finally found out what was wrong with me

[firehawk]

well i guess this is my story. my life messed up before it can even start. i did shrooms with some friends july 2022 for the first time after being a pretty frequent weed smoker. the trip wasnt great just cause i was pretty anxious sometimes and probably wasnt ready to trip. everything was fine though and was perfectly fine the next day. throughout the months i continued smoking weed and one day after a few days break i smoked again and it was completely different. was more of a psycedelic experience… i was looking at a huge grown tree with no leaves and just staring at it. and my vision was almost like it had constant motion blur and everything was almost clearer than normal and when i move around things seem to have blur. at the time thought it was just bad batch of weed or something and stopped smoking the stuff. the vision persisted after but was sortve turned down alot. after a few weeks or so had some people coming over and was stressed and anxious and hit the pen a few times and went on. after a bit i had sortve a heat rush in my head and back of head followed by pixelated vision and felt like throwing up and i plopped on my bed facedown thinking something was medically wrong and the heat rush and pixels went away and thought i was okay. but the motion blur vision persisted but i wasnt too worried about because i just thought it was because of my cannabis abuse ( was smoking pretty much everyday which is alot for me ) so thought my body and brain needed a break. 

the vision hasnt gone away for about 5-6 months and for these past months and i have been researching what was wrong with me comparing my symptoms but found nothing which was so frustrating. thought when i quit weed the eyesight would go away but ive been sober a week and still no change. decided to go sober because the last 2 times i smoked it make the vision worse and just made me anxious and wasnt the same high.

finally came accross hppd on reddit and put it all together and i am almost certain this is it. tonight i am writing this after finding this out and it is hard not to freak the fuck out and i am really not doing well. ive been weed free for 5 days and plan to stay sober and see a doctor soon. just dont know how i can live life with my eyesight like this with constant motion blur at objects i look at. its hard to describe but basically its like when u look at an object and move your body or head around your eyes focus on the object and it looks smooth and clear. just like constant clear motion blur around everything. 

[cosmiccharlie]

Hang in there, you're going to be fine.  Five days without weed is still the beginning of your recovery journey.  Try and ride this period out as best you can with a healthy routine; this one worked for me:

• Stop all drugs, even alcohol for a while.
• Take it one day at a time, try not to think about the past or future just be here now. 
• Keep yourself busy with healthy, productive things; hobbies, work, etc...
• Exercise even if it makes your symptoms worse
• Do the best you can to not focus on HPPD; minimize time spent online looking into it and time thinking about it (this tends to generate anxiety which is not helpful for us) 
• Try not to feel guilty, you didn't ask for this.
• Try learning to meditate, even if it's just for a minute or two.  We all have the ability to go inward for strength and healing.  For example, you can spend 30 seconds or a minute sitting and noticing your breath and thinking the following: 

1. when I breath in I notice I am breathing in
2.  when I breath out I notice that I am breathing out and I smile because I am alive. 

It's that simple!

• Try and get as much sleep as you can.  
• If you're open to it, pray to God in whatever way you think is appropriate.  You don't even have to believe in anything, just ask for help and see what happens

 

Over time, the condition will get better.  We're here for you but try not to spend too much time worrying about HPPD.  Your symptoms are what they are and all you can do is the best you can; and that's enough.  

Take Care,

Nick 

 

[Jay1]

Nick has summed it up perfectly. Keep on fighting and please let us know progress over the coming weeks and months.

[firehawk]

On 3/29/2023 at 2:13 AM, Jay1 said:

Nick has summed it up perfectly. Keep on fighting and please let us know progress over the coming weeks and months.

thanks for the advice! just wanted to return to give quick update im doing bit better now all the tips helped with meditation and running and healthy habits . the first few days were really rough . i am 2 weeks weed free and mind and body feeling better i am so much less anxious without weed thats its helped make the vision not as bad. stress and anxiety def make it worse could barely have any caffeine and was mostly sad first few days. kinda coping by having some hope itll eventually go away in long run but im def gonna stay sober which is all im really focusing on. starting calling my vision ‘ super vision’ turning it into a positive cause thats kinda what it is everything kinda looks clearer or weird and if i focus on things  which was disturbing and probably caused bad dpdr but maybe im used to it since had it for probably 6 months or so. but wasnt bad sober but would flare up when i smoke. i guess ive sorta became okay with having the vision but notice some light snow too. just gonna keep riding the out and i believe that im gonna stay sober and dont have the urge to smoke anytime soon. not looking at forums or reddit helps stress so gonna stay away from that. at first thought i needed to see doctor to get meds because i couldnt deal with this but i think i can just keep riding this out with constant exercise and healthy eating… i also think delta 8 or 0 products have some connection to hppd so i would stay away maybe you can post that somewhere else. gonna stay off for a while can check for responses but just wanted to let u guys know u helped and site gave comfort. hopefully shit goes away in long run but if not guess ill just have my super vision forever eh

[TCharles]

I have a VERY similar case to you. Haven’t posted here in awhile, but due to recent troubles decided to come back. Probably not the best for my anxiety, but your case was so similar to mine I had to reach out.

