Jump to content

Art, Music, and HPPD

Recommended Posts

Cab Psychotic - Flashback (Prod. DOOBIEMANE)


Hello, to start my post I want to give my story about my hppd just a little bit. I am 19 years old and have had my HPPD for 2 and a half years now. I got it when I was 16 and frequently abusing psychedelics like LSD, Shrooms, and salvia way too much, especially for that age. I tripped about 25 times in the span of 5 months and after the first few times, it stopped being normal doses. I would always smoke way too much weed on top of taking the psychedelic which would propel my visuals and state of mind so far that it’s a wonder how I didn’t acquire hppd sooner than I did. I had acquired it two different times that year though actually. First, after I took a tab with over 250-300 mg of weed edibles, and almost a month after that when I just took one tab and for some reason everything exploded in my brain there. There’s a lot more but that’s the just of how I got my hppd. 

It was extremely difficult for me, especially through the first year but I have been getting better and learning ways to cope and deal with it for a long time now and I’m happy to say I’m a lot better. But sometimes, randomly, it will just get worse and spiral out of control and make me think I’m gonna be back in the time when I first got it, going to bed with geometric shapes and breathing everywhere. These days my VS, trails, afterimages, light auras, starbursts, and them being generally way too bright are my main problems. If I had to go back to the worst of it I feel I would sometimes rather not be here at all. It’s one of my biggest fears all the time but I’m learning to try and be ok that I’m here in a new place now and I’m a lot better than before.

Now I have taken psychedelics again since that time, which I know on this forum is a very controversial thing so I won’t advise that anyone follow in those footsteps but just know it didn’t do much to me at all. The reason I chose to try at first was because I had read somewhere that there was a chance, like 50/50, that my visuals would either get a million times worse or they would just go away. I was at a very low point because it was the year anniversary of the day I got my hppd and so I decided to try it. In the end, neither really happened, I received some clarity from the experience and my visuals were a tiny bit worse for a week or so and then I was pretty much good. Again I would not recommend this as shown here in this forum, WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT and you may not be so lucky with that experience. It’s extremely dangerous to do to yourself and not worth it if it spirals you back to your worst states. 

Anyway, I as an artist and musician struggling with HPPD have made a lot, if not most of my music, about living with and dealing with this condition. This song is a hip hop song about having a flashback and being put into the state of mind that you never thought you would be in again, especially out of nowhere. I usually make hip hop and rap as I believe it fits my writing style a lot and it’s genuinely just very fun to make, but I also make a lot of rock, rnb, and pop stuff too. A little metal in there sometimes as well. I try to make music completely different than how music is made today, especially rap, I do have my fair share of fun songs about money and stuff like that, but the majority of my music is deep dives into dealing with mental health, physical health, and living life with a condition that impedes it everyday. 

A piece of advice I want to offer anyone here, a lot of you might already know; stress. Stress is and anxiety is one of the biggest triggers and offsets for our condition and in times of crisis and fear i often forget that managing that stress will also help with my visuals. On top of the fact that the visuals themselves stress me the fuck out too, it’s really hard to live our every day lives with this shit, something none of us truly knew was coming or why it had to happen to us. When I first got it I was so alone. Isolated from everything by this horrible thing. Irritable everyday to everyone around me. The first time I ever met someone else with the condition was ironically someone else who was seeing my therapist (didn’t make me feel too good though as I suffer from extreme dp/dr and it set me off and made me wonder how that is even possible). When I met him, it changed my life, I started to feel a lot better and less alone just because I had met someone like me. I never thought I would in person. And then something weird started, everyone around me still did drugs and psychedelics. My friends, they started to get it too, my girlfriend of 3 years got it, not just from psychedelic use but from combining Xanax and weed. I started seeing more people across the internet have it. This condition is becoming more and more common by the minute because of this new psychedelic renaissance that we have kind of entered. It’s an odd thing to see but maybe it’ll push research farther and soon we could see something that could help us. 

Ok I’m done with the entire essay now, I just felt like sharing my story and thought putting my art here felt right. This community and forum has done a lot for me, I’m very thankful for all of you. I wish you all a good day with less visuals and a better mental state. Stay safe everyone.


Link to comment

Welcome to the forum, some great points in your post and you sound like you have a very good outlook to this. I find having creative outlets (music, writing and design for me) have been so beneficial to keep the stress and depression of this disorder at bay.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.