StateOfRegret

Ah, very interesting, especially considering the mechanism of action of coluracetam :-)

Thanks for the comprehensive summary! I'm looking very much forward to hear about your trial with coluracetam :-)

I'm glad to hear that things are going well, work-wise. I'm sure you'll find a way to cope with the worsened symptoms, as I'm guessing they'll settle down again once you get more acquainted, and thus less nervous, with your new situation (including your new job functions). Do you feel that all your HPPD symptoms are flaring up to an equal extent?

Hi, My question is simple: Do you suffer from derealization/depersonalization? I'm interested in seeing how widespread this symptom (or cluster of symptoms) is. I do not personally suffer from DP/DR, as far as I am aware (and I guess that it is the sort of thing you'd notice), but those of you who do have my deepest sympathies. I posted this poll in this forum category, rather than in the DP/DR category, in the hopes that we'd get a more representative sample of the forum population answering it. Thanks in advance - crossing my fingers that the poll will work as intended! :-)

For me, it's usually the other way round, actually - I feel worse in the morning, and better in the evening, when I know that nothing "surprising" is gonna come up, since the day is almost at an end. I also mostly try to suppress stress, and sometime don't acknowledge to myself that I feel stress (about impending exams, presentations or appointments for instance). I don't know how to deal with stress either, really.

Why would having barbiturates around be useful for benzodiazepine "breaks"? There is cross-tolerance between barbiturates and benzodiazepines [1]. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benzodiazepine_dependence#Cross_tolerance

I really don't see disguyhere needing to "save face". He's been very reasonable all along, whereas you (Chris) have just been exceedingly negative and critical without any discernible reason. It's fine to be skeptical, but plain negativity leads nowhere. I don't want to get dragged into your discussion, so I guess I'll just leave it here. disguyhere: You sound like you're able to deal with your quite extreme symptoms without experiencing much anxiety - am I understanding this correctly? I believe I've read everything you've written in this thread, but I did it in two or three "chunks", over two days, so I might've missed or forgotten parts of it ;-) .

You are no doubt right. Thankfully, I don't spend a lot of time ruminating anymore. I do, however, spend a lot of time reading about neuropharmacology, since this "incident" has rekindled my interest in neurochemistry (I actually spent half a year studying chemistry at university before finally settling on physics and mathematics). I do recognize that this is another way of obsessing about my own symptoms, but it feels slightly more productive than simply worrying, which I did a lot initially. As I mentioned earlier, one of my most debilitating symptoms has been constant subjective dizziness. I'm very interested in hearing from anyone who has experienced this, but I'll probably start a new topic on that :-) . Interestingly (and completely unrelated), I feel that nicotine (either from smoking or in the form of chewing tobacco) has a clear calming effect on me. This is curious as I've never been a heavy smoker before (not even a daily smoker), and in the past I've always felt that nicotine was stimulating rather than calming. I used to drink large amounts of coffee, before developing all these symptoms, and now I can't even drink a single cup without feeling my anxiety flaring up badly. (I realize that I'm not really asking any real questions here, but I'm very interested in hearing from anyone who can relate, nonetheless :-) )

Really? Nobody knows where they go? That's a shame!

I sure hope so too. That does not sound the least bit pleasant. It sounds like your symptoms vary quite a bit (as opposed to being constant). Does this correlate with external stress factors? For me it does, to some degree at least.

Hi Kellen. I'm so glad to hear that you finally found some answers, if not relief. I would be very interested in a more detailed description of your symptoms :-)

