mikethemerc1

Haha red dead was the shit I can wait for grand theft auto 5 though

And know, nothing is forever, good or bad. I know there's Such thing as 100 percent and it is there, you just won't know it when it happens.

Thanks guys, I just get emo lately with this. Hell mgrade I saw that kid after this happened again the one who lit the joint and it took all I had not to strangle him. I realized it wouldn't take it away. As for conspiracy against me I doubt it, I'm paranoid about getting a closed coke bottle from a convenience store, not uncle Sam. I was fine after I got discharged and it was a long while after that I got hppd and it was directly after ayahuasca. So I'm to blame, I'm just working on fixing the brain fog, dp dr, and agoraphobia, the static can stay I don't mind it. Any suggestions that I haven't tried?

I know I've mentioned it too much already but i don't think I can shake this again. I feel even if I beat this again it'll only come back again by some other fucker that lights up a joint. Why i ask god, what is the point. The first time I thought it was a test this time just confirms I'm cursed. Yet when i was Better I took it for granted. I'm so distraught at the idea that only a little pot smoke did this and even more that it could be PTSD, if that's the case then I somehow retriggered hppd on my own, which is petrifying. I have had everything taken away from me, all my hard work, my recovery destroyed because of one kid wanting to light up in my face, why doesn't hppd happen to him? Why me? I have hardly done that many drugs period. I need answers, I need support, I was a failed marine, a failed writer, a failed musician, but the one thing I did in my life was beat hppd, that was my claim to fame, and now that's gone. I have so much research I've done on this condition but it all leads to nothing except that I have to relive this horrible condition. I'm paranoid that everything I eat is drugged, I know it's not but this time around I'm more petrified than the the first time. I... Just can't rationalize this there's no explanation. Theres only one way to cure and that's to accept and move on and make it fade. I want to eat drugs right now though, l dopa keppra, painkillers, benzos, anything to make me forget the last 2 months of relapse. I have moments of inspiration and moments of desperation, times where I am in total isolation of my mind. My body is riddled with tremors, I can't think straight, all I can do is sit and wait. Wait for some permanent cure, wait for it to pass again. I'm lucky I know, compared to some of you. But I feel like I was released from prison and then framed and thrown back in. My father did 25 years total in prison and he is the only one who can relate. But I am not a criminal so why is this my fate? I don't know guys. Im sitting with my ka bar knife again, like the first time. Everyday I wonder If I should just bleed out and be done with it. I don't want to discourage any one, I got better once but I think I'm more of a lost cause than just hppd. If it passes I don't know if I can live with the fear. Sorry if this is misplaced.

Haha likewise if you get ps3

Hey merkan I feel you sometimes it's best to put hppd in the background I just started posting but I was on the site before silently good luck and you're making the right move. I hope you find some peace and take it easy

I would try sinemet first you'll see results quicker than keppra I feel you on the dp dr but that does pass if you let it but I feel you I'm impatient too

My Neuro optamoligist told me about this, maybe hppd, dp dr, and visual snow are all the same disorder neurologically, just with different causes. Whether it be anxiety, drug use, or just being born with it no matter it seems that people on this site, dp self help, and those with visual snow all have the same symptoms to a degree. If we can all unite, and get attention the numbers will be too large for the medical community to ignore. Ironically, the treatment may be the same or similar if one is developed for all the forementioned. I think the only way is to unite all these sites and speak out together.

I explained my story 8-10 months for my first recovery now I'm dealing with a secondhand pot relapse or PTSD or whatever I'm confident ill beat this again but I'm on month 2 of my relapse

You down mgrade! Seriously hppd makes you unstoppable at cod

Well if derealization and depersonalizion are you're problem the root of that is anxiety and it is by product of it. If you can train yourself into a shell you cant train out of it bro, it just wont be overnight, just like you didn't fall into this mess overnight

Pot mainly, ayahuasca was the only true hallucinogen I ever did hppd came later that night, I did almost od on alcohol a week earlier in Germany so it definitely made me more susceptible to this

You guys may be right, but static isn't a part of PTSD, yet who knows maybe my stress could've just reset a little of the cycle. But PTSD is funny I've dealt with it both from the marines and visitin my old man in prison. This is definitely a combo of things but trust me guys we all know the hppd feeling, and this is it. But I agree in that I never got an explaination for the first time. I'm on month 2 of the relapse and there are good days and bad days. I'll keep you guys updated but Just be forewarned about the whole secondhand thing just in case.

Haha and I ate crack rocks out of lindsay lohans ass!

The guy himself said deep brain stimulation was risky, but as a last resort it is an option. He said he was completely cured, but still he did not recommend it for others. As for opiates, I know they work but naloxone, which is in suboxone, was used for dp dr, they do the opposite of opiates but help as well. Hppd if more doctors looked at it could probably figured this out. I think I'll stay away though since my buddy is withdrawing from methadone right now.

I force myself out, it's tough but new experiences build new neural pathways which is key to helping you heal. It's how I healed the first time, good friends, new experiences and no drugs no matter how bad it got.

I talked with him his names zack, he had sucess but alot of other people had complications, he's currently has a program for hppd and is treating it with opioids oddly enough

Mgrade you need to start hanging around church girls lol you know my situation, I'd probably be dead if someone poisoned me like that. Seriously you need to avoid potential assholes like that.

Wait opioids, help hppd and dp dr, I heard of a program in Texas where that's part of the treatment. I laughed it off but I did notice when I had dental surgery and took perks it helped. Also naloxone was a treatment for dr dp the drug actually blocks opiod receptors so the theories conflict but both have results...wtf

L tyrosine is a supplement that help the body make more dopamine I take it, it has some positive effects but it doesn't pass the blood brain barrier, it just gives you the potential to make more. It helps a little with the visuals. Worth a shot and fish oil for brain fog is a helper, theanine and valerian are natures k pin.

Don't get upset man you had a legitimate question, this is a forum so it all about opinion and support. Some of us get pissy like real friends would. And hell all of my friends can't relate to hppd as I'm assuming yours can't either. So friends might say go for it and well yell at you because we care.

That's what I keep tellin myself conquer, it's just easy to get paranoid which is fuel for hppd. I just can't lose anymore time with this, I'm at a very crucial time in my life with my future and I said straight up nothing would stop me...except 4 letter word that begin with h!

Dr a is pompous but we gotta deal until more docs get on the hppd band wagon. As for the benzo problem have you tried seeking a drug rehab center? I went to one for benzo detox and they warned me about benzo protracted wd they didn't even want me to leave as soon as I did. If you can talk with them they may have more experience. As for meds to help, Neurontin was something I heard but honestly I wouldn't add anything. Is there any reason you want to stop the benzos in particular? I only stopped because I react badly to them, ie voices in my head and hot flashes, hell I could've been allergic. But good luck it's possible my friends daughter got off Xanax 3mgs and oc's 40mg at the same time and she was 15! But don't push it if you need it, you need it no shame there

Hey guys it's time to beat up on the stoners lets get a clan going for shits my psn is mike_the_merc

You'd be dumb as hell man it's fuckers like mcbride that should get this damn disorder. I relapsed as you know from pot smoke secondhand but hey you should tell him about hppd maybe well get publicity.