leelalala

I did it for a couple of times at very low doses. didn't go through the k-hole though... even at those low doses it caused intense dp/dr, which I didn't normally have back then. it is a very strong dissociative, so dp/dr is a common effect I guess. there's some recent research on it's use in cases of acute depression and these dissociative effects seem to be the cause of its antidepressant effects. I have to warn you though, this shit fucked up a number of people I know. one that is very close to me is bipolar type 1 and during depressive episodes, he uses quite a lot of K, then ends up with psychotic episodes. he was hospitalized a couple of times because of this

Well, I guess most people experience such times during adolescence because of the hormones. I think it's normal and unlike most other adolescents, you are aware of these emotions which is very impressive I think. When I was going through that stage, I would just deny it all Try to have some patience, channeling that agressive energy to something like sports could help I think. Try therapy if you feel you need it. You are young and your brain still has a higher capacity of self-recovery compared to most of us. Don't mess with it by using meds before you try all the other routes.

Before noticing my visual symptoms, I was just having severe panic attacks whenever I was watching videos at a class (which was in fact my favorite class at university) and had to leave the room. Only after I forced myself to sit through the class and observe what was going on, I realized that the RGB color channels of the digital projector were seperating and leaving strobing after images in my vision. Well, initially I thought that wasn't about me, just the projector was broken and I was a bit more sensitive than the others. Finding out that noone else saw that was quite harsh you know... I guess I realized the other symptoms after this... yet I didn't know what HPPD was during the first year I suffered from it. I thought, maybe I triggered some mild form of epilepsy or something like that. Benzos and antidepressants didn't help, in the end I found relief with lamictal, an anticonvulsant. But the only medication that really helps with my anxiety was welbutrin, which actually triggers all the HPPD symptoms while removing the anxiety. A bit ironic, isn't it? Still, I do agree with what you say. Anxiety and obsessing over symptoms makes it much worse, and sometimes makes normal stuff to seem like huge problems. Like you mention, some of the visual distortions are quite common among non-hppd people and perhaps some people are just obsessing over it. That doesn't mean that what they experience is less important though... We all have to identify our real problems in order to heal, so searching for such answers is probably a good thing.

I was hoping to see more votes, but still I think it is interesting to see those 5 people that voted so far all had anxiety issues prior to HPPD.

I remember every moment of the trip that gave me HPPD. I was already on the brink of a mental breakdown before that trip, (few months before that I quitted taking my meds, then some shitty stuff happened and I got too depressed, then my boyfriend left me because of my depression etc...). Then took some shrooms at the most fucked up environment possible. A party gone bad, music was cut off, lots of people were on heavy stuff and freaking out. I remember a guy whose forehead was bleeding heavily and he was unaware of it, and many people were in that kind of situations. The whole time I was trying to keep myself together, not to become a freak out like the others. For a long while I had my eyes closed, but couldn't stop laughing, and with every laugh I saw flashing fractals too vividly. Still I was aware of everything around me. I'm thinking maybe if I didn't try so hard to control myself, it could have been less traumatizing... Perhaps, some of us are more frightened by the possibilty of damaging our brains, so when we get HPPD it causes a lot more anxiety for us, and some people just don't care that much...

I think HPPD and anxiety disorders are seperate things actually. Some of us get traumatized by the experiences, some aren't. When you read this forum, it seems like HPPD and anxiety/dp-dr goes together, but that's because only the ones experiencing that kind of difficulties end up on this forum, searching for a cure... On the other hand, I believe people with some mental disorders are more prone to getting HPPD. When your brain chemistry is already a bit unstable (even if you aren't aware of it), drugs are more likely to make it even more unstable. For example, I've had adverse reactions to seratonin based drugs way before HPPD. After 2-3 years of experimenting with drugs, I started to have panic attacks with most of them, so I didn't take much for 4-5 years in between. SSRI's never worked for me, but when I took SNRI's (acts on norepinephrine) all the panic attacks were gone, and I started taking much heavier stuff. And I got HPPD because of shrooms after I stopped taking SNRI's. We all have different chemistries, so I'm not sure if it's possible to make generalizations...