Thanks for your kind reply - yes, it's been quite an ordeal. I have many questions, but I'll start by studying the forums, and then I'll return if I don't find answers :-) One of the more painful things (aside from worrying about my own sanity, of course) has been turning down many invitations from my friends, since I haven't felt that I could manage to be around them just yet. I've visited a few friends, but most of the time I've had to come up with excuses, since I didn't feel like explaining my situation to them, worrying that they might not understand. Incredible as it may seem, many of my rather close friends do not know about my use of psychedelic drugs, and only very few know of the extent of it. I realize, upon re-reading my own post, that it comes across as somewhat "matter of fact". Don't be fooled by this. I deeply regret what I've done, and most of all I regret ignoring the signs of HPPD for so long (even though I was aware that there exists such a thing as HPPD, though I hadn't researched it thoroughly). Thanks for your concern regarding oxazepam. I know that benzodiazepine addiction is very serious, and that it may end up doing more harm than good, anxiety-wise. I do certainly feel a strong urge to take oxazepam every day, but I try my best to save them for especially anxious days. I was given 60 15mg oxazepam pills by my general practitioner without any mention of a refill. After five weeks I still have 20 left. I hope that I will not have to use these drugs - or any drugs - in the long run, but I am by no means opposed to taking medication as such. I'm merely worried that benzodiazepines or SSRIs will eventually make the condition worse (I feel that this is in part rational, but I am aware that my worrying over the effects of anything that I ingest is perhaps only making it worse). The bottom line is, however, that most of my problems seem to be getting better, albeit slowly. As I mentioned, the visual symptoms are still fairly "intact", though. They preexisted all the other symptoms (the anxiety. panic attacks, dizziness and strange bodily sensations) and they continue to linger after the other symptoms become gradually less bothersome. Perhaps the "visual HPPD" is mostly unrelated to the other symptoms, which appeared to be brought on mainly by the UR-144 experience (the synthetic cannabinoid). I sometimes think that this sort of terrifying experience has had the "positive" effect of bringing my drug use to a halt. I realize that using psychedelic drugs to the extent that I did amounts to abuse. I do sometimes, paradoxically, feel the desire to "go on a psychedelic voyage" again, but I'm well aware that these thoughts must be dismissed entirely. I value my mental health too much. Lastly, I'm very sorry for the amount of worry I've brought my close family. I apologize for this thread turning into my private confession booth. Edit: I'm aware that some of you have struggled with similar problems for much, much longer than I have. You have my deepest sympathy.

