety with a touch of DP/DR. - Tension headaches - Blue Field Entoptic Phenomena I obviously feel depressed by this as well. Right now, it was over 48 hours since I took any Ativan and I don't feel any anxiety, nor can I cry or panic, I feel very numb. I don't have any tension headaches in the back or on top of my head anymore either. The visual snow was lessened yesterday night so I could sleep, but the palinopsia is getting worse. I'm not sure if this is related to the benzodiazepine or if these symptoms actually has been reduced/increased. The DP/DR is also lessened. But I think that this has something to do with the Ativan, but 0,25 mg surely shouldn't last over 48 hours now should it? Except for Ativan, I've been eating these supplements for 1 week: - B12, Nyacin - Magnesium - Lutein/Zeaxanthin Got another eye exam tomorrow, where the doctor dilates the pupil, so I can't even see straight. This is a very anxious process and yet so meaningless. I will ask her if she can transfer me to a neurologist for a QEEG-scan to be able to proceed with this in some kind of way. Medications that I would like to try: Keppra Sinemet Lamotrigin Clonazepam (Afraid of this one though, as Ativan makes me feel normal again and that I can sleep, so I don't want to get addicted). At this point I do often have thoughts about giving up life, because nothing really matters in this kind of state. I have a great supportive family (had to move back to my parents) and a girlfriend but it feels like that I'm just a heavy stone® on their shoulders. And I do owe them so much in life that I now can't give back. There's a lot of guilt in the picture as I'm sure you all feel or felt at some point. I'm thinking of giving this a year, then eventually going for the rope of there's no improvement. Another thing as I mentioned before that I planned to do was to do a FOV (Floaters Only Vitrectomy). This would atleast eliminate one of my problem and there has been reports that it also can relieve halos and starbursts. Atleast it does clear the vitreous and removes the the dirt that our brain doesn't filter out properly. Has anyone here thought of doing a FOV? It's quite expensive, roughly 4000 euros for an eye, and I don't have the money right now either, thinking of taking a loan for it. I also tend to often over-analyze and over-think the most situations in life (slight of OCD I suppose), which is making it really hard to not think about my HPPD for every second that I'm awake. Everything just feels really pointless and I'm not sure what I should do to make time go by, to hope that it'll get better because like this I'm quite useless for anyone and if I don't enjoy life as it is. Then I question myself if I should live it or not. I know a lot of young people, where few was quite close to me, that has died by overdosing benzodiazepines combined with alcohol, so I'm quite scared to fully take this route as well, and it's not very nice to feel like that my emotions are in a void somewhere else and can't be reached and at the same time still having these visual distortions, but maybe it's the only hope that's left for me. I sometimes think that all these young people that sadly enough overdose or take their own life, that they probably had HPPD, and just couldn't take it anymore or didn't know what it was. There has to be more resources and money invested into this, as I'm sure that there must be tenthousands of sufferers out there. So I'm unsure if I should take the easy or the hard way out of this one. And do you think that there is any chance for me to recover (as I have quite severe symptoms of HPPD)? Any support or tips from you on how-to-survive would be much appreciated. The symptoms that are by far worst is the light sensitivity and the palinopsia. If you're also suffering from this, have you seen any improvement? I'm even lacking motivation of doing "fun stuff", such as playing video games, watching a movie or playing music, it's that bad. And then it would become really difficult of doing something creative or to get my life back on track again. Thanks everyone, Best Regards, Shadowplay