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I agree with jay... I guess most of us, who didn't get hppd with their first trip but enjoyed some years of experimenting before that, can relate very well to the things you wrote. I remember being able to manipulate my vision the way you do, and having quite a lot of fun with that during my first few years of my experience with these stuff. Then I had a period of not taking much, not paying attention to these kinds of things and those visions were mostly gone. Years later, I had one very bad trip with shrooms and then, HPPD. I have to say, the fun lsd vision and HPPD are quite different things. It's not an extended vision anymore, for me it started as seeing after images which made me feel like my head was going to explode. Or, at times I had so much visual snow that I could hardly see anything else. So be careful...

Shadowplay, did you start seeing CEVs simultaneously with the other hppd symptoms? Or do you think that CEVs alone can indicate hppd? I used to think that they were a normal thing, and I remember being quite suprised when I found out that not everyone was seeing them...

Actually I was almost completely symptom free while I was on Lamictal 200mg. I've written about it in my introduction quite a while ago, if you'd like to check. I had most of the common symptoms before that (they were somewhat mild I guess), but the worst one for me was seeing trailing after images in red-green-blue when I watched anything on a video projector. I stopped taking it 5-6 months ago, and most of the symptoms came back but they are much more manageable now that I don't stress about them too much. (not having to deal with projectors at the moment helps too, I guess.)

@Mazzy13 Actually it's more of a meditative exercise for me than a creative one. Although there are some very creative people constantly coming up with new tricks and stuff, what I like about it is the flow, just focusing on the balance and momentum of what you're playing with, not fancy tricks. Linda is one of the best in the field in my opinion, so it might look a bit intimidating, but it's not that hard once you get into it. I learned most of what I do just by watching videos and playing around by myself I've never met these guys but they sum it up real nicely if you're interested: http://www.flowtemple.org/

I wonder if experiencing vivid closed eye visuals (like patterns, objects and stuff) while sober, can be a warning sign for the possiblity of developing further hppd? I'm not sure if they began before or after I started experimenting with drugs, but I had them way before what I consider the onset of my hppd, and probably before I've taken any psychedelics... They were more vivid when I smoked pot (and for some reason after sex), but they were always there when I closed my eyes and I kinda liked it. Strangely, I started experiencing a lot less of CEVs since the opened eye visuals of hppd began. And the CEVs vanished completely once I started taking Lamictal, and didn't come back after I stopped taking it, while the hppd symptoms did. Just curious... (and by vivid I mean, at the extreme I remember seeing things like chasing a dragonfly through an 8-bit jungle, while I had nothing to do with any kind of drugs or video games for months...)

This is the first time I'm listening to them, thanks for sharing I'm checking out other songs of them and the flute solos really are impressive.

@Shadowplay I've been working on contact staff recently, sort of like this but I'm not nearly as good yet other than that I spin poi and fans. Actually flow arts are a great way to clear the mind and I'd recommend it to anyone dealing with anxiety issues. Btw, if you want something other than bass in the band, I play the flute

haha I've never played bass guitar, but I did play double bass for a while, I think that counts... I occasionally work as a fire dancer, but that's more of a hobby for me, never thought of it as a way to earn a living. I was studying art history, but quitted recently because it seems like I'll never finish it anyways. Currently unemployed and trying to find another path of life. Starting an online jewelry shop seems like a good option for me at the moment. Not dealing with people on a regular basis is very appealing to me too. Btw, do you guys listen to Benn Jordan (the Flashbulb)? I think he's one of the most creative musicians ever, and it was interesting for me to find out that he's also suffering from severe dp/dr.

I used to have frequent headaches during my first year with hppd. Clenching my jaw during sleep and also at times of stress was one of the reasons. Rubbing my jaw and neck muscles with peppermint oil helped me a lot with that. But I also had some headaches without any apparent reason. I guess it is mainly related to the anxiety and stress that comes with the onset of hppd.

I don't share much about myself with my parents, so I guess I can't expect them to empathize. They are quite calm and accepting, but they've never been truly involved in my life in the past, and I don't want them to be now. Partly because I cannot deal with their guilt about this at the moment, and partly because I see their way of involvement with my older brother's life as detrimental. My brother has always been the problem child, a much heavier user of drugs compared to me and also bipolar but with severly psychotic episodes at times. To be honest, I don't respect him at all. I spent my whole childhood and adolescence under the shadow of his problems. While everyone's concerns were about him, I had to grow up finding ways to cope with everything on my own. And I think too much respect from my parents turned him into an arrogant bastard who has no intentions of recovery. Maybe that's why I get so irritated by my mother after all... I guess I do have a nasty attitude about these kind of things. I don't blame myself too much, but I don't want to blame others either. No matter how disfunctional they've been in the past, seeing my parents only as a rent free place to stay doesn't feel right. Not just because the society expects me to do otherwise. I see that they do love me and they are trying to make things right. And it should matter, right? But it just doesn't.