I don't get the strobing from decent normal flashbulbs. Older flourecents, cheap leds and video projectors are the worst. Also some phone screens and things like credit card machines... I rarely see afterimages from unilluminated things, but only when they have very contrasting colors. That's probably also linked to the light in the environment, as we percieve those objects through the light they reflect... It got better over time, and Lamictal helps me with it. But I still have such after images right now, probably because of Modiodal and high caffeine intake... It doesn't bother me much as it used to, but in the beginning it caused me great difficulty at university as I had to watch stuff on projectors all the time.

Mine are usually positive when my eyes are open, and negative when I close my eyes (or in the dark). The duration changes according to the brightness of the source, and it's not always the same. Natural sources of light (sun, fire etc.) leave a solid after image, while artificial lights leave strobing trails. I guess it's linked with the flickering rate of the light, leds leave this strobing effect the most... also when the light is composed of different color channels, such as digital projectors (RGB), I see all the colors strobing and trailing seperately...

It's a long poll, but I guess it can help identifying possible dispositions / risk factors for HPPD. I know that there are people on this forum who never did drugs before, yet they have some of these symptoms. I think it's important to identify if these are warning signs for the possibilty of developing HPPD. I didn't see any polls like this on the forum, sorry if this was done before. Now that I think about it, I had most of these signs before what I consider as the onset of my HPPD. I had floaters, vivid CEVS and excessive paredolias since I was a child. (and some others but they were occasional and mild) I even have drawings of the things I saw on wood, marble or other textured surfaces. Also, I don't remember if I actually saw them, but most of my paintings from my childhood have trees with bright multicolored auras around them. Everyone thought that I was a gifted painter back then... I was 13 years old when I first smoke pot. On my 14th birthday, I smoked some strong weed and had a full-blown psychedelic trip. It was a lot more intense then most of my later trips with LSD. At one point my vision was completely blocked by vivid patterns, which reminded me of the carpets in my grandma's house, and a photo of my brother as a baby somehow. After that night, I occasionally saw the same patterns when I smoked, but when I try to draw them they change constantly. Started experimenting with psychedelics at 15, got hppd at 22 after a terrible shroom trip. I was already struggling with severe depression (and possibly PTSD) before that. Weird thing is, it seems like my creativity has been diminished after psychedelics, and I somehow lost the CEVs and paredolias after getting full HPPD. My mother's side have some history of mental disorders. Phobias and major depression in mum, my uncle was hospitalised one because of a brief psychotic episode after his divorce. my elder brother has been diagnosed with many things since his childhood (dyslexia, adhd, bipolar...)

I sometimes have this thing I call after-sounds.. Like after-images but auditory ones. Similar to the ringing in the ears after a loud concert but more complex sounds then just ringing. This autumn I had a brief period of taking drugs again, and noticed these sounds after that for the first time. I was trying to sleep but there were loud noises in my ear, like some aliens were speaking with weird glitchy sounds. After a while I realized that I only had these sounds when I stayed in that particular house, because there were some loud construction work in the building during the day. Also, I guess I somethimes hear my heartbeats, which sounds like a clock ticking...

I guess my HPPD is rather mild also, and it has been much more ignorable since I worked through the inital anxiety. Although most of the symptoms are still there, I don't notice it all the time like I used to. (When I'm sleep deprived, or taking medication with stimulant properties it still gets harder to ignore)

Well, tbh I don't think that ADD is a gift at all. Not being able to complete any important mental tasks just because of the lack of focus, not being able to follow a conversation for more than a couple of minutes without distrupting... which means I cannot follow most conversations because I'm usually too shy to distrupt, so over the years I developed skills to look as if I'm listening, most people think that I'm a very good listener lol. Yes it is a sign of an overly active mind and can be related to higher intelligence, but what's the use if you can't put it to work? When I was studying for the university enterance test (quite a big deal in my country and a lot harder than the SATs actually) I was taking Gingko Biloba (regulates the blood flow in brain) extract and fish oil capsules regularly and drinking red bull while studying. Don't know if it really worked or if it was just placebo, but I got very good results. (this was before hppd) Also alternating study with physical exercise helps a lot. During that time I was usually just studying for half an hour, then did some juggling practice for 15 minutes, then started studying again. Repeating this cycle for 5-6 hours for 3 months got me a great scholarship in one of the best universities in the country. Then I couldn't go to classes because of my depression, while I was depressed I couldn't manage ADD anymore, then HPPD kicked in, and I lost the scholarship lol.