Hi all :-) I'd like to give an account of my experience with HPPD and related anxiety. I apologize for the length of my post! I'm under the impression that many HPPD-sufferers (though by no means all) began experiencing noticeable symptoms of HPPD after only a few psychedelic experiences. This was not the case for me. I got very interested in psychedelic substances at the age of 16 and did a lot of reading before actually indulging. At the age of 17 I tried LSD for the first time, and had an enjoyable and interesting experience. After this, I began tripping frequently, and by age 18-19 I had gone through 1000mg of 2C-B (another psychedelic compound) and had somewhere in the vicinity of 50 LSD trips. I had noticed slight symptoms of HPPD after using 2C-B quite frequently for a few months (tripping perhaps once every fortnight, sometimes more frequently), but I didn't think much of it. I figured that the effects were probably transient. I then acquired a large amount of 2C-C and some Psilocybe Cubensis mushrooms, while continuing to do LSD once in a while. During the time I used 2C-C, I noticed that my HPPD symptoms were worsening, but I still attributed it to my frequent use of psychedelics, thinking that it would soon die down when I eventually decided to take a proper, long break from using these substances. During all this, I smoked cannabis intermittently, while never becoming a "heavy" smoker by any means. At age 20, I moved to a big city (or at least as big as they come here in Scandinavia) and began studying physics at university. At this time, I made a decision to use psychedelics and cannabis much less frequently. Over the course of the next year, I only tripped a couple of times, and only at somewhat low dosage levels. It was after this period that I realized that my HPPD symptoms (moving coloured splotches, lingering after-images and so on) had not gone away. They seemed to have lessened somewhat, and I paid less attention to them than before. Nonetheless they were clearly noticeable, and somewhat distracting at times. I felt no anxiety in relation to my HPPD symptoms, and decided that they weren't hindering me in my daily life. At this point I slowly began experimenting with psychedelic drugs once again, picking up pace after a few months. Apparently I had not learnt my lesson. A friend and I purchased a rather large amount of 4-HO-MiPT (a psychedelic tryptamine, somewhat akin to mushrooms in effects) and some 25C-NBOMe (a potent psychedelic). At this point we were tripping on a weekly basis. After a couple of months, it became increasingly clear to me that a long hiatus from all psychedelic substances would be needed at some point. But I postponed it. After our last exams we decided that we'd kick back and enjoy ourselves with a bit of newly-purchased 2C-C. I had slept poorly for a couple of days, and really should have gone home and laid down. Instead, I went ahead and ingested a dose of the 2C-C with my partner in crime. This turned out to be a mistake. After an hour, I began noticing that I was unable to have a simple conversation with our trip-sitter (a sober friend who, thankfully, was also present). I thought to myself "I really didn't imagine I would get this high from this stuff". About 15 minutes later it was becoming quite uncomfortable. I mentioned to my friend that it didn't feel like any 2C-C I'd ever had before, and he agreed that it was qualitatively different. I asked him if he thought it was something to worry about, and he responded that he wasn't sure, but that it would perhaps become a problem if it continued growing in strength. By this time I felt extremely hot and my heart was racing. We decided that, since this drug definitely did not resemble 2C-C, we had no idea what it was. We experienced some visuals, but mostly it was the physical effects which were completely different from what we expected. I said, that if we had ingested an unknown drug, which still seemed to be growing in intensity, we might have to go to an emergency room, since there was no way of knowing how long the effects would continue increasing in strength. First we decided to take a cold shower, to see if it would cool us down, as we were experiencing something akin to hyperthermia. It helped a little, but the relief was short-lived, and it did nothing to attenuate the tachycardia we were experiencing. To cut a long story short, we went to the emergency room, which was an unpleasant experience worthy of its own report. The nurse said that I had a resting pulse somewhere in the high 120's, which is definitely not life-threatening. By this time, the effects had died down a little. The next day, I felt very close to normal, albeit somewhat shocked. I paid a visit to another friend, who was smoking a potent synthetic cannabinoid called UR-144, but I chose not to partake in light of the events of the previous night. A few beers later, my judgement somewhat impaired, I chose to try some of the synthetic cannabinoid after all. This was perhaps my biggest mistake. A couple of minutes after smoking the cannabinoid I felt a surge through my body, a tingling sensation which spread to every part of my body. I started shaking somewhat, but I managed to ride it out, and within a few minutes I felt alright, albeit somewhat shaken and quite intoxicated. Soon after, I decided to call it a night and went to bed. I awoke the next morning, and this is where things got uncomfortable. As soon as I opened my eyes, I noticed that my surroundins appeared out of the ordinary. I felt quite high - almost as high as I had done the night before - and my HPPD was very noticeable. I hoped that this intoxication would subside quickly, as I had promised to visit my parents for a family get-together later that day. Upon arriving at my parents' in the evening, I still felt just as out of it. I had difficulty following the conversation, and I was beginning to become very anxious about the whole thing. I decided to tell my parents what had happened, as I felt unable to continue pretending. Soon after I went to lay down. Around midnight I went downstairs and watched some TV with my mom, still feeling very high and physically uncomfortable. I had been feeling a constant tingling sensation throughout my body the whole day. This is when I had my first panic attack, something I've never experienced before. It hit me very quickly, beginning with an sudden surge of intense "tingling" in my body. I jumped up from the couch, shaking and feeling as though I was about to lose all connection with reality. This state of sheer terror lasted for perhaps 2 minutes, after which I slowly returned to a less debilitating level of anxiety. The next day I was still in this highly uncomfortable state, and I had another panic attack. This one was different. It kept building for perhaps ten minutes, before climaxing in a severe panic attack. I was shaking uncontrollably, couldn't even stand up, and my mom even ended up calling the medical services, who had nothing useful to say. The next day I visited my doctor, who prescribed a benzodiazepine (Oxazepam) for the anxiety. This helped somewhat. I didn't have a full-blown panic attack after this. But I still spent more than a week in bed, completely unable to do the simplest things. Even watching TV proved too much. I felt over-stimulated by any sort of stimulus, and was plagued by strange bodily sensations (mostly the tingling feeling) and strong HPPD-like visuals. After being bedridden for well over a week, I managed to go for a few short walks, while still feeling very strange and anxious. I have been getting better very slowly since then, and it has now been five weeks since the night I smoked the cannabinoid (and since I ingested the unknown substance which landed me in the ER). I now only take benzodiazepines on some days, but I am still far from functioning normally. Most of the unpleasant physical sensations have lessened greatly (thank God for that). The most persistent one has been a strong sense of dizziness, but that is getting better as well. The only symptom which is still in full force is my visual HPPD, which has a tendency to bring out anxiety as well, since it reminds me of the state I'm in.