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Thinking about killing myself soon. Im sorry, I cant take this pain anymore


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I cant take these fucking afterimages and trails anymore. Im sorry I cant do it. I fucking dont deserve this. I smoked weed one time in 2008 and had HPPD for about 3 months. Then I was completely normal. I never touched a drug after that. Recently I worked out a little and all the symptoms came back but the visuals are terrible. I see afterimages after 1 second and trails of everything moving. Also floaters and light sensitivity. I have been seeing these for 7 months. I feel fucking hopeless and do not deserve this, smoking weed must have dont something to my nervous system. 

 

I do not want to die but I cant live my life like this. Im sorry. My plan is to get completely over this is to go on a 14 day water fast at a medical facility. Doing this cleans your nervous system as well as your entire body.

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I'm so glad I didn't make any rash decisions. I feel about 90-95% recovered and that's without meds. I don't know how to explain it because I'm eating better but not consistently. It must have just been time.

It feels like my nervous system is resetting back to normal. Give it time and yours will too.

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Mythos,  excellent to hear.  Keep it clean and the brain can rewire and the body can be strong.  I realize that, for some, pharmaceuticals can be very helpful.  For some, not so much.  I found that being totally clean worked for me.  Good to have you here.  Life is great stuff.  I dose on it every day.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey Patthebat88, I hope you're still with us. If you're feeling that way, you should see a doctor and get a referral to a psychiatrist. I know the thought of it probably sucks, but you need to beat this thing.

Were you taking any pre-exercise supplements? They'll often have stimulants in them, and will make your HPPD come back. It'll probably take 1-3 months for them to go away again.

I used to find that exercise made my symptoms worse too, without supplements. it was annoying, because it felt like you were being punished for doing the right thing. Don't let it beat you. I ran my first marathon a few months ago, and I've not had symptoms that really get in the way of life for a long time. The last time actually was when I thought I'd try weed again 2 years ago, and ended up being fuzzy for a month.

Good luck, stay strong!

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  • 2 weeks later...

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