I usually see them when I first get out of the house.. random yellow lines, but they persist for 3-4 minutes then go away...

I managed HPPD and ADD quite well while I was on Lamictal and Wellbutrin. I guess an anti-seziure medication is a must before starting any cns stimulants. Now that Wellbutrin is no longer available in my country (and I cannot get a prescription for concerta, adderall or that kind of stuff), I am trying out a combination of Lamictal and Modafinil... My concentration isn't that bad on Mondafinil, but I feel quite lethargic and sometimes have heart palpitations so I might stop using it.

I haven't tried lucid dreaming since I got hppd, but I sometimes have disturbing half lucid dreams accidentally... I know that it's a dream and I feel like I'm controlling it, but when I really wake up, I realize that my actions were too stupid to be done conciously. I had them occasionally since I was a child, but I had them almost every night when I first got hppd. Sometimes they are like sleep paralysis / false awakening, sometimes just nightmares, very rarely nice dreams... Usually there's this intense feeling of terror, and a very disturbing buzzing sound in my ears which makes me realize that it's a dream. I listened to various bineural brainwave sound stuff to see if I can identify the sound and it seems to be a theta wave, which as I understand is related to adrenalin and activities like running. (another friend who has similar dreams said that she hears the exact same sound) Perhaps it could be possible to induce that lucid dreaming state by listening to that sound, but I'm a bit scared to try. I think just thinking about dreams frequently magnifies your chances of having lucid dreams a lot. If you haven't watched "Waking Life" yet, watch it. Just seeing that movie gave me many lucid like dreams (some good some bad) at the time... Also here's a nice book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Tibetan-Yogas-Dream-Sleep/dp/1559391014 I lost the book before finishing it, and couldn't do the exercises much but just reading it was quite powerful for me...

Aah the thing is I'm living in Turkey... Normally I can get those meds without a prescription, but Wellbutrin is not available in Turkey anymore. Seems like Zyban will be available again but none of the pharmacies have it at the moment. I guess it is possible to have it delivered but I think it's illegal to just order it online by myself (Still I might get away with that, I don't know...) If I want to obtain it legally, after getting a prescription I'll have to deal with lots of paperwork through the Pharmacists Association or the Ministry of Health, even then I might not get it because it's not on the list of approved meds at the moment... There's not much that a doctor can do about it as far as I know. I'd just stop using it rather than dealing with all that shit. This was my sixth pdoc since highschool (not all related to hppd). The previous one was great, but yeah they usually suck. The neurologists that I've seen weren't any better. I wasn't using Wellbutrin for HPPD by the way, but it helps with my depression and brain fog. Lamictal has been very good for me actually, when I was taking 200mgs I was quite HPPD free. Now I'm taking 100mg because I took a long break in between. I do have some hppd symptoms again but they don't bother me much so I don't know if I'll increase the dose. I'd totally recommend giving it a try...

I guess we all have some shitty days because of HPPD, other disorders, meds and life in general... Perhaps having a topic dedicated to just bitching about these stuff can help releasing some of the tension So here I go... After spending 4-5 months full of suicidal thoughts, I started taking Lamictal and Wellbutrin again two months ago. I wanted to see my previous pdoc, but I can't find her anywhere so I went to another guy to ask for his opinion. I wrote all about my psychiatric history and drug use and hppd and stuff. he was fascinated by the way I wrote everything so clearly, but after that everything became soo unprofessional. He was like "come on, shrooms won't cause any permanent harm.. I know, I used them too." I had to have him look up on DSM to convince him that a thing called HPPD existed. Even after that he was still kind of joking around... He put me off Wellbutrin and prescribed Cipralex, Diazepam and "something like Seroquel" which turned out to be just another brand of Quetiapine. I knew that the SSRI's and antipsychotics don't work for me, but I decided to give it a try anyway. Hell, I've never been closer to actually commiting suicide! Anyways, after a hellish week, I returned back to Lamictal and Welbutrin and everything has been going well for a while... Few days ago, I learned that Welbutrin is no longer sold where I live. The drug company isn't importing it anymore because "IT WASN'T PROFITABLE!" Fucking capitalist bastards who don't care about patients at all! I am so angry and panicking about what will happen after I finish the ones at hand. (I'm open to drug recommendations that are similar to welbutrin btw)

