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18 years old and already fucked up the rest of my life


mybiggestmistake
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i wont bore you with the story you have probably read a million times, but basically i now have HPPD from taking large amounts of benadryl and DXM. i have realized that the more i freak out about it, the worse my visuals get so im trying to just chill and forget about it. but its hard because i have terrible anxiety and paranoia. what are some tools or skills i can use to combat my anxiety? (aside from medication) i feel so alone in this struggle and im wondering what i should do from here. should i see a doctor or a psychiatrist or something? im telling my parents soon but im not really worried about that. i have stopped taking all drugs besides weed. im attending college and trying to make a positive change in my life, but i feel as though my HPPD is holding me back a little.

also, i am very glad to have found this website. i had no idea this condition existed and that other people had it. thanks for any answers you may have.

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It dose suck man but the longer you live with it the easier it becomes. You never know if you keep looking after your self and maybe even try give up the weed it mite go away. How long have you had hppd? I have recently started cutting down my drinking as well as stopping all drugs before this too. I have started taking supplements and even after so long of having this I'm feeling improvements and feel there may be an end in sight.

I got my hppd when i was 18 too I'm now 23. The first year was fucked felt like i couldn't remember my own name and thought like you my hole life was over. The next year i took too many drugs and it was worse. I then cut it all back and it became manageable. I can tell you although it has fucked me up a fair bit i've learnt to manage it like you will too. I now have a good career that is paying me better then any one i know my own age and a lot of people older then me (and i dropped out of high school). I have saved enough money that in a few weeks I'm leaving my job to go travel the world with no real plans.

I'm hoping telling you some thing about me you can relate to it. Although it is shit and i still think about it every hour it would now feel strange not to have hppd, I have managed to get to where i am now with no medication and no doctors. Im not saying this is the way to go some people who have had help from doctors would be better at giving you info on this.

It isn't the end of your life but just a new chapter. Best of luck with it all.

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First things first, you're life aint over...

I first got severe hppd when i was 17 and had what I would class as a complete nervous breakdown... suicidal, 24/7 tripping, delusions, paranoia.... the works. I am now 34, have gone through university, travelled the world, set up 3 sucessful business', married, live in a forgeign country and have amazing friends from around the world. Life goes on and if you grab it, you will have everything you could dream of.

Giving up drugs was the first step, including weed (as hard as it is, this is vital... I'm sure it is causing alot of your anxiety). It took me a few years to fully give up, temptation was always there... So don't beat yourself up if you fall off the wagon a few times.

My best advice is to just get back into life as you were before. Hppd/anxiety will make you want to sit in your room feeling sorry for yourself... You have to fight that feeling with all the energy you would fight cancer. The more you do things that were normal... but now make you uncomfortable, the more they will begin to feel normal againn. Some days you will just lock yourself in your room... I still do, but as long as you are trying as much as possible, you will start feeling better.

Good luck, Jay

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wow, i hope to be as successful as you all some day. thanks for the encouragement and inspiration, you have no idea how much better i feel.

so is weed really that bad? can it exasperate my HPPD? if stopping it will help me, i am all for it. but damn is it gonna be hard haha, seeing as im a self medicating psychonaut. also, is getting drunk every now and then that bad? if so i plan to cut back on that too. im not a heavy drinker but i like to pound some brews with my buddies every once and a while.

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Each person is different, but weed absolutly kills me, my anxiety goes through the roof. Do you get relaxed when you smoke it, or trippy?

I've never had any problem with alcohol (other than hangovers),, If I go really over the top, i'll have a benzo to get over it. I think the benefits of having a laugh with your friends, or feeling relaxed at a social event outweigh any negatives. Some people here have seen their symptoms get worse after hitting the booze though, so be careful. Stick to the beers, where possible... I find bottled beer the best for not gettin hangover.

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Ive never found booze made ot any worse, although hangovers are horrible with HPPD! Weed made my HPPD worse though.

When I first got HPPD it was minor but every time I smoked weed it would get a little worse, although it was so subtle I didnt notice. Soon I started noticing new symptoms, new visuals, new mental effects. So I gave up smoking weed.

Cant say I feel a whole heep better for it, I didnt have any great flood of intelligence etc, but I do know it made my HPPD worse. What everyone is saying is true, try to focus on life not HPPD. A minute when you dont think of HPPD is a victorious minute, soon you have a victorious hour, then a day, and one day a week. I try to think of positive things in my life, although it can be hard when anxieties absolutely fucking ya... But you slowly learn to cope.

HPPD is toxic, the more you think of it, the more you "give" it, the more you sacrifice your life to it, the more it will take. If you ignore it and soldier on you eventually learn to live as if it wasnt even there. I dont even really notice my visuals any more, they're definitely there, but they've become normal and as Rrab said it would be wierd not having it now after the last 2-3 years.

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For me i feel it can't hurt to cut down the booze for a few months to see what it dose. I'm not sure if its going to make a huge difference but it just part of living healthy. I'm not cutting it out all together other wise i'll have no social life. Next step is cutting out caffein but i feel this would be the hardest of it all i just love coffee. I've only just started trying my best to get better and its just a matter of finding what works i think. But the main thing is cutting out all drugs. I hit speed and shit loads of booze with it the hardest and although its not a hallucinogen it made it the worst. As everyone els has said stay in uni, keep your self occupied and live well.

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Each person is different, but weed absolutly kills me, my anxiety goes through the roof. Do you get relaxed when you smoke it, or trippy?

I've never had any problem with alcohol (other than hangovers),, If I go really over the top, i'll have a benzo to get over it. I think the benefits of having a laugh with your friends, or feeling relaxed at a social event outweigh any negatives. Some people here have seen their symptoms get worse after hitting the booze though, so be careful. Stick to the beers, where possible... I find bottled beer the best for not gettin hangover.

i get relaxed when i smoke, not trippy. ive never had any problems with anxiety or paranoia when im high. i smoke primarily to relieve anxiety. but i guess chronic use has made my anxiety worse. i have noticed that my visuals get a little worse when im high though.

i agree, the reduction is social anxiety that beer gives me outweighs the

dizziness and hangovers. but when all else fails, bust out the alprazolam. i wish a was alive when queludes were still in existence haha!

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You might be one of the lucky few who can still carry on smoking. I would recommend giving it a break and seeing if it helps, but there are a few people on here that can smoke weed without any ill effect.

What would you consider your worst symptoms? Visuals? Anxiety? dp/dr?

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You might be one of the lucky few who can still carry on smoking. I would recommend giving it a break and seeing if it helps, but there are a few people on here that can smoke weed without any ill effect.

What would you consider your worst symptoms? Visuals? Anxiety? dp/dr?

probably anxiety and visuals. ill only get dp/dr episodes every once in a while, but ive had those as long as i can remember, even before the drugs.

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I hope it gets better for you, man. With time you will get better, but

You gotta stop the weed. As soon as you can. I mean today if you can stand it.

Weed is classified in the same catagory of drugs as LSD and shrooms. It is a hallucinogen, though most people don't group it up with those other drugs. So, you could very well be making your symptoms worse, perhaps long-term for all I know, by continuing to smoke weed. I think most likely it will mostly prevent your brain from being able to recover.

There are pharmacutical drugs that can help you with anxiety and depression, and you should take those instead of weed to ease that pain. You should conceptualize smoking weed as popping a really, really small tab of DMT. So, I know it's hard, but you should consider quitting weed completely.

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