Well, I don't actually feel very bad about it but I'm becoming more and more isolated. and sometimes just plainly rude to other people, which is not at all like me. Actually this has some positive sides I guess, now I can say what I think of people around me more openly. But at one point I was so harshly critical of my best friend (who was also my housemate) that she became very depressed for days and all I could say was "I would like to say that I'm sorry, but I would be lying and I don't want to lie to you. I guess something is wrong with me lately, please don't take it personally." then I moved out. She has been there for me at my worst days, but I just couldn't feel anything for her anymore. Now I moved back to my parents house after years of living in another city, and it's the same with them. Anytime my mother tries to show some affection I just get irritated, and smile in an attempt to hide what I actually think.

I believe one of my lsd trips has a lot to do with this... It was actually one of the most pleasant trips I've ever had. It felt like everything was as it was supposed to be, nothing was either good or bad but beautiful as it is etc. I guess some of you know how that feels... But at some point, I lost my ability to interact with anything and anyone. I was merely an observer, and any action from me would change things and I just wanted everything to be as they are... I couldn't be any part of it. It felt positive at the time, but this state of mind continued for weeks and eventually became very annoying. I guess this experience contributed a lot to me becoming detached from certain feelings. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with dp/dr... but any help would be greatly appreciated.

I had hppd for the past 3 years, and I'm also Bipolar type II (milder hypomanic episodes). I was on Lamictal for about a year which helped with both, but I somehow stopped taking it this summer. After some life events wrecked me emotionally around september, I had my first manic episode since getting hppd, during which I was dumb and crazy enough to start taking mdma and lsd again. After a couple times of both I realized what I was doing to myself and stopped. Well, it didn't make my hppd much worse, but now I'm dealing with a whole new problem, complete loss of empathy and affection. I have been struggling with emotional situations for the last three months. Mostly, I know how I should be feeling in a situation, or what is the morally right way to act and I try to act that way, but I just don't feel anything about it. Trying to fake it gets very frustrating, and I sometimes find myself getting angry or smiling at the weirdest moments. Like I was at a funeral three days ago, and I was constantly trying not to smile while greeting sad people. Or, my grandma has broken her arm three weeks ago, and I've had no desire to see or call her ever since... I don't want to start avoiding people altogether, but I'm getting tired

I believe there are others on this forum suffering from bipolar disorder also... I am wondering if any of you have noticed changes in your hppd symptoms during depressive and manic episodes? I was on Lamictal for about a year and it helped with both, but at the beginning of this summer I quitted cold after forgetting to take it for several days and thinking I was still feeling ok. The hppd symptoms came back after a while, but they didn't bother me much so I somehow delayed taking my meds until today.... I guess lately I've been going through my first hypomanic episode since I got hppd, and during this time it seems like my hppd symptoms got better. Which scares me, because I've been impulsively doing drugs again... (When I'm depressed, I don't do any drugs because even before hppd, everything I did led to panic attacks) I actually feel quite ok, It feels nice to be able to do drugs and have fun again... I sometimes think that maybe it's just me being paranoid, maybe I'm actually cured... But I recognized this pattern a few days ago, after my second lsd trip this month. The last time I was feeling and acting this way, I ended up having HPPD. I'm scared of what could happen after this illusion of feeling good is gone. I started taking Lamictal again today, I hope that it will help the way it did before... I would like to hear about your experiences... Also, I know that same neurotransmitters are affecting both conditions in some way, but I don't understand the mechanisms that much and would like to learn about it more. Any reading suggestions?

Well, my hppd began after some shrooms, so I don't think I'll ever dare taking them again. I had shrooms a couple of times before that and they were all pleasant experiences, but the last time took me to hell. (It probably has a lot to do with my mental state at the time and the environment though.) I used some MDMA in low doses since I got hppd, the first few times were almost fine, but the last time scared the shit out of me with more vivid visuals than some of my strongest acid trips. It also did make my hppd a bit worse. Sometimes I do miss tripping a lot, but I'm even scared to smoke pot due to severe panic attacks and such.

Here in Turkey, I don't think that anyone knows much about hppd. I've been seeing a psychiatrist in Istanbul. She didn't know about hppd before I told her a month ago, but I have been hppd free for the last six months thanks to her wonderful insights.

If you think that you are allergic to lamictal, I suggest you to stop taking it as soon as possible, because as far as I know it can turn into something lethal... I don't know much about allergies, but I guess it's possible to worsen once lamictal builds up in your system.

I used to drink a tea that is sold locally by the name "relax", and it worked well with my mood and sleep. It is a combination of; St. John's wort, lemon balm, valerian,fennel, mint and lavender. I guess the main ingredient is St. John's Wort, but I'm not sure if it's safe to drink if you are taking other medications. It is a mild MAOI and may interact with several drugs like SSRI's and such. I wouldn't recommend melatonin supplements. I tried it some years ago (before hppd), and it just made my sleep a lot worse. I constantly had lucid like dreams, which I knew was a dream but couldn't control. I wake up with a loud buzzing sound in my ears, can hardly breath and move, I eventually manage to reach my boyfriend for help, then wake up again and again trapped in the same nightmare. Actually I experienced the same thing years later, simultaneously with the onset of my hppd. I feel like too much REM sleep exhausts me way worse than not sleeping.

you're not alone... may I ask, is there a particular issue that is causing your depression? (ofcourse if it's not too personal...)