Lamictal has helped me a lot with both hppd symptoms and my mood shifts. Not so much with depression, but at least I feel a lot more stable emotionally and much better with issues like anger management. Doctors say that I might be bipolar and that's why I was prescribed with lamictal at first (I recently started to think that it might actually be BPD, but that's another story...) The only side effect for me has been reduced tolerance for alcohol. I get too drunk too easily, act in weird ways that I've never acted before, and feel very shitty the next day...

Not sure about sex on E in particular, but I remember having intense closed eye visuals after orgasms waaay before hppd, even when I wasn't on any drugs. I always had vivid closed eye visuals since I was a kid, and orgasms magnified it somehow. I used to think that it was pretty normal, and I was very surprised when I found out that most people didn't have them. I'm curious if that might be a sign that you are prone to developing hppd. Weird thing is, I don't have them since I got hppd. But I'm not sure if they disappeared with the onset of hppd or after I started taking meds.

I talked about my HPPD with two of my professors at university (didn't mention the drugs that triggered it though), because I couldn't stand the projectors that were used in classes. They were very understanding, and allowed me to leave class whenever it was too much for me, or gave me the videos to watch on my own pc. One of them, who was teaching about contemporary arts and a painter herself, was actually fascinated with my visual symptoms, mentioned that she had something like that for a while when she was younger. I told my parents about it before I knew that it was HPPD because I wanted to see a neurologist, but I didn't talk much about it after I was certain that it was caused by drugs. Probably they're still thinking that it was some sort of unexplainable epilepsy kinda thing, which was cured by the antiepileptics I was taking... They do know that I used drugs, but they've never showed the slightest bit of effort to understand what was going on. So my experience was too neutral with them as always... The majority of my friends do a lot more drugs compared to me, so I can be open with them. sort of... most of the people I told about it said that I was just thinking too much, or stuff like that. I guess I have to make new friends...

I'd say be careful with Wellbutrin... It is well known to trigger seizures in epilepsy patients, and in my experience not very good with hppd either... I used it for a short while for brain fog, in combination with Lamictal. I had almost no visuals when I was on Lamictal alone, but once we added Wellbutrin I started having some visuals again, which I think could be much more severe if I took only Wellbutrin.

I didn't experience much side effects with Lamictal, at least it was a lot more easier on me than all those ssri/snri - antipsychotic combinations I tried before that. The only thing I didn't like about it was that it lowered my alcohol treshold a lot, but I guess not drinking would have been a wiser choice and it also interacts with birth control pills, which probably wouldn't be a problem for you I was feeling good and I wanted to see how I'll do without medication I guess. I'll keep going this way for some more time, but might give it another try if I see that I can't manage bipolar disorder without it. Seems like it didn't remove anything permanently, but that time without hppd symptoms gave me quite a peace of mind that they didn't bother me the way they used to once I started seeing them again...

Definitely! At my hardest time with HPPD, when I felt like I was incapable of doing anything, one day I got a phone call while I was sleeping. Without paying much attention I said "yes, ok, why not" to whatever they said. When I woke up, I realized that I've just agreed to dance on a music video and it totally freaked me out but I couldn't cancel. Next day I was on a very crowded set, with lots of weird people and lights everywhere, which would normally freak me out even if I didn't have hppd. But at the end of the day, I realized it was the first time that I actually felt better, because all that action managed to keep my head off of hppd.

I have two friends who don't have hppd but developed severe tinnitus in the past few years. They can't link it directly to anything but there's a good chance that it was triggered by psychedelics I think. They both tried many types of treatments and I guess one of them got rid of it by acupuncture somehow, but the other one still has it.