In 2021 I did a lot of hallucinogenic substances. Mostly acid, I smoked weed everyday constantly, and occasionally shrooms. Didn’t notice much of anything then. I then tripped a couple of times in Summer 22, continued smoking everyday, then boom, two months later around October 22 I picked up on my symptoms. Was really anxious about it at first, quit smoking entirely, and then relapsed two months later in December. My symptoms between the months of my weed abstinence were visual snow (not as noticeable during the day but still noticeable, also still saw clear 20/20), closed-eye hallucinations ie. seeing blotches of color, colors moving around randomly, geometric patterns and overall can’t see pitch black when I close my eyes again. More sensitive to lights. Considered myself a pretty mild case. I can’t tell you if I noticed my visuals decreasing or not, but they just stopped bothering me at a point. 

This is where the current story begins, to start, In the initial 2 month break I had with weed between October - December 22, my HPPD barely troubled me. I noticed it, of course, but it just didn’t get to my head. No anxiety, nothing. I was anxious when initially finding out about it, but due to how mild the case was, I think I was good. Before my break I had begun to limit the use of weed anyways with my GF, so I think I was good on that department too. Then, decided to smoke again. Fell into worse habits than I had prior, everyday I was high, smoking on either bud or a cart. At max I was only sober for a couple hours to a day. At first everything was fine, but then I started to get panic attacks and constantly greened out bc of the weed despite being able to handle it well prior (only if I was by myself), I could tell my visuals SLIGHTLY got worse. Slightly more sensitive to lights, no static increase, the closed eye hallucinations got more prevalent and I also noticed my mind producing RANDOM images in my head when I closed my eyes. It could literally be anything, person, etc very vague but I could make it out. After a final panic attack around LAST WEEK, I decided to fully quit weed again with my GF, cold turkey, all of that.

I thought it’d be a saving grace and I’d feel relieved, but everyday since I quit I’ve been feeling very anxious and I’ve grown paranoid of my HPPD again. It’s odd because I’m still a MILD case but the past week has been rough for my anxiety. Chest and stomach getting tight, sometimes my heart pumps faster, and generally I overthink. My anxiety has been the worst it’s been in my life, just because it’s been happening every single day since I’ve quit. I THINK my anxiety may be my body withdrawing from the weed, but I’m just not sure. I’ve never freaked out this much about my HPPD either until I quit. Though, I’ve had more trouble sleeping at night due to the rise in closed eyed hallucinations. 

I just wanna get over this anxiety. I think this is the root of all problems. Yeah, my symptoms are noticeable, but I have an extremely mild case. It didn’t affect my anxiety this badly before when I originally quit weed, so I’m just lost. I’ve been considering finally opening up to my family about it or going to a doctor, but I’m not sure if I should just try and ride it out. 

And, of course, I would prefer if all of this shit went away, but it could very well last forever. But if I manage to get the anxiety out of my life, I can handle it.

Edited April 2, 2023 by TCharles

[firehawk]

7 hours ago, TCharles said:

I have a VERY similar case to you. Haven’t posted here in awhile, but due to recent troubles decided to come back. Probably not the best for my anxiety, but your case was so similar to mine I had to reach out.

In 2021 I did a lot of hallucinogenic substances. Mostly acid, I smoked weed everyday constantly, and occasionally shrooms. Didn’t notice much of anything then. I then tripped a couple of times in Summer 22, continued smoking everyday, then boom, two months later around October 22 I picked up on my symptoms. Was really anxious about it at first, quit smoking entirely, and then relapsed two months later in December. My symptoms between the months of my weed abstinence were visual snow (not as noticeable during the day but still noticeable, also still saw clear 20/20), closed-eye hallucinations ie. seeing blotches of color, colors moving around randomly, geometric patterns and overall can’t see pitch black when I close my eyes again. More sensitive to lights. Considered myself a pretty mild case. I can’t tell you if I noticed my visuals decreasing or not, but they just stopped bothering me at a point. 

This is where the current story begins, to start, In the initial 2 month break I had with weed between October - December 22, my HPPD barely troubled me. I noticed it, of course, but it just didn’t get to my head. No anxiety, nothing. I was anxious when initially finding out about it, but due to how mild the case was, I think I was good. Before my break I had begun to limit the use of weed anyways with my GF, so I think I was good on that department too. Then, decided to smoke again. Fell into worse habits than I had prior, everyday I was high, smoking on either bud or a cart. At max I was only sober for a couple hours to a day. At first everything was fine, but then I started to get panic attacks and constantly greened out bc of the weed despite being able to handle it well prior (only if I was by myself), I could tell my visuals SLIGHTLY got worse. Slightly more sensitive to lights, no static increase, the closed eye hallucinations got more prevalent and I also noticed my mind producing RANDOM images in my head when I closed my eyes. It could literally be anything, person, etc very vague but I could make it out. After a final panic attack around LAST WEEK, I decided to fully quit weed again with my GF, cold turkey, all of that.