I've had hppd for about 2 years, and didn't know what it was until recently. The first 2-3 months were like hell. I constantly felt like my brain was melting. Couldn't focus on people's faces when talking, so I couldn't socialise. I was taking classes at summer school and had to drop my favourite class because of the weird shit happening with video projectors. and so on... Then one day, I got a one day job offer while I was asleep and said "ok" before I could think about it. I was very frightened but couldn't cancel it, and I had to take the responsibilty. It was a very busy day... at one point during all the hassle of the work, I realised that I forgot to think about my fucked up brain for the first time, I was feeling a lot better. After that, I still had all the visuals but the panic attacks and such were gone. I avoided things that made me worse as much as I could, and started taking sword fighting lessons, I could socialize again... The visuals didn't bother me that much anymore. At the end of that summer, I even worked at two psytrance festivals. Took no drugs, but I could still have fun. Believe me, it does get better.

My HPPD symptoms were somehow treated by the medication I am taking for my depression/mood swings, while I didn't know about HPPD at all. Although I didn't know what it was, I was scared to use any drugs since I started experiencing those weird visuals. But I was missing them, and once I felt better I started craving them. Then I found about HPPD, when I was searching the internet to see what would happen if I take some MDMA with the medications I'm using. So I guess learning about HPPD was kinda crucial for me at that point. I'm glad that I didn't keep on fucking with my brain anymore.

Please be a bit more patient, 4 months is such a little time compared to the lovely lifetime you can have... The first few months were the worst for me too, but eventually you learn to cope with it. I can't say if Lamictal or any other medication would help you or not, but 12.5-25mg is a very small dose to make a judgement. It is only what they give you to make your body adjust, so that it doesn't have adverse reactions. Although I don't know of any dosage for hppd, the recommended dose for epilepsy or bipolar is between 100-400 mgs. The adjustment period of medications are usually worse than not taking it, but please don't make such quick decisions. Hope and patience are the most important elements of success. Find an activity that soothes you when you feel bad. For me, painting was the saviour for many many times...

I can't say if you have hppd or not, but I think It has a lot to do with your awareness and attention. Actually there are various types of entoptic phenomenons, which are caused by the eye itself. One is floaters, another similar one is the blue field entoptic phenomenon. Actually they appear in most normal people too. I guess people with hppd just have a heightened awareness of anything visual, which makes them more troublesome for us. I have been aware of them since I was a kid, I used to watch them a lot when I was bored. I haven't been thinking about them, or check if they were still there for years... Perhaps there were times that I noticed, but just ignored them. Now that I've been reading about hppd and such, I became very much aware of them again. Knowing that they were there since my childhood keeps me calm.

I've been using lamictal for the past 6 months. started with 25mgs, now at 200mgs. I guess you have read about it in my intro post..? Here in Turkey it can be bought easily without a prescription, but I have one anyways... Lamictal has been the best medication for me so far. It helped with my depression a lot more than SSRI/SNRIs, and reduced the hppd symptoms to almost zero. (now that I've also started wellbutrin for some other reasons, I started experiencing mild visual symptoms again... I guess I'll be quiting it, and just move on with lamictal) Actually my story with lamictal started when I went to this particular shrink at a moment of panic because of cymbalta withdrawal... After listening to my history and depressive and unknown visual symptoms, she suggested instead of quitting cymbalta cold turkey, I should taper it slowly while using a milder / easier to quit medication... like lamictal. About the dosing... I started by taking half of a 25mg tablet for a week. then a whole 25mg for another week. then continued increasing it by 25mgs weekly until I reached 100mgs. At that point my hppd symptoms were gone... After that, I used 100mgs for a month, then 150 for another month, and I started tapering off cymbalta. 150mgs were going well for me, but I increased it to 200mgs myself during cymbalta withdrawal (which was like hell). I didn't have any adverse reactions. I guess the most serious side effect is the deadly rash, which normally doesn't happen while dosing up slowly. But if you experience any kind of skin conditions during the course, you probably should stop taking it. Btw, last week I talked to my shrink about hppd and how lamictal helped me with it. she was confused, as she doesn't know much about hallucinogens and has never heard of hppd before... She believes that my visual symptoms could be the result of a psychosis linked to my drug use, rather than some sort of brain damage, and lamictal may have treated the psychosis. I don't think so though... Oh, and I still couldn't find a way to avoid the horrible taste. Some say that taking it with milk helps, but I don't like milk either

Hi! I am also quite new around here, so I don't know if I can help much... but I can say that, that horrible feeling you get is probably going to fade over time. When I first started having hppd symptoms I was terrified. Although my symptoms were persisting and interfering a lot with my daily life at the time, I kinda got used to it in a few months and learnt to distract myself when I feel bad. I live in Turkey and the situation with doctors is the same around here, perhaps even worse. While struggling with hppd for about two years, I've seen 3 different shrinks and a neurologist and none of them knew anything about it. From what I've been reading, I understand that risperidone in particular can make hppd worse. I've seen cautions about it in almost everything I've read about hppd, so perhaps you should mention that to your shrink... I've been on Lamictal for the past 6 months and it seems to be helping a lot.