I thought it’d be a saving grace and I’d feel relieved, but everyday since I quit I’ve been feeling very anxious and I’ve grown paranoid of my HPPD again. It’s odd because I’m still a MILD case but the past week has been rough for my anxiety. Chest and stomach getting tight, sometimes my heart pumps faster, and generally I overthink. My anxiety has been the worst it’s been in my life, just because it’s been happening every single day since I’ve quit. I THINK my anxiety may be my body withdrawing from the weed, but I’m just not sure. I’ve never freaked out this much about my HPPD either until I quit. Though, I’ve had more trouble sleeping at night due to the rise in closed eyed hallucinations. 

I just wanna get over this anxiety. I think this is the root of all problems. Yeah, my symptoms are noticeable, but I have an extremely mild case. It didn’t affect my anxiety this badly before when I originally quit weed, so I’m just lost. I’ve been considering finally opening up to my family about it or going to a doctor, but I’m not sure if I should just try and ride it out. 

And, of course, I would prefer if all of this shit went away, but it could very well last forever. But if I manage to get the anxiety out of my life, I can handle it.

Yeah this is pretty similiar to what i was experiencing very recently. i was constant smoker even through the vision every day with live resin carts pretty much the past few months. took a lil break a few weeks ago when i moved back home.. and i switched to bud and smoked from bong which i thought would be fine. i had maybe two seshes and both times i had CRAZY ANXIETY like there was no high at all and my vision was extremely intensified and it scared me shitless. got scared gave all my weed to my parents and quit. I can totally confirm that YOUR extreme anxiety in general and worrying about hhpd  IS FROM QUITTING WEED i had the same thing … my brain was going nuts and i was worrying about random stuff and freaking out and i was stressing maybe 3 days max. once you get to that point of 7 - 10 days of detox from weed depending on your activity and eating and drinking tons of water ( i was running every day trying to detox my body from weed) and my brain and body feel so much better now and im pretty much back to my normal sometimes pissy sober self lmao . but yes the key to beating this shit is we gotta stay sober and off weed. i promise you if you keep yourself busy and get through the tough withdrawal ( mostly mental withdrawl) you will feel so much better and less anxious. the anxiety is just your brain adjusting it will be much better just push through it. my mind is clearer now and i think i can even notice by brain trying to sort out the issue.  i think i mostly have ptsd from my first and only shroom trip .. i would consider it bad trip cause i was super anxious and i couldnt think when i was peaking and i think it just traumitized my brain (in the summer june or july 2022 ) and the hppd was induced from when i smoked 5 months back  when i moved and was stressed and my symptoms have stayed because i stayed on weed for so long which i regret… but it really helped me out so im not guilty.  but I just dont see myself smoking soon or drinking and gonna get off caffeine tomorrow because it makes symptoms worse. I hope you keep riding it out i believe you will feel better when you give your mind and body time to clear system and adjust and you will be less anxious. now my vision doesnt really bother me and im not really anxious about hppd and it seems from the stuff ive read it thats what helps recover and if it eventually fades away is controlling your own mind. also what helped my anxiety and having things pop into my head was saying the phrase “i am in control of my mind and my own thoughts, i am in control of my mind and my own thoughts” hopefully that can help anyone.

thanks for sharing even if it was tough its comforting knowing theres similar experiences. man for the past 5 months of this vision going on i was researching trying to find out what was wrong and couldnt figure it out. 

my visuals symptoms now and just the clearer and almost non real vision that intensifies i i focus on it on feel stress and and my eyes shift from thing to thing sometimes and  i also KEEP LOOKING at trees that have no leaves that just have bunch of stems, because the time i smoked that induced the hppd.. there was a HUGE tree just like that that i smoked by and was staring at it. its honestly weird but it doesnt bother me now that my anxiety has reduced with quitting weed. so i think especially in my case quitting weed is number one thing and i plan to ride this healthy habits wave out for a while.

[firehawk]

wanted to update pretty much no anxiety and not much dpdr anymore i realize my anxiety was really all from the pot and normal me doesnt really get anxious . havent smoked in 20 days kinda miss being able to smoke but dont really have the urge to. anyways I decided to have beer at baseball game and didnt think it would do anything but one tallboy made my vision flare up at the time and noticed a little vs (just more than usual) . now i think from that and the day after my vision got a little worse and i notice some snow if i focus on it. honestly just confused and frustrated because most people say alcohol doesnt affect your hppd. if anyone has some takes on that because idk i think my brain is just confused with any substance that enters it so idk. like its not like i can be sober from everything forever im fucking 19 . but anyways still doing good and besides the vision seeing big trees with no leaves are still a trigger from when cannabis induced my hppd. but if anyone has advice about alcohol thing lmk. ive heard things about people taking psychs again and it helped their brain return to homeostasis but idk. honestly just annoyed with all this my hppd doesnt reallt bother me. guess with this info ill continue to stay sober long as I can but summers coming up and would really like to enjoy alcohol.

[Jay1]

Alcohol deffo affects my hppd... If I get drunk, the spike for the next few days is horrendous , probably the worst I could ever feel, mentally. 

I try and balance it now... Where i have a few beers to feel sociable, but without going so far that I get a hangover.